Is there anything more disrespectful than constantly late people?

IA_HAWKI

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Dec 1, 2021
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I’m very much a 5 minutes early is late person, so I get easily agitated with late people. My problem is, I’m surrounded by them. Somehow I’m the bad guy when I get upset over slow ass people. So damn disrespectful.

CSB
I am chronically at least 15 mins early to every appointment i have.

my ex is the type that if it takes 20 mins to get somewhere she will leave the house 20 mins before she needs to. It drove me nuts
 

GES4

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Nov 14, 2001
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I’m very much a 5 minutes early is late person, so I get easily agitated with late people. My problem is, I’m surrounded by them. Somehow I’m the bad guy when I get upset over slow ass people. So damn disrespectful.

CSB
Agreed. I read a good article about this once. It postulated that habitually late people were prone to "magical thinking."

Found it:

I'm Not Really Late, I'm Just Indulging In Magical Thinking​

By
Jared Sandberg
Nov. 13, 2007 12:01 am ET

The problem with lateness is that it's more contagious than punctuality.
When James Connelly worked on a public-utilities commission, one of the five commissioners would be late, invariably triggering others to make phone calls and sharpen pencils while they waited. "What started as four out of five [attending], and then briefly became five, had dwindled to three," he says. "It was like some kind of Marx Brothers skit."

He tried to reform it by starting the meeting anyway. But he found that attendees would recap the issues for the tardy person, thereby erasing the penalty. He never succeeded in reforming the chronic laggards.
Punctual people know too well the unfair advantage of dawdlers, diddlers and piddlers: One late person can dictate the schedule of many colleagues. This drives reasonable people to a spitting madness and the belief "better never than late."

"I hold it against people when they're habitually late," says venture capitalist Bill Frezza, "My desire to do business with them goes down."
Anthony Warren, a professor of entrepreneurship at Penn State's Smeal College of Business, deducts points from students who show up late. "It's an outrageous expression of arrogance," he says.
More people prefer messiness, loud noises and even bad smells to late people. In a recent study commissioned by staffing firm Randstad USA, 54% of respondents said others' poor time-management skills drove them nuts, second only to office gossip (60%). Even late people can't stand when others are late, in part because from the point of view of habitually late people, meetings start very promptly.
What makes people late? Maybe it's being overly optimistic about the time needed to commute and park, a warm bed in a cold room, or a task for which no amount of planning can apportion adequate time: getting that second sock on a toddler's foot.
Most chronically late people consistently underestimate time by 25% to 30%, says Diana DeLonzor, author of "Never Be Late Again."
"Late people engage in magical thinking," she says. "They remember that day 10 years ago when they made it to work in seven minutes flat. That becomes their standard."
That explains one of the most baffling types of late people: Those who are routinely late by a precise amount of time -- the punctually late.
In the past, research suggested lateness had its roots in psychological issues of avoidance and anxiety. But more recent research shows late people are tardy to welcomed events, too. Piers Steel, a professor at the University of Calgary's Haskayne School of Business, says late people can be impulsive, but sometimes they're just chronically busy.
"There's not one comprehensive theory why everyone's late," says Prof. Steel, who authored an article earlier this year called, "The Nature of Procrastination." But one primary cause is that people "can't get motivated well before their deadlines," he adds.
Part of the frustration is that late people seem more likely to change punctual people than the other way around. When Barbara Otto, a retired international banker, worked overseas, "I realized quickly that I would wind up in an emergency room if I didn't adjust my expectation," she says.
To cope with diddling staffers, she gave phony deadlines. But her tactic became obvious.
The worst late people use time as a weapon. Craig Sparks, a corporate lawyer, used to show up at his client's office for meetings with accountants, investment bankers and other lawyers. The executive kept them waiting. "He became a braggart about how many dollars he was wasting by keeping us all in the conference room waiting," says Mr. Sparks. "It was really perverse."
Leil Lowndes, author of "How to Talk to Anyone," admits that she gets a little rush by being late and will almost make herself tardy, so long as the meeting isn't a really important one. When she should be high-tailing it, she says, "I find myself having to fix a fingernail."
But there's another allure. "Subconsciously, I might feel like I'm feeling more important than these people because they're all waiting for me," she says, quickly adding, "It's really rude and really disrespectful."
 

WrigleyHawkeye20

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My in laws are ALWAYS late to everything. Drives me nuts. I consider myself a very punctual person, so it bothers me quite a bit.
 
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Flie

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You have every right to complain about that in a work setting. They are wasting money by being late and it has a domino effect on meetings. Management can fix that if it's an ongoing problem.
 

Aardvark86

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Jan 23, 2018
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I’m very much a 5 minutes early is late person, so I get easily agitated with late people. My problem is, I’m surrounded by them. Somehow I’m the bad guy when I get upset over slow ass people. So damn disrespectful.

CSB
I'll take the fifth on this, since my wife is virtually never on time, and I am very much in your camp. (I recall some magnate in Studs Terkel's The Good War talking about how he owed everything in life that he had to being five minutes early.)

One fun story though. I was a Russian/Soviet studies major in college, and my professor/advisor was a woman who had lived through Nazi concentration camps as a young girl. Wonderful, but tough, lady. She had promised herself that for the rest of her life, no one would ever dictate her schedule or pace, for anything, ever again. Watching her kindly tell the Soviet border guards trying to shoo her along to go pound sand was really something to behold...all while her husband just stood in the background chuckling to himself.
 

West Duval Nole

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I’m very much a 5 minutes early is late person, so I get easily agitated with late people. My problem is, I’m surrounded by them. Somehow I’m the bad guy when I get upset over slow ass people. So damn disrespectful.

CSB
Depends on if it is an individual that is consistently late, or it's a one time thing from an individual that something may have came up that caused them to be late.
 

West Duval Nole

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It’s my son, wife, coworkers. Just damn annoying to me.
Well your son, you could coach/teach to correct the problem by teaching him why it is disrespectful to the indivdual(s) he is late for. Basically it's a big F U to whoever you were meeting. It is saying I have higher priorities than the pre-scheduled meeting at the agreed upon time. I don't value your time or our time together to discuss or solve whatever it is we are meeting for. If he plays sports, does he show up late for games and practices?

For the wife, that could be a little more difficult. Of course, if it is an event/meeting you are both going to, then perhaps drive separately if she is not ready at the time needed to leave to be on time. Just let her know well ahead of time, that if not ready by this time, I will be leaving and she can drive separately.

For co-workers that are consistently late, perhaps their manager should coach them up on time management if you don't feel comfortable coaching them up.
 

Nole-4-Life

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Used to go to FSU games with a couple and the wife was so constantly late that us and her husband would have to adjust the arrival time by 30 minutes.

She was 20 minutes late for her own wedding. True story.

Hated that bitch. So disrespectful.
 
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Derekd3408

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I’m very much a 5 minutes early is late person, so I get easily agitated with late people. My problem is, I’m surrounded by them. Somehow I’m the bad guy when I get upset over slow ass people. So damn disrespectful.

CSB
Same here. My whole family is 20 min late people, besides my immediate family who are on time. My wife's is 10 min late and most of my friends fall in one of the two categories. I'm always a 5 min early is on time guy so it drives me nuts. And yes, I'm the asshole for expecting people to be on time.

Edited my post to show my immediate family is always on time. My dad was a 5 min early is on time guy and drilled that in our head. My aunts, uncles, and cousins are always late for everything. Sometimes 30 min or more.
 

runkpanole

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Well your son, you could coach/teach to correct the problem by teaching him why it is disrespectful to the indivdual(s) he is late for. Basically it's a big F U to whoever you were meeting. It is saying I have higher priorities than the pre-scheduled meeting at the agreed upon time. I don't value your time or our time together to discuss or solve whatever it is we are meeting for. If he plays sports, does he show up late for games and practices?

For the wife, that could be a little more difficult. Of course, if it is an event/meeting you are both going to, then perhaps drive separately if she is not ready at the time needed to leave to be on time. Just let her know well ahead of time, that if not ready by this time, I will be leaving and she can drive separately.

For co-workers that are consistently late, perhaps their manager should coach them up on time management if you don't feel comfortable coaching them up.
Trust me, it is a constant battle with the son. With him, it is more in the morning. The wife, I gave up on. She’s constantly on Key West time.
 

noleclone2

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I am typically always early to important, third party events (Business meeting, Church, sporting venues, etc etc) . Now in home friends and family events are an exception where I tend to want to be few minutes after start time so not first one. I think it is rude to show up early to a party someone is hosting since a lot of time that is when host is finalizing everything and often stressing the f out/getting dressed. My parents are terrible at this concept often showing up 20-30 minutes early.

My girlfriend is chronically late to important things and always has been. I have done well by her, helping shepherd her like a border collie to her/ our events, barking and nipping when I see her roaming off after distracting piddling crap that does not need to be addressed and only serves to make her/us late. The interesting thing is she is a very organized person, too. And I am not.

It's like she is missing the ability to see critical paths into what must happen and does not HAVE to happen prior to leaving to wherever it is, making the clock always run out of time with her not dressed and ready. She has been left behind before by her family (I am not this foolish....yet)
 
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Aardvark86

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I am typically always early to important, third party events (Business meeting, Church, sporting venues, etc etc) . Now in home friends and family events are an exception where I tend to want to be few minutes after start time so not first one. I think it is rude to show up early to a party someone is hosting since a lot of time that is when host is finalizing everything and often stressing the f out/getting dressed. My parents are terrible at this concept often showing up 20-30 minutes early.

My girlfriend is chronically late to important things and always have been. I have done well by her, helping shepherd her like a border collie to her/ our events, barking and nipping when I see her roaming off after distracting piddling crap that does not need to be addressed and only serves to make her/us late. The interesting thing is she is a very organized person, too. And I am not.

It's like she is missing the ability to see critical paths into what must happen and not happen prior to leaving to whatever it is, making the clock always run out of time with her not dressed and ready.
Re Church, i am a convert to Catholicism, and I have to say, i have never seen a collective group of people who have so mastered the art of not showing up even ten seconds too early.
 

West Duval Nole

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Trust me, it is a constant battle with the son. With him, it is more in the morning. The wife, I gave up on. She’s constantly on Key West time.
So, it's for school? Probably doesn't really like school or think it's that important to be on time to school. But if it's something he enjoys like getting to a party, meeting a friend or playing a sport, I bet he is wanting to get there on time or early.
 

Ol' Dirty Bastard

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rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.
 
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Fijimn

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It’s my son, wife, coworkers. Just damn annoying to me.
I’ve told this anecdote before. Latin Americans are traditionally very late for social events. It’s cultural. Gringos are early. So when having a mixed party while living in Peru if you wanted the party to start at 10 pm, you tell the Peruvians party is at 8 and the gringos that the party is at 10:30

CSB
 

SoonerBeAHawk

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When I met my wife she had some assignment to write an essay about something she'd like to change in herself. Said she wanted to be more punctual.

She still ain't! Lesson: don't necessarily expect the truth from someone when she tells you she wants to be more trustworthy.
 

DFSNOLE

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I’m very much a 5 minutes early is late person, so I get easily agitated with late people. My problem is, I’m surrounded by them. Somehow I’m the bad guy when I get upset over slow ass people. So damn disrespectful.

CSB
I have fired more people than I can count over a 40 year construction career and easily the majority of them have been for being late too many times.
 

JMNSHO

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In my job I have to be a time management wizard. I somewhat agree with the attitude that “if you aren’t early, you are late,” but I don’t have the time to be 5 minutes early for everything. I aim for 1-2 minutes early, hopefully never late. I also excuse myself from meetings that drag-on. I’m usually the only one there with an expectation to be billing for 88% of my time.
 

West Duval Nole

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The event matters. In business meetings, I would say being a little early or on time is professional. If for some reason, you know you are going to be late like having back to back meetings and the prior one is running over, then letting the host and/or attendees know an approximate time of when you will be there. Same with events that have structured and exact start times like weddings, baptisms, funerals, etc. Be early or on time.

For parties, cookouts, informal gatherings, generally the start time is the earliest I would arrive, unless the host has specifically asked me to come earlier. Some of my friends when having parties tell me the time but will tell me to swing by early if I want to shoot the shizznit and start drinking or help them finish up cooking. But otherwise, I usually show up about 10-30 mins after the time provided.

For many of my family gatherings, the host usually provides a time as the earliest time to come and the approximate time the food will be ready, so you actually have a range to show up.