Elderly parents and absentee siblings

[noleclone2]

Only child here, so piss off. Just kidding.

Same. My parents live in Tallahassee area. My wife and her sister who lives here are great with her parents, also in Tallahassee. We are blessed in that all four of our parents are alive and self sufficient living in our respective childhood homes. But with their ages all between 76-80, we both know some tough times lie ahead of us these next 10-15 years. I have one last kid who is 12 in the house and we both know we don’t want to live here rest of our lives but are committed to stay until our parents pass.

 

[3boysmom]

My mom needed help 15 years ago after my dad died due to some medical issues which have since resolved. At that time it fell on me. She is in great health now and I have moved 10 hours away so if it comes down to it either my brother who lives locally will help or she will have to move here. She does have a partner right now and he takes care of most things. But no idea what the future holds.
My in-laws are now at the point of needing some assistance. My mother in law is declining rapidly with dementia and we still can't even get a diagnosis. She recognizes only those closest to her, doesn't know simple things like whether or not she has salt in the house, last week could not read the temperature on a digital thermometer. She will be 80 next month. Doctors keep saying it's just normal aging. The F* it is. Father in law is in relatively good shape but at 82 has normal health issues. Caring for mil will absolutely put a great strain on him. Most of their assistance is falling to my brother in law and his wife. One SIL moved to Colorado shortly after we did and the other can't quite seem to kick the meth.

 

[Hans81]

I get it, but in this case it’s not that she’s not in contact. Her sister talks and texts with their mom multiple times daily. She’s just perfectly content to let my wife do all the heavy lifting. The financial stuff, unwinding all the crap from when her second husband passed away, helping manage the medical issues, etc etc.

But my SIL is sure praying for everyone!

Have you, or your wife, had a “come to Jesus” meeting with the SIL? Or, would that just exacerbate the issue?

 

[BrianNole777]

You know, I think this happens in EVERY family and it’s always something of a surprise when it does. My youngest sibling and his adult
children never visited my Mom, never went by the retirement home and took her for a ride even to get a Coke at Sonic or somewhere and just catch up.
It’s like he couldn’t handle seeing her decline so he stayed away. We all live near each other so there was no excuse for that.
Just don’t be shocked if you have a similar situation.

Yeah, that stinks.

My Uncle is a brain surgeon and visited my Grandmother once in 2 years when she had dementia 15 years ago. He had 4 kids and they never visited.

He lived 1 mile away, too. I was with him alone at his house last year and almost asked him why he never visited her but I decided against it.

 

[Nole-4-Life]

How close do you live to the parents vs the sister?

I live 3 hrs away from my parents and my siblings live 30 mins away so they deal with my mom’s health issues.

We're in the exact same boat. 3 hours for us (my wife is the sister) and 3 other within 30 minutes. One of the sisters is pissed at us because they have to do most of the heavy lifting. We all contribute equally in any financial things, but we just can't drop everything and take multiple days off to run up there. We got about every other weekend as it is.

To add, my mother with dementia lived with us for 2 years and they never offered to help do shit. I was the only child left so it was on me and my wife (mostly her).