This will be a strange one for me. I'm in my middle 30's but have surprisingly little experience with real grief. All my grandparents are dead, I tragically lost a cousin, but I wasn't particularly close with them, their deaths were not particularly impactful on me. I suspect this will be different.
My friend was closer than extended family. Elementary, high school, college together. Dormmates. Spring break mates, travel mates, family friends, drinking buddies, shared interests, humor, mutual respect. Mostly peaks, very few valleys over a long friendship.
We lived in the same city until he married in the Fall of 2022 and moved with his wife to Asia for an Embassy posting. We'd text basically everyday when the time zones aligned. He came back for my wedding in the Summer of 2023.
I saw him next just a couple of weeks ago. He was in DC for a training, ended up walking several miles in poor footwear and developed what he thought was a stress fracture. He came to Chicago over St Pats and good times were had. We traveled back to Iowa together to see our families. Thinking we'd spend some more time together. But with his leg, he was basically immobile and spent the days on the couch at his parents. The travel day was the last day I saw him.
He pushed his flight back to Asia a week to recuperate the leg. 15 hour flight to Asia on Monday, 3/31. I text with him yesterday afternoon, he's jetlagged, says he's going into work, there's room in the cube to elevate his leg.
Fast forward to last night, I find out he collapsed at work, and is on a ECMO machine, that they believed it was a pulmonary embolism - blood clot - and that it looked grim. Wake up this morning to the dreaded news that he did not make it.
I'm not sure how I'm feeling yet. I reckon it will be a broad range of emotions, observations and reflections. But I thought writing some stuff down and sharing here might help.
T's and P's.
My friend was closer than extended family. Elementary, high school, college together. Dormmates. Spring break mates, travel mates, family friends, drinking buddies, shared interests, humor, mutual respect. Mostly peaks, very few valleys over a long friendship.
We lived in the same city until he married in the Fall of 2022 and moved with his wife to Asia for an Embassy posting. We'd text basically everyday when the time zones aligned. He came back for my wedding in the Summer of 2023.
I saw him next just a couple of weeks ago. He was in DC for a training, ended up walking several miles in poor footwear and developed what he thought was a stress fracture. He came to Chicago over St Pats and good times were had. We traveled back to Iowa together to see our families. Thinking we'd spend some more time together. But with his leg, he was basically immobile and spent the days on the couch at his parents. The travel day was the last day I saw him.
He pushed his flight back to Asia a week to recuperate the leg. 15 hour flight to Asia on Monday, 3/31. I text with him yesterday afternoon, he's jetlagged, says he's going into work, there's room in the cube to elevate his leg.
Fast forward to last night, I find out he collapsed at work, and is on a ECMO machine, that they believed it was a pulmonary embolism - blood clot - and that it looked grim. Wake up this morning to the dreaded news that he did not make it.
I'm not sure how I'm feeling yet. I reckon it will be a broad range of emotions, observations and reflections. But I thought writing some stuff down and sharing here might help.
T's and P's.
