With all this talk about how selfish it is for single women to not have kids, I couldn’t help but think of some of my female friends/coworkers who fit in this category. I actually brought up this thread with a couple of them and here are their thoughts:
They’re not doing this because they’re selfish. Some are waiting to have children because they haven’t found the right partner. They are well aware of the high divorce rates and intend to only marry once. These women have taken note and learned from their friends’/families’ mistakes when it comes to marriage. Think it also helps that some of them work in industries that support families so they see various family dynamics and know what they want and don’t want in a life long partner.
Even though they desire children they recognize it is best for the child (and them) when both parents are in a loving relationship (ideally married). Think of all the problems/obstacles in our society that have been attributed to children coming from fatherless or single parent homes. They are mature enough to recognize that it could cause lifelong harm to a child if they got knocked up with a guy who wasn’t ready to be a dad. Just because you’re a ready to be a parent doesn’t mean your partner is.
One who would like a family told me she would have felt selfish bringing a child into the world with a former partner once she realized the relationship wasn’t heading towards a good and healthy marriage. I applaud her for being so unselfish in this sense, because I know she really wants children. Yet some people seem to think it’s better for a female to be divorced or single with kids than to have waited for the right person to have a child with and will rudely question her about it. As she put it, what they’re really asking is “what’s wrong with you?” There have been times she’s wanted to ask them why they got married or have kids in a similarly snarky way but so far she’s been able to bite her tongue. That’s so backwards IMO.
Another single female I know isn’t having kids right now because she recognizes she’s not at a place in her life where she would be able to afford a child. The audacity of her to not procreate when she can’t afford a child on her own!
Finally, one would really like children but is not able to bear them. At this age, it’s hard to date and find a life partner who’s ok with not having biological children. I’m extremely sad for her, as she would make a great mother.
Btw, many of these childless women work in fields such as nursing, teaching, counseling etc. and provide loving support and care to numerous children/families who are not their own. Some of these children do not come from loving homes but are showered with love by these women. Imagine devoting your life’s work to caring for children and being told you’re the problem because you don’t have any. IMO it’s too bad some parents didn’t put this kind of thought into having kids because the reasons these women gave for not having/waiting to have children are the definition of SELFLESS. But yeah, these single childless women are definitely the problem…
