So the chickens have come home to roost. What is your limit for helping someone?

jasonrann

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I talked about my buddy on here recently. One of my best friends of 45 years, lived in California up until a few weeks ago. He had been there over 25 years and out of work the past eight citing "illegals" stealing all of his construction work. In the meantime, he ballooned to 400 lbs. He ranted on Facebook daily about the liberals destroying America while living in the liberal mecca of the U.S. He alienated his family and friends and ultimately, his wife. He called me an asshole, a ****** and a liberal douche, despite our friendship and many times when I have helped him. He was awful to his family and other friends on social media with accusations of abuse and other things.

A few weeks ago, he was homeless. The wife (no pic) finally booted him. I sent him some money and got him to Colorado closer to his son with whom he had lost touch. He has since gotten a job as a security guard and has rekindled his relationship with his son that will take some time to mend. He is slowly starting again.

I am curious how any of you have handled similar situations. It got so bad at one point that I thought he was going to show up at my house and hurt me or my family. He is a veteran so I am trying to explore resources that may be available for him. I would not be completely honest if I didn't admit that my first instinct was (1) ignore him and/or (2) tell him to fvck off.

Any advice would be appreciated. At this point, he has me and his son. At his core, he is a good man, but damaged. I want the best for him. I want him to heal and hopefully become self aware enough to realize his own role in the damage that has been done. I feel like I am so busy with family, work and life already, I just don't know if my help is enough.
 
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There’s nothing wrong with being charitable to friends if you have the wherewithal to do so. I think you need to be brutally honest with him because that’s part of being a good friend as well, but I do worry about that course of action in this specific circumstance.
 

WolfeHawk

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This sounds like more than just political. Hopefully for his own good the guy loses some weight doing his rounds and stops stressing so much. I’m no doctor but it seems like those two things alone could be bad.
 

Moral

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Is he a danger to himself because of the damage the military did to his brain? If so a call to the VA Crisis line by him can get the ball rolling pretty quickly on resources.
 

jdw10224405

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Mar 5, 2003
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They've got to want to help themselves first. Otherwise, you're just donating money to them and it won't help them turn any corners.
This 100%. Unfortunately most people aren't ready to accept help after years of conditioning and behavior otherwise. You personally need to accept going into is that any/all help or money or efforts you make may go to waste. If you're still willing to continue knowing that, then proceed but with caution. There are resources for veterans out there, but they can take a while to get going and again, the person has to be willing to accept their assistance.

It can be very involved getting someone truly back on their feet. Make sure your helping him doesn't overextend yourself and negatively affect you, your life or family for whatever reason (time, finances, etc.).
 

Moral

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This is a good group too. Maybe he can talk with a fellow veteran before stuff turns into a crisis. It is pretty comforting talking to some people that have been there and gone through similar experiences and thoughts.
 

jasonrann

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This sounds like more than just political. Hopefully for his own good the guy loses some weight doing his rounds and stops stressing so much. I’m no doctor but it seems like those two things alone could be bad.
We're going to touch base today. His son is a marathon runner and already has him back in the gym. There have been big changes during the past few weeks, I hope he keeps going. That's my job. He told me yesterday that God, his son and I saved his life.
 
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jasonrann

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Apr 11, 2007
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Is he a danger to himself because of the damage the military did to his brain? If so a call to the VA Crisis line by him can get the ball rolling pretty quickly on resources.
He joined the ARMY right after high school/college, late 80's, early 90's. He was in for four years and as far as I know, he never had active duty. I don't think PTSD or anything related to that is the issue.

IMHO, he quit working, he added weight, his mind went to dark places and paranoia and whatever else took over. I am looking at VA resources for him.
 
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jasonrann

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Apr 11, 2007
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This is a good group too. Maybe he can talk with a fellow veteran before stuff turns into a crisis. It is pretty comforting talking to some people that have been there and gone through similar experiences and thoughts.
Thank you!
 
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GOHOX69

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Sep 26, 2009
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I talked about my buddy on here recently. One of my best friends of 45 years, lived in California up until a few weeks ago. He had been there over 25 years and out of work the past eight citing "illegals" stealing all of his construction work. In the meantime, he ballooned to 400 lbs. He ranted on Facebook daily about the liberals destroying America while living in the liberal mecca of the U.S. He alienated his family and friends and ultimately, his wife. He called me an asshole, a ****** and a liberal douche, despite our friendship and many times when I have helped him. He was awful to his family and other friends on social media with accusations of abuse and other things.

A few weeks ago, he was homeless. The wife (no pic) finally booted him. I sent him some money and got him to Colorado closer to his son with whom he had lost touch. He has since gotten a job as a security guard and has rekindled his relationship with his son that will take some time to mend. He is slowly starting again.

I am curious how any of you have handled similar situations. It got so bad at one point that I thought he was going to show up at my house and hurt me or my family. He is a veteran so I am trying to explore resources that may be available for him. I would not be completely honest if I didn't admit that my first instinct was (1) ignore him and/or (2) tell him to fvck off.

Any advice would be appreciated. At this point, he has me and his son. At his core, he is a good man, but damaged. I want the best for him. I want him to heal and hopefully become self aware enough to realize his own role in the damage that has been done. I feel like I am so busy with family, work and life already, I just don't know if my help is enough.
You're a good person man. For realz. As are many on here.
 

Moral

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Sep 29, 2017
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He joined the ARMY right after high school/college, late 80's, early 90's. He was in for four years and as far as I know, he never had active duty. I don't think PTSD or anything related to that is the issue.

IMHO, he quit working, he added weight, his mind went to dark places and paranoia and whatever else took over. I am looking at VA resources for him.

Definitely worth looking into. The US has the strongest military in the world and they are very good at retraining young people's brains to suit their needs, they don't typically take the time to readjust them before they show them the door and it may take a very long time for the cracks to show. That is worth keeping in mind.
 

jasonrann

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Apr 11, 2007
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Definitely worth looking into. The US has the strongest military in the world and they are very good at retraining young people's brains to suit their needs, they don't typically take the time to readjust them before they show them the door and it may take a very long time for the cracks to show. That is worth keeping in mind.
I understand, thank you.
 
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