For the first time in 17 years of marriage I really want to strangle my Mother-In-Law

kc78

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Nov 25, 2002
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And while my wife is refusing to talk to her either right now, I'm not allowed to murder her. So any other advice on how to deal with an in-law who's way overstepping their bounds and being a complete jerk about it.

Right now I don't know that I ever want to have anything to do with her again. I'm sure I'll get over it once things calm down, but I can't ever imagine my parents treating me the way they have treated my wife recently. If it were anyone else they'd have taken a fist to the face already.
 
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ICWestfan

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NoleATL

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People will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. At first sign of overstepping bounds, remove yourselves from her presence. "You're overstepping your bounds and we're going to leave now".
 
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kc78

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Nov 25, 2002
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My wife was hit by a car when she was 2 and has some brain injuries, which means she suffers with anxiety, depression, and some other issues and takes quite a bit of medication. She has three doctors changing all her medication around right now, not talking to one another, one put her on one that the pharmacist freaked out about a week later when they realized it would kill her if she took it with another, etc...

Needless to say she's a bit of an emotional wreck right now and not at her best. She works at the same place her mom does and she's had a difficult week. Instead of trying to understand what's happening, her Mother just called her last night, cursed her out, called her a loser, and demanded that if she can't get her shit together at work that she quit because she's an F'ng embarassment.

All because she cried to her boss one day, and in a small place, people talk way too much.

I can't imagine my parents ever treating me that way, or me ever treating my kids that way.
 

SoFla-Hawkeye

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Nov 12, 2001
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My wife was hit by a car when she was 2 and has some brain injuries, which means she suffers with anxiety, depression, and some other issues and takes quite a bit of medication. She has three doctors changing all her medication around right now, not talking to one another, one put her on one that the pharmacist freaked out about a week later when they realized it would kill her if she took it with another, etc...

Needless to say she's a bit of an emotional wreck right now and not at her best. She works at the same place her mom does and she's had a difficult week. Instead of trying to understand what's happening, her Mother just called her last night, cursed her out, called her a loser, and demanded that if she can't get her shit together at work that she quit because she's an F'ng embarassment.

All because she cried to her boss one day, and in a small place, people talk way too much.

I can't imagine my parents ever treating me that way, or me ever treating my kids that way.
Now that I have additional context I would simply advise you to move forward with your plans to kill her.
 

NoleATL

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called her a loser, and demanded that if she can't get her shit together at work that she quit because she's an F'ng embarassment
Wow... your MIL is a beotch. You need to remove you and your wife from her presence even if it means moving. Your wife should absolutely get another job if you can't move.

Edit to add: people who call people "losers" really trigger me... more so than any derogatory term.
 

Jan Itor

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Jan 31, 2009
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And while my wife is refusing to talk to her either right now, I'm not allowed to murder her. So any other advice on how to deal with an in-law who's way overstepping their bounds and being a complete jerk about it.

Right now I don't know that I ever want to have anything to do with her again. I'm sure I'll get over it once things calm down, but I can't ever imagine my parents treating me the way they have treated my wife recently. If it were anyone else they'd have taken a fist to the face already.
First off, pic of disgruntled wife. Second, specifics on how the MIL is treating your wife?
 

torbee

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Gold Member
My wife was hit by a car when she was 2 and has some brain injuries, which means she suffers with anxiety, depression, and some other issues and takes quite a bit of medication. She has three doctors changing all her medication around right now, not talking to one another, one put her on one that the pharmacist freaked out about a week later when they realized it would kill her if she took it with another, etc...

Needless to say she's a bit of an emotional wreck right now and not at her best. She works at the same place her mom does and she's had a difficult week. Instead of trying to understand what's happening, her Mother just called her last night, cursed her out, called her a loser, and demanded that if she can't get her shit together at work that she quit because she's an F'ng embarassment.

All because she cried to her boss one day, and in a small place, people talk way too much.

I can't imagine my parents ever treating me that way, or me ever treating my kids that way.
Your initial instinct was the right one.

Now the hard part is figuring out how to do it without getting caught.
 

win4jj

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Aug 17, 2011
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I would ignore the mil and eliminate 2 out of 3 doctors, or at least make sure the doctors are on the same page. Or blow up mother in laws house.
 
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kc78

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I would ignore the mil and eliminate 2 out of 3 doctors, or at least make sure the doctors are on the same page. Or blow up mother in laws house.
yeah, the whole dr thing has been a cluster.

Our old Primary retired, she's moved to a new guy and I don't think he truly understands what all she's dealing with. Then the neurologist tried to undo some of what he put her on and put her on a different medication that apparently had contradictions with something her rheumatologist had her own.

It's just been bad. But it's all understandable why she might be just a bit emotional right now if you've ever gone through medication changes that affect the brain in the way these all do. I'm trying to switch from Lexapro to something else myself right now and my anxiety is through the roof, I can't imagine what it's like for her with as much as she's on.

It just makes me sad. Her Father has been a piece of shit her entire life, and her Mother has done nothing but criticize her for years now. She doesn't really have support there. My Mother is gone now, but even at my worst she was always there to support me. She might tell me I'm being stupid, but I always, always knew she loved me, was there for me, and would do anything to help.
 
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luvmyhawks

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Mar 22, 2005
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yeah, the whole dr thing has been a cluster.

Our old Primary retired, she's moved to a new guy and I don't think he truly understands what all she's dealing with. Then the neurologist tried to undo some of what he put her on and put her on a different medication that apparently had contradictions with something her rheumatologist had her own.

It's just been bad. But it's all understandable why she might be just a bit emotional right now if you've ever gone through medication changes that affect the brain in the way these all do. I'm trying to switch from Lexapro to something else myself right now and my anxiety is through the roof, I can't imagine what it's like for her with as much as she's on.

It just makes me sad. Her Father has been a piece of shit her entire life, and her Mother has done nothing but criticize her for years now. She doesn't really have support there. My Mother is gone now, but even at my worst she was always there to support me. She might tell me I'm being stupid, but I always, always knew she loved me, was there for me, and would do anything to help.
The absolute best things people can do for themselves is to remove toxic people from their lives. I believe it is time for you and your wife to do just that with your MIL. She is the real loser in this scenario.
 

VodkaSam

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yeah, the whole dr thing has been a cluster.

Our old Primary retired, she's moved to a new guy and I don't think he truly understands what all she's dealing with. Then the neurologist tried to undo some of what he put her on and put her on a different medication that apparently had contradictions with something her rheumatologist had her own.

It's just been bad. But it's all understandable why she might be just a bit emotional right now if you've ever gone through medication changes that affect the brain in the way these all do. I'm trying to switch from Lexapro to something else myself right now and my anxiety is through the roof, I can't imagine what it's like for her with as much as she's on.

It just makes me sad. Her Father has been a piece of shit her entire life, and her Mother has done nothing but criticize her for years now. She doesn't really have support there. My Mother is gone now, but even at my worst she was always there to support me. She might tell me I'm being stupid, but I always, always knew she loved me, was there for me, and would do anything to help.
Having dealt with what you’re dealing with right now in my own family (absent the toxic judgmental family members), you are spot on in regard to getting the medication correct. Could she go back to what she was prescribed by the previous Dr.? Also a good therapist will do wonders if she has someone to talk to.

The next thing would be a clean start at a new place of employment, if possible, after she gets her medication corrected and is in a better place. Might help heal family issues faster over time, if the “toxicity”with them goes away. Pulling for you both. Hang tough.
 
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jasonrann

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Apr 11, 2007
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And while my wife is refusing to talk to her either right now, I'm not allowed to murder her. So any other advice on how to deal with an in-law who's way overstepping their bounds and being a complete jerk about it.

Right now I don't know that I ever want to have anything to do with her again. I'm sure I'll get over it once things calm down, but I can't ever imagine my parents treating me the way they have treated my wife recently. If it were anyone else they'd have taken a fist to the face already.
You made it 17 years, congrats on your incredible self control. I made it about six.
 
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tarheelbybirth

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Apr 17, 2003
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My wife was hit by a car when she was 2 and has some brain injuries, which means she suffers with anxiety, depression, and some other issues and takes quite a bit of medication. She has three doctors changing all her medication around right now, not talking to one another, one put her on one that the pharmacist freaked out about a week later when they realized it would kill her if she took it with another, etc...

Needless to say she's a bit of an emotional wreck right now and not at her best. She works at the same place her mom does and she's had a difficult week. Instead of trying to understand what's happening, her Mother just called her last night, cursed her out, called her a loser, and demanded that if she can't get her shit together at work that she quit because she's an F'ng embarassment.

All because she cried to her boss one day, and in a small place, people talk way too much.

I can't imagine my parents ever treating me that way, or me ever treating my kids that way.
Living a thousand miles from my in-laws never looked better. And good on your pharmacist...my dad was one for 40 years and had many instances where he had to call a doctor over issues with prescriptions - often, like your wife, where the customer was seeing multiple doctors who didn't communicate with each other. I worked at the drug store in high school and once saw him tell a guy who was looking for stomach relief to go to the hospital immediately based on where he said the pain was...his wife drove him and called back later to say his appendix was ready to burst.
 

millah_22

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Jun 15, 2004
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Omaha

noleclone2

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The absolute best things people can do for themselves is to remove toxic people from their lives. I believe it is time for you and your wife to do just that with your MIL. She is the real loser in this scenario.
This. I doubt it is solely the brain injury at age 2 that has caused your wife to need medicine for depression and anxiety. It is her parents toxicity too. Removing them may be as impactful as medicine.
 

win4jj

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Aug 17, 2011
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yeah, the whole dr thing has been a cluster.

Our old Primary retired, she's moved to a new guy and I don't think he truly understands what all she's dealing with. Then the neurologist tried to undo some of what he put her on and put her on a different medication that apparently had contradictions with something her rheumatologist had her own.

It's just been bad. But it's all understandable why she might be just a bit emotional right now if you've ever gone through medication changes that affect the brain in the way these all do. I'm trying to switch from Lexapro to something else myself right now and my anxiety is through the roof, I can't imagine what it's like for her with as much as she's on.

It just makes me sad. Her Father has been a piece of shit her entire life, and her Mother has done nothing but criticize her for years now. She doesn't really have support there. My Mother is gone now, but even at my worst she was always there to support me. She might tell me I'm being stupid, but I always, always knew she loved me, was there for me, and would do anything to help.
Good luck. Not sure if she can switch jobs but that might help. And there would be less stress while managing new doctors and medications.
 
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nu2u

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Aug 10, 2006
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My MIL (no pic but imagine Elizabeth Hurley ..............well, actually -- no resemblance at all, none, just for the fact that images of ELizabeth Hurley bouncing around your noggin ....in a very skimpy 2pc swimsuit no less...... sun tanning on a poolside lounger or flipped over and laying seductively on a beach towel exposing the wonders of God's generous gift to mankind.... either way, imagine that if you will) is weird too.
 

kc78

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Nov 25, 2002
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Yeah, last night her Mom was really pressuring her to quit and at first she agreed. I said, Screw your Mom, you can't just quit. But yes, she can look for another job and it might be best to get away from working with her Mom. It's been a good job because they've been very understanding of her health issues, so finding another one that will let her have the tons of Dr's she needs might be difficult, but we'll see.
 
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tarheelbybirth

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Apr 17, 2003
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Our old Primary retired, she's moved to a new guy and I don't think he truly understands what all she's dealing with. Then the neurologist tried to undo some of what he put her on and put her on a different medication that apparently had contradictions with something her rheumatologist had her own.
Things to do given her history in case you aren't...

1. Make absolutely sure that all her docs are aware of every medication she's on...make a list that she has on her at all times.

2. Frequent the same pharmacy (it sounds like you do) and make a point of asking about contraindications every time a med is changed. They will generally pop up automatically these days but it's best to be proactive.

3. Evaluate her diet for contraindications - there are foods like pineapple that can significantly interfere with meds.
 

Gimmered

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Nov 9, 2005
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Yeah, last night her Mom was really pressuring her to quit and at first she agreed. I said, Screw your Mom, you can't just quit. But yes, she can look for another job and it might be best to get away from working with her Mom. It's been a good job because they've been very understanding of her health issues, so finding another one that will let her have the tons of Dr's she needs might be difficult, but we'll see.
When she quits her job and gets away from her mom, chances are, she need less Doctoring.
 

23 so far

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Yeah, last night her Mom was really pressuring her to quit and at first she agreed. I said, Screw your Mom, you can't just quit. But yes, she can look for another job and it might be best to get away from working with her Mom. It's been a good job because they've been very understanding of her health issues, so finding another one that will let her have the tons of Dr's she needs might be difficult, but we'll see.
You're wasting your time here. Clearly this is an issue that can only be solved by Oprah. Good luck.
 

Jan Itor

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Jan 31, 2009
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Yeah, last night her Mom was really pressuring her to quit and at first she agreed. I said, Screw your Mom, you can't just quit. But yes, she can look for another job and it might be best to get away from working with her Mom. It's been a good job because they've been very understanding of her health issues, so finding another one that will let her have the tons of Dr's she needs might be difficult, but we'll see.
Strangle the MIL. Or educate the bitch on the terrors of anxiety and then wish an episode on her.
 

Tom Paris

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Oct 1, 2001
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yeah, the whole dr thing has been a cluster.

Our old Primary retired, she's moved to a new guy and I don't think he truly understands what all she's dealing with. Then the neurologist tried to undo some of what he put her on and put her on a different medication that apparently had contradictions with something her rheumatologist had her own.

It's just been bad. But it's all understandable why she might be just a bit emotional right now if you've ever gone through medication changes that affect the brain in the way these all do. I'm trying to switch from Lexapro to something else myself right now and my anxiety is through the roof, I can't imagine what it's like for her with as much as she's on.

It just makes me sad. Her Father has been a piece of shit her entire life, and her Mother has done nothing but criticize her for years now. She doesn't really have support there. My Mother is gone now, but even at my worst she was always there to support me. She might tell me I'm being stupid, but I always, always knew she loved me, was there for me, and would do anything to help.
Your MiL might need the old, "You will never talk to MY WIFE like that again." Then add whatever you want to that. If she comes back at you, pull the Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall move - step much closer to her, "I'll say it again, you will..."
 
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theiacowtipper

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Feb 17, 2004
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Normally, I’m about letting my wife handle her family. It just works better. I deal with my family issues, she deals with hers. But, in the case of your wife dealing with this, her emotional state precludes her from dealing. I would go to my wife and tell her, baby let me handle this. You have enough to deal with. When you’re better you can jump back in.

Then I go to the MIL and tell her that she is out of her daughters life until your wife make contact with her. Youre a toxic person for her right now and I can’t have you effecting her health. Lose the number bitch.