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You are an asshole if… thread

If you are a fat, nasty, welfare bitch and run down a special needs kid actually working at Hy Vee trying his best.

Yes, I actually witnessed this happen.
I've seen this, but not a special needs kid. Some lady looking like honey boo boo's mom was ripping on a highschool aged cashier because he couldn't honor her expired coupon. She was trying to buy like 8 giant things of detergent for cheap. She kind of got the hint when I nudged her cart with mine.

She was a huge biatch.
 
You are a staunch proponent of the "zipper merge" and you race past a mile of traffic to the front of the to-be-merged lane, making everyone stop to let your egotistical narcissistic ass in when everyone else responsibly zippered already. F&ck you.

No... any idiot who doesn’t wait until the last second to zipper is not responsibly zippering.

And I agree with the poster above... the idiot trucks who drive side by side or the idiot driving across two lanes are assholes who are committing traffic violations. I love to see their faces when I pass them on the shoulder.
 
If you pass me on the left, move over to the right, then slow down, forcing me to pass you.

I’ll give you one time because sometimes the cruise settings are close, but if I have to pass you more than once, you’re the asshole.
This is I-80 through Omaha. Except people change lanes for NO REASON just to be in front of you.
 
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You're an asshole if you stop 15 feet short of the white line at a red light, especially if you're in a turn lane that only gets an arrow when cars trip the sensor. A few months ago I was stuck behind a dipshit who stopped 15 feet short of the line and we sat through three full rotations of lights. After the third missed green light I put my car in park and got out and walked past his car to the white line. I then pointed demonstratively at the white line. He looked at me as if he had no idea what I meant. So I then waved my arm in a windmill fashion indicating that he needed to pull forward. He finally pulled up to the line and I went back to my car. 30 seconds later we finally got the green arrow that we should have had 10 minutes earlier.
I would seriously have paid $$$ to watch you do that.
 
You don’t use the entrance ramp to accelerate and instead enter the highway driving 35 mph.

You pull out in front of someone/cut someone off when there are no other cars coming.

You are in the left turn lane, notice the light is about to turn yellow/red, and don’t pull forward into the intersection so that the car behind you can make the light too.

If you can’t tell, I’ve been a little pissed off at other drivers lately.
 
If you ask a buddy to help you move knowing they have a shit back..
 
The DOT wants you to use both lanes as far as possible. It is proven that helps traffic flow better than everyone merging early. Using the zipper merge can reduce traffic backup up to 40%. I am baffled that so many people haven't read up on this or aren't smart enough to figure it out.
The drivers that try to block both lanes so people can't continue to use a lane until it is time to merge are the worst.
This is what non-sociopathic assholes say to assuage their consciences.
 
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This is how I feel when I park in a nearly empty lot only to have some jacka$$ come park right next to me even though the rest of the lot is damn near wide open.
 
You’re an asshole if you don’t wipe down the gym equipment after you use it, especially during a pandemic. I just rejoined my local Y after taking a year off and it’s clearly posted that everyone is supposed to spray and wipe it down after each use. They have a table full of spray bottles and towels at the entrance to the Cardio Strength Center, but only about half the people are doing it and no employees seem to be enforcing it. It pisses me off that I have to wipe down each machine before and after I use it.
So to resolve this shouldn't the policy be changed to wipe down before you use it? Then it only needs to be done once by each individual before they use it.
 
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Reminds me of the time one of my friends coughed into the pipe and all our last bud just exploded throughout our room. Looking back now it's kind of funny.
Some random bimbo was trying the Graphics bong for the first time. Coughed into it, launched the shuttle, and sent weed, sparks and bong water into the air, soaking the tray of remaining weed with bong water.
 
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… You make people behind you in a busy parking lot wait while you back your car into a spot.

Eff you... why should we all wait for you because you don’t know how to back out. Pull in forward like everybody else and don’t waste our lives.
You are not required to wait. Why are you waiting ? If they back into you, it will be their fault.
 
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This is what non-sociopathic assholes say to assuage their

The DOT wants you to use both lanes as far as possible. It is proven that helps traffic flow better than everyone merging early. Using the zipper merge can reduce traffic backup up to 40%. I am baffled that so many people haven't read up on this or aren't smart enough to figure it out.
The drivers that try to block both lanes so people can't continue to use a lane until it is time to merge are the worst.
Guess what? People are humans, not machines. To expect millions of random people to suddenly take part in a mathematical optimization exercises on US roads without making it law is dumb, IMHO. don't be the one a-hole in this situation.
 
Reminds me of the time one of my friends coughed into the pipe and all our last bud just exploded throughout our room. Looking back now it's kind of funny.

Funny,.. I remember scoring an ounce in college one time and taking it back to my apartment where I proceeded to clean it in a cake pan. Set the pan down on the living room floor and went to get a beer. Room mate shows up and while walking to his bedroom steps on the cake pan and sends the complete ounce airborne, all over the carpet,.. Salvaged what we could but have always thought that smoking that carpet weed was a bad idea.
 
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… You make people behind you in a busy parking lot wait while you back your car into a spot.

Eff you... why should we all wait for you because you don’t know how to back out. Pull in forward like everybody else and don’t waste our lives.
you are at a gathering where pizzas are ordered and you insist on one of them being "Hawaiian"
 
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