Hey all, the shite finally hit the fan.

jasonrann

HR Legend
Gold Member
Apr 11, 2007
20,518
28,432
113
With my boozing. I just spent 5 days in the hospital after a big weekend run with my old college buddy. My heart went out of rhythm again and this time it was really bad. I haven't been that scared ever. I am out and sober, but wifey (no pic) is none too happy with me, justifiably so. I am staying with a good friend and going to daily meetings, but good thoughts would be appreciated. I know I am an a-hole, but I really feel like one now. I hope to be back with the family in a week or so.

God bless.
 

ConvenientParking

HR Legend
Gold Member
Jun 28, 2016
26,215
32,823
113
With my boozing. I just spent 5 days in the hospital after a big weekend run with my old college buddy. My heart went out of rhythm again and this time it was really bad. I haven't been that scared ever. I am out and sober, but wifey (no pic) is none too happy with me, justifiably so. I am staying with a good friend and going to daily meetings, but good thoughts would be appreciated. I know I am an a-hole, but I really feel like one now. I hope to be back with the family in a week or so.

God bless.

You're (probably) not an ahole. Good luck dude. First time I went to a meeting I lasted a little over 6 months regularly attending meetings until I got a little restless at home on Christmas Eve and visited a Nepalese owned liquor store and returned home to festively post like a maniac on here and then be woken up the next day on Christmas by my family who entered my unlocked door worried because I apparently also gave Facebook the what-for that night. Felt like an ahole for a good week which didn't really help. Then I lasted 4-5 more months until getting a little stir crazy early in the pandemic. Basically same story only this time I had deleted Facebook and did the "I'm an ahole" thing in private. It sucks dude. I didn't do the actual AA program but I went to meetings for a while and the most helpful thing was seeing new people come in looking rough and watch them get a little pep back in their step after a month or so (faithful devotees or not with regard to working steps).
 

Tom Paris

HR Legend
Gold Member
Oct 1, 2001
44,019
49,230
113
With my boozing. I just spent 5 days in the hospital after a big weekend run with my old college buddy. My heart went out of rhythm again and this time it was really bad. I haven't been that scared ever. I am out and sober, but wifey (no pic) is none too happy with me, justifiably so. I am staying with a good friend and going to daily meetings, but good thoughts would be appreciated. I know I am an a-hole, but I really feel like one now. I hope to be back with the family in a week or so.

God bless.
Good luck to you, man. Wake up calls can be good.
 

BlackNGoldBleeder

HR Legend
Jun 23, 2017
41,586
71,246
113
With my boozing. I just spent 5 days in the hospital after a big weekend run with my old college buddy. My heart went out of rhythm again and this time it was really bad. I haven't been that scared ever. I am out and sober, but wifey (no pic) is none too happy with me, justifiably so. I am staying with a good friend and going to daily meetings, but good thoughts would be appreciated. I know I am an a-hole, but I really feel like one now. I hope to be back with the family in a week or so.

God bless.
It gets better with time. I’ve been sober since March 2021 and I feel so much better. Best wishes on your journey.
 

TylerJ76

HR MVP
Jun 11, 2021
2,351
5,201
113
Brother.
This breaks my heart for you.

First, I have been there.
My relationship with alcohol ruined my life for many many years and hurt many many people I loved.

I relapsed over 20x before it finally stuck, after costing me everything.

Let this be your bottom, but don’t let guilt overwhelm you for too long.
Use this experience to lift yourself up.

I don’t know you’re full story, but we both know what you need to do, and that’s stop.

DM me if you need to chat, or want my phone number to text or call if you need anything.

Im here for you. Whatever you need.
 

Hawkman98

HR Heisman
Gold Member
Mar 31, 2007
5,434
7,487
113
With my boozing. I just spent 5 days in the hospital after a big weekend run with my old college buddy. My heart went out of rhythm again and this time it was really bad. I haven't been that scared ever. I am out and sober, but wifey (no pic) is none too happy with me, justifiably so. I am staying with a good friend and going to daily meetings, but good thoughts would be appreciated. I know I am an a-hole, but I really feel like one now. I hope to be back with the family in a week or so.

God bless.
Having to hit rock bottom really is a thing. Admitting to your issues is a big first step. Best of luck!!
 

bagdropper

HR Legend
Gold Member
Oct 17, 2002
27,844
11,284
113
Life is a series of decisions. Own them. Own them ALL.

You got a HUGE one to make, and it'll not be any fun whatsoever. You know that already. And I hope you know you absolutely cannot screw this one up.

But if you choose wisely, it will be worth it.
 

Hawk and Awe

HR Heisman
Sep 15, 2012
5,665
5,255
113
Wishing you the best. Awful to hear - literally hurts my stomach reading it - here are some thoughts you didn’t ask for…

Making yourself feel like crap won’t help. It sounds like you’re clearly owning it - now go get to work. Do some begging and promising with your wife if she needs that but Stop it with the a-hole thing

It’s never made any sense to me how we accept substance abuse as a mental health problem and vilify those that struggle to find the way through it. You’re in for a really challenging fight and I hope you have people in your corner.

You’ll have people tell you “it all comes down to you”. Yes - you have to choose to drink, but if all you have is you it’s going to be really damn hard. That was the guy that got you into this and owning it alone just leads to pressure, loneliness and shame. Ask for help - you need it. That’s a key feature of AA

Get to meetings, invest in that as much you can, but I can tell you it’s not for everyone and there are other programs and solutions.

If one solution doesn’t work - try another. And another. Know that there’s thousands of combinations of therapy, group sessions, medicine, and life changes. The systems for this are basically a joke, but some smart people are out there with answers which will be different for everyone

This sucks. It’s not easy today, but it will get lots easier if you let it. Or it will get way god damn harder.

Best of luck. Truly rooting for you
 
May 17, 2021
1,216
2,611
113
With my boozing. I just spent 5 days in the hospital after a big weekend run with my old college buddy. My heart went out of rhythm again and this time it was really bad. I haven't been that scared ever. I am out and sober, but wifey (no pic) is none too happy with me, justifiably so. I am staying with a good friend and going to daily meetings, but good thoughts would be appreciated. I know I am an a-hole, but I really feel like one now. I hope to be back with the family in a week or so.

God bless.
Keep it simple. Follow the steps. Keep climbing. The summit awaits, many of them, and each will give great perspective.

We are all addicts. We are all guilty and complicit. We are all in this together.
 

Big Hawk D-Port

HR Heisman
Nov 29, 2004
6,336
7,266
113
In my experience alcohol can leave you with a disproportionate sense of guilt or low self worth. Something about brain chemical balance as you metabolize the alcohol. Might be true in your case, I don’t know.

I offer you encouragement on your journey. You don’t need the sauce.
 

fredjr82

HR Legend
Gold Member
Nov 13, 2007
23,052
13,081
113
Luckily they didn't connect me with neighbor lady

Kidding aside, I wasn't honest all the time with wifey so she has a right to be upset.

I really thought this about the neighbors in reality. I remember a few years ago a post about you trying to curb your drinking and hitting the gym?

Do you struggle with alcoholism? It's crazy how quickly people go from functioning to not able to control it. I've read enough stories on r/CA to know a bender when someone has had one.

Thankfully I've always been able to control it but certainly have some hereditary things to keep on high alert. I'd say I probably consume more than the average HROT'er but have been able to hold it in check. I think as we get older that can be more difficult.

Best of luck to you. I know you have young ones so keep them close. Your wife will or won't forgive you, but your still the dad to those kiddos and never forget that.
 
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Bill Doak and 9 others

All-Conference
Jun 6, 2022
497
388
63
With my boozing. I just spent 5 days in the hospital after a big weekend run with my old college buddy. My heart went out of rhythm again and this time it was really bad. I haven't been that scared ever. I am out and sober, but wifey (no pic) is none too happy with me, justifiably so. I am staying with a good friend and going to daily meetings, but good thoughts would be appreciated. I know I am an a-hole, but I really feel like one now. I hope to be back with the family in a week or so.

God bless.
They check your d-dimer? Hang in there and good luck.
 
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darylhawk

HR MVP
Aug 20, 2004
1,065
879
113
Good luck bro we all make mistakes...Now it's about how you respond and move forward! None of us can truly do hookers and blow forever unless we want to die real young. Life is beautiful go make yours beautiful again one day at a time
 
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Moral

HR Legend
Sep 29, 2017
24,842
76,413
113
I’m coming up on seven months sober so it can be done. I always found days one to four to be the hardest to get through and it looks like you have those days covered.

Turns out I was drinking as a coping mechanism for essentially 17 years straight with just a few “quittings” in there. Without that unhealthy mechanism I had a complete mental breakdown that got me in touch with the VA which got me into therapy for the first time ever which has been great. The jerk told me I have complex PTSD, panic disorder, anxiety, and depression though. That is a really odd way for me to recommend therapy if you aren’t already.
 

win4jj

HR All-American
Aug 17, 2011
2,776
4,368
113
With my boozing. I just spent 5 days in the hospital after a big weekend run with my old college buddy. My heart went out of rhythm again and this time it was really bad. I haven't been that scared ever. I am out and sober, but wifey (no pic) is none too happy with me, justifiably so. I am staying with a good friend and going to daily meetings, but good thoughts would be appreciated. I know I am an a-hole, but I really feel like one now. I hope to be back with the family in a week or so.

God bless.
Good luck. And be careful. When you make things public like this, an alcoholic’s train of thought is always looking for an out. An enabler. I’ve been there. I was there. I am there. I will be there. Everything that is your life will take a backseat to alcohol. Everything. The longer you wait, the harder it is to get sober. And along that way you continue to lose things.
 

mnole03

HR Legend
Mar 20, 2005
22,436
58,168
113
I’m coming up on seven months sober so it can be done. I always found days one to four to be the hardest to get through and it looks like you have those days covered.

Turns out I was drinking as a coping mechanism for essentially 17 years straight with just a few “quittings” in there. Without that unhealthy mechanism I had a complete mental breakdown that got me in touch with the VA which got me into therapy for the first time ever which has been great. The jerk told me I have complex PTSD, panic disorder, anxiety, and depression though. That is a really odd way for me to recommend therapy if you aren’t already.
Truly a tortured artist.
 

GOHOX69

HR Legend
Sep 26, 2009
13,602
16,708
113
If you need anything please reach out. I'll help you in exchange for one night with that hottie may be murderer. If I'm dead, I'll have a shit faced grin. But, for real, do reach out if you need anything.