Commuting/Working Out of State vs Moving Family in High School

[Urohawk]

Have a job opportunity that will increase my salary by about 30% but requires I commute from KS to TX. Kids are currently in high school and wife doesn't want to move to Texas. Considering commuting where I can do 3-4 days in a row there and 1-2 days home. Curious if anyone has done something like this and what impacts they thought it put on their family life.

Alternatively if I move and work full time I'll make double or triple my salary. Wondering if anyone packed up their high school kids and moved.

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

I faced a similar situation.

I told my company I was not moving - was not going to uproot kids and also because it was freaking shithole Texas.

 

[Doodads and Hoohah]

Have a job opportunity that will increase my salary by about 30% but requires I commute from KS to TX. Kids are currently in high school and wife doesn't want to move to Texas. Considering commuting where I can do 3-4 days in a row there and 1-2 days home. Curious if anyone has done something like this and what impacts they thought it put on their family life.

Alternatively if I move and work full time I'll make double or triple my salary. Wondering if anyone packed up their high school kids and moved.

If your kids and wife don't want to do at this point don't do it. Maybe when they are out of school reconsider.

 

[Ferentz_Fan]

Would make sure the schedule doesn’t change on you. Good luck

 

[Old_wrestling_fan]

For me...I would not want to either miss family time OR introduce a big change unnecessarily into my kids life. I'd stay.

 

[Hbotus Dichotomous]

If you like to stay married and you like to be part of your kids life, I’d recommend against it.

 

[QChawks]

Hard pass

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

To expand on my earlier post. I would never move for a job.

Businesses and practices change. Circumstances change. I’ve seen too many people move for a great opportunity, then the company merges, or the CEO changes and replaces the C suite, or something else…then you’ve uprooted your family for nothing.

 

[goldmom]

My husband was promoted to CEO of his company’s Canadian subsidiary when my son was a HS junior and daughter was in 8th grade.
We LOVED living in “shithole” Texas in an A+ rated school district and no way were we moving to Toronto even though it’s a nice place.
He commuted and the company flew him home every Friday and had him picked up Monday morning - he often flew on the company jet. They rented a condo in a high rise for him two blocks from his office.
Obviously it was a significant financial gain for him but leaving me to raise teenagers by myself all week was a challenge. We all survived and my adult children turned out to be good people.

 

[SolarHawk]

If it’s double or triple you should have a talk with the family. Money isn’t everything, but it can be life changing. I’m guessing you make pretty decent coin as it is, so this sounds like significant money we’re talking about.

Edit: Also, you live in Kansas. I don’t think Texas could be worse lol.

 

[hawkeyetraveler]

I in 00’s my company asked me to do the expat thing, but I couldn’t for a variety of family reasons. So I did a 3 year stint basically commuting to Asia and back. I would do one week in Asia, one week remote from home. It wasn’t quite every other week thanks to holidays and PTO, but was very intense. I made the sacrifice because it was substantially more money and it greatly accelerated my career.

Anyhow, it was very tricky OP. My kids were very young (toddlers) at the time so I didn’t have that many sports obligations. Once they got more active it became impossible but luckily the work I had done landed me a major promotion into a global assignment based in the US.

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

I in 00’s my company asked me to do the expat thing, but I couldn’t for a variety of family reasons. So I did a 3 year stint basically commuting to Asia and back. I would do one week in Asia, one week remote from home. It wasn’t quite every other week thanks to holidays and PTO, but was very intense. I made the sacrifice because it was substantially more money and it greatly accelerated my career.

Anyhow, it was very tricky OP. My kids were very young (toddlers) at the time so I didn’t have that many sports obligations. Once they got more active it became impossible but luckily the work I had done landed me a major promotion into a global assignment based in the US.

That is a lot of time on an airplane 😳. You must’ve racked up the FF miles.

I spent a few years going to Europe monthly and once a month was rough enough.

 

[hawkeyetraveler]

That is a lot of time on an airplane 😳. You must’ve racked up the FF miles.

I spent a few years going to Europe monthly and once a month was rough enough.

Yeah, I had a buddy that worked at mileage plus. He wouldn’t tell me where I ranked exactly, but he said “you are in the top 10 members globally” one year. United kissed my ass in those days. I got invited to use their suite for Bulls/Blackhawk’s games on multiple occasions, etc. When I crossed two million lifetime miles one of the pilots came out and gave me a paper copy of the flight map where here he marked the spot I would achieve that (quite frankly dumb) milestone. Not many other people are stupid enough to do what I did.

My sleep is still all screwed up, I missed more things than I wish I had. But the lifetime status is pretty good consolation prize. I wouldn’t recommend it, but all’s well that ends well I suppose.

 

[bhawk24bob]

I've had colleagues and friends move to Texas, I haven't heard a single complaint from a cultural perspective - these are people from New York, Chicago, and Minneapolis.

I would have no problem moving my family for a big raise, the kids are going to move again when they hit college anyways. Military kids move all the time, it's not like this is some foreign concept.

 

[DogBoyRy]

Have a job opportunity that will increase my salary by about 30% but requires I commute from KS to TX. Kids are currently in high school and wife doesn't want to move to Texas. Considering commuting where I can do 3-4 days in a row there and 1-2 days home. Curious if anyone has done something like this and what impacts they thought it put on their family life.

Alternatively if I move and work full time I'll make double or triple my salary. Wondering if anyone packed up their high school kids and moved.

If both ends are close to large airports with no connections needed this is very doable.
Moving kids in high school would be tough unless they don’t like the schools they are in now and were onboard with it.

 

[Urohawk]

If your kids and wife don't want to do at this point don't do it. Maybe when they are out of school reconsider.

It's sort of a time based opportunity that may not exist when my last kid leaves high school (5 years).

 

[HROT]

I've had colleagues and friends move to Texas, I haven't heard a single complaint from a cultural perspective - these are people from New York, Chicago, and Minneapolis.

I would have no problem moving my family for a big raise, the kids are going to move again when they hit college anyways. Military kids move all the time, it's not like this is some foreign concept.

I would not define 30% as a big raise in this case.

 

[Dr. Phil Seuss]

Have a job opportunity that will increase my salary by about 30% but requires I commute from KS to TX. Kids are currently in high school and wife doesn't want to move to Texas. Considering commuting where I can do 3-4 days in a row there and 1-2 days home. Curious if anyone has done something like this and what impacts they thought it put on their family life.

Alternatively if I move and work full time I'll make double or triple my salary. Wondering if anyone packed up their high school kids and moved.

move to Texas. Kansas sucks and you don’t want to commute unless you want to get a mistress.

I traveled every other week for 18 months with a 6 and 8 year old. It sucked, but I lived. And sometimes big checks are worth big inconvenience.

 

[SolarHawk]

I would not define 30% as a big raise in this case.

Re-read op. He said double to triple if he moves.

 

[Randy Marsh]

Sounds like wife changing money.

 

[stillh8unlv]

I did this about a decade ago for an opportunity to take over a company.

Certainly some plusses and minuses involved, but it very much depends on the spouse. If she can handle it without a lifetime of resentment and is a solid parent, it can be done.

Think of how much you do for, and with, your family every day and how much your spouse does. When you get home from work how much do you do? Can your spouse handle being a single mother for 70% of the week?

I know I missed a lot of what is consider daily mundane time, but I also know that time is where you are helping form your children's outlook and expectations for life. My kids are, for the most part, well adjusted, but there are times when I think some of the struggles they have had are due to me not being there every day.

Tough call all the way.

 

[IANDFAN]

Re-read op. He said double to triple if he moves.

Full time which isn’t an option as the family doesn’t want to move.

 

[ICWestfan]

Have a job opportunity that will increase my salary by about 30% but requires I commute from KS to TX. Kids are currently in high school and wife doesn't want to move to Texas. Considering commuting where I can do 3-4 days in a row there and 1-2 days home. Curious if anyone has done something like this and what impacts they thought it put on their family life.

Alternatively if I move and work full time I'll make double or triple my salary. Wondering if anyone packed up their high school kids and moved.

How many kids and how old? Would it be possible to farm them out to friends and then you and TBW (Pic?) move to Texas? I know you said she doesn't want to move but maybe get her down there and then let her decide?

 

[General Tso]

Which decision would you look back on more favorably on the last day of life on this planet?

 

[Mountain Man Hawk]

30% more doesn’t sounds like enough given the drawbacks.

It sounds like you are already well off, is there anything that would really change in your lifestyle from 30% more? You might be so busy and stressed from all the travel back and forth that you wouldn’t really have time to enjoy the extra cash.

 

[SolarHawk]

Full time which isn’t an option as the family doesn’t want to move.

But it is. Not sure if you’re going for a gotcha moment, but this ain’t one.

 

[IANDFAN]

But it is. Not sure if you’re going for a gotcha moment, but this ain’t one.

Nope, no gotcha. Just clarifying so we both understand

 

[Urohawk]

If it’s double or triple you should have a talk with the family. Money isn’t everything, but it can be life changing. I’m guessing you make pretty decent coin as it is, so this sounds like significant money we’re talking about.

Edit: Also, you live in Kansas. I don’t think Texas could be worse lol.

My wife is also a physician so we are more than fine financially. This is the algorithm for family income:
For reference things stay the same and we will call my salary and her salary together 1X.
1. I commute part time and she stays working then our combo is 1.3X.
2. I move full time and she gets a new job then our combo is 2X.
3. I move full time and she quits her job then our combo is 1.5X.

Wife- The issue is she doesn't want to move and she wants to continue to work so quitting for her is unlikely. She doesn't want to be in Texas due to politics climate surrounding her job.

Money is not the main motivator. I am starting to hate my job. We have a new boss. To quote the WHO, "meet the new boss, same as the old boss". Our group has transformed and gotten really big. We still run the same way we did when we had 7 people and we are now up to 21. A mid tier guy got promoted (he's the guy who made the most sense of all internal candidates) but he's not listening to any senior people. We did outside candidate interviews and he was clearly the least qualified but the cheapest. Senior folks have been asking for leadership restructuring, resources, etc. Trying to give him grace and time but he's been interim and now permanent for almost 2 years. That and coupled with how the hospital works, they treat us like employees that are told what to do. Part of my ethos is to have an impact on the place I work and make it better for those around me. There is no ability to enact change here.

The best upside for me is I'm joining a med school classmate and a mentor who trained me. So the guys I'm working with I've known for 20 years.

 

[Urohawk]

I would not define 30% as a big raise in this case.

30% raise and move from full time to about 60% time plus commute.

 

[IANDFAN]

My wife is also a physician so we are more than fine financially. This is the algorithm for family income:
For reference things stay the same and we will call my salary and her salary together 1X.
1. I commute part time and she stays working then our combo is 1.3X.
2. I move full time and she gets a new job then our combo is 2X.
3. I move full time and she quits her job then our combo is 1.5X.

Wife- The issue is she doesn't want to move and she wants to continue to work so quitting for her is unlikely. She doesn't want to be in Texas due to politics climate surrounding her job.

Money is not the main motivator. I am starting to hate my job. We have a new boss. To quote the WHO, "meet the new boss, same as the old boss". Our group has transformed and gotten really big. We still run the same way we did when we had 7 people and we are now up to 21. A mid tier guy got promoted (he's the guy who made the most sense of all internal candidates) but he's not listening to any senior people. We did outside candidate interviews and he was clearly the least qualified but the cheapest. Senior folks have been asking for leadership restructuring, resources, etc. Trying to give him grace and time but he's been interim and now permanent for almost 2 years. That and coupled with how the hospital works, they treat us like employees that are told what to do. Part of my ethos is to have an impact on the place I work and make it better for those around me. There is no ability to enact change here.

The best upside for me is I'm joining a med school classmate and a mentor who trained me. So the guys I'm working with I've known for 20 years.

Join or start a private practice?

 

[Urohawk]

How many kids and how old? Would it be possible to farm them out to friends and then you and TBW (Pic?) move to Texas? I know you said she doesn't want to move but maybe get her down there and then let her decide?

8th, 12th, and senior who is going to college.

 

[Urohawk]

Join or start a private practice?

Join a private practice.

 

[BrianNole777]

Have a job opportunity that will increase my salary by about 30% but requires I commute from KS to TX. Kids are currently in high school and wife doesn't want to move to Texas. Considering commuting where I can do 3-4 days in a row there and 1-2 days home. Curious if anyone has done something like this and what impacts they thought it put on their family life.

Alternatively if I move and work full time I'll make double or triple my salary. Wondering if anyone packed up their high school kids and moved.

There are so many variables in your scenario my answer is "it depends."

You're a doctor, right? The average doctor in America makes $1,000 a day. That's alot. You live in Kansas so I assume your cost of living is relatively low.

Do you have alot of debt? Are you saving or spending more money each month than you're taking in?

One option could be to try the commute for 6 months and see how it goes. You could talk to your family via Zoom when you're away during the week at appropriate times.

You may love or hate the new gig. See if you can try it out for 6 months or a year and see how it works out.

Is that an option?

 

[SolarHawk]

Nope, no gotcha. Just clarifying so we both understand

Well you lack understanding then, as it’s clearly an option regardless of the kids and wife’s feelings. Otherwise why would op even bring it up as an option? Not trying to speak for op, but it seems to be at least a consideration. Therefore you’re wrong and I’m right. Good day sir.

 

[Urohawk]

There are so many variables in your scenario my answer is "it depends."

You're a doctor, right? The average doctor in America makes $1,000 a day. That's alot. You live in Kansas so I assume your cost of living is relatively low.

Do you have alot of debt? Are you saving or spending more money each month than you're taking in?

One option could be to try the commute for 6 months and see how it goes. You could talk to your family via Zoom when you're away during the week at appropriate times.

You may love or hate the new gig. See if you can try it out for 6 months or a year and see how it works out.

Is that an option?

Not for a physician. I have to cut ties with the old place. The people who sent you patients will dry up. There is no landing spot to return to. They will recruit a replacement as I have a big practice at the old place. It takes 1-2 years for a surgeon to make money for the group employing them. They support your salary as you don't show up immediately busy so no such thing as a trial run.

 

[Urohawk]

Well you lack understanding then, as it’s clearly an option regardless of the kids and wife’s feelings. Otherwise why would op even bring it up as an option? Not trying to speak for op, but it seems to be at least a consideration. Therefore you’re wrong and I’m right. Good day sir.

Wife is negative on her job as well. Just not as negative as me. I have been working on her to consider the upside so nothing is really of the table. Just the least likely.

 

[Tenacious E]

Have a job opportunity that will increase my salary by about 30% but requires I commute from KS to TX. Kids are currently in high school and wife doesn't want to move to Texas. Considering commuting where I can do 3-4 days in a row there and 1-2 days home. Curious if anyone has done something like this and what impacts they thought it put on their family life.

Alternatively if I move and work full time I'll make double or triple my salary. Wondering if anyone packed up their high school kids and moved.

I guess I’m not getting the math. Work 3-4 days for a 30% bump or work 5 days a week and get a 200% to 300% jump?

 

[BrianNole777]

Not for a physician. I have to cut ties with the old place. The people who sent you patients will dry up. There is no landing spot to return to. They will recruit a replacement as I have a big practice at the old place. It takes 1-2 years for a surgeon to make money for the group employing them. They support your salary as you don't show up immediately busy so no such thing as a trial run.

Yeah, that's a pickle.

First, I'd tell your current workplace about your concerns. They may do nothing or they may make changes.

Good luck.

 

[Urohawk]

Which decision would you look back on more favorably on the last day of life on this planet?

That's a great question. The reality is a lot of physicians define themselves by their work. I could consider walking away when the last kid is through college. I derive a lot of pleasure knowing I helped a lot of people, educated future physicians, etc. I don't have to do it until the day I die.

 

[IANDFAN]

Join a private practice.

As in can you do that in Kansas