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Dealing with step children

Can't be much, all he talks about is how hot she is, but no pics.

He's lying.
Oh, I think she's very nice looking. Clarinda has been very vocal about that and their amazing sex life. I just thought in this instance it might be helpful if he remembered the other reasons he loves her. He said she likes him for his body, brains, and sense of humor. So far the only thing besides her looks he's mentioned about her was that she married him because she's smart. That was probably a joke, but I just wondered what other traits of hers he found attractive.
 
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Oh, I think she's very nice looking. Clarinda has been very vocal about that and their amazing sex life. I just thought in this instance it might be helpful if he remembered the other reasons he loves her. He said she likes him for his body, brains, and sense of humor. So far the only thing besides her looks he's mentioned about her was that she married him because she's smart. That was probably a joke, but I just wondered what other traits of hers he found attractive.
I make her laugh, we have similar interests
 
I take them to school, do the cooking, currently watching them while wife is running. Help with homework, etc

I feel like I just looked back at my second marriage, which ended in divorce a few years ago. We have 2 boys together, and she has 2 kids from her first marriage — meaning I was also a stepdad for several years.

It can work, of course. However, lots of rough patches along the way if you’re not aligned in your parenting styles, lifestyles, faith, goals, etc.

Try to step in and discipline when needed? You’re not my dad, so stay out of it. Try to stay out of it when you think that’s what they want? You don’t support me and you only love your real kids. Try to talk with your wife about something bothering you about her other kids? Just wait until our kids do this, then see if you come complaining about it.

Sadly, kind of a no-win situation unless you get out in front of it now. I’m sure you mean well and have the best intentions, but it’s tough being a parent, especially if you’re in a blended family. And especially if you have kids together and one or both of you have kids from a previous marriage.

Only advice I have is... communicate and get on the same page, like now. If she doesn’t respect where you’re coming from, do what I did — start your search for future ex-wife number 3.
 
This is what i don’t understand. She said she believes me, but didn’t think her daughter would ever lie intentionally, so one of us didn’t recall correctly

You can word it however you want, she doesn’t believe you. The fact is, if you’re not allowed to tell anyone not to damage your property then you need to take charge. You’ve list control and it will only get worse. You need to women up and get a pussy.
 
Great, but that was another I statement. Try starting with "she is" funny, kind, caring, thoughtful, etc.
Honestly, I’m the over lover, do it all in the relationship. Maybe I feel hard for her looks. Honest question, hard question. We have a great time 95% of the time. Only thing we struggle with is kids add her spending. I feel like that’s normal for most couples, especially blended families.
 
Honestly, I’m the over lover, do it all in the relationship. Maybe I feel hard for her looks. Honest question, hard question. We have a great time 95% of the time. Only thing we struggle with is kids add her spending. I feel like that’s normal for most couples, especially blended families.
So other than her looks you have are having a hard time thinking of things you like about her?
 
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OP: If you are going to call out behavior, you have to do it while the behavior is occurring. Can't do it after the fact.

Read 1st page, but skipped 2-3, so not sure if mentioned, but this is the most obvious reason it didn't go well for you.
 
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From the sad emoji you responded with I'm going to assume your marriage has bigger problems than how she reacts to you disciplining her children.
No, I’m not saying it’s got problems, other than I’m the one always giving.
 
No, I’m not saying it’s got problems, other than I’m the one always giving.
How long have you been married? Did you guys sit down and really, really do a deep dive into what each of you expect from this marriage?
You just now brought up two more issues.
Her spending
You feel you're the biggest "giver".

If you did not seek pre-marital counseling, you do need it now.
The sex with the hottie levels off. It always does. Think beyond that. Yes, I know it's difficult.
I really hope you can figure this out. Best wishes.
 
No, I’m not saying it’s got problems, other than I’m the one always giving.
That sounds like a problem in your marriage. Marriage is not 50/50 all the time, but if you really feel that you always do the majority of the giving this early in your relationship it's either a perception problem or a real problem. I think that needs to be worked out before you worry about disciplining your step children.
 
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Congrats OP, been too long!

I also got married and became a step parent. She’s a junior in college and really to like. My daughter was the rotten one, just have a unified front and back the step parent when she speaks up about what the rules of the house are. We also have quite. Few conversations about what our game plan is concerning rules and discipline.
 
Here’s my situation, remarried over a year ago. My steos are great girls, 10 and 6. Having said that, the oldest is getting very entitled, though that’s hard to stop when there are so many grandparents, aunts, uncles, who say yes when mom or dad say no. Last night my oldest was sitting in her play room, bare feet on the wall.... not a big deal, but after running an errand, i decided to tell her that I had just painted that room a year ago, feet and hands don’t do good things. Expressed that she wasn’t in trouble, nor was it a big deal. What happened next is a big deal. She denied doing it, not only that, but denied even sitting in that room. Maybe she forgot, but this is the second time something like that has happened. Her mom isn’t sure who to believe. I’m letting it go, but am also like wtf

Yes being a stepdad myself can tell you that you're in for many challenging times like this.
 
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Our middle son has step kids similar age. The older daughter is a fantastic kid. Helpful, and capable. The younger boy acted out at home and school and was considered ADHD. No biological dad involved.

Son’s wife gave him free license to parent and my son was consistent at enforcing rules but fair w the boy. He and his wife were a united front. Things like iPad usage, picking up toys, doing his chores, being respectful, and getting homework done. Turns out the boy needed an adult male in his life, or his mom was overwhelmed with working and parenting alone. No problems at home or school now. He’s a joy to be around just like the daughter.
 
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