Plane farting
- Thread starter Mattski
- Start date
Yes, sir. It's easy to gamble and lose.
TRUE STORY
Not a plane fart story, but I was in Orlando one year and 4 of us were seated for dinner at a Red Lobster. Next of us is a table of 4 men having an obvious business dinner. About 5 minutes after we're seated, one of those guys farts.
It's LOUD. No one reacts. About a minute later he does it again.
Well this is just the start. After about the 5th or 6th fart, one of the men at our table gets the giggles. As soon as the next fart hits, our table erupts in laughter. I mean we can't control ourselves.
I look over my shoulder and three of the guys at that table are laughing as hard as we are. The poor farter is so embarrassed he wants to die. Why he stayed at the table is beyond me. I've never seen or heard anything like it.
I'll never forget it.
Thank God we never smelled a thing.
I wish you could have been there. Eight men, all business. EVERYBODY is being polite and ignoring it. No reactions. Not a word said.
And then the guy at my table loses it and gets the giggles. Then we all get the giggles, and at the perfect time the poor guy rips it again.
I think the guys at the other table may have had the giggles from watching all of us shake and not try to laugh.
It was funny...….
For real, he took it to a different level there
It's been over a year, time for the bed crapping story.
- Sep 13, 2002
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@naturalmwa - We need you to come back and answer for your sins. After some time has passed, do you wish to rescind this pretty gross take or do you wish to double down on your love of smelly butts?
All I know is that I prefer a clean freshly showered smell, preferably tropical fruity. Maybe some kind of awapuhi hair product still lingering.
I wish you could have been there. Eight men, all business. EVERYBODY is being polite and ignoring it. No reactions. Not a word said.
And then the guy at my table loses it and gets the giggles. Then we all get the giggles, and at the perfect time the poor guy rips it again.
I think the guys at the other table may have had the giggles from watching all of us shake and not try to laugh.
It was funny...….
I'm laughing just reading your description!
Might as well find the silver lining as we fly the friendly skys. Orgy plane trips for the win.
Do they make you weightless on those orgy charters?
I might go if there's dark time.
A few years I was at a casual business dinner. I’m seated to the left of a doctor in his late 50’s. It’s well known he DGAF anymore. He’s mid conversation with people to his right, he goes up on one ski in my direction and rips a pretty good one. Doesn’t skip a beat. I wasn’t even mad, just impressed.
Whenever his name comes up at work I usually tell the story.
Whenever his name comes up at work I usually tell the story.
Two stories from my 20s, both 100 percent true, and both related to too much beer the night before.
1) One of the best, most satisfying farts you can have is from crop dusting. We all know this. And there is none better a move out there than crop dusting first and business class as you do the walk of shame to sit with the other povs. One time I had some wretched Stout made gas and started dusting from near plane entry to at least 1/4 down the plane. The reason being I had this poor old bastard behind me and perfect amount of space in front of me so I could gently make an acceleration move leaving him in the dust of my destruction. I thought they were going to murder the poor, old bastard. You should have seen the stares of hate they were giving him at the front of the plane. I was literally sobbing tears of laughter silently in my seat, only my shoulders bobbing up and down as I looked down.
2) I once was letting them off so bad that the lady in front of me took her baby to the bathroom to change its diaper, certain that Johnny had crapped his diapers.
1) One of the best, most satisfying farts you can have is from crop dusting. We all know this. And there is none better a move out there than crop dusting first and business class as you do the walk of shame to sit with the other povs. One time I had some wretched Stout made gas and started dusting from near plane entry to at least 1/4 down the plane. The reason being I had this poor old bastard behind me and perfect amount of space in front of me so I could gently make an acceleration move leaving him in the dust of my destruction. I thought they were going to murder the poor, old bastard. You should have seen the stares of hate they were giving him at the front of the plane. I was literally sobbing tears of laughter silently in my seat, only my shoulders bobbing up and down as I looked down.
2) I once was letting them off so bad that the lady in front of me took her baby to the bathroom to change its diaper, certain that Johnny had crapped his diapers.
I work in a building with an elevator that has many different businesses on different floors. Sometimes on the way up in the morning, if I'm the only in it and I'm getting off on my floor, I will crop dust it for whoever gets on it when it returns to the lobby.
September of 16, we're pushing 3 years now!
I had to get to my computer so I could type this out!
I went to sleep the night it happened at the hotel, sharing a bed with my mom (no pics) and with what felt like two homeless guys wrestling over a Christmas ham in my belly. My previously mentioned farts were popping off all night before that, absolutely pissing my old man off with each passing fart. My mother, bless her heart, never said a peep about it because she knew I was in a bad way, spending much of the evening on the toilet prior to that. I woke up in the middle of the night all wet, and super embarrassed because I couldn't believe I pissed the bed. I got up and threw the covers off me, on my way to change my clothes. As soon as I lifted the top of that dutch oven, the smell hit me. Smelled like rotten pumpkins and erasers. I knew then, it wasn't piss. I tried like hell to clean it as best as I could, but poor mom woke up in the middle of all the commotion. The bed looked like I was laying on one of those giant, novelty Hershey bars all night. We peeled the sheets off, and not only did I grease the sheets and mattress pad, but it also soaked into the mattress! We had like two days left of the trip and the hotel couldn't (or wouldn't) bring us a new mattress. That smell permeated the entire room the rest of the stay. We'd open the door coming back from somewhere and it'd hit you right in the face. It was like Tyson uppercut a turd into your nostrils. I'll never forget that helpless, wet, sorrowful feeling. Good times, man. Good times.
LOL out loud. Rotten pumpkins and erasers sounds like a hell of a combination. And with your mom in the bed. I guess if I was going to poop in a bed with any other adult, my mom would probably take it as good as anybody else.
Speaking of farting, @naturalmwa, that motherfvcker hawkland up and disappeared on me like a fart in a windstorm, didn’t he?
Ok so this opens a question. Why do some people’s fart not stink? My wife can fart and there is almost no smell. I let loose a baby fart and got kicked out of dollar general. Well not really but I left the store after I farted and a little old lady said to another lady that I smelled so bad she gagged. Why do some people’s farts not stink?
I go to Dollar General specifically for fart testing.
I am LMAO reading this thread and my daughter wants to know what is so funny. I'm too embarrassed to tell her I'm reading about farts.
Few years back at an Iowa game it was cold with 25+ gusty winds. Bid dude a couple rows down was letting them fly, so nasty they would hang and linger in those winds. Big dude, big beard, big grin each time. After a lot of complaints from the section it turned to admiration, seriously the wind was howling and he could hang it out for several minutes
Glad I clicked on this thread. Rotten pumpkins and erasers made me lose it.
This man was slow releasing...and the admiration for his control and execution was just.
Holy shit ... this sentence brought tears to my eyes...
This may go down as my favorite post ever on this board.
My wife(no pic) sometimes gets so pissed at me for farting, she will literally grab the Lysol can and spray my ass with it.
Sitting at the gate in Hobby waiting to board my flight. Just let a surprisingly rancid one fly. Hope the young lady seated across from me doesn't notice.
I'll report back on any plane action.
I'll report back on any plane action.
