My wife and I were invited to our friend's house last weekend for a dinner party for our friend's birthday. There were about 12 people that came, and the host hired a private chef to cook and serve an awesome 5 course Thai meal. Plenty of wine was served, and ended up lasting quite awhile. All of the couples had kids. But one couple decided it was OK to bring their 3 year old to this dinner party. I just assumed it was common knowledge that something like this was for adults only, so pretty much the whole time the mom and dad were chasing around their little devil while the rest of us were enjoying each others' company. Nothing was said to the parents, and they never offered any kind of apology. The whole thing seemed off to me. Am I in the wrong here to assume this isn't a "kid friendly" event, and it's an obvious assumption that no kids are allowed? I may be in the wrong here but I don't think so.
Dinner party etiquette
- Thread starter stevenpatrick
- Start date
You should have introduced the kid to your fists.
True, but you would have thought the couple would say that, or apologize. Obviously the other 5 couples got sitters, which is why there were no other kids there. I figured the expectation would be "no kids" if a long dinner is planned. And the event starting at 7 (which is late for kids.)
Were the details of the event explained before the party? Maybe the parents of the 3 year old didn't understand the nature of the evening, because from what you've described it sounds like bring the kid along was annoying to the other guests, and the hosts. You'd think they would have apologized at least.
We're kind of in a similar situation for this Saturday. My wife's grandfather died in 2004 but they still have a "birthday dinner" for him (not sure why, but to each their own). Well grandma (widow) sent out the invite on Monday/Tuesday stating that we would be having dinner and drinks at Cedrel Supper Club but it was going to be "adults only". Well, we have 3 kids and her cousin (mom's are sisters) have 2 kids. We are having a hard time finding a babysitter in that timeframe to watch the kids. So we'll probably end up missing it. I told my wife she could go and I would stay home with the kids, but she stated "Either we all go, or none of us do" which I'm fine with because its her family. I would have liked to go because I enjoy a good supper club and Cedrel is a good one in CR. But apparently she would prefer not to see the great-grandchildren so they aren't invited. My family on the other hand could care less if they see me or the wife (not really but kind of) and would prefer to spend time with the kids as much as possible. Just a different dynamic from one situation to the next.
I would agree, but add that the host should be clear about those expectations before the dinner. I'm not sure what the hosts communicated in this event. I understand that there are typically unspoken agreements on certain things, but clear communication is best even if it seems obvious. Just my thoughts.
Depends on the swinging. If there will be a gang bang, the kids stay home
I was just playing devil's advocate. Either way, you're merely a guest, so your only real choices are to grin and bear it or leave. If the guests were completely out of line and didn't clear the 3yo ahead of time, the hosts were the ones that would have to do something....and clearly they didn't.
Something about 'Dinner parties', just seems superficial and lacking of beneficial positives to even want it to be. It's a forced fake personality course of stale and awkward conversation. Humans are such silly creatures.
I don't know what was communicated between this couple and the hosts, but the looks on the hosts' faces said what I figured. But the "late" start, the situation (5 course Thai meal,) and the fact that I'm sure the other couple knew babysitters were being hired for the other kids I thought was enough. Also-the parents are pretty worrisome and hands-on, so I'm guessing they get nervous about hiring a babysitter to watch their little angel.
You see, this is what I'm talking about. Details, event, two words that are better left off for things more important than a gathering of a few friends. No wonder humanity is so freaked out, it's packaged, graded, and limited itself to this type of ridiculousness.
Natural is a natural at understanding these things it seems.
I guess you'll get the answer next time these hosts do another party. If I was in their shoes and one couple brought a surprise 3yo, they wouldn't be on my next guest list for an adults-only event.
Yes, anything you say is in the wrong Steven. The question though, is what exactly was so adult about this, that kids weren't allowed? What was so overly 'adult' in nature, that bringing kids was an automatic no, no? It's likely the parents simply weren't able to find a babysitter and wanted to 'share' company, eh?
I can't speak for SP, but there are times when we just want to go out with our friends without kids to have adult time. It's not that we're out swinging or doing hugely inappropriate things.....it's just kind of nice to be able to be out past 8-9 pm with other adults without having to monitor and deal with kids. Even when they're well-behaved, there's an extra level of effort that has to go into a night out.
If people don't want kids just be clear about that from the get go. People are dumb and need things spelled out for them.
I have a 3 year old, and would not consider taking him to an event like that. If no sitter were available, we would have stayed home, or only one of us would have gone. This assuming the host paid for the chef to be there and simply invited you because it would be fun.
The host wasn't trying to get you to buy Cutco knives or anything right? I'd have taken my kid if I knew that was the deal.
The host wasn't trying to get you to buy Cutco knives or anything right? I'd have taken my kid if I knew that was the deal.
The fake act that people give off during these things. A highly empathic person has a hard time dealing with fake vibes. If its your really good friends, thats different. If its a bunch of yuppies, in the type of scenario he made up,...that is what I'm talking about. Fake smiles, fake laughs, immediate talking behind the backs of people afterwards, etc, etc.
Okay, I get that. A dinner party with my friends usually ends up with us drunk as hell and having a blast. A dinner party with SP sounds like your scenario.
I suppose I could spend my weekends posting on an anonymous message board instead of interacting with real people. But that's not my thing.
You are not in the wrong here SP. You should have taken their kid and sold it on the slave market.
Also,
Also,
Thank you linksYou are not in the wrong here SP. You should have taken their kid and sold it on the slave market.
Also,
I'm sure in this case "private chef" equals "McDonald's fry cook" so I see no harm in bringing kids.
A situation like this is definitely not a kid friendly event. Anyone with a brain should know this. If the parents had an issue with a sitter, then they should have called the hosts prior and let them know they would not be attending. If the hosts insisted it would be fine to bring a 3 year old, then that's the only way it would be remotely acceptable. As someone pointed out earlier, there are many stupid people out there who have no clue. I'm betting they didn't bring a bottle of wine either.
Any event like this that I get invited to usually states, "Kid friendly", "Bring the Kids", "Kids welcome until 5:00", "Adults only please" type of addendum to it. I wouldn't get my shorts in a knot over it, but it's up to the host/hostess to specify.
Although, if I was invited to a dinner party I would assume it was for adults only and if I couldn't find a sitter I would just ask if this was a kid friendly event or not. Communication isn't that difficult.
Although, if I was invited to a dinner party I would assume it was for adults only and if I couldn't find a sitter I would just ask if this was a kid friendly event or not. Communication isn't that difficult.
I guess you missed the line about us having a private THAI chef prepare us dinner.
This is one of SP's least subtle subtle brag threads.
Guys....the chef cooked Thai! Noodles and soy sauce is so exotic and expensive! You troglodytes wouldn't understand.
Guys....the chef cooked Thai! Noodles and soy sauce is so exotic and expensive! You troglodytes wouldn't understand.
I love it when people from the Midwest think that Thai food consists of noodles and soy sauce. And think it's exotic and expensive! Wolf, I understand that no matter where you and your wife go, you order the dish that has the most carbs. But next time (first time?) you go to a Thai restaurant, get a squid yum salad
