Basketball dad advice needed

[wausauhawk]

In middle school, I wasn't a great player, but I carved out some PT as the year went on. Next year we all show up for the 1st practice. There's a dude in his 20s shooting 3s. We all silently watch him for 5 minutes. Finally he stops & introduces himself.
"My name is(I don't remmeber). I played in college for(I don'tremember). I had a tryout in the CBA, it didn't work out so now I'm here". He proceeded to select 3 tall black kids & 2 short black kids to show us some plays. That was his starting 5 for the year.
I know that doesn't help OP but I swear it's a true story.

 

[InsaneHawkJJP]

In middle school, I wasn't a great player, but I carved out some PT as the year went on. Next year we all show up for the 1st practice. There's a dude in his 20s shooting 3s. We all silently watch him for 5 minutes. Finally he stops & introduces himself.
"My name is(I don't remmeber). I played in college for(I don'tremember). I had a tryout in the CBA, it didn't work out so now I'm here". He proceeded to select 3 tall black kids & 2 short black kids to show us some plays. That was his starting 5 for the year.
I know that doesn't help OP but I swear it's a true story.

The bolded part is true. Thanks for sharing though.

 

[Moral]

Does he dunk good? Like 360 dunks?

 

[InsaneHawkJJP]

Does he dunk good? Like 360 dunks?

He’s a 5’9 white kid, so obviously!

 

[Moral]

He’s a 5’9 white kid, so obviously!

Hell yeah. The documentary Like Mike changed the game.

 

[millah_22]

Pic of teammate that took OP's son's starting spot

 

[stickman80]

Basketball can be tough for PT. Sometimes it's not even about individual skills but how well the players on the floor play together and mesh as a unit.

How well do the starters play together? If he has a group of guys who are meshing together it could be tough now trying to break into that even if he has better individual skills than some.

You mention football. Are some of the players getting minutes your son feels belongs to him focusing on hoops instead of multiple sports? Most coaches are ok with multiple sport athletes but there are some who give more love to kids focusing on their sport.

 

[InsaneHawkJJP]

Basketball can be tough for PT. Sometimes it's not even about individual skills but how well the players on the floor play together and mesh as a unit.

How well do the starters play together? If he has a group of guys who are meshing together it could be tough now trying to break into that even if he has better individual skills than some.

You mention football. Are some of the players getting minutes your son feels belongs to him focusing on hoops instead of multiple sports? Most coaches are ok with multiple sport athletes but there are some who give more love to kids focusing on their sport.

I don’t think it has anything to do with him being a multi sport athlete.

As far as the starters playing well together, that’s another one of the frustrating aspects. His sophomore class has been playing together since fourth grade so they know each other’s strengths and weaknesses really well. He’s always been the PG and makes sure everyone is in the right spot and is the vocal leader. They really play well together, but he hasn’t had the opportunity yet to play with the group he’s used to playing with.

 

[hawkedoff]

Yeah it’s HS. I wouldn’t say his JV coach is very popular. I’m not claiming to know more than any of the coaches either, it’s just confusing to me. It’s not like the other kids have grown by leaps and bounds.

My son played freshman ball and the coach would bench him for other players. I think the coach thought it was like playing Playstation. The varsity coach would come to the games and sit on the bench every few games. In those games my son would start and play the whole game. Remember that early high school or jv teams also usually have coaches that are either learning or have some growing up to do.. not to mention their guys that think the Lakers are scouting for an assistant.

This too shall pass and if he really is good enough it will happen. Tough age where most kids find out they really aren't good enough

 

[wausauhawk]

The bolded part is true. Thanks for sharing though.

I could tell you about my son playing 8th thru 10th grade. He averaged about 8 ppg. Would foul rather than move his feet on defense. Couldn't dribble. Never passed. Often took Sandfort level ill advised shots. I often thought about asking his coaches if he should be playing this much, but usually they were holding their heads in their hands. He won 2 games in his career.
What I'm saying is if you're willing to move to Northern WI, your kid will definitely get playing time.

 

[InsaneHawkJJP]

My son played freshman ball and the coach would bench him for other players. I think the coach thought it was like playing Playstation. The varsity coach would come to the games and sit on the bench every few games. In those games my son would start and play the whole game. Remember that early high school or jv teams also usually have coaches that are either learning or have some growing up to do.. not to mention their guys that think the Lakers are scouting for an assistant.

This too shall pass and if he really is good enough it will happen. Tough age where most kids find out they really aren't good enough

It’s definitely an interesting coaching dynamic at our HS. One of the assistant varsity coaches is Raef LaFrentz. I don’t think that has any bearing on my son’s playing time on JV but who knows.

Raef bought the former skating rink outside of town and turned it into a basketball court for his boys, he has four. Him and some of the assistant HS coaches would hold some practices and scrimmages there and my son got invited to quite a few of those. According to my son, Raef always had good things to say about him, which just adds to the frustration.

 

[ISUBryce]

I wish it was that simple. I told him to talk to his coaches. I’ve told him to keep his head up, have a good attitude and be a good teammate. The only logical reason I can come up with is that his coach doesn’t think he’s fully recovered from the injury.

I appreciate everyone’s advice!

Why isn’t it that simple? He needs to talk to the coaches first. it has to be him.

 

[InsaneHawkJJP]

Why isn’t it that simple? He needs to talk to the coaches first. it has to be him.

Obviously because his coach is an ISU fan so we have no respect for him.

 

[WDSMHAWK]

He’s a 5’9 white kid.

I can't believe Fran hasn't offered him a scholarship yet. Your son sounds like his type of player.

 

[InsaneHawkJJP]

I can't believe Fran hasn't offered him a scholarship yet. Your son sounds like his type of player.

If he was a little taller maybe he’d get that offer.

 

[artradley]

Uh, ok…..I don’t know where you live but if coaching HS ball makes you a big deal you probably live in the sticks lol. No offense.

I grew up in Burlington, where sports were king.

My kids grew up in a wealthy North Jersey suburb. The coaches were low rent numbskulls, but their teams won so they were treated like royalty.

So, no, not the sticks. Sports are just highly valued in high schools across this country. No offense taken, you just don’t like it when people disagree with you so you invent something in your head to explain it.

 

[DPUboiler]

Serious answer, as one who coaches my sons' AAU teams and their football team, so I get playing those two sports. Since you are talking HS JV as a Sophomore, it absolutely has to be your son talking to the JV coach. It has to be. It absolutely cannot come from you, and you can't show disdain to the coaches. I would power through this season. I presume there are multiple AAU teams in your area for the spring/summer circuit. I would find him a new AAU team to get significant minutes this Spring/Summer and come back next year ready to make Varsity. But the worst thing you can do now is talk to the coaches. Rightly or wrongly, I have families who have PT issues. If the parent talks to me directly, I genuinely see the kid falling off for multiple reasons, mainly seeing that he does not have the passion - the passion is from the dad. If the kid talks to me (even if I believe the dad told the kid to talk to me), I see those situations working out so much better, with the kid having more ownership in improving. It's the same with the kids who are always looking into the stands at their parents for advice vs. looking at the coach. (1 of my sons is our star player on his team, and it is obvious, and 1 of my sons is a role player on his team and it is obvious, so truly, the coaches are playing the players the think will help win). My teams are middle school, but I'm close with our high school coaches, and I can tell you parents being involved in high school is even more of a detriment than it is at the youth levels.

 

[InsaneHawkJJP]

Serious answer, as one who coaches my sons' AAU teams and their football team, so I get playing those two sports. Since you are talking HS JV as a Sophomore, it absolutely has to be your son talking to the JV coach. It has to be. It absolutely cannot come from you, and you can't show disdain to the coaches. I would power through this season. I presume there are multiple AAU teams in your area for the spring/summer circuit. I would find him a new AAU team to get significant minutes this Spring/Summer and come back next year ready to make Varsity. But the worst thing you can do now is talk to the coaches. Rightly or wrongly, I have families who have PT issues. If the parent talks to me directly, I genuinely see the kid falling off for multiple reasons, mainly seeing that he does not have the passion - the passion is from the dad. If the kid talks to me (even if I believe the dad told the kid to talk to me), I see those situations working out so much better, with the kid having more ownership in improving. It's the same with the kids who are always looking into the stands at their parents for advice vs. looking at the coach. (1 of my sons is our star player on his team, and it is obvious, and 1 of my sons is a role player on his team and it is obvious, so truly, the coaches are playing the players the think will help win). My teams are middle school, but I'm close with our high school coaches, and I can tell you parents being involved in high school is even more of a detriment than it is at the youth levels.

Thanks for your response and advice. I posted this right after a game and my emotions were high. I needed to be talked down. I asked my son if I should talk to the coach and he was adamant that I should not, so I suggested that he should talk to his freshman coach who he has a better relationship with.
We don’t have any AAU teams close to us. We were driving to CR which is about an hour and a half away. I think we’re done with AAU.

 

[hawkedoff]

It’s definitely an interesting coaching dynamic at our HS. One of the assistant varsity coaches is Raef LaFrentz. I don’t think that has any bearing on my son’s playing time on JV but who knows.

Raef bought the former skating rink outside of town and turned it into a basketball court for his boys, he has four. Him and some of the assistant HS coaches would hold some practices and scrimmages there and my son got invited to quite a few of those. According to my son, Raef always had good things to say about him, which just adds to the frustration.

I saw him play in high school. Amazing to watch him take on the other team pretty much by himself and dunk over two guys. Or hit three pointers

Good luck to your son. Travel ball is the worst and will be missed the least.

 

[InsaneHawkJJP]

I saw him play in high school. Amazing to watch him take on the other team pretty much by himself and dunk over two guys. Or hit three pointers

Good luck to your son

Raef has a son who plays on varsity. Good ball player who’s averaging over 30 points per game. He’s not a very athletic kid but is 6’10.
He doesn’t dunk much and has no outside game. My son told me that Raef doesn’t want him shooting 3’s or working on his outside game. I found that interesting considering Raef’s skills. Raef has 3 other sons and I think they are more athletic than the oldest. It will be interesting to see how he handles them.
It is really cool that my son gets coached up by a former NBA player though.

 

[HawkOptimist]

My freshman year i barely played. The coach was an ass and played favorites because of the more vocal parents. I know it drove my dad nuts but he didn't say anything as he didn't want to be that guy. Soph coach didn't play those games and played me a lot. The guy who's minutes I took quit the following year. /csb

I say let it play out but that's easy for me to say

I see this a lot. The “stars” of elementary and junior high travel ball and AAU teams who end up quitting high school sports after freshman or sophomore year because they peaked early and got passed on the depth chart. Some kids just stop growing and don’t get better athletically.

 

[InsaneHawkJJP]

I see this a lot. The “stars” of elementary and junior high travel ball and AAU teams who end up quitting high school sports after freshman or sophomore year because they peaked early and got passed on the depth chart. Some kids just stop growing and don’t get better athletically.

I hope that’s not the case, but is a possibility. It’s just frustrating that he’s not getting the opportunity to prove himself.

 

[Hammerhead02]

My sophomore year I was bitching to my mom about not starting in baseball. She told me "maybe you should hit better?"

Wtf mom? I took it a little more serious. Started my Jr year and finished batting like .390 my senior year.

Moms are the best.

 

[Brian_Fantana]

My son has been the starting PG since he started playing organized BB in fourth grade. He tore his labrum this past summer playing AAU ball and had to have surgery. He missed FB season and started the BB season injured so he couldn’t go full contact in practice. He was still at every practice but was limited. He couldn’t play the first two weeks of the season but was medically cleared almost a month ago. He’s gotten very sporadic minutes since he was cleared and hasn’t been given the opportunity to showcase his talents in my opinion. It’s been very frustrating for him obviously and I think he’s losing some confidence. His teammates are very supportive and know he should be playing more but he’s not getting any minutes. I know his coaches and am having a really hard time not saying something to them. I want to politely ask what he can do to get more minutes but don’t want to be that dad.
What do I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

This is why I wrestled and hope my son chooses it. Zero subjectivity.

 

[LuciousBDragon]

My son has been the starting PG since he started playing organized BB in fourth grade. He tore his labrum this past summer playing AAU ball and had to have surgery. He missed FB season and started the BB season injured so he couldn’t go full contact in practice. He was still at every practice but was limited. He couldn’t play the first two weeks of the season but was medically cleared almost a month ago. He’s gotten very sporadic minutes since he was cleared and hasn’t been given the opportunity to showcase his talents in my opinion. It’s been very frustrating for him obviously and I think he’s losing some confidence. His teammates are very supportive and know he should be playing more but he’s not getting any minutes. I know his coaches and am having a really hard time not saying something to them. I want to politely ask what he can do to get more minutes but don’t want to be that dad.
What do I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I think I’ve seen this porno before. Playing time goes up after your wife sleeps with the coach. It goes way up after the whole team sleeps with her.

 

[WSC72]

I hope that’s not the case, but is a possibility. It’s just frustrating that he’s not getting the opportunity to prove himself.

@DPUboiler gave you really good advice.

AAU can be a bit tricky, there are a LOT of AAU programs out there that are just in it for the money. Unless he was playing with a very high level team it’s probably best to spend that money elsewhere.

I would add just one thing based on this post. He gets a chance to prove himself every practice. It could be as simple as he’s not quite physically ready due to the lengthy time off.

 

[SolarHawk]

I grew up in Burlington, where sports were king.

My kids grew up in a wealthy North Jersey suburb. The coaches were low rent numbskulls, but their teams won so they were treated like royalty.

So, no, not the sticks. Sports are just highly valued in high schools across this country. No offense taken, you just don’t like it when people disagree with you so you invent something in your head to explain it.

I don’t like when people disagree with me BECAUSE IM ALWAYS RIGHT PAL

 

[General Tso]

Not saying our experience is related, but our middle son was one of those kids who developed physically pretty early and was really passionate about baseball and basketball for a few years (the minute he got home school he was out shooting hoops, bugging me to go to the park, etc) As such, he was one of the better players among his peers 4-6th-isg grades. Fast forward to late middle school.. the other kids caught up, my son found other interests (fishing, reading, even disc golf randomly). He now plays those sports for fun in rec leagues, house teams, etc. Perfectly happy. I think it was harder on us seeing him lose that passion, but he found new passions. It doesn't sound like it's a matter of passion with OP's kid, but man, the competition is thick with youth sports these days with so many kids spending so many hours on training

 

[thewop]

You could frame it in terms of how your son is doing with showing any signs of lingering issues from the injury. Make it about wanting to ensure he’s physically okay. If the coach says your son seems fine and without issue, segue to “Oh, so you think he might be okay then to start playing more minutes?”

Otherwise, leave it alone. Let your son fight to earn his position back.

This is what I was going to post. Ask how he looks in practice as a parent knowing he was recently cleared. You could say he seems to be doing all of his non-athletic activities really well but not sure how that really translates to the court, etc.

I'd probably not even mention PT/minutes. You'll have more luck if it's the coach's idea to give him more minutes after he hears himself confirm things are ok health-wise.

There are any number of reasons why the coach isn't playing your son.

Real talk: The fact that him and his friends are talking about his PT may be insight I to why he's not playing. Basketball coaches generally prefer a kid with a team mentality over one with a "me" mentality. Ability is but one factor in who plays, because the goal is to make the team better, regardless of stat lines.

 

[stickman80]

I see this a lot. The “stars” of elementary and junior high travel ball and AAU teams who end up quitting high school sports after freshman or sophomore year because they peaked early and got passed on the depth chart. Some kids just stop growing and don’t get better athletically.

Have a nephew that had this happen. Kid was a pure shooter and early on he always played because at a younger age there are fewer kids capable of shooting/scoring like he could. He focused on what he did well instead of the things which needed attention. Big picture the rest of his game suffered so the other kids passed him by. Fortunately he accepted what everyone else could see. Unfortunately his dad (my brother) never could see the truth and blamed popularity/social status.

 

[FranklinHawk]

I feel like I should add that his coach is a fvcking ISU fan.

Well then, there's really only one solution here. You're going to have to burn down the coach's house.

 

[Doodads and Hoohah]

I see this a lot. The “stars” of elementary and junior high travel ball and AAU teams who end up quitting high school sports after freshman or sophomore year because they peaked early and got passed on the depth chart. Some kids just stop growing and don’t get better athletically.

Puberty is the great equalizer.

 

[General Tso]

I see this a lot. The “stars” of elementary and junior high travel ball and AAU teams who end up quitting high school sports after freshman or sophomore year because they peaked early and got passed on the depth chart. Some kids just stop growing and don’t get better athletically.

As parents, you can look around and see the future a little bit too. If all the parents you're surrounded by are a head tallr than you, bigger built, etc, get ready for those kids to zoom past yours physically in middle and high school. We knew this would be the case pretty early with any of our kids - we're both both south of 6ft so knew sports were going to be for fun long term. It's not impossible but helpful to be realistic too.

 

[hawkedoff]

Not saying our experience is related, but our middle son was one of those kids who developed physically pretty early and was really passionate about baseball and basketball for a few years (the minute he got home school he was out shooting hoops, bugging me to go to the park, etc) As such, he was one of the better players among his peers 4-6th-isg grades. Fast forward to late middle school.. the other kids caught up, my son found other interests (fishing, reading, even disc golf randomly). He now plays those sports for fun in rec leagues, house teams, etc. Perfectly happy. I think it was harder on us seeing him lose that passion, but he found new passions. It doesn't sound like it's a matter of passion with OP's kid, but man, the competition is thick with youth sports these days with so many kids spending so many hours on training

Similar experience except my son ended up in a different sport that he went on to play in college at a Big Ten university. Finding out you aren't good enough doesn't mean you aren't good enough doing something else

 

[InsaneHawkJJP]

Thanks for all the advice, other than my wife sleeping with underage kids.

 

[AD1515]

I get the bolded part, and was reluctant to post because of it, but I’m not the only one who feels this way. I’ve had multiple parents ask why he’s not getting more minutes. It’s just a frustrating situation.

As someone who has been an AD for over a decade, every single parent with a playing time concern uses that exact same line in the first minute of the conversation. I’d have your son talk to the coach, (great life lesson), and it would be good to ask how he has looked after injury. Otherwise, I would advise him to keep working and doing what he can to get back into full form.

 

[InsaneHawkJJP]

As someone who has been an AD for over a decade, every single parent with a playing time concern uses that exact same line in the first minute of the conversation. I’d have your son talk to the coach, (great life lesson), and it would be good to ask how he has looked after injury. Otherwise, I would advise him to keep working and doing what he can to get back into full form.

That’s what I told him to do. He has a better relationship with the assistant coaches so I told him to start there. I did notice his body language wasn’t very good on the bench yesterday and told him he needs to change his attitude and be a good teammate. I know he’s frustrated so I get it, but he needs to show a good attitude and not pout. It’s a long season so hopefully he can earn more playing time.

 

[NoleATL]

My son has been the starting PG since he started playing organized BB in fourth grade. He tore his labrum this past summer playing AAU ball and had to have surgery. He missed FB season and started the BB season injured so he couldn’t go full contact in practice. He was still at every practice but was limited. He couldn’t play the first two weeks of the season but was medically cleared almost a month ago. He’s gotten very sporadic minutes since he was cleared and hasn’t been given the opportunity to showcase his talents in my opinion. It’s been very frustrating for him obviously and I think he’s losing some confidence. His teammates are very supportive and know he should be playing more but he’s not getting any minutes. I know his coaches and am having a really hard time not saying something to them. I want to politely ask what he can do to get more minutes but don’t want to be that dad.
What do I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Your son should ask the coaches what he needs to/could do to get more playing time. See what he says.