Tonight at work for the first time in my adult life, it finally happened:
I shit myself.
Backstory: I work nights so at about 7:00 I go to work feeling fine. Light work load, good crew, should be an easy night. About 9:00 I feel a rumbling deep in my bowels that indicates a trip to the toilet is in my near future. However, I've got work to do, this shit (literally) can wait.
About 1030 the rumbling is back but I'm in the middle of getting stuff done so I suck it up and further delay my visit to the throne.
About 1:30am our work is finally done and I'm finally all cleared to unleash the beast that has been brewing in my colon for 4.5 hours. It's nasty. Explosive. Mushy. But highly relieving. Mission accomplished. About 3 I go to lunch. Brought my own to work so I eat in 15 minutes then go chill in my car for a bit to charge my phone. Not too much later, it happened.
There I am sitting in my car surfing the days posting on HROT. I feel a fart coming on so I give it a good assist and blast away thinking all is good. It was not just a fart. Little did I know some liquidy remnants from my explosive shit earlier were still hanging around just inside my sphincter.
The moment I push out that fart my eyes get the size of dinner plates. That is far too wet, lumpy, and hot to be a simple fart. And the smell is instantaneous. Thank God I live close to work. The time from shart to car in gear was about .02 seconds.
I floor it home and pull into the parking lot. It's 330am so the parking lot is of course full and I have to park a mile away from my apt. I can honestly say that bowlegged/crab shuffle of a walk from car to door was the single most deeply embarrassing, most humiliating/humbling moment of my life. One minute you're feeling on top of the world, the next you're shit-pants shuffling your way home to wipe your grown adult ass. Any person who saw that walk would have instantly known- that guy shit his pants. Thank God it was so late and no one was there to witness my shame.
I get in the door, shuffle to the bathroom and strip everything off. Turns out it was only a little bit of mushy browness; not nearly the output I was imagining. Underwear goes straight in the trash, jeans were perfectly fine but went to the washer anyway. Quick wipe up, quick shower, quick change of clothes and I was back to work before anyone knew a thing.
I'm still processing the nights events. I don't know whether to feel like I've reached a lifetime milestone or to be so deeply ashamed I hide in my bedroom for the rest of my days. It's been a day to remember that's for sure.
TL;DR: I shit myself.
I shit myself.
Backstory: I work nights so at about 7:00 I go to work feeling fine. Light work load, good crew, should be an easy night. About 9:00 I feel a rumbling deep in my bowels that indicates a trip to the toilet is in my near future. However, I've got work to do, this shit (literally) can wait.
About 1030 the rumbling is back but I'm in the middle of getting stuff done so I suck it up and further delay my visit to the throne.
About 1:30am our work is finally done and I'm finally all cleared to unleash the beast that has been brewing in my colon for 4.5 hours. It's nasty. Explosive. Mushy. But highly relieving. Mission accomplished. About 3 I go to lunch. Brought my own to work so I eat in 15 minutes then go chill in my car for a bit to charge my phone. Not too much later, it happened.
There I am sitting in my car surfing the days posting on HROT. I feel a fart coming on so I give it a good assist and blast away thinking all is good. It was not just a fart. Little did I know some liquidy remnants from my explosive shit earlier were still hanging around just inside my sphincter.
The moment I push out that fart my eyes get the size of dinner plates. That is far too wet, lumpy, and hot to be a simple fart. And the smell is instantaneous. Thank God I live close to work. The time from shart to car in gear was about .02 seconds.
I floor it home and pull into the parking lot. It's 330am so the parking lot is of course full and I have to park a mile away from my apt. I can honestly say that bowlegged/crab shuffle of a walk from car to door was the single most deeply embarrassing, most humiliating/humbling moment of my life. One minute you're feeling on top of the world, the next you're shit-pants shuffling your way home to wipe your grown adult ass. Any person who saw that walk would have instantly known- that guy shit his pants. Thank God it was so late and no one was there to witness my shame.
I get in the door, shuffle to the bathroom and strip everything off. Turns out it was only a little bit of mushy browness; not nearly the output I was imagining. Underwear goes straight in the trash, jeans were perfectly fine but went to the washer anyway. Quick wipe up, quick shower, quick change of clothes and I was back to work before anyone knew a thing.
I'm still processing the nights events. I don't know whether to feel like I've reached a lifetime milestone or to be so deeply ashamed I hide in my bedroom for the rest of my days. It's been a day to remember that's for sure.
TL;DR: I shit myself.
