A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of
expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation,
I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with
both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
"Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder
and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I
noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first
and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding.
With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine
shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said,
"Now you know why they call that mustard "Poupon.'"
(An oldie, but a goodie from the ancient Internets)
expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation,
I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with
both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
"Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder
and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I
noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first
and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding.
With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine
shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said,
"Now you know why they call that mustard "Poupon.'"
(An oldie, but a goodie from the ancient Internets)
