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Has anyone been in a very uncomfortable situation with a dude being not so "gentlemanly" to his wife in public?

jasonrann

jasonrann

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Apr 11, 2007
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I went to the grocery store this past Saturday. Encountered this couple in the first aisle, old boy is out front grabbing stuff off the shelves and tossing them into the cart while barking at wifey (no pic) to keep up. She has the sunglasses on to cover up the eyes. Moving on to the second aisle, he is now directly yelling at her. I gave him a look and he gave one back. I went out of my way to find them in another aisle and he is still berating her, she is obviously upset. I looked directly at her and asked "are you ok?!" Old boy looks at me and says "you should mind your own business, are we going to have a problem?!" I simply looked back at him and said "we are about to, if you can't get yourself together in a grocery store and show some respect to your wife." He gave me a glance and they moved on. I felt bad after because if there was anything going on, she probably got pummeled when they got home. I just have zero tolerance for this type of thing.

Can anyone share similar experiences?
 
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Yeah, I called the cops. It was at my old job. Saw a man and woman arguing and shoving. Don’t know if they were married or not.
 
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Formerly Rockymtnole said:
Haven’t had that situation.

So tough these days. I worry about the guys with anger management issues and concealed weapons.
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This guy was probably in his late 50's and didn't exactly appear formidable, but I have no clue if he was carrying. I guess I figured inside the grocery store, it would be alright. I guess I didn't realize how quickly I could go from random trip to the store to 100% fired up.
 
jasonrann said:
This guy was probably in his late 50's and didn't exactly appear formidable, but I have no clue if he was carrying. I guess I figured inside the grocery store, it would be alright. I guess I didn't realize how quickly I could go from random trip to the store to 100% fired up.
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To me, those are the dangerous ones. The ones who need the gun to level the playing field.
 
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onlyTheObvious said:
No. If I was to find myself there I wouldn’t engage directly but would call 911.

best for everybody. Safer for me and a police conversation might scare the loser straight more than myself confronting him.
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I have to admit I never thought of this.
 
Many years ago I called in a complaint on a neighbor to child welfare, or whatever the official name is. Years ago I posted about it. I don't regret it, but I watched my back whenever I was outside, and I steered clear when I saw mom in the store. Dad was a deadbeat who was rarely around. Basically it boiled down to mom having marijuana parties in front of a 4 and 6 year old, threats of violence from a teenage sibling living in the house, who was also dealing. Grandma lived there, and she got arrested a few times. I think it was 2009-10, when a few of the longtime homeowners on my street moved on, and various folks swooped in to buy and flip the house, but rented it out for a year or so first. They couldn't care less if they were responsible renters.
 
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Formerly Rockymtnole said:
To me, those are the dangerous ones. The ones who need the gun to level the playing field.
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It goes a step deeper than that.....they tend to be the ones who don't give a crap. Someone who is using a gun to scare someone is a danger to themselves....someone who doesn't give a crap will use that gun and is a danger to you.
 
jasonrann said:
I went to the grocery store this past Saturday. Encountered this couple in the first aisle, old boy is out front grabbing stuff off the shelves and tossing them into the cart while barking at wifey (no pic) to keep up. She has the sunglasses on to cover up the eyes. Moving on to the second aisle, he is now directly yelling at her. I gave him a look and he gave one back. I went out of my way to find them in another aisle and he is still berating her, she is obviously upset. I looked directly at her and asked "are you ok?!" Old boy looks at me and says "you should mind your own business, are we going to have a problem?!" I simply looked back at him and said "we are about to, if you can't get yourself together in a grocery store and show some respect to your wife." He gave me a glance and they moved on. I felt bad after because if there was anything going on, she probably got pummeled when they got home. I just have zero tolerance for this type of thing.

Can anyone share similar experiences?
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I had no idea @NorthernHawkeye went grocery shopping with his wife. Figured that was the little lady’s job.

FTR, you did the right thing.
 
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It is a tough thing to get in the middle of due to the clear instability and shortcomings an individual must have to be this way to a woman, especially in public. It means they are likely insecure and carrying and also scared of actual someone who can hit back. Most cops will tell you domestic violence are the most dangerous type of calls...

Sounds like you handled it perfectly. Did what you could.
 
I've witnessed that a few times. Really hard to watch someone get treated like a peice of shit. Two of them became physical and I stepped in, then got punched.
 
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Haven't seen that but I've seen a woman beating the ever living $hit out of her kids one time. Punching them in the face and throwing them around on the street by their necks. I called the cops. I stood there and she was loading them up in her car. The cops blocked her in and I told them what I saw. They asked the kids if they were ok and felt safe. through tears and sobs they said yes, and the cops let her drive away. I couldn't believe it. This was downtown San Francisco.
 
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SF HAWKEYE said:
Haven't seen that but I've seen a woman beating the ever living $hit out of her kids one time. Punching them in the face and throwing them around on the street by their necks. I called the cops. I stood there and she was loading them up in her car. The cops blocked her in and I told them what I saw. They asked the kids if they were ok and felt safe. through tears and sobs they said yes, and the cops let her drive away. I couldn't believe it. This was downtown San Francisco.
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This is why trying to help gets you knowhere with cases of abuse. The women and kids in those situations are trained to say they are fine and nothing ever happens. Just a little extra beating when they get home. The kids I feel really sorry for because they can't remove themselves from the situation.
 
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jasonrann said:
I went to the grocery store this past Saturday. Encountered this couple in the first aisle, old boy is out front grabbing stuff off the shelves and tossing them into the cart while barking at wifey (no pic) to keep up. She has the sunglasses on to cover up the eyes. Moving on to the second aisle, he is now directly yelling at her. I gave him a look and he gave one back. I went out of my way to find them in another aisle and he is still berating her, she is obviously upset. I looked directly at her and asked "are you ok?!" Old boy looks at me and says "you should mind your own business, are we going to have a problem?!" I simply looked back at him and said "we are about to, if you can't get yourself together in a grocery store and show some respect to your wife." He gave me a glance and they moved on. I felt bad after because if there was anything going on, she probably got pummeled when they got home. I just have zero tolerance for this type of thing.

Can anyone share similar experiences?
Click to expand...
Must not have been HyVee or I'd have expected the newly formed HyVee PD to give this guy the fish dance.
 
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I was flying a redeye home after a whole bunch of cancellations and caught the connection in Phoenix. Now, my opinion of people from the desert isn't generally high but i can get along with them - but this couple looked like something straight out of a dirt track. I got stuck next to this couple that just started going at it - throwing drinks on eachother, screaming, hitting, all after the flight attendant told them to knock it off. It got to the point where the captain came on and said that they were going to land in oklahoma to remove the passengers.

I don't know about you, but i don't want to spend a night in the airport in oklahoma. I pleaded with the flight attendant to put me inbetween them and keep the flight going.

Thinking this would solve anything or was even worth the effort was a serious misjudgment on my part. Of course the arguing kept going, the hitting kept going around me, they were both pulling airplane bottles of booze out between disagreements, and i was in the middle of it. So I basically spent the next 3 hours being the punching bag for this couple.
 
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jasonrann said:
I went to the grocery store this past Saturday. Encountered this couple in the first aisle, old boy is out front grabbing stuff off the shelves and tossing them into the cart while barking at wifey (no pic) to keep up. She has the sunglasses on to cover up the eyes. Moving on to the second aisle, he is now directly yelling at her. I gave him a look and he gave one back. I went out of my way to find them in another aisle and he is still berating her, she is obviously upset. I looked directly at her and asked "are you ok?!" Old boy looks at me and says "you should mind your own business, are we going to have a problem?!" I simply looked back at him and said "we are about to, if you can't get yourself together in a grocery store and show some respect to your wife." He gave me a glance and they moved on. I felt bad after because if there was anything going on, she probably got pummeled when they got home. I just have zero tolerance for this type of thing.

Can anyone share similar experiences?
Click to expand...
I applaud you for caring and trying to help...buuuuttt...in my experience, you may have made it worse for her when he gets her alone. That type of person will likely blame and/or take it out on her as a result of your words.

It's a very fragile and potentially volatile thing to try to help someone in that situation. Short version.
 
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It’s just so beyond my life experience to see a man hit/beat a woman, but if she grows up in a home where Daddy beat Mommy and Mommy takes it then it’s repeated generationally.
The woman probably was accused of flirting with you OP, once they left the store.
 
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Old_wrestling_fan said:
I applaud you for caring and trying to help...buuuuttt...in my experience, you may have made it worse for her when he gets her alone. That type of person will likely blame and/or take it out on her as a result of your words.

It's a very fragile and potentially volatile thing to try to help someone in that situation. Short version.
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Unfortunately, I didn't realize that until after I said something. That's my bad, I guess, but I just have no tolerance for it.
 
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SF HAWKEYE said:
Haven't seen that but I've seen a woman beating the ever living $hit out of her kids one time. Punching them in the face and throwing them around on the street by their necks. I called the cops. I stood there and she was loading them up in her car. The cops blocked her in and I told them what I saw. They asked the kids if they were ok and felt safe. through tears and sobs they said yes, and the cops let her drive away. I couldn't believe it. This was downtown San Francisco.
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Dude...............seriously? Wow. Nice work by you!
 
When I was 8 I saw a guy grab his partners hair and she said "help" but was I supposed to do, I was 8. So I ran and found some Walmart employee and by the time Walmart got anyone over there to help they were gone. She prob dead now.
 
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Derekd3408 said:
I've witnessed that a few times. Really hard to watch someone get treated like a peice of shit. Two of them became physical and I stepped in, then got punched.
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So how did you handle this? I don't know much, but you appear to be a dude that could lay the smack down bigly.
 
jasonrann said:
I looked directly at her and asked "are you ok?!" Old boy looks at me and says "you should mind your own business, are we going to have a problem?!" I simply looked back at him and said "we are about to, if you can't get yourself together in a grocery store and show some respect to your wife."
Click to expand...
As anyone with training in crisis intervention will tell you, this is absolutely what you do not do. The correct response is to grab his wife, calmly but firmly, and bang her in the produce aisle.
 
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I'm not sure what OP expected, clearly it was her fault for not keeping up. What's he supposed to do, load the cart and push it?
 
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jasonrann said:
Unfortunately, I didn't realize that until after I said something. That's my bad, I guess, but I just have no tolerance for it.
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I totally get that. It's a terrible feeling knowing that something like that is going on and there is little that you can do from the outside. It is also common that if you try to help the abusee that they will have a range of reactions and many of them are not thanksgiving towards you...who is legit trying to help.

One of the more effective things I ever heard that did work in a case like this was...the abuse came to the attention of a local pastor, he then dispatched several "elders" to the house for a "meeting" that may have gotten a little physical. Let's just say that the elders had been authorized to "take care of the situation" and they did. :) The "meeting" concluded with some very stern warnings about what would happen next if there was ever a repeat on the abuse. There wasn't.

But in that case, it was known that the abusee was ready to break the cycle and she asked for help AND she had a constant that she could rely on...the pastor and his muscular elders. So the constant threat was enough to break the cycle. Absent those type of factors, it is really hard to help.
 
jasonrann said:
So how did you handle this? I don't know much, but you appear to be a dude that could lay the smack down bigly.
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First time I took the punch and subdued the guy and held him down until a cop got there. She denied being hit despite having numerous people witness it and nothing happened.

Second time I said F it and hit the dude back. Turned into a shit show when his GF started screaming about me assaulting her boyfriend and called the cops. I got the hell outta there before they showed up.
 
I had something similar happen to me. I quickly grabbed 5 cans of Dinty Moore off the shelf and offered to buy them for Northern. That calmed things considerably.
 
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I was working as a line cook in Prescott Arizona when the dishwasher came back in from taking out the trash and said a guy was in the parking lot beating up a girl. Four of us, aprons and all, ran out and saw a twig of a cowboy bounce this girl's head off the side of a pickup truck. Beat the absolute shit out of that guy while having to fend off his bloody girlfriend/wife who spent the etirety of the ass whipping crying and trying to pull us off him. /csb
 
jasonrann said:
This guy was probably in his late 50's and didn't exactly appear formidable, but I have no clue if he was carrying. I guess I figured inside the grocery store, it would be alright. I guess I didn't realize how quickly I could go from random trip to the store to 100% fired up.
Click to expand...
The women beating types are always the gun toting types. Always.
 
Take your phone out and start recording. Hope that he sees you recording and confronts you. Take an assault for the team and send his ass to jail.
 
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