Dealing with step children

[ClarindaA's]

Here’s my situation, remarried over a year ago. My steos are great girls, 10 and 6. Having said that, the oldest is getting very entitled, though that’s hard to stop when there are so many grandparents, aunts, uncles, who say yes when mom or dad say no. Last night my oldest was sitting in her play room, bare feet on the wall.... not a big deal, but after running an errand, i decided to tell her that I had just painted that room a year ago, feet and hands don’t do good things. Expressed that she wasn’t in trouble, nor was it a big deal. What happened next is a big deal. She denied doing it, not only that, but denied even sitting in that room. Maybe she forgot, but this is the second time something like that has happened. Her mom isn’t sure who to believe. I’m letting it go, but am also like wtf

 

[Slappy Pappy]

Bodycams ain't just for the police.

 

[Smalltownhawkfan 1]

It’s not going to get any better you have 8 years of hell

 

[BrunoMars420]

Looks like teenage angst is coming early

 

[hawkedoff]

Your wife isn't sure who to believe?

That is the issue....not the little girl.

 

[ClarindaA's]

Your wife isn't sure who to believe?

That is the issue....not the little girl.

Agreed, she doesn’t let me have any say on rules or discipline, etc. very momma bear

 

[mthawkeyes]

As a parent, I can confidently say that most 10-year-old kids are lying a-holes, and will lie even more if they think they can get away with it. And if your wife genuinely believes that you are just trying to stir something up by falsely accusing her kid of something she shouldn't want you around. I'm not trying to be an a-hole, but if your wife doesn't believe you over the 10-year-old things probably aren't going to work out.

 

[noleclone2]

Looks like teenage angst is coming early

It actually does. Teenage years start at 11 / 6 grade with girls based on my experience.

 

[JWolf74]

Holy hell this place is slipping.

Pic of wife?

 

[ClarindaA's]

As a parent, I can confidently say that most 10-year-old kids are lying a-holes, and will lie even more if they think they can get away with it. And if your wife genuinely believes that you are just trying to stir something up by falsely accusing her kid of something she shouldn't want you around. I'm not trying to be an a-hole, but if your wife doesn't believe you over the 10-year-old things probably aren't going to work out.

She said she doesn’t think either of us are lying, just not recalling what actually happened.

 

[ClarindaA's]

Holy hell this place is slipping.

Pic of wife?

Blake lively look alike

 

[MepoDawg#]

Pick your battles, feet on a wall isn’t one of them. My wife says teenage girls are pure drama and the devil. Also says she’s glad we have 2 boys.

 

[HawkMD]

Sounds like both the kid and the mom need an adjustment.

 

[noleclone2]

Here’s my situation, remarried over a year ago. My steos are great girls, 10 and 6. Having said that, the oldest is getting very entitled, though that’s hard to stop when there are so many grandparents, aunts, uncles, who say yes when mom or dad say no. Last night my oldest was sitting in her play room, bare feet on the wall.... not a big deal, but after running an errand, i decided to tell her that I had just painted that room a year ago, feet and hands don’t do good things. Expressed that she wasn’t in trouble, nor was it a big deal. What happened next is a big deal. She denied doing it, not only that, but denied even sitting in that room. Maybe she forgot, but this is the second time something like that has happened. Her mom isn’t sure who to believe. I’m letting it go, but am also like wtf

Ok a few observations:
Is the dad / mom hard punishers meaning she is scared of bad consequences?

I will try not to judge you about you getting worked up at a kids feet against a wall in “her play room” but lordy, she is a kid, pick your battles. That’s like number 861 on the list of destructive things a kid can do. They are going to wear on your house. You can’t expect to paint a play room and have it look awesome for years to come. Which leads to next observation and most important one.

If your kid is doing something you don’t want them to do, you tell them then, not hours later after you stew about it. She literally may have forgotten and did not think she had her feet on the wall or is just confused. This last one is the biggest recommendation. Tell them at the time not later. And in the reasonable tone it sounds like you took. A simple “hey, don’t put your feet on the walls, you can leave greasy marks we can’t clean off. Thanks!”

 

[Capernum]

Feet on the walls is the least of your worries. You're in for a ride during the teenage years, pick your battles wisely if you want to have a semblance of a happy home. I would refrain from you being the one to discipline her. You are new to her life, if you have an issue you feel needs to be dealt with ask her mom to handle it. Imo.

 

[ClarindaA's]

Ok a few observations:
Is the dad / mom hard punishers meaning she is scared of bad consequences?

I will try not to judge you about you getting worked up at a kids feet against a wall in “her play room” but lordy, she is a kid, pick your battles. That’s like number 861 on the list of destructive things a kid can do. They are going to wear on your house. You can’t expect to paint a play room and have it look awesome for years to come. Which leads to next observation and most important one.

If your kid is doing something you don’t want them to do, you tell them then, not hours later after you stew about it. She literally may have forgotten and did not think she had her feet on the wall or is just confused. This last one is the biggest recommendation. Tell them at the time not later. And in the reasonable tone it sounds like you took. A simple “hey, don’t put your feet on the walls, you can leave greasy marks we can’t clean off. Thanks!”

They don’t really get punished, no spankings etc. i didn’t say anything at the time because i didn’t want to nitpick. However, i completely redid the entire house two years ago, take pride in the work i put in, and again, it’s minor. The issue is the lying or not remembering

 

[ClarindaA's]

Feet on the walls is the least of your worries. You're in for a ride during the teenage years, pick your battles wisely if you want to have a semblance of a happy home. I would refrain from you being the one to discipline her. You are new to her life, if you have an issue you feel needs to be dealt with ask her mom to handle it. Imo.

My wife won’t let me say anything to them anyway, not even, her finish your supper or no ice cream. That draws her mama bear out, which is another reason i didn’t say anything at the time i saw it happening

 

[mthawkeyes]

She said she doesn’t think either of us are lying, just not recalling what actually happened.

If this is the second time this has happened out of many times of you calling the child on her s***, I wouldn't be to worried. But if this is an emerging pattern you probably have a big problem.

 

[goldmom]

Your wife isn't sure who to believe?

That is the issue....not the little girl.

Yep. She's playing the divide and conquer game pretty well and she's only ten. It won't get better until Mom decides not to play too. Mom is the issue.

 

[goldmom]

My wife won’t let me say anything to them anyway, not even, her finish your supper or no ice cream. That draws her mama bear out, which is another reason i didn’t say anything at the time i saw it happening

Is this your first marriage? Do you have kids of your own?

 

[ClarindaA's]

Is this your first marriage? Do you have kids of your own?

Second, mine are 19 and 16

 

[herkyhawk00]

Here’s my situation, remarried over a year ago. My steos are great girls, 10 and 6. Having said that, the oldest is getting very entitled, though that’s hard to stop when there are so many grandparents, aunts, uncles, who say yes when mom or dad say no. Last night my oldest was sitting in her play room, bare feet on the wall.... not a big deal, but after running an errand, i decided to tell her that I had just painted that room a year ago, feet and hands don’t do good things. Expressed that she wasn’t in trouble, nor was it a big deal. What happened next is a big deal. She denied doing it, not only that, but denied even sitting in that room. Maybe she forgot, but this is the second time something like that has happened. Her mom isn’t sure who to believe. I’m letting it go, but am also like wtf

Though many times it works out well, though I am not one myself, being a step parent is something I view as being incredibly difficult and mentally challenging.

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

My wife won’t let me say anything to them anyway, not even, her finish your supper or no ice cream. That draws her mama bear out, which is another reason i didn’t say anything at the time i saw it happening

Why did you guys get married?

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

Yep. She's playing the divide and conquer game pretty well and she's only ten. It won't get better until Mom decides not to play too. Mom is the issue.

I agree. My parents disagreed but when it came to us they were a united front. This girl already knows her mom has her back over OP.

He’s screwed.

 

[luvmyhawks]

My wife won’t let me say anything to them anyway, not even, her finish your supper or no ice cream. That draws her mama bear out, which is another reason i didn’t say anything at the time i saw it happening

Did you know this before you got married? Did they move into your house? You need to be having a serious discussion with mrs. lively, or you are ****ed.

 

[goldmom]

Second, mine are 19 and 16

Do your kids have a step dad? What's the relationship like with your step kids and their Dad?
You've really got some things to sort out.

 

[ClarindaA's]

Do your kids have a step dad? What's the relationship like with your step kids and their Dad?
You've really got some things to sort out.

My daughter, 16, gets along with her step dad. My steps love my daughter and she likes them. Basically, as the step dad, i get all the responsibilities.... with zero say

 

[ClarindaA's]

Did you know this before you got married? Did they move into your house? You need to be having a serious discussion with mrs. lively, or you are ****ed.

Not to this extent

 

[ClarindaA's]

Why did you guys get married?

She’s a smart woman, California 10, Iowa 17

 

[ping72]

My wife won’t let me say anything to them anyway, not even, her finish your supper or no ice cream. That draws her mama bear out, which is another reason i didn’t say anything at the time i saw it happening

sorry, bro. Hopefully wife 3 is going to work out better.

And I’m not making a smartass joke. The relationship won’t work like that.

 

[goldmom]

My daughter, 16, gets along with her step dad. My steps love my daughter and she likes them. Basically, as the step dad, i get all the responsibilities.... with zero say

You seem to THINK they're all your responsibility. Maybe not so much. What gave you that idea?
Need a sit down and honest convo with the wife.

 

[ClarindaA's]

sorry, bro. Hopefully wife 3 is going to work out better.

And I’m not making a smartass joke. The relationship won’t work like that.

If this doesn’t work, I’m done. I posted something a few months back about who comes first in a relationship, kids or spouse. Everything i read says spouse, then kids. She thinks that’s demented and sick. But her mom was in and out of relationships, a ton of times, so i think that’s how she grew up.

 

[ping72]

She’s a smart woman, California 10, Iowa 17

So... she needed a beta with money?

 

[RunRonnieRun]

Hope you and your wife get lucky on your third marriages!

 

[ClarindaA's]

You seem to THINK they're all your responsibility. Maybe not so much. What gave you that idea?
Need a sit down and honest convo with the wife.

I take them to school, do the cooking, currently watching them while wife is running. Help with homework, etc

 

[ClarindaA's]

So... she needed a beta with money?

Lol, my first wife got my money. She liked my body and brains, sense of humor.... tolerated my face

 

[RunRonnieRun]

sorry, bro. Hopefully wife 3 is going to work out

gd, here we are again.

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

She’s a smart woman, California 10, Iowa 17

I guess my point is it seems like you two are not all in on the family thing and certainly not aligned on some major issues. Good luck.

 

[PoopandBoogers]

Daughter-Blowtorch bottom of feet
Mom- Painal

 

[goldmom]

I take them to school, do the cooking, currently watching them while wife is running. Help with homework, etc

Wow. You think you out kicked your coverage. (Iowa 17)
She thinks she got a nanny.
I think she may be on to something. 😳