- Sep 13, 2002
- 94,282
- 191,179
- 113
https://slate.com/comments/human-interest/2022/01/dear-prudence-sister-prank-bachelorette.html
Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.
Dear Prudence,
How can you tell when you’re being justifiably stubborn and when you’re just making things worse?
My 20-year-old sister has been uninvited to my wedding after she went to my fiancée’s bachelorette party, announced she had a special surprise guest, and then wheeled in a skeleton dressed up in a “sister of the bride” T-shirt. My fiancée’s younger sister died when she was 16.
I am also not talking to my sister right now. I don’t know what you could even say. She has never liked my fiancée, but I still can’t believe she did something so theatrically cruel. My family all want me to back down. “She overstepped, but it was just a joke. You know she likes to be edgy. She’s devastated. C’mon, she’s a dumb kid and it didn’t mean anything. She’s very sorry and just wants to get back to normal.” The only person I haven’t heard from is my sister, other than her telling me to “get over it, it wasn’t like it was ‘dead sister’s’ ACTUAL skeleton.”
I have stood firm. Probably for the first time in my life. This was such an indescribably cruel thing to do (to anyone! whether I loved them or not) that I can’t just sweep it under the rug. So now my side of the family (parents, brother, aunts, and cousins) aren’t coming to the wedding. Which is fine. They can get a bunch of skeletons and hold their own. I don’t care. The thing is that at this point, even my fiancée wants me to just give in to keep the peace. She says that it’s not worth causing so much disruption over a stupid prank that went wrong. Except it wasn’t a prank! No one would consider that funny and genuinely expect people to laugh.
I’m just not sure what to do. My fiancée was the one injured by this, and she wants me to stop (although her parents know what happened and were furious, so I don’t know how they’d react if my sister—a bridesmaid—smirked her way down the aisle the day of). I feel like I’m right, but no one else seems to agree. And no one is even trying to make my sister apologize! I feel that it’s so clear she’s the one in the wrong, but at this point all the blame is on me. I have started to wonder if I’m really the one in the wrong here by not letting it go?
—How Can You Tell When You’re the Bad Guy
Dear How Can You Tell,
I don’t think you’re the bad guy! She hasn’t even apologized! You should be in charge of who from your side of your family is invited to your wedding, and your fiancée can do the same for her side. It’s generous of her to forgive your sister, but that doesn’t mean you want to look out at the audience while you’re standing at the altar and see someone you are mad at and think is awful. Even though the skeleton incident wasn’t directed at you, it makes sense that it would change the way you feel about her. Feel free to stand firm on this!
Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.
Dear Prudence,
How can you tell when you’re being justifiably stubborn and when you’re just making things worse?
My 20-year-old sister has been uninvited to my wedding after she went to my fiancée’s bachelorette party, announced she had a special surprise guest, and then wheeled in a skeleton dressed up in a “sister of the bride” T-shirt. My fiancée’s younger sister died when she was 16.
I am also not talking to my sister right now. I don’t know what you could even say. She has never liked my fiancée, but I still can’t believe she did something so theatrically cruel. My family all want me to back down. “She overstepped, but it was just a joke. You know she likes to be edgy. She’s devastated. C’mon, she’s a dumb kid and it didn’t mean anything. She’s very sorry and just wants to get back to normal.” The only person I haven’t heard from is my sister, other than her telling me to “get over it, it wasn’t like it was ‘dead sister’s’ ACTUAL skeleton.”
I have stood firm. Probably for the first time in my life. This was such an indescribably cruel thing to do (to anyone! whether I loved them or not) that I can’t just sweep it under the rug. So now my side of the family (parents, brother, aunts, and cousins) aren’t coming to the wedding. Which is fine. They can get a bunch of skeletons and hold their own. I don’t care. The thing is that at this point, even my fiancée wants me to just give in to keep the peace. She says that it’s not worth causing so much disruption over a stupid prank that went wrong. Except it wasn’t a prank! No one would consider that funny and genuinely expect people to laugh.
I’m just not sure what to do. My fiancée was the one injured by this, and she wants me to stop (although her parents know what happened and were furious, so I don’t know how they’d react if my sister—a bridesmaid—smirked her way down the aisle the day of). I feel like I’m right, but no one else seems to agree. And no one is even trying to make my sister apologize! I feel that it’s so clear she’s the one in the wrong, but at this point all the blame is on me. I have started to wonder if I’m really the one in the wrong here by not letting it go?
—How Can You Tell When You’re the Bad Guy
Dear How Can You Tell,
I don’t think you’re the bad guy! She hasn’t even apologized! You should be in charge of who from your side of your family is invited to your wedding, and your fiancée can do the same for her side. It’s generous of her to forgive your sister, but that doesn’t mean you want to look out at the audience while you’re standing at the altar and see someone you are mad at and think is awful. Even though the skeleton incident wasn’t directed at you, it makes sense that it would change the way you feel about her. Feel free to stand firm on this!
