Full article for all the litter enthusiasts
May 5, 2023
What some may view as a minor event has become a real fault line in our marriage. While we were driving recently on the Massachusetts Turnpike and going highway speed in the middle lane, my husband opened the passenger-side window and tossed a banana peel into the road. I immediately expressed my disgust, telling him that I’m opposed to littering, that it’s a bad example for the 13-year-old we had in the car and that I, as the driver, would be the one to receive the ticket. What if everyone started tossing leftover produce on the highways? It’s slippery, dangerous and just dirty.
My husband’s response was that the banana peel would biodegrade, and he said, “I’m an adult, so I’ll do as I want.” I responded that the peel wouldn’t biodegrade on asphalt. When we arrived home, I sent him an article outlining why this is dangerous and unacceptable behavior. (It could lure animals onto the road, putting them in danger. And it’s considered littering and carries a fine.) I also sent him the Massachusetts law that stated this was illegal. His only comment was, “Don’t you have anything better to do with your time?” He refuses to acknowledge that he made a mistake or change his behavior. We’ve reached a deadlock on this issue. What do you think? — Teresa, New York City
From the Ethicist:
Tossing that banana peel out of the car window was wrong, for reasons that you expressed at the time, and for others too. Yes, it will eventually biodegrade (even on asphalt, which isn’t a sterile environment), but not necessarily anytime soon. Bird lovers warn us that pesticide-treated fruit peels can be bad for the critters who eat them. And does nobody remember the discarded peels in Paul Verhoeven’s movie “Spetters”? Things go very badly for the motorcyclist who gets them in the face. You might now be tempted to slam this article on the breakfast table — or text your husband a link to it — and say: “See? The Ethicist agrees with me.”
But this isn’t a story about the proper disposal of banana peels; in this matter, your husband is no longer claiming he’s in the right. Two things seem to be going on. First, he’s evidently sensitive to criticism (maybe especially from you, his spouse, and maybe especially when voiced in front of the kid). His pride has been wounded; he doesn’t want to reward you with the concession you seek. Given this dynamic, the only surprise is that a “fault line” didn’t open up earlier.
Second, though, he’s complaining that you’re making a very big deal out of a minor misdeed. Here your pigheaded polluter has a point: not about your initial response so much as about your fully researched insistence on your rightness. Spouses make mistakes. It’s fine to point them out, fine even to be annoyed when they won’t own up to them. In a functioning relationship, however, you know when to drop it and move on; you don’t insist on a full admission of guilt. Facts matter, but from an ethical perspective, kindness counts too. To the extent that your spouse is feeling beleaguered in this way, slamming down a newspaper, physically or digitally, will just confirm his judgment and raise tensions further.
If you really are finding yourself alienated from your husband, you might want to consider couples counseling. Both your response and his suggest that there may be deeper problems in your relationship. A marriage that’s on solid ground shouldn’t slip on a banana peel.
