When did you realize your kid was/wasn't game for extra competitive sports?

[General Tso]

We have a 12 y/o who's decent at baseball and basketball relative to peers. (Has played on top teams for for the club/travel organizations around us) However, it's becoming evident that he basically has zero intrinsic motivation. He'll go to the practices and such but won't put in a minute of time in his own. We've tried to nudge him, but that just bakcfires. I'm nearly to the point of just having play for fun in rec leagues and saving the money on the more competitive stuff. I also know 12-14 is basically when kids show where their motivations are. What's y'all's experience?

 

[WSC72]

My opinion, let him play rec league and save your money.

Not sure what you are paying to play at the higher level but those club team costs have become completely unreasonable in my mind

 

[QChawks]

my oldest is the same way (13). He’s middle of the pack on his travel team but does zero work outside of practices. He says he wants to play in high school but if he doesn’t make the team then that will be it. He’s busy with other stuff anyway.

 

[Huey Grey]

Sounds like a good candidate for video games.

 

[Moral]

I never had children, but if I did this is probably the time to start watching inspirational sports movies with them. If the inspirational sports movies don't compel them to start hitting the gym then nothing will.

 

[General Tso]

I never had children, but if I did this is probably the time to start watching inspirational sports movies with them. If the inspirational sports movies don't compel them to start hitting the gym then nothing will.

We've watched Rudy and Rocky. No dice.

 

[WSC72]

We have a 12 y/o who's decent at baseball and basketball relative to peers. (Has played on top teams for for the club/travel organizations around us) However, it's becoming evident that he basically has zero intrinsic motivation. He'll go to the practices and such but won't put in a minute of time in his own. We've tried to nudge him, but that just bakcfires. I'm nearly to the point of just having play for fun in rec leagues and saving the money on the more competitive stuff. I also know 12-14 is basically when kids show where their motivations are. What's y'all's experience?

I’m guessing you have asked him what he wants ?

 

[General Tso]

I’m guessing you have asked him what he wants ?

Fair question. Yes, he says he wants to be on the competitive teams and will do reps on his own, but never does. There's a say/do gap. It comes down to not wanting to flush Benjamins down the drain if he's not naturally inclined toward self motivation.

 

[hawkifann]

I have 3 boys and all have played a good bit of baseball and they all had their own path.

My oldest was pretty mid, but always loved it. Around 13, he grew a bit and got a taste of a higher level of ball and it drove him. He started working his ass off and from HS baseball cut day freshman year to tryouts sophomore year, he put on 45 pounds of muscle through just his own drive (and teenage metabolism). He went from a kid who probably had no business playing any kind of competitive ball to being a spot starter and pen arm for a team that finished in the top 4 in the biggest class of NC HS baseball.

My middle was not even mid most of the time coming up and when they hit the ages where kids started pitching, he cared less and less and practiced less and less. Totally cool - he’s much more of a music & theater kid and is very, very happy away from sports. He’s now a HS senior and hasn’t had one regret about his path.

My youngest is almost 14. He’s a lot like his older brother, probably a little naturally bigger/better at this age, but he also has a lot of interests that align with the middle, so it’ll be interesting to see what choices he makes in the next couple of years because if he wants to play varsity ball in our HS (biggest in NC), he’s going to have to put in a shit ton of work that will probably pull against some of those other interests. I welcome him making his own choices and making his own path.

 

[WSC72]

Just a suggestion

Maybe have a talk and explain the choices with him. Give him an opportunity to make the commitment over the course of the next month or so. Let him know that if he does not put in the time he is making the decision for you.

I’m guessing you may have already had the talk.

 

[Herky T Hawk]

My son would go hard when I throw him the ball or “play” football in the basement with him. Then when I coached him in flag football he played passive on offense. Didn’t make any sense to me. Eventually I learned that he just wants to have fun, and make sure everyone else does too, which is when we knew it wasn’t for him. That was the end of football for him as it isn’t safe if you don’t go hard. He tried baseball too late and that wasn’t for him either. Now he plays whiffle ball, football, and basketball with friends but nothing competitively. Which is fine.

My daughter got into summer softball, coach pitch, at age 6. That fall she did softball again, this time was 8U travel ball where the coach uses a catapult pitching machine. As one of the two youngest people on that team, she did ok but was just too small. Then after a summer of travel where she did ok again as one of the youngest players she started coming into her own the next fall. Her 2nd summer of travel she was still one of the youngest players on her team and was now one of the two best players. That’s when we mostly knew. She played fall ball again and was the best player on the team, more than doubling her batting average from the previous fall. Last winter she played on a 10U development team where the kids pitch, while still a 8U player and looked like she belonged, which led us to having her try out to play up a year early this past summer which she was placed on a “B” team(A/B/C team levels). She was one of the top 4 defenders and the 8th or 9th best offensive player, which put her about middle of the pack on the team, as the youngest player. That’s when we knew for sure.

 

[Ray Kinsella]

My older son never had a serious interest in sports. Played one year of basketball in grade school. My younger son was interested in baseball, but not enough to commit to the serious sports academies, so he played YMCA, which to be honest was a joke.

There was nothing in between for a kid to have a casual interest in sports. You were either 100% serious, or there was really no place for you, so I feel bad about my younger son's experience.

 

[WSC72]

@General Tso hope whatever decision is made goes well for all of you.

 

[luvmyhawks]

Fair question. Yes, he says he wants to be on the competitive teams and will do reps on his own, but never does. There's a say/do gap. It comes down to not wanting to flush Benjamins down the drain if he's not naturally inclined toward self motivation.

Ok, there are a couple of questions that need to be answered here.

1. Does he argue about going to practice/games? This is a dead ringer/ no questions asked for me. You said he will go, but is he excited to go? Does he give you any pushback? Now, a little pushback here and there, duh… that’s a given but if it is regular, I.e, complaining, arguing, etc… rec/competitive all the way. However, if it is happy to go, loves being a part of the team, etc.. move on to…

2. Is he getting better and helping the team get better? Or is he noticeably being passed by by other teammates and becoming a weak link? If it’s the former, let him continue to play and let the high school sort him out and determine his commitment. If it is the latter, definitely start looking to move down but he could still potentially play on to the high school team.

I ask these questions because my son was kind of like yours. He never really put a ton of effort in outside of practice but he has always loved to go to practice, bust his ass while there and play hard no questions asked. Just finished his 2nd year of varsity. Never the star but a great role on a decent team. Been great for him.

 

[funksouljon]

No pic wife was slow to basketball, really took to it in middle school and then played in HS and in college, so we are following that pattern of easing into it.

We didn't start either of our kids into sports until "late", 4th or 5th grade as we discussed and both were interested at some point. None of the 4yo ball etc. Both are playing soccer. Big is okay at it. Mid pack on her competitive team, but she is making leaps and bounds with improved skill as this is her first year with a quality coach in a comp league. She is also putting in time on on her own after school. She was out in the yard shooting a month ago, slipped and broke her effing arm. Surgery 2 weeks ago to pin both radius/ulna and she is dying that she can't play right now.

As long as she is owning a drive, we will encourage and support.

Little is 10 and she likes to play rec and no more.

 

[luvmyhawks]

I have 3 boys and all have played a good bit of baseball and they all had their own path.

My oldest was pretty mid, but always loved it. Around 13, he grew a bit and got a taste of a higher level of ball and it drove him. He started working his ass off and from HS baseball cut day freshman year to tryouts sophomore year, he put on 45 pounds of muscle through just his own drive (and teenage metabolism). He went from a kid who probably had no business playing any kind of competitive ball to being a spot starter and pen arm for a team that finished in the top 4 in the biggest class of NC HS baseball.

My middle was not even mid most of the time coming up and when they hit the ages where kids started pitching, he cared less and less and practiced less and less. Totally cool - he’s much more of a music & theater kid and is very, very happy away from sports. He’s now a HS senior and hasn’t had one regret about his path.

My youngest is almost 14. He’s a lot like his older brother, probably a little naturally bigger/better at this age, but he also has a lot of interests that align with the middle, so it’ll be interesting to see what choices he makes in the next couple of years because if he wants to play varsity ball in our HS (biggest in NC), he’s going to have to put in a shit ton of work that will probably pull against some of those other interests. I welcome him making his own choices and making his own path.

Great post. All kids are soooo….. different in their growth and development. My mid and youngest are so different from my oldest, which I just explained in my last post.

 

[BioHawk]

We have a 12 y/o who's decent at baseball and basketball relative to peers. (Has played on top teams for for the club/travel organizations around us) However, it's becoming evident that he basically has zero intrinsic motivation. He'll go to the practices and such but won't put in a minute of time in his own. We've tried to nudge him, but that just bakcfires. I'm nearly to the point of just having play for fun in rec leagues and saving the money on the more competitive stuff. I also know 12-14 is basically when kids show where their motivations are. What's y'all's experience?

Not every kid is destined to earn a college scholarship. Forcing them to play will only get them to hate it more. Sometimes, it take high school before they start getting serious about a sport. Hopefully they just get passionate about something. Even better if the thing they get passionate about can be molded into a career. He's 12, I wouldn't worry too much. I wouldn't worry if it never happens so long as he can stay motivated enough to get schoolwork done.

 

[soonerinlOUisiana]

 

[WSC72]

Great picture Grampa Marinovich

 

[Hawkman98]

We have a 12 y/o who's decent at baseball and basketball relative to peers. (Has played on top teams for for the club/travel organizations around us) However, it's becoming evident that he basically has zero intrinsic motivation. He'll go to the practices and such but won't put in a minute of time in his own. We've tried to nudge him, but that just bakcfires. I'm nearly to the point of just having play for fun in rec leagues and saving the money on the more competitive stuff. I also know 12-14 is basically when kids show where their motivations are. What's y'all's experience?

My son was the same way. Played 4-5 sports all the way through high school. He was good, but not great because he didn't put in the effort outside of practice. He was good enough to start or play in all of the sports he went out for, but he could have been so much better. I got tired of harping on him, so I just was supportive of him. My opinion was that year round practices would instill a good work ethic and being around a team would help him become a good and supportive team player in the future. He learned discipline, how to deal with loss and difficult people and coaches that he didn't like and to never give up. Maybe think about what sports could do to help him become a better person in the future instead of being a star athlete.

 

[Mister_Man]

We've watched Rudy and Rocky. No dice.

Karate Kid. The scene where Mr. Miyagi got drunk and Daniel found his telegram. It finally clicked for Daniel and he started practicing on his own.

 

[fredjr82]

We've watched Rudy and Rocky. No dice.

You said basketball? Try Teen Wolf

 

[longliveCS40]

We've watched Rudy and Rocky. No dice.

Try Dodgeball. It's a true underdog story.

 

[Aardvark86]

9th grade. Had him try out for rugby and first practice out he’s practicing with d1 ol’s on the team that has won a dozen high school nattys.

So he decided to stick with hockey.

 

[Here_4_a_Day]

Congrats on raising another lazy lib…

 

[hawkeyetraveler]

Both my no pic daughters were multi sport athletes through high school.

My youngest was a soccer player through 8th grade. She started on a very competitive travel team in Chicago area, but was always grumbling about practice etc. She had all the symptoms of OPs kid and then some. As we approached high school we had the talk about commitment and her heart wasn’t in it. We explained the consequences of making a switch, but made it her choice.

She ended up dropping soccer and picking up cross country/track as substitutes and was much happier. Became a captain on both teams and had a great experience.

Oldest was a swimmer and had similar doubts about it in middle school. She decided to stay the course and became a captain on the swim team while continuing high end club swimming and a captain on the water polo team.

I think it is healthy to make it their choice, but with a little guidance on consequences. For me the requirement was they be active in something - whether sports, music, debate…whatever. I think staying involved is critical at that age for their social development, for discipline, and to show a commitment to seeing something through. But it doesn’t have to be the thing they grew up with to that point.

 

[noleclone2]

So much of it is DNA. I have three kids. The first girl and boy just did not like team sports. They did not try all that hard, were easily distracted, had zero competitiveness or cares and just really did not have a lot of fun. By middle school age both hung up their cleats.

But then there is our youngest who we assumed may not be different. Like the other two we started her out in soccer around age 6-7. She seemed a little more serious and was great listener to the coaches and then first little game we have she scores 3 goals. My other kids in 8 years of combined soccer had scored a combined 0 goals. So that was the moment we realized this one may be different. She is in 7th grade and is third best in Cross Country and probably 4th - 5th best on soccer team so it’s been fun.

 

[BrunoMars420]

Not every kid is destined to earn a college scholarship. Forcing them to play will only get them to hate it more. Sometimes, it take high school before they start getting serious about a sport. Hopefully they just get passionate about something. Even better if the thing they get passionate about can be molded into a career. He's 12, I wouldn't worry too much. I wouldn't worry if it never happens so long as he can stay motivated enough to get schoolwork done.

I was about to post something along these lines. Getting an athletic scholarship is one of the tougher things to do. I have two 5 year old girls but my wife and I have made a choice to focus way more into the education side of things at an early age and see where that takes us.

Just getting into the school system but I think it is so weird to do travel teams at such a young age.

 

[FlickShagwell]

Sounds like a good candidate for video games.

“E Sports.”

 

[ISUBryce]

There was nothing in between for a kid to have a casual interest in sports. You were either 100% serious, or there was really no place for you, so I feel bad about my younger son's experience.

That’s the problem with sports in larger communities IMO. I’ve coached Little League for years because I want there to be leagues for kids who care but don’t want play 50 games a year.

My two older kids do some level of club soccer, baseball, basketball, football. My 7 year old does some basic stuff but you can tell already he really doesn’t care. He does Karate and stuff like that.

 

[General Tso]

@General Tso hope whatever decision is made goes well for all of you.

Thanks much WSC - really appreciate your perspectives in this thread. I definitely liked your thought of chatting with him about that choice over the next month. I'd say we haven't had the conco in a super direct manner. And either way would be totally fine.

 

[Slim45]

That’s the problem with sports in larger communities IMO. I’ve coached Little League for years because I want there to be leagues for kids who care but don’t want play 50 games a year.

My two older kids do some level of club soccer, baseball, basketball, football. My 7 year old does some basic stuff but you can tell already he really doesn’t care. He does Karate and stuff like that.

Bingo! The problem is, like you said, all the kids that are “good” at sports go the club route now and the local leagues are pretty bad, and not that appealing to the kids that are good but don’t want to travel. I also see it as a “status” for some families, at least in my area. If all the kids would play town ball the competition would be pretty good, especially good enough when they’re pre HS.
My kids are young and haven’t had to cross that bridge yet, but my wife and i have had discussions and have pretty much decided traveling ball won’t even be an option until they’re in HS and we see some level of commitment and ability. Seems like a waste throwing that kind of money at sports at that age, imo.

 

[General Tso]

Appreciate all the perspectives in this thread, especially hearing others' experience with your own kids. Above it all, knowing a majority of kids reach the point where they want to try other things or do sports for fun is a good thing to be reminded up occasionally, especially in modern times! And trust, I had never had any visions of my kid getting scholarships or anything of the sort, which probably makes it even more silly in having this internal debate!

 

[Tenacious E]

We have a 12 y/o who's decent at baseball and basketball relative to peers. (Has played on top teams for for the club/travel organizations around us) However, it's becoming evident that he basically has zero intrinsic motivation. He'll go to the practices and such but won't put in a minute of time in his own. We've tried to nudge him, but that just bakcfires. I'm nearly to the point of just having play for fun in rec leagues and saving the money on the more competitive stuff. I also know 12-14 is basically when kids show where their motivations are. What's y'all's experience?

I feel you. I pushed one of my kids hard since he was little. He was pretty good. He had an unrelated freak condition develop in his shoulder (benign, but excruciatingly painful bone tumor) as he was going into high school, which required surgery the following year. The timing ended his high school career, but he just didn’t have the mental makeup for it. He is now a workout freak and is very intrinsically motivated in that regard, but his anxiety issues prevented self-actualization in baseball. Bled into other sports. His high school sports career died on the vine but in the end, he didn’t care. You can’t make someone care.

 

[General Tso]

I feel you. I pushed one of my kids hard since he was little. He was pretty good. He had an unrelated freak condition develop in his shoulder (benign, but excruciatingly painful bone tumor) as he was going into high school, which required surgery the following year. The timing ended his high school career, but he just didn’t have the mental makeup for it. He is now a workout freak and is very intrinsically motivated in that regard, but his anxiety issues prevented self-actualization in baseball. Bled into other sports. His high school sports career died on the vine but in the end, he didn’t care. You can’t make someone care.

Sorry to hear about the bone tumor, sports aside. Glad he's seemingly doing his thing now.

 

[HROT]

Probably went I went for a triple double and hit for a cycle off of them the same day

Multi-sport my ass

 

[stickman80]

Work with a guy who is miserable to be around. He played a little college baseball but isn't athletic and neither are his kids.

He drags them all over for club baseball and basketball. The kids are mildly interested in the sports but from what I can gather really like the travel every weekend (often overnight hotel stays) and constantly eating out.

The coworker is a miserable, fat, diabetic (needs to spend time exercising instead of following his kids) who constantly complains about everthing....including fatigue, cost, play time, kids performance, amount if free time ect...

If your kids aren't interested or capable of athletic....don't try to push it.....give the kid, yourself, and everyone around you a break.

 

[win1forthe]

Having a son go through the youth sports travel/high level sports and working with kids for a living, here’s my opinion.

Don’t push your kid. I’ve seen with my own kid and others that baseball, basketball, football, soccer and such at a young age doesn’t define your athletic ability. I see former students of mine blossom in track and field, tennis, golf, volleyball, wrestling, etc. when they get exposed to those sports. I know of dozens of kids who played travel baseball that were so burned out by high school that didn’t want to play in high school.

My son played basketball in high school but he said looking back that he loved playing tennis the most because it was fun and not as much pressure from me and the coaches.

There are so many other opportunities as they get older, they will find an enthusiasm in something else, maybe it’s triathlons, coaching, reffing.

And a my neighbor says, he’s the head football coach at our high school, take the money you would spend on travel teams and training and put that into tutoring or test prep, you’ll get a bigger bang for you buck that way.

Sorry, one more thing. I’d recommend trying to find something like tennis or golf, something you can do together, because that created a lot of one-on-one time and I always had the best conversations with my kid while were driving somewhere.

 

[ISUBryce]

Bingo! The problem is, like you said, all the kids that are “good” at sports go the club route now and the local leagues are pretty bad, and not that appealing to the kids that are good but don’t want to travel. I also see it as a “status” for some families, at least in my area. If all the kids would play town ball the competition would be pretty good, especially good enough when they’re pre HS.
My kids are young and haven’t had to cross that bridge yet, but my wife and i have had discussions and have pretty much decided traveling ball won’t even be an option until they’re in HS and we see some level of commitment and ability. Seems like a waste throwing that kind of money at sports at that age, imo.

My wife and I had the same conversation, but what I would tell you and what I told my kids is that I will match their intensity level. If they want more, give them more. If it ends up being too much, pull back.

My middle kid never cared that much, but last year he decided he really wanted to be better at basketball. We joined a higher tier club and he’s having a really good time.

 

[MitchLL]

Lots of excellent perspectives so far.

As a grandparent of six grandkids who have all participated from any early age, all have different levels of motivation.
My recommendation would be to not push, but always encourage.

The two oldest both played juco, were good, not great.
They all figure out a path at some point.

Good luck. They need to enjoy it, most importantly.