The "they" Pronoun - Will I ever get it?

BelemNole

HR Legend
Mar 29, 2002
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Not necessarily. If your boss says “swag, would you mind doing an interview with this person we’re looking at putting in your department. They are supposed to be here at 2”. How many people are you expecting to be there? It’s not uncommon to refer to an unknown person as they or them because you don’t know the gender. It’s just upsetting to people when they believe they know the gender to refer to that person as though they do not.
Don't interrupt them, they're enjoying the caveman circlejerk.
 
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like-woahh

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Feb 8, 2014
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I won’t go out of my way, but I’m not playing pretend with them. It’s not disrespectful for me to refer to a single person with a single pronoun… if you want to be a he/him or a she/her whatever.. enjoy playing dress up… but they/them for a single person is where I draw the line.

I don't really care about they/them. I really don't care about any of them. I guess I'd have a "problem" with the made up words just because I'm lazy and I don't want to remember all of that.
 
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swagsurfer02

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Not necessarily. If your boss says “swag, would you mind doing an interview with this person we’re looking at putting in your department. They are supposed to be here at 2”. How many people are you expecting to be there? It’s not uncommon to refer to an unknown person as they or them because you don’t know the gender. It’s just upsetting to people when they believe they know the gender to refer to that person as though they do not.

When you said they, you had already declared it was a person not people so yes “they” would be proper in that instance. If you said to your husband, “Here is my buddy swag and their wife” you wouldn’t be grammatically correct because it’s either “his” or “her” wife. It would only be “their” wife if another person and I shared……..which is kinky but besides the point.

The whole thing is stupid and I don’t agree with it, but hell we have people who think they are cats.
 
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Gimmered

HR Legend
Nov 9, 2005
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I try to be respectful of people's choices. But god damn the "they" pronoun is just a complete and absolute block in my brain.

My kids are in the "woke" public school system of Iowa City so they (meaning my two children) will talk about someone they know who prefers they (as in a single person) occasionally. It often takes me a bit to figure out who they're talking about because "they" is hardwired as plural in my brain and I just don't naturally default to a singular option.

I just got an email from Strava and just kind of glanced through it. There's a story that has multiple they / their references and I was like...wait, what group is this? Then on closer inspection they did refer to the story being about a non-binary person but my mind just defaulted to a group as I skimmed it.

FTR, I think pronoun proclamation is silly, hyper-sensitive, and a bit ridiculous. So, I'm with ya MAGA! But I'm also with ya libturds in that who really cares - it's a minor thing that might make it easier on somebody else if I make an effort. But god damn if my brain just can't make the move on this one.
They has always been used for singular when you don't know the gender.

I'm going to my cousin's. Where do they live?

My boss is really young. How old are they?

The list can go on and on. The only time it becomes an issue and seem odd, is when we know the person's gender.
 
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May 27, 2010
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Not necessarily. If your boss says “swag, would you mind doing an interview with this person we’re looking at putting in your department. They are supposed to be here at 2”. How many people are you expecting to be there? It’s not uncommon to refer to an unknown person as they or them because you don’t know the gender. It’s just upsetting to people when they believe they know the gender to refer to that person as though they do not.
Okay, thanks for this, that makes more sense to me now. A part of my brain just couldn’t reconcile a use of that term other than as a plural.
 
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TailgateTom

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Oct 7, 2003
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You think HR's job is to make people comfortable????

If you get an email saying to "Report to HR at 3 p.m. this afternoon," does that make you feel comfortable?
Not at all but you're making whomever complained about me comfortable by bringing me in for an ass chewin'! : D
 

kcnole63

HR All-State
Jan 11, 2021
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It’s just a narcissistic way of saying, “I go by they, because I am unique and extra special!“

🤮
I see you don't have a clue, and don't want to try to understand. So sad. I have a grandchild that identifies as non-binary. I don't completely understand, but I do know that I still love "they" as much as I did before. It really isn't that difficult to accommodate someone who is non-binary, you just have to be willing to do it.
 

swagsurfer02

HR King
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Dec 8, 2010
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You think HR's job is to make people comfortable????

If you get an email saying to "Report to HR at 3 p.m. this afternoon," does that make you feel comfortable?

I remember when I got accused of a bunch of stuff by a direct report. The HR guy told me without any proof or substance “You should just be happy with what you got.”

It about went down that day, hostile work environment….discrimination….unethical work practices…..the whole enchilada

Thank goodness I’m a Christian cause Swag about got a payday!
 

Hawki97

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They has always been used for singular when you don't know the gender.

I'm going to my cousin's. Where do they live?

My boss is really young. How old are they?

The list can go on and on. The only time it becomes an issue and seem odd, is when we know the person's gender.

Hmm, ok. That’s true. But the new way “they” want me to use “they” doesn’t compute.
 

Hawki97

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Pretty sure I have posted this before, but a year ago we were moving our son from his apartment. My wife tells me to go help “them”, take the rental back to the U-Haul lot. I walk outside and a friend who’d come over to help is there. My son is in my vehicle to meet us at the lot. We stand around for a minute and I say, “Who else is coming”? The friend tells me “They” is preferred. ”I say okay, got into the U-Haul, and we drove to turn in the van. It was just that easy. I believe we conversed about Star Trek on the drive because I knew they enjoy DS9.
Your ability to transition to that is enviable. Way to go. Like I said, my old school English teacher says “negative ghost rider, the pattern is full.” Hard for me to break from her spell.
 

Hawki97

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Is this something you have to do regularly and mess it up? Or are you just wringing your hands about something that really isn't a part of your everyday life anyway? In conversation with someone I refer to them by their name. If they're not around then I suppose they can't really get offended if I slip. Do I find the entire thing perplexing? Yes. But I also find it perplexing that people are actually Nebraska or Iowa State fans. Why would they do that to themselves?

I actually have this fairly regularly, because one of the 20 or so friends my kid has likes to be referred to as “they.” I just have to figure out when she’s talking about “they.” Outside of that, it randomly pops up in things like the Strava article I mentioned. And to be clear - my entire post was not grinding on about how I hate “they” - it’s entirely about the fact my brain has a hard time adjusting to it.
 

Gimmered

HR Legend
Nov 9, 2005
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I see you don't have a clue, and don't want to try to understand. So sad. I have a grandchild that identifies as non-binary. I don't completely understand, but I do know that I still love "they" as much as I did before. It really isn't that difficult to accommodate someone who is non-binary, you just have to be willing to do it.
It's simply a matter of respect. Not everyone will have that ability. I'd much rather have a well adjusted non-binary child as a dead daughter.
 

thewop

HR Legend
Gold Member
Jun 27, 2002
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It's dumb.

You're either a man, or a woman.

Pick one.
Don't go flashing around your fancy science knowledge.

Only the cool kids can't define what a woman is, and you're barred from the club!
 

paednoch23

HR MVP
Oct 23, 2009
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I try to be respectful of people's choices. But god damn the "they" pronoun is just a complete and absolute block in my brain.

My kids are in the "woke" public school system of Iowa City so they (meaning my two children) will talk about someone they know who prefers they (as in a single person) occasionally.
Regina is an option
 
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Packer54

HR All-American
Mar 30, 2014
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Yeah………I’m black so


zfSxQs.gif



I will leave that “guilt” stuff up to you white devils
I’m white and zero guilt.
 

KFsdisciple

HR Legend
Jul 3, 2003
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I see you don't have a clue, and don't want to try to understand. So sad. I have a grandchild that identifies as non-binary. I don't completely understand, but I do know that I still love "they" as much as I did before. It really isn't that difficult to accommodate someone who is non-binary, you just have to be willing to do it.
Your grand child can identify as a coat rack but they are not one. Be a good grand parent and do some of that leadership stuff. When I was a kid I pretended to be a lot of things but my parents didn’t let me live my entire life thinking I’m an astronaut when I’ve never been to space. When they start identifying as a cat and using a litter box instead of a toilet, you’ll look back and say I should have said something and tried to help when I had the chance before full crazy set in.
 

KFsdisciple

HR Legend
Jul 3, 2003
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Those have been singular terms for a long time:

Your 2pm is here.
Send THEM in.

You just backed over that pedestrian.
THEY shouldn't have been standing there.
That’s just poor grammar not an acceptable use of plural pronouns for a single being.
 

KFsdisciple

HR Legend
Jul 3, 2003
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You think HR's job is to make people comfortable????

If you get an email saying to "Report to HR at 3 p.m. this afternoon," does that make you feel comfortable?
Lol I’d tell HR the same shit too… if me having this job is going to force me to play along with other people’s mental illness then this ain’t the job for me. The people around me can be as diverse as they want, but forcing me to be uncomfortable so others who decided to swim against the tide can be, isn’t inclusion. And equity is total crap if I work harder than you and I’m better than you at what we do, I should have a better outcome.
 
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hydro2.0

HR All-American
Jun 25, 2018
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Not necessarily. If your boss says “swag, would you mind doing an interview with this person we’re looking at putting in your department. They are supposed to be here at 2”. How many people are you expecting to be there? It’s not uncommon to refer to an unknown person as they or them because you don’t know the gender. It’s just upsetting to people when they believe they know the gender to refer to that person as though they do not.

Maybe it’s because “they are” is inappropriate as displayed. It’s “they’re” going to be here at 2 pm. As in, one person.
 

millah_22

HR Legend
Jun 15, 2004
32,606
44,375
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Omaha
I try to be respectful of people's choices. But god damn the "they" pronoun is just a complete and absolute block in my brain.

My kids are in the "woke" public school system of Iowa City so they (meaning my two children) will talk about someone they know who prefers they (as in a single person) occasionally. It often takes me a bit to figure out who they're talking about because "they" is hardwired as plural in my brain and I just don't naturally default to a singular option.

I just got an email from Strava and just kind of glanced through it. There's a story that has multiple they / their references and I was like...wait, what group is this? Then on closer inspection they did refer to the story being about a non-binary person but my mind just defaulted to a group as I skimmed it.

FTR, I think pronoun proclamation is silly, hyper-sensitive, and a bit ridiculous. So, I'm with ya MAGA! But I'm also with ya libturds in that who really cares - it's a minor thing that might make it easier on somebody else if I make an effort. But god damn if my brain just can't make the move on this one.
Easy. People that go by they do not identify as male or female. So He/Him/She/Her do not properly describe them. So they go by the ambiguous they.

Take this for example. Someone saved your life, but you did not see who did it. Would you say "I don't know who did it, but I would like to thank him/her" or would you say "i would like to thank them."

It's actually very simple.
 

HawkeyeShawn

HR Heisman
Nov 9, 2001
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Easy. People that go by they do not identify as male or female. So He/Him/She/Her do not properly describe them. So they go by the ambiguous they.

Take this for example. Someone saved your life, but you did not see who did it. Would you say "I don't know who did it, but I would like to thank him/her" or would you say "i would like to thank them."

It's actually very simple.
How would you ever know or remember that they prefer “they”. Just because they put “they” in their signature line doesn’t mean I’m going to remember that Kelly prefers they over she or him. Should we now just refer to everyone as “they” so we don’t offend this small group of people who don’t know their gender?
 
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dandh

HR Legend
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Nov 11, 2002
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Twin Cities MN
Not necessarily. If your boss says “swag, would you mind doing an interview with this person we’re looking at putting in your department. They are supposed to be here at 2”. How many people are you expecting to be there? It’s not uncommon to refer to an unknown person as they or them because you don’t know the gender. It’s just upsetting to people when they believe they know the gender to refer to that person as though they do not.
I use they when I don't know whether the person is male or female. Once I know, however, I use he or she.
 

millah_22

HR Legend
Jun 15, 2004
32,606
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Omaha
How would you ever know or remember that they prefer “they”. Just because they put “they” in their signature line doesn’t mean I’m going to remember that Kelly prefers they over she or him. Should we now just refer to everyone as “they” so we don’t offend this small group of people who don’t know their gender?
I think you're worrying too much about this. If they correct you just say "Thanks" and carry on and call them They from then on.
 
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Sep 23, 2011
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Is this something you have to do regularly and mess it up? Or are you just wringing your hands about something that really isn't a part of your everyday life anyway? In conversation with someone I refer to them by their name. If they're not around then I suppose they can't really get offended if I slip. Do I find the entire thing perplexing? Yes. But I also find it perplexing that people are actually Nebraska or Iowa State fans. Why would they do that to themselves?
So says 3boysBirthingParent!
 

Hawki97

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Dec 16, 2001
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Take this for example. Someone saved your life, but you did not see who did it. Would you say "I don't know who did it, but I would like to thank him/her" or would you say "i would like to thank them."

It's actually very simple.

You guys are all picking the easy ones.

Where my mind gets hung up for a second is in sentences like:

What does they want to eat tonight?
What is (or is it are?) they doing next Saturday?
 
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Hawki97

HR Heisman
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Dec 16, 2001
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Iowa City, IA
They has always been used for singular when you don't know the gender.

I'm going to my cousin's. Where do they live?

My boss is really young. How old are they?

The list can go on and on. The only time it becomes an issue and seem odd, is when we know the person's gender.

Like I said above, sometimes it does flow naturally - you’re right. But other times, not so much.

Is they coming to the party?

What does they think about the new school project?
 
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EasyHawk

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Jun 21, 2015
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Easy. People that go by they do not identify as male or female. So He/Him/She/Her do not properly describe them. So they go by the ambiguous they.

Take this for example. Someone saved your life, but you did not see who did it. Would you say "I don't know who did it, but I would like to thank him/her" or would you say "i would like to thank them."

It's actually very simple.
Definitely “him or her.”