Brady Bunch conspiracy theory

[BioHawk]

The tweet was deleted. What did it say?

 

[JMNSHO]

I have a question about The Andy Griffith Show:

What is the story with OPIE’s MOM?

 

[HawCory]

I have a question about The Andy Griffith Show:

What is the story with OPIE’s MOM?

She was home the whole time. There was just always a really long line.

 

[mstp1992]

I have a question about The Andy Griffith Show:

What is the story with OPIE’s MOM?

She died when Opie was a baby.

 

[Nole-4-Life]

Carol was clearly fertile. Why didn't Mike put a bun in that oven?

Um...he was gay...duh!

 

[millah_22]

Interesting premise, here:

How did Mike and Carol hook up?

The show conveniently skips over that question. You never learn what happened to Mike’s first wife or Carol’s first husband. The kids never mention their original mother or father. The kids’ grandparents never visit after the wedding. Only once, in the series’ pilot, did anyone display a photo of one of the missing parents.


Clearly, something had happened to these two families that was so traumatic no one dared to bring it up. But what? Nuclear meltdown? Alien abduction? Evil clown attack?

One day, while watching another channel’s afternoon movie—the Alfred Hitchcock classic Strangers on a Train—suddenly I saw, with a startling clarity, the answer to my mystery: Mike murdered Carol’s husband and Carol killed Mike’s wife. It was a crisscross killing.
No one would suspect a thing. Each lover would have an alibi for their spouse’s death. Then, when the heat died down, they could marry and move in together.


That’s really the way they became the Brady Bunch.


How did they do it? I had my suspicions: As an architect, Mike knew how to weaken a balcony railing or sabotage a staircase, making Carol’s husband’s death look like an accident. How did Carol off Mike’s wife? A phony mugging outside Sam’s meat market, perhaps. Given Carol’s size, maybe she got an assist from Alice. That woman knew how to handle a knife.


You might ask, “Why not just divorce their spouses?” But these were the dark ages of the 1970s. Divorce still carried a stigma. It would have ruined Mike professionally. That minx Carol wouldn’t have been welcomed by the PTA crowd. Another motive for murder occurred to me: How do you support six kids, two adults, and a housekeeper on one salary? You collect the insurance on two dead spouses, that’s how.


Knowing what I now knew, I spotted things I hadn’t noticed before. Mike was clearly a man desperate to hide a secret, one that apparently curled his hair. Carol displayed a nervousness that lent a certain hesitation to her manner. Because of my secret knowledge, the show took on an edge it hadn’t had before. The once-tame laugh lines now carried a darker tone, even in the silliest dialogue about Davy Jones and Marcia’s nose.


In those pre-internet days, I had no outlet on which to announce my theories. If I told my parents, they’d say I was watching too much TV. My pals at school would look at me as if I had grown a third arm. So I brooded on it, alone, as the show became a pop culture phenomenon, the subject of several revivals, even two feature films. By then, I had moved on—or thought I had.


Whenever I heard that song, it would all come flooding back. It happened again the other day. This time, I checked Google. A year before she died, Florence Henderson, who played Carol, was asked in an interview what happened to that lovely lady’s first spouse.


“I killed my husband,” she said. “I was the original Black Widow.”


The interviewer thought she was joking. I knew better. I’d known all along. It had been much more than a hunch.

This is just Fanfic without the good sex stuff

 

[Hendy hawk]

Carol was clearly fertile. Why didn't Mike put a bun in that oven?

Did you not see that they slept in separate beds.

 

[lucas80]

Did you not see that they slept in separate beds.

Yeah, because she was a hellcat in the sack. The poor guy needed some space to keep her from pawing at him all night long.

 

[Herky T Hawk]

Did you not see that they slept in separate beds.

You serious Clark?

 

[Hendy hawk]

Maybe I'm thinking of Leave it to Beaver.

 

[fezzador]

Did you not see that they slept in separate beds.

That was I Love Lucy.

 

[fezzador]

You serious Clark?

That’s a small-ass bed by todays standards. Like, it’s a full size bed.

 

[Hawk-A-Doodle-Doo]

Interesting theory, but it is wrong right off the bat by saying that we never learned what happened to Mike's first wife. It was clear in the show's premier that she died. Also, Carol was supposed to be divorced, they just didn't mention it on the show.

http://www.bradyworld.com/cover/faq.htm

Q. What ever happened to Mike and Carol's first spouses, the children's other biological parents?
A. We learn in the first episode that Mike's wife passed away. However, the absence of Carol's first husband remains a mystery. Sherwood Schwartz, the creator of the show, wanted her to be divorced. The network wanted her to be a widow, thought being divorced was too risque for the times. The compromise was that it was never addressed one way or the other.

Wait just a minute. We know exactly what happened to Carol's first husband. He didn't die and they never officially got divorced. But he did resurface in the 90s to steal a priceless horse statue from the Brady home so he could sell it for millions of dollars to an art and antiquities collector in Hawaii. And he would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids!

 

[fezzador]

If I was Greg I would have tried to F Marcia. Like a lot of times.

Man, are we trying to spin The Brady Bunch into a hippie-era Hamlet or what?

 

[fezzador]

Um...he was gay...duh!

Not that it matters, but I thought he was bisexual.

 

[Nole-4-Life]

Not that it matters, but I thought he was bisexual.

You may be right.

 

[HawkRugged17]

That was I Love Lucy.

Oh Rob!

 

[bladel]

Interesting theory, but it is wrong right off the bat by saying that we never learned what happened to Mike's first wife. It was clear in the show's premier that she died. Also, Carol was supposed to be divorced, they just didn't mention it on the show.

http://www.bradyworld.com/cover/faq.htm

Q. What ever happened to Mike and Carol's first spouses, the children's other biological parents?
A. We learn in the first episode that Mike's wife passed away. However, the absence of Carol's first husband remains a mystery. Sherwood Schwartz, the creator of the show, wanted her to be divorced. The network wanted her to be a widow, thought being divorced was too risque for the times. The compromise was that it was never addressed one way or the other.

I thought this was GenX Trivia 101, @torbee? Carol's husband left her and the girls, probably for a younger model. Mike was a widower (but never ruled out foul play).

 

[UNIowaHawk]

The first episode implies Mike's wife passed away and a subsequent episode states trauma. In the movie it states that Carol's husband was lost at sea during an expedition. It's on Google fellas...

 

[EpenesaEpenesa]

If I was Greg I would have tried to F Marcia. Like a lot of times.

 

[alaskanseminole]

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That was assault!

 

[Hendy hawk]

Oh Rob!

Yeah, this is what I was thinking of

 

[hawkirugged17]

 

[alaskanseminole]

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That would make kind of a catchy trans song.