My notes on kids and organized sports

[General Tso]

Figured I'd dump these observations here in the even someone finds any of them helpful. Grammar police GFY, unless you find an improper you're or your - then you can kick my ass.

I'll caveat this with acknowledging no two kids are the same and folks obviously figure out their own ways with their kids. However, the context herr is generally ‘average’ athletic ability or below kids. Our kids never had a prayer of playing college sports, for example, which we know right away but still saw ourselves getting sucked into the youth sports machine time and again. That aside, here goes.

1. Expose your kids to as many sports/activities as humanly possible at early ages (kindergarten to 4th/5th grade, perhaps). Emphasize a variety of sports early, resist the urge to go to hard into one sport early one. (For example, doing a bunch of training when a sport isn't in season can burn a kid out early)
2. Step back and just watch/absorb… what sports do your kids seem to gravitate to? What sports do they seem to have coordination for? (Let's be honest, it's more fun for everyone if the kid has some aptitude for a sport)
3. How do your kids choose to spend their free time? Are they out in the backyard throwing baseballs in the air, shooting hoops in the driveway, kicking a soccerball at the park, etc? That's a pretty darn good clue where your kids might be open going a little deeper into a sport down the road without it feeling like you're forcing them to do something.
4. Leagues/clubs that involve tryouts or placement before, say, 6th grade are dumb. Again, this isn't directed at the kids are who are clearly shoulders above others and who thrive in that cutthroat environment. This is more for the fringe kids who have a good chance of getting cut - there's no reason to put them through that experience when they could be playing in a positive-vibes rec league. Our oldest kid played travel baseball in 4th grade, then got cut the following year. He was so down about it he decided he wanted nothing to do with baseball after that. He now regrets quitting baseball that early. Our younger son played high AA baseball in 4th grade, then was demoted to middle single A the next year. He did not play well for sure, but experiencing that demoting feeling before middle school doesn't have a point. He almost quit too but we convinced him to at least stay in the rec league.
5. Let them pull you, don't push them - a nudge, some encouragement, etc is fine sometimes, but figure out the right balance. Too much nudging and pushing early on will lead your kid to hate that sport very quickly.

TL;DR - let your kids have a childhood. They'll give you clues where they want to go with sports.

 

[Doodads and Hoohah]

Good post. Agree with all of it. I have three elementary boys and we are right in the thick of it. Some families have such a skewed perspective on youth sports it is sad.

 

[Bierhalter]

herr

here*

 

[Hwkfn1]

Great post. Far too many parents push their kids so hard and then wonder why their kid can't stand the sport (or them) later. Heck, I see it with youth coaches as well. Some of them act like they are playing for a title (reality is they think wins and losses is a direct reflection of them as a coach and person). Many times the kids that are dominant in youth/middle school never do much in high school, while the kids who weren't nearly as good develop and become great high school players. As whole, I am really down on youth sports. Far too many adults fail to recognize its not about them.

 

[BrianNole777]

CSB.

 

[Urohawk]

Good post. Sports are overemphasized in America. Imagine if we put that much effort into something like children's education, going to mars, providing free energy to everyone, robotics, etc.

Too much focus on competition rather than development. Former freshman B team power forward that came off the bench, now in the junior class, is a varsity starter and dropped 27 points in last weeks game. My kid was a bench warmer for the same freshmen B team and is now the fastest runner on the cross country team and they won state cross country last year. You have no idea how these younger kids are at their sport nor what they actually excel in.

 

[NorthernHawkeye]

I agree with encouraging your kids to stay with most sports until atleast junior high.

Also, after 6th grade avoid parent coaches like the plague. Also, express those views to school administrators/leaders and school board members. Parents are too emotionally attached. I can say that we've never been personally impacted on an individual basis but we've seen other kids suffer pretty gross injustices when it comes to starter/non-starter and playing time because parent coaches couldn't disconnect from the emotions.

We have close friends that lived through a season like this and the coaches decision to play their own child cost the team from advancing to state. It was that glaring. Not only did one player suffer, the entire team suffered.

 

[Herky T Hawk]

Here’s what I’ll say as both a parent of two kids that have done sports and a person that has been a coach for three of those sports.

It all depends upon the kid. Some want more and more involvement thrown at them in terms of variety of participation. Some want to be the best at one thing and have little interest in anything else. Some want to be anywhere else. I’ve coached all three of those types of kids.

Parents need to drop the idea of living vicariously through their kids. Let them decide. But put restrictions on them in the sense of commitment versus quitting. If you want to try it we can, but you commit to the full season and can’t quit until it is over. Support the kid, be positive, and a little prodding from behind can work with the right personality of kid once in a blue moon. With some it will backfire though. Just maintain a positive and constructive spirit.

Coaches make a huge difference though. I’ve seen some that only care about winning. For a bunch of 7 through 10 year olds. I‘ve seen them yell at their players and put way too much pressure on them. I’ve also seen the other extreme where they don’t care about winning though and think that “travel ball” is just for fun. I tell my the parents a few things when I coach at the travel ball level. 1. This isn’t “just for fun”, meaning we will be putting in work to better. But I’m sure going to make it fun along the way. 2. My job as a coach is to get the kids prepared for “the next level”. Meaning building up skills, knowledge, and enjoyment of the game. 3. In the regular season I want the players to try to win games, but I’m not going to manage to win. Batting orders will roll from game to game, everyone will rotate through every position, we don’t talk about the score during the game, etc. 4. In tournaments we will try to win games, but not at the cost of doing things the right way. Tournaments are the time to try to build a competitive spirit in players. We may not roll the batting order from game to game, sitting on the bench will rotate through the roster and players won’t only play in the outfield, but they also won’t get to play every position as I’m going to reward the ones that have put in the work by putting them at the more premium positions. I’m going to set the team up for success and it is up to them to execute.

This fall I felt I had a perfect season. We went 4-4 in the regular season so girls tasted success and also learned how to lose. In the state tournament their bats came alive and their defense was awesome. They used what we taught them throughout the season and did things I didn’t think they could when the season started 6 weeks earlier. They won the title game 9-0 by making many defensive plays that saved several runs from scoring. It was throwing and catching between players, not just hero ball by one player trying to do everything. And the best part of it is that I had a couple girls ask me ”did we win?” when the game was over. Meaning my “don’t worry about the score, just play as well as you can” mindset really paid off.

Meanwhile we have friends on an older team who have their daughter that wants to quit because the coaches were yelling at them over mistakes. They also had assistants giving conflicting instruction and then yelling at kids when they do the wrong thing. Just stupid stuff for kids that age. Because of this my newest mantra that I’ll be adding as a coach is to not worry about mistakes, just play confidently and quickly. We’ll work on the mistake in practice,

 

[HawkOptimist]

Good post. My 12 year-old (6th grade) is the kid who has always wanted to play baseball, basketball and football in the yard, in the home, and in a competitive league. Has been playing all three since he was 5 or 6.

Now plays on a travel baseball team and plays tackle football. Also plays parks and rec basketball, though next year he wants to play for our school district’s club basketball team. (Ankeny)

I’d put him in the “above average athlete” category, but not great. He’s in the 90th percentile for both height and weight, and runs faster than most kids his age. Super aggressive and competitive too, and WANTS to put in the work to get better. (I emphasize wants because I see plenty of kids playing sports because mom or dad wants them to, and they just go through the motions or constantly screw around at practice… if they show up at all.)

All that said, we’re in Ankeny and we’re not the richest or cliquiest folks around. So I worry. I worry that if he’s competing for a spot with someone whose parents were all in the same friends group as those who make the decisions, or whose parents have more money, he’ll get overlooked.

Still, I know I sound like the typical biased dad (THAT dad), but I’ve been around a lot of kids my son’s age for the last 5 or so years, and I can say confidently that my son has, and continues to develop, the work ethic, athleticism and mental toughness it takes to keep playing through high school, maybe even college. Again, maybe.

Also, I’ve tried to guide him and teach him this or that along the way, but at the same time I’ve tried not to over do it or push too hard. There was a time a few years ago when I caught myself doing that, so ever since then I’ve tried backing off and working with him on drills his coaches teach and preach… and offering tips and advice I learned in sports along the way. Seems to be working for now.

 

[TDJ7]

#4 - if your kid gets cut, instead of letting them quit because they didn't get their way, teach them that they need to work harder for what they want. Life isn't fair.

 

[BrunoMars420]

“Grammar police GFY, unless you find an improper you're or your - then you can kick my ass.”

Kiss**

 

[luvmyhawks]

Figured I'd dump these observations here in the even someone finds any of them helpful. Grammar police GFY, unless you find an improper you're or your - then you can kick my ass.

I'll caveat this with acknowledging no two kids are the same and folks obviously figure out their own ways with their kids. However, the context herr is generally ‘average’ athletic ability or below kids. Our kids never had a prayer of playing college sports, for example, which we know right away but still saw ourselves getting sucked into the youth sports machine time and again. That aside, here goes.

1. Expose your kids to as many sports/activities as humanly possible at early ages (kindergarten to 4th/5th grade, perhaps). Emphasize a variety of sports early, resist the urge to go to hard into one sport early one. (For example, doing a bunch of training when a sport isn't in season can burn a kid out early)
2. Step back and just watch/absorb… what sports do your kids seem to gravitate to? What sports do they seem to have coordination for? (Let's be honest, it's more fun for everyone if the kid has some aptitude for a sport)
3. How do your kids choose to spend their free time? Are they out in the backyard throwing baseballs in the air, shooting hoops in the driveway, kicking a soccerball at the park, etc? That's a pretty darn good clue where your kids might be open going a little deeper into a sport down the road without it feeling like you're forcing them to do something.
4. Leagues/clubs that involve tryouts or placement before, say, 6th grade are dumb. Again, this isn't directed at the kids are who are clearly shoulders above others and who thrive in that cutthroat environment. This is more for the fringe kids who have a good chance of getting cut - there's no reason to put them through that experience when they could be playing in a positive-vibes rec league. Our oldest kid played travel baseball in 4th grade, then got cut the following year. He was so down about it he decided he wanted nothing to do with baseball after that. He now regrets quitting baseball that early. Our younger son played high AA baseball in 4th grade, then was demoted to middle single A the next year. He did not play well for sure, but experiencing that demoting feeling before middle school doesn't have a point. He almost quit too but we convinced him to at least stay in the rec league.
5. Let them pull you, don't push them - a nudge, some encouragement, etc is fine sometimes, but figure out the right balance. Too much nudging and pushing early on will lead your kid to hate that sport very quickly.

TL;DR - let your kids have a childhood. They'll give you clues where they want to go with sports.

Good post. Agree with most of it. Number 4 is subjective though. You could also make the argument that a marginal kid needs to be competing at higher levels by 5th or 6th grade or they will have a hard time catching up later. Can’t tell you how many times I have seen that marginal kid in 4th/5th grade become the best one on the team and surpass kids that were clearly better in 4th grade.

 

[SansAgain]

Figured I'd dump these observations here in the even someone finds any of them helpful. Grammar police GFY, unless you find an improper you're or your - then you can kick my ass.

I'll caveat this with acknowledging no two kids are the same and folks obviously figure out their own ways with their kids. However, the context herr is generally ‘average’ athletic ability or below kids. Our kids never had a prayer of playing college sports, for example, which we know right away but still saw ourselves getting sucked into the youth sports machine time and again. That aside, here goes.

1. Expose your kids to as many sports/activities as humanly possible at early ages (kindergarten to 4th/5th grade, perhaps). Emphasize a variety of sports early, resist the urge to go to hard into one sport early one. (For example, doing a bunch of training when a sport isn't in season can burn a kid out early)
2. Step back and just watch/absorb… what sports do your kids seem to gravitate to? What sports do they seem to have coordination for? (Let's be honest, it's more fun for everyone if the kid has some aptitude for a sport)
3. How do your kids choose to spend their free time? Are they out in the backyard throwing baseballs in the air, shooting hoops in the driveway, kicking a soccerball at the park, etc? That's a pretty darn good clue where your kids might be open going a little deeper into a sport down the road without it feeling like you're forcing them to do something.
4. Leagues/clubs that involve tryouts or placement before, say, 6th grade are dumb. Again, this isn't directed at the kids are who are clearly shoulders above others and who thrive in that cutthroat environment. This is more for the fringe kids who have a good chance of getting cut - there's no reason to put them through that experience when they could be playing in a positive-vibes rec league. Our oldest kid played travel baseball in 4th grade, then got cut the following year. He was so down about it he decided he wanted nothing to do with baseball after that. He now regrets quitting baseball that early. Our younger son played high AA baseball in 4th grade, then was demoted to middle single A the next year. He did not play well for sure, but experiencing that demoting feeling before middle school doesn't have a point. He almost quit too but we convinced him to at least stay in the rec league.
5. Let them pull you, don't push them - a nudge, some encouragement, etc is fine sometimes, but figure out the right balance. Too much nudging and pushing early on will lead your kid to hate that sport very quickly.

TL;DR - let your kids have a childhood. They'll give you clues where they want to go with sports.

Perfect.

 

[artradley]

#4 - if your kid gets cut, instead of letting them quit because they didn't get their way, teach them that they need to work harder for what they want. Life isn't fair.

As my father always told me, “If at first you don’t succeed, pack your bags.”

 

[General Tso]

#4 - if your kid gets cut, instead of letting them quit because they didn't get their way, teach them that they need to work harder for what they want. Life isn't fair.

I'd agree with that in 8th, 9th,etc grade... not 4th and 5th grade. That's just me though.

 

[General Tso]

I agree with encouraging your kids to stay with most sports until atleast junior high.

Also, after 6th grade avoid parent coaches like the plague. Also, express those views to school administrators/leaders and school board members. Parents are too emotionally attached. I can say that we've never been personally impacted on an individual basis but we've seen other kids suffer pretty gross injustices when it comes to starter/non-starter and playing time because parent coaches couldn't disconnect from the emotions.

We have close friends that lived through a season like this and the coaches decision to play their own child cost the team from advancing to state. It was that glaring. Not only did one player suffer, the entire team suffered.

I once heard someone say something to the extent of "heck ya, if I'm going to give my time to coach, you better believe I'm going to play my kid more." I think more coaches than you'd hope have that mentality. The funny thing is concept of karma - when that coach's kid is being coached by someone else and he/she becomes a victim of that mentality.

 

[General Tso]

Good post. My 12 year-old (6th grade) is the kid who has always wanted to play baseball, basketball and football in the yard, in the home, and in a competitive league. Has been playing all three since he was 5 or 6.

Now plays on a travel baseball team and plays tackle football. Also plays parks and rec basketball, though next year he wants to play for our school district’s club basketball team. (Ankeny)

I’d put him in the “above average athlete” category, but not great. He’s in the 90th percentile for both height and weight, and runs faster than most kids his age. Super aggressive and competitive too, and WANTS to put in the work to get better. (I emphasize wants because I see plenty of kids playing sports because mom or dad wants them to, and they just go through the motions or constantly screw around at practice… if they show up at all.)

All that said, we’re in Ankeny and we’re not the richest or cliquiest folks around. So I worry. I worry that if he’s competing for a spot with someone whose parents were all in the same friends group as those who make the decisions, or whose parents have more money, he’ll get overlooked.

Still, I know I sound like the typical biased dad (THAT dad), but I’ve been around a lot of kids my son’s age for the last 5 or so years, and I can say confidently that my son has, and continues to develop, the work ethic, athleticism and mental toughness it takes to keep playing through high school, maybe even college. Again, maybe.

Also, I’ve tried to guide him and teach him this or that along the way, but at the same time I’ve tried not to over do it or push too hard. There was a time a few years ago when I caught myself doing that, so ever since then I’ve tried backing off and working with him on drills his coaches teach and preach… and offering tips and advice I learned in sports along the way. Seems to be working for now.

That's a good example of a kid who would seem to thrive in that environment... sounds like your son has made it pretty clear where he likes spending his time and passions.

 

[General Tso]

here*

Rot in hell, but fair enough

 

[NorthernHawkeye]

I once heard someone say something to the extent of "heck ya, if I'm going to give my time to coach, you better believe I'm going to play my kid more." I think more coaches than you'd hope have that mentality. The funny thing is concept of karma - when that coach's kid is being coached by someone else and he/she becomes a victim of that mentality.

Pay attention to parent coaches at the high school level. Instances where they take the high school job when their kid is in junior high, ie.. two to three years before their kid is a freshman. Then they'll coach their kids for all four years and then once their kid graduates they resign. In some situations parent coaches will stay on one extra year past their kid's graduation for the sole purpose of avoiding the appearance that they were only there to coach their kid.

 

[Hwkfn1]

Pay attention to parent coaches at the high school level. Instances where they take the high school job when their kid is in junior high, ie.. two to three years before their kid is a freshman. Then they'll coach their kids for all four years and then once their kid graduates they resign. In some situations parent coaches will stay on one extra year past their kid's graduation for the sole purpose of avoiding the appearance that they were only there to coach their kid.

Unfortunately a lot of schools are getting desperate for coaches, especially rural schools. They'll take anyone they can get.

 

[win1forthe]

#4 - if your kid gets cut, instead of letting them quit because they didn't get their way, teach them that they need to work harder for what they want. Life isn't fair.

In high school, I was cut from the basketball team. It was devastating, I loved basketball, I still do. But, I happened to have a little talent in singing and I turned to my school’s music program, which was better than our athletic department, and it was the best that happened to me. Was truly one door closed, another opened. Good things can happen from getting cut.