I was originally horrified. But checked it out and it was clear as water, miniscule in quantity and no smell.
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Sharted at work today
- Thread starter SoProudNole
- Start date
Did it during tax season this year.
Went to the bathroom right away and did a little damage control.
Luckily you couldn't tell from the outside.
Told my wife and of course when I got home everyone was making fun of me. Phuckers.
Went to the bathroom right away and did a little damage control.
Luckily you couldn't tell from the outside.
Told my wife and of course when I got home everyone was making fun of me. Phuckers.
I'd go home. Not say a word to anyone, just pass go, and shower. Then call in sick with a case of the diverticulitis.
CSBI was originally horrified. But checked it out and it was clear as water, miscule in quantity and no smell.
As I always say, there are 2 types of people in this world: those that have gambled on a fart and lost, and liars.
Is it really that rare to have never shit yourself? I'm 36 and have never shit myself.
Jesus HORT. Your old-fartedness is showing again on this thread…literally.
Have we established the average age of HORT yet?
Have we established the average age of HORT yet?
- Sep 13, 2002
- 95,952
- 196,711
- 113
I have a 2 month old son. He isn't sleeping well so I usually get up with him around 4:30 to let his mom (no pic) get some uninterrupted sleep. Was holding him downstairs watching TV while I was nursing some sort of stomach bug. Felt the urge but figured since I haven't had any coffee yet I could hold it.
Well... I waited too long. Tried to shuffle towards the stairs with my stomach in a knot, but only got up one step before I bent down and let loose. Got it contained after an initial burst and subsequent aftershock. Had so much running through my head in what amounted to the longest 5 seconds of my life. Pretty sure I had made the decision to hide it best I could from the wife and our 5 year old with some stealthy cleanup and an early laundry load that morning. If they were up, I'd try and blame it on a blowout by our 2mo.
Got upstairs to put lil man in his crib for a second and got to the bathroom to check... and nothing. At worst some butt mud but clothes were clear.
It was that day I figured I'd reconsider being an atheist. Someone was looking down on me.
/CSB
Well... I waited too long. Tried to shuffle towards the stairs with my stomach in a knot, but only got up one step before I bent down and let loose. Got it contained after an initial burst and subsequent aftershock. Had so much running through my head in what amounted to the longest 5 seconds of my life. Pretty sure I had made the decision to hide it best I could from the wife and our 5 year old with some stealthy cleanup and an early laundry load that morning. If they were up, I'd try and blame it on a blowout by our 2mo.
Got upstairs to put lil man in his crib for a second and got to the bathroom to check... and nothing. At worst some butt mud but clothes were clear.
It was that day I figured I'd reconsider being an atheist. Someone was looking down on me.
/CSB
I think, so as 7/10 said they'd take on the the Villages GILFs, myself included...
I think, so as 7/10 said they'd take on the the Villages GILFs, myself included...
Those ladies had it going on for sure.
In the 70's.
- Sep 13, 2002
- 95,952
- 196,711
- 113
I've done this enough and have enough datapoints collect to have a good feel for when I exceed the exertion threshold.
To add: it really sucks when you think you might have started but can't go check right away for some reason. On the flip side, always a huge relief when you find you haven't shat yourself.
I’m blessed with a pretty amazing gut. I had never sharted. Until an unfortunate @Colonoscopy prep incident. I had no idea it came on that quick when it does. I refuse to call that one a legit incident. Therefore I am with you - you don’t have to be a liar.
Yeah I don't think that should count at all. You're a shart virgin as well
Disagree - you've either sharted or you haven't. Everyone has their own context. Should the Iowa win against Wisconsin during the COVID year not count because people had COVID?
I've had a colonoscopy before. Stayed in the bathroom for hours. I guess I don't consider it "sharting yourself" if you've taken supplements that are supposed to totally clear you out for a medical procedure. But hey, go ahead and count it if you'd like.
Not even when sick? I've never "gambled on a fart" but I've totally had to make the decision between throwing up and shitting and come up late from throwing up.
Nope. I don't think I've ever had anything that's made it come out from both ends. It's either the shits, or puking. Never both though.
I once sharted myself while refueling a B1-B in the middle of the runways in Kuwait. I had to complete the refuel, refill the fuel truck, and after that I was able to get back to the shop and ditch my boxers. I did that for your freedoms. CSB
Where you're concerned?
I’ll take shit for brains for $100, Alex.
Seriously that’s the fattest pitch you’ve ever thrown. BOOM. 😈
Not gonna lie, as soon as I saw your handle as the last reply, I started laughing because I knew you’d bring something. Nicely done.
I would get the sads if I had to stop giving you a hard time. 😉💋
I used to spend a lot of time at Sharkys my freshman and sophomore year when I was at UNI, and I’d say their tap beer is worse, or better I guess if you need to clean out, for one’s system than any colonoscopy prep.
Not proud; but I had to leave some underwear in their bathroom more than once. Anyone who ever saw that bathroom in the late 90’s, wouldn’t be surprised though!
Douglas C. Neidermeyer
HB Legend
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