Best way to handle this family situation?

Derekd3408

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It's a video of rooms in your mom's house. Why would you not ask her first?
 

blhawk

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My sister lives 2 miles away.

I bought my mom a new fridge for Christmas. My siblings complained that they had to help
Clean out the old one and move it. That’s the type of people I’m siblings with
Sounds like you all kinda suck. Better get used to these situations if new girl feels she needs to post video of someone's else's house to IG. Attention whores tend to be a constant irritant
 

torbee

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First, no pictures of my mom and sister. You wouldn’t want them anyway.

over the past year my fiancé and I have remodeled the upstairs guest room and bathroom of my parents old farm house. It hasn’t been used for 25 years and they had junk stored in the room. We wanted a larger guest room and our own bathroom because we travel up to Iowa 4 times a year now.

the renovation took all year. I spent about 4 grand on new windows, plumbing, paint, electrical. We finished this last trip. It looks amazing.

So my fiancé did one of those time lapse videos on Instagram showing the progress. It was a great video that was shared on some of the big time IG pages.

so yesterday my dad text me that my mom was pissed that we posted the time lapse video and that I should call her. I called my dad and he said that the family is pissed because it showed the room before it was remodeled and my mom doesn’t want to be judged.

I don’t know what to do. I know my **** of a sister is the one driving this. Do I confront everyone ? I don’t think I should apologize.
Thoughts

to make it clear, this was an upstairs bedroom with a small bathroom attached that has not been used in 25 years. My dad had not been upstairs in their house in 25 years
Burn the house down. That’ll teach ‘em.
 

millah_22

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First, no pictures of my mom and sister. You wouldn’t want them anyway.

over the past year my fiancé and I have remodeled the upstairs guest room and bathroom of my parents old farm house. It hasn’t been used for 25 years and they had junk stored in the room. We wanted a larger guest room and our own bathroom because we travel up to Iowa 4 times a year now.

the renovation took all year. I spent about 4 grand on new windows, plumbing, paint, electrical. We finished this last trip. It looks amazing.

So my fiancé did one of those time lapse videos on Instagram showing the progress. It was a great video that was shared on some of the big time IG pages.

so yesterday my dad text me that my mom was pissed that we posted the time lapse video and that I should call her. I called my dad and he said that the family is pissed because it showed the room before it was remodeled and my mom doesn’t want to be judged.

I don’t know what to do. I know my **** of a sister is the one driving this. Do I confront everyone ? I don’t think I should apologize.
Thoughts

to make it clear, this was an upstairs bedroom with a small bathroom attached that has not been used in 25 years. My dad had not been upstairs in their house in 25 years
Edit it to not show the before I guess. So much for a thank you dropping 4 grand though, nice shot to the sac.
 
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gohawks50

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My sister lives 2 miles away.

I bought my mom a new fridge for Christmas. My siblings complained that they had to help
Clean out the old one and move it. That’s the type of people I’m siblings with
Why did they have to help clean it out? I can understand needing help to move it, but why couldn't you clean it out? How old are you and your siblings?
 

Monzon

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I can’t wait until next year when OP posts a “what do I do?” because his brother’s family is staying in the remodeled room for Christmas and OP/fiancé thought they had dibs forever.
For sure. Guarantee ol' sis will have some IG photos of her own this year, enjoying the new upgrades. Of course the remodeling won't be the subject, but it'll be implied nonetheless. Maybe a drunken get-together with a few friends a couple of days before OP arrives. "Didn't have time to change the sheets, so sorry." "Something's wrong with the toilet plunger, it keeps running." "Dunno where that big stain on the floor came from"....
 

JWolf74

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We did it so that we had a bigger room to stay in and it allowed for my brothers family to be there at the same time too. They were only using the down stairs guest room and the bathroom. Imagine trying to have 11 people stay in a house with only 1 bathroom.

I sure the hell didn’t spend all that time and money for my fiancé’s 200 IG followers to give likes
Get a hotel you poor.
 

ihhawk

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Why did they have to help clean it out? I can understand needing help to move it, but why couldn't you clean it out? How old are you and your siblings?
I live in Florida and they live in Iowa. It got delivered before I got up there. Sis is 46, I’m 42, Bro 38.
 

ihhawk

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It's a video of rooms in your mom's house. Why would you not ask her first?
Honestly didn’t even think about asking if it was ok to take a video of the fiancé doing the work. The parents told me to have fun when the project started. Dad was getting his upstairs remodeled and it wasn’t costing him a dime. Also, I had to hire a plumber to run new plumbing to the upstairs and to the sink, toilet, tub.

so after the plumbing and the two new windows I bought for them because the others were broken, the end result is a mad mom because there is a 1 second picture of what it looked like on the video.
 
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Hawkman98

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Honestly didn’t even think about asking if it was ok to take a video of the fiancé doing the work. The parents told me to have fun when the project started. Dad was getting his upstairs remodeled and it wasn’t costing him a dime. Also, I had to hire a plumber to run new plumbing to the upstairs and to the sink, toilet, tub.

so after the plumbing and the two new windows I bought for them because the others were broken, the end result is a mad mom because there is a 1 second picture of what it looked like on the video.
So what is the outcome? I'm assuming you've made an attempt to fix things.
 

ihhawk

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So what is the outcome? I'm assuming you've made an attempt to fix things.
I called my dad about an hour ago to see what he was up to. He didn’t bring it up again.
I also spoke to my brother earlier and he didn’t mention it. So I’m thinking it was my sister causing this. If there was any drama with it today my brother would have brought it up first…he is a mammas boy.

I’m going to ride this one out a little.
The more I think about it all the more I get pissed off. I bought a new $800 recliner for her this summer and the $1800 fridge for Christmas because I wanted to get her some Stuff I know my dad won’t buy Because he is cheap.
 
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gohawks50

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I live in Florida and they live in Iowa. It got delivered before I got up there. Sis is 46, I’m 42, Bro 38.
You live in Florida and you're remodeling rooms in your family's house because you want to be more comfortable when you visit 3 or 4 times a year. I assume most of the renovation was done without you being present. Which means your parents had workers inside their house for a month or more. Your sister that lives close probably helped your parents deal with the disruption in their lives. Then you have a new refrigerator delivered and ask your siblings to assist with the replacement. It sounds like you're trying to throw your money around to show what a great son you are, but in many ways it probably seems to your family that the way they live is not good enough for you. I'm sure your parents would appreciate more of your time and less of your "improvements". Think about how you'd feel if things were reversed.
 

Jan Itor

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I called my dad about an hour ago to see what he was up to. He didn’t bring it up again.
I also spoke to my brother earlier and he didn’t mention it. So I’m thinking it was my sister causing this. If there was any drama with it today my brother would have brought it up first…he is a mammas boy.

I’m going to ride this one out a little.
The more I think about it all the more I get pissed off. I bought a new $800 recliner for her this summer and the $1800 fridge for Christmas because I wanted to get her some Stuff I know my dad won’t buy Because he is cheap.

So you avoid your mom, the one that’s pissed, and your sister, the one you blame. It’s settled, you’re a pussy.
 

ihhawk

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You live in Florida and you're remodeling rooms in your family's house because you want to be more comfortable when you visit 3 or 4 times a year. I assume most of the renovation was done without you being present. Which means your parents had workers inside their house for a month or more. Your sister that lives close probably helped your parents deal with the disruption in their lives. Then you have a new refrigerator delivered and ask your siblings to assist with the replacement. It sounds like you're trying to throw your money around to show what a great son you are, but in many ways it probably seems to your family that the way they live is not good enough for you. I'm sure your parents would appreciate more of your time and less of your "improvements". Think about how you'd feel if things were reversed.
The plumbers were there for 3 days and the handyman installed the windows in 1 day. All in an area that isn’t occupied.

All of the actual floor, walls, ceilings were done on my 4 trips up there this year. All by my fiancé and I. We made sure that no one else had to help.

as for the fridge, we decided it would be a joint gift from the 3 of us and all I asked was that they chipped in what they could. My bro gave me $50 my sis gave me nothing.
 

gohawks50

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The plumbers were there for 3 days and the handyman installed the windows in 1 day. All in an area that isn’t occupied.

All of the actual floor, walls, ceilings were done on my 4 trips up there this year. All by my fiancé and I. We made sure that no one else had to help.

as for the fridge, we decided it would be a joint gift from the 3 of us and all I asked was that they chipped in what they could. My bro gave me $50 my sis gave me nothing.
Did your parents want a new frig? Apparently when your siblings gave what they could, you didn't think it was enough.
 

Milt31

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I assume no one had a problem with you dropping 4 grand and updating the room / including a Year's worth of Sweat Equity. So too bad leave the video up. Unless you say different it sounds like it was a very nice gift. One that you got to spend extra time doing so with your parents. I would point that out. And if your mom is that upset about a few pictures I would guilt her into the fact that you were there all the time. Because she has no trouble doing that to you right now.
 

gohawks50

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I called my dad about an hour ago to see what he was up to. He didn’t bring it up again.
I also spoke to my brother earlier and he didn’t mention it. So I’m thinking it was my sister causing this. If there was any drama with it today my brother would have brought it up first…he is a mammas boy.

I’m going to ride this one out a little.
The more I think about it all the more I get pissed off. I bought a new $800 recliner for her this summer and the $1800 fridge for Christmas because I wanted to get her some Stuff I know my dad won’t buy Because he is cheap.
Yup, the money is not important to you, you just want to give your parents things they need.

SMH
 

DaveSnedeker

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Are you sure that you and your fiancee didn't post the video for some sort of validation? A number of your posts in this thread reference how much money you spent on various items (the renovation, the recliner, the refrigerator, etc.). And, while I guess it is nice that you undertook the renovations, I question whether you undertook the renovations for the benefit of your parents/parents' house or if you were looking for an ulterior motive. Did you simply post a before and after video, or was there something more you aren't sharing?

I know people similar to you who couch many conversations with the amount they spend on certain items and, quite frankly, these people are insufferable and hard to deal with. It wouldn't surprise me if you and your fiancee rubbed your family the wrong way with the renovations/video, etc. The fact that you immediately came to a message board to post the drama probably substantiates my suspicions.
 
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ihhawk

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Are you sure that you and your fiancee didn't post the video for some sort of validation? A number of your posts in this thread reference how much money you spent on various items (the renovation, the recliner, the refrigerator, etc.). And, while I guess it is nice that you undertook the renovations, I question whether you undertook the renovations for the benefit of your parents/parents' house or if you were looking for an ulterior motive. Did you simply post a before and after video, or was there something more you aren't sharing?

I know people similar to you who couch many conversations with the amount they spend on certain items and, quite frankly, these people are insufferable and hard to deal with. It wouldn't surprise me if you and your fiancee rubbed your family the wrong way with the renovations/video, etc. The fact that you immediately came to a message board to post the drama probably substantiates my suspicions.
It was a short 90 second video. Mainly of her scraping and painting the floors, painting the walls, setting up the bed. Dumb in my opinion but girls are into that and she watches a lot of that on tv.
 

ihhawk

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Did your parents want a new frig? Apparently when your siblings gave what they could, you didn't think it was enough.
She has been asking my dad for a new fridge for years. My siblings were super excited about it too. It was all good until they showed up to take the old fridge out to the shop and realized it had not been emptied.
 

tumorboy

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She has been asking my dad for a new fridge for years. My siblings were super excited about it too. It was all good until they showed up to take the old fridge out to the shop and realized it had not been emptied.
They're going to be fun during the end of life phase of your folks.
 
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Sounds like your mom doesn’t care for your fiancé and this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Here’s what she’s thinking: “Oh, he moved down to South Florida and all of a sudden he’s Mr. Big Shot who’s too good for us. And then his little girlfriend posts a condescending video on IG making us look like a charity case.”
 
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tumorboy

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Lol. My dad and I are very very close. I talk to him every. I talk to my mom once a week maybe twice
I'm talking about how Jerry's parents react. When he tries to do something nice for them. Why did u buy me a Caddy with your money issues.
 
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tumorboy

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Oh I know. My dad is aware of that and is making sure to have everything resolved in the next two years. My brother is already pissed off about it
Probably have their names written under things :).
 

Derekd3408

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Honestly didn’t even think about asking if it was ok to take a video of the fiancé doing the work. The parents told me to have fun when the project started. Dad was getting his upstairs remodeled and it wasn’t costing him a dime. Also, I had to hire a plumber to run new plumbing to the upstairs and to the sink, toilet, tub.

so after the plumbing and the two new windows I bought for them because the others were broken, the end result is a mad mom because there is a 1 second picture of what it looked like on the video.
You remodeled the upstairs for personal gain. Not saying it didn't benefit your parents, but they never asked you to remodel it. You did so knowing it would give you a place to stay when home and save you money long term. When mom asked you to take the video down you did not, which leads me to believe it was done to show off and get likes, basically the reason social media exists for most people.
 
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May 27, 2010
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Tough situation OP, sounds like a no win situation you’re in. I’d ask the fiancée to take the video down. Tell your mom you’re sorry, although I find it ridiculous why she would be offended in anyway.

Seems to be the world we’re living in now, letting no good deed to go unpunished. Seems like a tempest in a teapot to me.
 
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