- Sep 13, 2002
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Dear How to Do It,
Six months ago, my wife and I moved into a high-rise in a major metropolitan area that has a balcony with a very good view that happens to include two nearby luxury hotels. As anyone knows, luxury hotels play host to all varieties of amorous activities—but we’ve been surprised the extent to which participants in these activities proceed without closing the curtains. On almost any given night, our balcony provides us box seats to whatever is going on in these hotels. Initially, my wife and I dismissed this as a humorous side effect of moving into a high rise. But more recently, it’s become a point of contention. My wife thinks that the only appropriate response to seeing action in these hotels is to laugh it off and ignore it. I have a bit of a voyeuristic streak and will watch if presented with something that turns me on.
I’ll even admit to occasionally breaking out the binoculars. My (probably self-serving) justification for feeling okay about doing this is that these people are well-aware of the fact that they’re in a high rise in full view of several buildings where people may see them. My wife, however, thinks that anything beyond incidental sightings is an invasion of privacy.
So, my question for you is whether I’m creepy and should turn away? Or is it acceptable for my eyes to linger, since these people must be aware of their exhibitionism??
— Vexed Voyeur
Dear Vexed Voyeur,
I agree with you on one point: Your rationale is probably self-serving. Further, your justification depends on an assumption that is anything but proven. It’s certainly possible that some people are aware of the potential they have to be seen, and perhaps that’s even part of the thrill for the true exhibitionists. But height and distance can go a long way to making people feel cloistered off, even if they aren’t. These people that you are assuming are completely aware of their potential to be observed may, in turn, assume they’re too far away to be made out and/or that only a true creep would bust out the binoculars.
I think applying your fuzzy reasoning to another scenario might be useful: Someone may leave their front door open, fully aware that a person could walk in. This, however, is not an invitation, and if someone did walk in, it would constitute an unlawful entry and extremely questionable behavior on their part. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.
The ethics of voyeurism remain a subject of debate, and simply viewing what makes itself available to you is largely legal. A person could hardly be faulted if arousal follows. I’d draw the creepy line is where effort must be put into seeing more, especially when those who are being watched could very plausibly be unaware. If the person who lives in a building next to you by a few feet is consistently showing their bare ass and has quite obviously looked back at you, you can assume that person is aware of what they’re doing and is, in fact, offering a show. The same can’t be said for people in a hotel with enough distance between you that you require binoculars. I’m with your wife on this one. I don’t think seeking out this kind of entertainment makes you a bad person, but since you asked whether or not it’s creepy, I’m obligated to confirm.
Six months ago, my wife and I moved into a high-rise in a major metropolitan area that has a balcony with a very good view that happens to include two nearby luxury hotels. As anyone knows, luxury hotels play host to all varieties of amorous activities—but we’ve been surprised the extent to which participants in these activities proceed without closing the curtains. On almost any given night, our balcony provides us box seats to whatever is going on in these hotels. Initially, my wife and I dismissed this as a humorous side effect of moving into a high rise. But more recently, it’s become a point of contention. My wife thinks that the only appropriate response to seeing action in these hotels is to laugh it off and ignore it. I have a bit of a voyeuristic streak and will watch if presented with something that turns me on.
I’ll even admit to occasionally breaking out the binoculars. My (probably self-serving) justification for feeling okay about doing this is that these people are well-aware of the fact that they’re in a high rise in full view of several buildings where people may see them. My wife, however, thinks that anything beyond incidental sightings is an invasion of privacy.
So, my question for you is whether I’m creepy and should turn away? Or is it acceptable for my eyes to linger, since these people must be aware of their exhibitionism??
— Vexed Voyeur
Dear Vexed Voyeur,
I agree with you on one point: Your rationale is probably self-serving. Further, your justification depends on an assumption that is anything but proven. It’s certainly possible that some people are aware of the potential they have to be seen, and perhaps that’s even part of the thrill for the true exhibitionists. But height and distance can go a long way to making people feel cloistered off, even if they aren’t. These people that you are assuming are completely aware of their potential to be observed may, in turn, assume they’re too far away to be made out and/or that only a true creep would bust out the binoculars.
I think applying your fuzzy reasoning to another scenario might be useful: Someone may leave their front door open, fully aware that a person could walk in. This, however, is not an invitation, and if someone did walk in, it would constitute an unlawful entry and extremely questionable behavior on their part. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.
The ethics of voyeurism remain a subject of debate, and simply viewing what makes itself available to you is largely legal. A person could hardly be faulted if arousal follows. I’d draw the creepy line is where effort must be put into seeing more, especially when those who are being watched could very plausibly be unaware. If the person who lives in a building next to you by a few feet is consistently showing their bare ass and has quite obviously looked back at you, you can assume that person is aware of what they’re doing and is, in fact, offering a show. The same can’t be said for people in a hotel with enough distance between you that you require binoculars. I’m with your wife on this one. I don’t think seeking out this kind of entertainment makes you a bad person, but since you asked whether or not it’s creepy, I’m obligated to confirm.
