ADVERTISEMENT

So apparently my brother and SIL are swingers

It's definitely weird.

I'm not sure I would love my wife gossiping about my batshit family to random middle school friends on facebook. Maybe some things should stay within the family, especially if you're worried about what your parents do and don't find out.

Well she was only talking about her Anti-vaxxer and Q views which my SIL puts all over FB.

How much difference would it make if it was all private instead of out in the open?

If you only have two choices, would you rather they be together and swing, or be divorced?

Do you think this satisfies their sexual needs, or will they continuously need something more?

Quite frankly I don't think their marriage will last. They are ignoring the problems with this and potentially creating new problems.

I can tell you they are ignoring the problems because my brother's drinking habits were an issue and he had apparently stopped doing that for a while for her. Well he's started back up. He's also back to smoking over vaping so his whole family can breathe in that nice second hand smoke.

I think this kind of makes their marriage a sham anyways and I think it's like trying to lose weight by eating more calories and doing less exercise.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Nole Lou
Hoosier’s family is just a cautionary tale about why some people shouldn’t procreate.
 
Quite frankly that attitude brings about so much societal harm it's crazy.

Historically people have certainly not always demonstrated the greatest of sexual control but it only makes it worse if we rationalize to ourselves that it's ok.

That's when you get 50% divorce rates and a whole host of fatherless children.
The divorce rate isn't that high because of consensual swinging in a relationship.
 
The divorce rate isn't that high because of consensual swinging in a relationship.

Not specifically that, but the general permissiveness we give ourselves towards bad behaviors.

The divorce rate is that high because we made divorce easy and then people started viewing divorce as more and more acceptable.
 
The divorce rate is that high because we made marriage easy and then demanded our children get married.

Age of first marriage has been increasing for a while now. And marriage was always a matter of deciding you wanted to do it and getting a marriage license and having a wedding.

It's not that people are getting married too early. Never has been. In fact I think we've adjusted somewhat well for the changing age at which one can care for themselves.

Now maybe people are getting married in haste because they feel they have an out. But again it goes back to the general acceptability of divorce in the west.
 
A few short years ago, there was a big scandal in Santa Rosa County, where I live, with a group of deputies from neighboring Escambia County all gathering at a dispatcher's house for group sex. It apparently included the minor child of the dispatcher. There's still a pending Federal lawsuit involving the former Escambia Sheriff, who allegedly knew about the events, and might have even participated.

A former girlfriend (no pic) of mine was aware of this group, which also extended to parents of the local youth football association. The ex claimed she never participated, but she seemed to know an awful lot about what was going on. My kid was over ten years removed from the youth football association, but it made me wonder about how long the group had been getting together off the football fields.

Apparently swinging is a bigger deal than many of us ever knew about.
This isn't swinging, this is mass statuary rape.
 
The pineapple has been used for years to mean hospitality/welcome.

There are some people down the street from me with a pink flamingo. They seem really young to be retired.
Maybe it's just a Florida retiree thing then?
 
So basically my wife is texting with a old friend of hers from back in middle school that she's always stayed in contact with. She is telling her about how her sister in law is an anti-vaxer who believes crazy crap (some Q related stuff) and posts it on Facebook.

So my wife doesn't have Tik Tok (Doesn't want Tik Tok) but her friend does so her friend goes and internet looks up the very public information on my brother and SIL on Tik Tok expecting to find just some crazy anti-vaxer Q stuff. Finds a bunch of stuff about them swinging and sends it back to my wife with screenshots. (I also get the impression that there is videos.)

My wife suddenly says "Oh my God I can't unknow that!" At that point I'm mostly like "Ok whatever and didn't ask any questions and I figured she was down some other rabbit hole." Then she suddenly starts saying that our kids can't stay over at their house without us there. (Which they were not anyway because my brother isn't what I would consider safe with his firearms.) So now I know it's about my brother I started asking what she found out.

Yeah so if you remember way back a few years ago I mentioned on here that they had separated. Well they got back together and started seeing a marriage councilor. We just sort of figured that had helped. Apparently not. . . they had posted on social media that marriage counseling didn't help their marriage but swinging was. (Honestly I think that's BS and it's just a distraction from their marriage problems.)

There is apparently more information that is being withheld for my sanity.

There was also apparently posts about wanting their family to find out but they where not sure how her dad would handle it. Well I can't actually tell you how my parents are going to handle it if they find out but I can tell you exactly how it's gonna go with her dad and that's not well. On the day of their wedding my brother took me aside and told me that they did not want her dad to know they were living together before marriage. So how do you think that's gonna go??

Now I have to try to keep quiet and not yell "FREAKS!!" next time I see them.
Considering the divorce rate, I think many marriages could be saved by swinging as sex or lack thereof can be a big issue in marriages. It’s certainly more common than you would think.
 
What you are thinking:

Toned-Couple-on-the-Beach.jpg

the reality:

fat-couple-on-beach-drinking-cocktails-A69156.jpg
 
@Hoosierhawkeye . I’ll take the very unpopular opinion here and say that your general disgust with your bro’s behavior is correct. What he is doing is wrong and he is harming himself and his family.

If you love him and the SIL, might be time to speak some truth into his life. This world is in the shape it’s in today because everyone thinks they are entitled to their own version of the truth. And because the rest of us are afraid to speak truth.

People seek the fun, easy answer to their problems and do everything to avoid the hard problems. I do not blame your wife for keeping your kids at a distance. It sends a signal that you won’t tolerate it. If your brother is willing to accept that lifestyle, who knows what other junk he may talk about and says is ok. He is straying from his relationship and on a bad path. If you and the rest of the family love them, then confront them and do it out of love for them. Luke 15 comes to mind.
 
  • Like
Reactions: HawkPT
Generally speaking, it is their marriage, don't know them don't care.

What I do have a problem with it is broadcasting it on social media. Again, their marriage, their family, etc. I just believe that casting that net out there for all to see is very bad...form(?) I'll call it.

What consensual adults do in the bedroom (or sofa, or living room floor, or bathroom...) should stay there. The peripheral damage...I just don't believe people think this through. I mean, if you're independently wealthy and don't work etc and dgaf what friends think, knock yourself out.

But if what we're talking about is a "traditional family setup" with worker bee jobs, kids in school, Stairmaster and mini-van, the whole nine yards...yikes.

Eventually, insert "shit hits the fan Airplane! gif".
 
@Hoosierhawkeye . I’ll take the very unpopular opinion here and say that your general disgust with your bro’s behavior is correct. What he is doing is wrong and he is harming himself and his family.

If you love him and the SIL, might be time to speak some truth into his life. This world is in the shape it’s in today because everyone thinks they are entitled to their own version of the truth. And because the rest of us are afraid to speak truth.

People seek the fun, easy answer to their problems and do everything to avoid the hard problems. I do not blame your wife for keeping your kids at a distance. It sends a signal that you won’t tolerate it. If your brother is willing to accept that lifestyle, who knows what other junk he may talk about and says is ok. He is straying from his relationship and on a bad path. If you and the rest of the family love them, then confront them and do it out of love for them. Luke 15 comes to mind.
Why are you blaming the man and not the woman?
 
It's tik tok. Isn't that dancing? So they like to dance the swing. It's a rather old style than what I am guessing most do on tik tok. Not sure why you and the wife have a problem with dancing.

OIP.SsVEAq9ghrkb0484MsSAGQHaDz
 
It's tik tok. Isn't that dancing? So they like to dance the swing. It's a rather old style than what I am guessing most do on tik tok. Not sure why you and the wife have a problem with dancing.

OIP.SsVEAq9ghrkb0484MsSAGQHaDz

I have done the swing, although I'm not very good. My best dance was always Waltz.

Swing dancers don't call themselves "swingers" though, they call themselves "Swing dancers"

Trust me I was pretty in tune with that culture when I was in college for for a few years after.
 
  • Haha
Reactions: West Duval Nole
@Hoosierhawkeye . I’ll take the very unpopular opinion here and say that your general disgust with your bro’s behavior is correct. What he is doing is wrong and he is harming himself and his family.

If you love him and the SIL, might be time to speak some truth into his life. This world is in the shape it’s in today because everyone thinks they are entitled to their own version of the truth. And because the rest of us are afraid to speak truth.

People seek the fun, easy answer to their problems and do everything to avoid the hard problems. I do not blame your wife for keeping your kids at a distance. It sends a signal that you won’t tolerate it. If your brother is willing to accept that lifestyle, who knows what other junk he may talk about and says is ok. He is straying from his relationship and on a bad path. If you and the rest of the family love them, then confront them and do it out of love for them. Luke 15 comes to mind.


Do you see the irony in these two statements?
 
  • Like
Reactions: ericram
Perhaps they can be part of the next flash mob at an airport


That isn't traditional east coast swing it's more of a Lindy Hop or west coast swing.

I note this because if you say "swing" it is generally understood you are talking about east coast swing. If you want to talk about west coast swing you have to specify.

They are all however related and I would say Lindy hop his harder to pick up than east coast swing.
 
  • Like
Reactions: West Duval Nole
That isn't traditional east coast swing it's more of a Lindy Hop or west coast swing.

I note this because if you say "swing" it is generally understood you are talking about east coast swing. If you want to talk about west coast swing you have to specify.

They are all however related and I would say Lindy hop his harder to pick up than east coast swing.
Seems like you are rather knowledgeable about swinging. :D :D :D
 
  • Like
Reactions: lucas80 and ping72
this usually happens when physical intimacy becomes the end goal of the marriage.
physical intimacy in a marriage is super important, but when it becomes the highest goal eventually the intimacy grows stale and the swinging can happen, especially with marriages with a really good sex life to begin with.
 
Well she was only talking about her Anti-vaxxer and Q views which my SIL puts all over FB.



Quite frankly I don't think their marriage will last. They are ignoring the problems with this and potentially creating new problems.

I can tell you they are ignoring the problems because my brother's drinking habits were an issue and he had apparently stopped doing that for a while for her. Well he's started back up. He's also back to smoking over vaping so his whole family can breathe in that nice second hand smoke.

I think this kind of makes their marriage a sham anyways and I think it's like trying to lose weight by eating more calories and doing less exercise.
Facebook... I understand if you don't wanna post a pic of her face here but you could maybe use Snip Tool and go on her FB and take a snip from the neck down to post here so we can better help
 
Organized religion, and the attachment of shame and guilt to human sexuality, is still very pervasive in America.
I would argue that our culture is heavily over sexualized. Sex is put on a high pedestal in today’s society which creates so many problems. OP describes a couple that thinks sex is of the utmost importance.

Many religions describe sex as a powerful tool but it is not an emphasis of your lifestyle. It is not a priority.

Religion is not shaming people. It has been trying to educate people that sex is not even close to the most important thing in this world. Our culture today says the opposite and we wonder why we have so many problems.
 
I would argue that our culture is heavily over sexualized. Sex is put on a high pedestal in today’s society which creates so many problems. OP describes a couple that thinks sex is of the utmost importance.

Many religions describe sex as a powerful tool but it is not an emphasis of your lifestyle. It is not a priority.

Religion is not shaming people. It has been trying to educate people that sex is not even close to the most important thing in this world. Our culture today says the opposite and we wonder why we have so many problems.
America is mired in puritanical hypocrisy. When there are centuries of repression, you can't be surprised when you get a major shift when the pendulum "swings" in the other direction.

And, when you offered-up this gem: "Religion is not shaming people."... it shows how out-of-touch you really are, probably because you are immersed IN your religion.

And, by the way, I never "wonder why WE have so many problems." I try to avoid using the "we" pronoun a lot.
 
America is mired in puritanical hypocrisy. When there are centuries of repression, you can't be surprised when you get a major shift when the pendulum "swings" in the other direction.

And, when you offered-up this gem: "Religion is not shaming people."... it shows how out-of-touch you really are, probably because you are immersed IN your religion.

And, by the way, I never "wonder why WE have so many problems." I try to avoid using the "we" pronoun a lot.

agree to a point, puritcanical hypocricy is a major problem

GK Chesterton captured this perfectly in his famous essay, here is a snippet:

"On this map of the mind the errors are marked as exceptions. The greater part of it consists of playgrounds and happy hunting-fields, where the mind may have as much liberty as it likes; not to mention any number of intellectual battle-fields in which the battle is indefinitely open and undecided. But it does definitely take the responsibility of marking certain roads as leading nowhere or leading to destruction, to a blank wall, or a sheer precipice. By this means, it does prevent men from wasting their time or losing their lives upon paths that have been found futile or disastrous again and again in the past, but which might otherwise entrap travelers again and again in the future."
 
Continuing the rest of the paragraph:

“Actions are only wrong if they are bad for society.” Follow it out, and sooner or later you will have the inhumanity of a hive or a heathen city, establishing slavery as the cheapest and most certain means of production, torturing the slaves for evidence because the individual is nothing to the State, declaring that an innocent man must die for the people, as did the murderers of Christ. Then, perhaps, you will go back to Catholic definitions, and find that the Church, while she also says it is our duty to work for society, says other things also which forbid individual injustice. Or again, it sounds quite pious to say, “Our moral conflict should end with a victory of the spiritual over the material.” Follow it out, and you may end in the madness of the Manicheans, saying that a suicide is good because it is a sacrifice, that a sexual perversion is good because it produces no life, that the devil made the sun and moon because they are material. Then you may begin to guess why Catholicism insists that there are evil spirits as well as good; and that materials also may be sacred, as in the Incarnation or the Mass, in the sacrament of marriage or the resurrection of the body."
 
Continuing the rest of the paragraph:

“Actions are only wrong if they are bad for society.” Follow it out, and sooner or later you will have the inhumanity of a hive or a heathen city, establishing slavery as the cheapest and most certain means of production, torturing the slaves for evidence because the individual is nothing to the State, declaring that an innocent man must die for the people, as did the murderers of Christ. Then, perhaps, you will go back to Catholic definitions, and find that the Church, while she also says it is our duty to work for society, says other things also which forbid individual injustice. Or again, it sounds quite pious to say, “Our moral conflict should end with a victory of the spiritual over the material.” Follow it out, and you may end in the madness of the Manicheans, saying that a suicide is good because it is a sacrifice, that a sexual perversion is good because it produces no life, that the devil made the sun and moon because they are material. Then you may begin to guess why Catholicism insists that there are evil spirits as well as good; and that materials also may be sacred, as in the Incarnation or the Mass, in the sacrament of marriage or the resurrection of the body."
you are too smart for hrot
 
America is mired in puritanical hypocrisy. When there are centuries of repression, you can't be surprised when you get a major shift when the pendulum "swings" in the other direction.

And, when you offered-up this gem: "Religion is not shaming people."... it shows how out-of-touch you really are, probably because you are immersed IN your religion.

And, by the way, I never "wonder why WE have so many problems." I try to avoid using the "we" pronoun a lot.
It’s ok to disagree. Just don’t be surprised by today’s society having a lot of problems stemming from sex when society is also permissive of so much sex.

Cannot have your cake and eat it too.
 
ADVERTISEMENT