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HOW TO DO IT
Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Acidgrey/iStock/Getty Images Plus.
How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
I recently had a threesome with my boyfriend, and he broke one of my rules. We all had sex and fell asleep. Then I woke up to him having sex with her and orgasming the next morning. I don’t know how to go about raising this with him. I felt very betrayed, because my first rule was no solo acts. What should I do?
—Pissed Girlfriend
Dear Pissed Girlfriend,
Betrayal stings and can absolutely derail an otherwise harmonious relationship, but if you can find it in your heart to forgive this one, I think it might be worth it. Unless otherwise specified, your boyfriend may have considered sex with all of you in the same bed to not count as a solo act. He may have figured, “Well, since we already did it, what harm could it bring to do it again?” I understand why feel the way you do and why these rules are essential for maintaining a sense of safety in an unpredictable situation, but I can imagine a scenario in which the air of permissiveness that allowed the threesome to happen in the first place fuels the following morning. Unless you previously said, “I have to be fully participating for anything to happen,” I think he has at least a bit of plausible deniability here that is, at minimum, not worth throwing the relationship away over. Just make sure that you underline these terms moving forward or cut out threesomes all together.
Dear How to Do It,
I jerk it maybe three to seven times a day depending on whether it’s the weekend or during the week. At a minimum, I do it as soon as I wake up and before I fall asleep. I definitely need to tone it down. Any suggestions on how I can achieve that?
—Manual Override
Dear Manual Override,
Why do you definitely need to tone it down? If you’re that horny and without an outside sexual outlet, taking matters into your own hands seems like the thing to do. Loads: Shoot ’em if you got ’em. Clearly this amount of masturbation isn’t impeding your ability to perform if you’re jerking like clockwork, morning and night. I’d be more concerned about changing up my technique if I were you, so as not to fall into an idiosyncratic masturbation style that could make other forms of contact (like another person’s touch) less gratifying in comparison. Try doing it with your non-dominant hand or use a toy sometimes (a Fleshlight or even a vibrator under your dick’s head could give you some good variety). Keep your mind sharp by at least occasionally taking a break from porn and try masturbating to fantasies.
Otherwise, get a job or a hobby. Read more. Meditate and work out. Perform acts of charity. I’m not at this point convinced that you have an actual problem, but your prolific masturbating may be taking time away from other gratifying activities, and you seem stressed about it. Pursue some of those to round out your life and give your hands some variety.
slate.com
We Had a Threesome. She Slept Over. I Woke Up to My Boyfriend Breaking My First Rule.
BY RICH JUZWIAK
Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Acidgrey/iStock/Getty Images Plus.
How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
I recently had a threesome with my boyfriend, and he broke one of my rules. We all had sex and fell asleep. Then I woke up to him having sex with her and orgasming the next morning. I don’t know how to go about raising this with him. I felt very betrayed, because my first rule was no solo acts. What should I do?
—Pissed Girlfriend
Dear Pissed Girlfriend,
Betrayal stings and can absolutely derail an otherwise harmonious relationship, but if you can find it in your heart to forgive this one, I think it might be worth it. Unless otherwise specified, your boyfriend may have considered sex with all of you in the same bed to not count as a solo act. He may have figured, “Well, since we already did it, what harm could it bring to do it again?” I understand why feel the way you do and why these rules are essential for maintaining a sense of safety in an unpredictable situation, but I can imagine a scenario in which the air of permissiveness that allowed the threesome to happen in the first place fuels the following morning. Unless you previously said, “I have to be fully participating for anything to happen,” I think he has at least a bit of plausible deniability here that is, at minimum, not worth throwing the relationship away over. Just make sure that you underline these terms moving forward or cut out threesomes all together.
Dear How to Do It,
I jerk it maybe three to seven times a day depending on whether it’s the weekend or during the week. At a minimum, I do it as soon as I wake up and before I fall asleep. I definitely need to tone it down. Any suggestions on how I can achieve that?
—Manual Override
Dear Manual Override,
Why do you definitely need to tone it down? If you’re that horny and without an outside sexual outlet, taking matters into your own hands seems like the thing to do. Loads: Shoot ’em if you got ’em. Clearly this amount of masturbation isn’t impeding your ability to perform if you’re jerking like clockwork, morning and night. I’d be more concerned about changing up my technique if I were you, so as not to fall into an idiosyncratic masturbation style that could make other forms of contact (like another person’s touch) less gratifying in comparison. Try doing it with your non-dominant hand or use a toy sometimes (a Fleshlight or even a vibrator under your dick’s head could give you some good variety). Keep your mind sharp by at least occasionally taking a break from porn and try masturbating to fantasies.
Otherwise, get a job or a hobby. Read more. Meditate and work out. Perform acts of charity. I’m not at this point convinced that you have an actual problem, but your prolific masturbating may be taking time away from other gratifying activities, and you seem stressed about it. Pursue some of those to round out your life and give your hands some variety.
We Had a Threesome. She Slept Over. I Woke Up to My Boyfriend Breaking My First Rule.
He seemed clueless.
