Talk to yourself like you'd talk to your best friend in the same situation. You're being way too harsh on yourself.
My response to the "Problem of Evil":
1.) Suffering is necessary for personal growth.
2.) Humans use their own free will to cause suffering. Think about atheists like Stalin, Hitler and Trump.
3.) All suffering in this life is finite. Eternity is infinite. God can make up for our sufferings with an eternity of bliss.
4.) God could have prevented tons of evil that we'll never know about.
Lastly, check out the free "Feeling Great" app. It's free AI chat and amazing.
Feeling Great is a mental wellness app that offers a revolutionary AI-powered chatbot and interactive learning program, which have been developed based on the groundbreaking work of David Burns, MD and his T.E.A.M. approach to cognitive behavioral therapy.
www.feelinggreat.com