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49ers' C.J. Beathard opens up on coping with younger brother's death
By Matt Maiocco January 10, 2020 1:39 PM

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SANTA CLARA -- During the most difficult time of C.J. Beathard’s life, he watched on TV as his 49ers teammates played the final two regular-season games of the year.

“It was great to take my mind off it for a little bit,” Beathard said. "But it would come back."

In the early morning of Dec. 21, Beathard received word that his younger brother, Clayton, 22, was a victim of a fatal stabbing in Nashville. Beathard immediately traveled home to grieve with his family. He returned to the Bay Area on Jan. 2.

Beathard watched the 49ers win games against the Los Angeles Rams and Seattle Seahawks. Afterward, he watched the touching tributes and shows of support from coach Kyle Shanahan and his teammates.

“It was really cool, just to see the guys not only get the win but how everyone was after the game,” said Beathard, 26. “Kyle’s speech after the game was great. He had me and my family crying. And seeing guys like George (Kittle) and Fred (Warner) in interviews after the game, and how much it affected them, too. It meant a lot to me.”

The 49ers finished the season with a 13-3 record and earned home-field advantage throughout the NFC playoffs as Beathard and his family were coping with unspeakable tragedy.

Now, when Beathard talks about being part of a great team, he is not talking about wins and losses.

“It says a lot about the culture of this team, just about the guys here, and all the guys reaching out, not talking about football or anything, but talking about real-life stuff, and how I’m feeling and asking about my family,” Beathard said.

“When I got back here last week, it was unreal, the support, and just how real they were. Kyle and John (Lynch) put so much on creating the culture and getting the right people in here. And when you get the right people, culture takes care of itself. That’s really how it’s worked around here. You see that not only through a season in the NFL, but you see it when tragedies happen like this, just how awesome they are.”

The memorial service for Clay took place in Nashville the day before the 49ers played in Seattle with the division title and home-field advantage on the line. Team owner Dr. John York, vice president of player personnel Martin Mayhew and team chaplain Rev. Earl Smith attended the service.

“I can’t tell you what that meant to me to see them,” Beathard said. “I know what Dr. York went through in the last year, so he’s a guy who knows that feeling of grief and sorrow. So it meant a lot to me and my family that he was there. It was awesome to see him there.”

York’s son, Tony, died in December of 2018. He was 35.

“Now, I have something, unfortunately, more in common with him that maybe someday we can talk about,” Beathard said. “That’s who I like talking to, people who know. Solomon (Thomas) and I were talking about it the other day, because we know what it’s like, how it feels, that feeling of pain.

“As awesome as it is when friends ask and talk to me, unless you know what it feels like in the family, it’s easier to talk to people who’ve been through it.”

Thomas has been forthright about his struggles in coping with the death of his sister, Ella, who died by suicide in January 2018. She was 24. Thomas is a vocal advocate for mental health awareness.

Beathard said he can go for only short periods of time with a clear mind before his feelings inevitably wander back to the overwhelming sadness of losing his youngest brother and best of friends.

“You’ll feel normal for, like, five minutes,” he said. “Then, something will just creep into your head and you just feel like ... the worst feeling ever. It’s a battle each and every day and every second of every day.

“Being on the practice field kind of takes my mind off it a little bit. But I’ll be sitting there sometimes, and I think of my brother. I’ll hear something, and it’ll be like, ‘Dang, this is Clay’s song. He loved this song.’ That kind of stuff is real tough and it’s a daily battle.”

Beathard has a three-year-old daughter who does not grasp she will never again see her uncle. As the parent of a young child, Beathard said it has impacted how he has tried to deal with the tragedy.

"You just don’t want to do anything for a while, but you know you have to," Beathard said. "You have to get back into it. The world keeps moving. I have a daughter and I have to be strong for her.

“She doesn’t quite understand, but I also have a nine-year-old sister who does, and a 20-year-old sister and a younger brother. They’re all feeling it like I do. It has brought us a lot closer, even though we were real close before, as close as a family can get. But it’s a different level this has brought us to.”

[RELATED: How Shanahan comforted Beathard after brother's death]

Beathard said reading the Bible and speaking with family members about faith have given him some peace. He said the support from friends and strangers has been overwhelming. He said it brings him solace to realize the number of lives Clay touched with his testimony through the family.

“That really helps me a lot, but a few hours later, I could be crying again, just because you miss him,” Beathard said. “I know I’ll see him again someday, but it’s just a tough deal.”

LINK: https://www.nbcsports.com/bayarea/49ers/49ers-cj-beathard-opens-coping-younger-brothers-death
 
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