I would think once would do it. Not really a pro women place to be to begin with.
Commuting/Working Out of State vs Moving Family in High School
- Thread starter Urohawk
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My 2 cents for what it is worth
As I sit in a hotel and type this message, before you decide, take stock of what is important.
I have chased the dollar, lived in hotels, and executive long-term rentals for 15+ years. While I will be able to have a very comfortable retirement, as I have gotten to my 50s, I think more about the missed moments with my wife ( no pics)and family (no pics) than I do some vacations we can take as 70-year-olds.
I would trade those possible future vacations in a second today to have been at all the missed birthdays, anniversaries, and significant events.
As I sit in a hotel and type this message, before you decide, take stock of what is important.
I have chased the dollar, lived in hotels, and executive long-term rentals for 15+ years. While I will be able to have a very comfortable retirement, as I have gotten to my 50s, I think more about the missed moments with my wife ( no pics)and family (no pics) than I do some vacations we can take as 70-year-olds.
I would trade those possible future vacations in a second today to have been at all the missed birthdays, anniversaries, and significant events.
Texas has had a woman Senator, a woman Governor and women have been elected as Mayor of Dallas twice, Houston once. Going back years in fact.
Texas is a hard no for the wife and 80% no to moving while kids are in high school.
This is the sort of thing I was looking for. I think people mistook me for asking what to do. I was more asking what their experiences were if they did it.
I hear you. Part of this is the part time aspect means I would be home 3-4 days of the week with no additional work on the days I am home so I'd be more present.
Expecting this is why I decided to NOT take a couple opportunities. Some days I do think about what could have been, but I get to spend so much time with my kids. We moved for my wife's job 1.5 years ago, the kids were going into 4th and 6th grade. They were miserable and STILL talk about the friend group they had in CO. I fear we are moving again in 2 years and not looking forward to the crying and emotional strain on the kids.
Sweet, they just don’t let them have as many freedoms as other states.
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I think this answers your question. In my opinion, you don’t want your wife to end up resenting you and ruin your marriage.
Again, you know your kids better than anyone and how they would take it. Are they quieter kids who don't have large friend groups and/or are active online. That will probably NOT be a big deal to them, even though they are in 8th and 12th grade. If they are somewhat social kids with larger friend groups, I would say that will be significantly more challenging. I'm in a large suburban school district (HS with over 3,000 students). My kids are active at the middle school level in sports. Moving for them would be devastating because they are hoping to play football and basketball at our local school. Move out of state to a new similar large suburban district that is significantly more invested in having trained the kids in that district, all sorts of issues come with that. They take some kids spot on the team, those kids are unhappy. They don't get spots because they are the knew kids, they are unhappy. (Extrapolate to band, theatre, etc...) Move to a rural school district they probably have no issues playing, but the teams might suck and never compete, they would hate that. Just a TON of unknown variables, that to me isn't worth it.
Our good friends moved just two hours south to another large suburban district in Indianapolis at the start of this school year. I knew it would be a huge mistake. Son was entering freshman year. Was probably the most popular kid in school (literally), but wasn't an athlete, too short, etc.... But super popular, everybody loved this kid at school. New district, the kid has struggled mightily this school year to meet new friends and fit in, he doesn't have that niche, and nobody knows him, so he went from being the most popular kid, because he just had this great personality and everyone he grew up with loved him, to now those inherent things like his personality aren't easy to show when you are new, as opposed to like an athletic talent. It's just the reality. This kid had about the best imaginable life from a standpoint of entering high school and the parents totally screwed it up. (Also, parents were both doctors, ironically, like your case).
🙄 I lived there for twenty years. I was as free there as the other eight states I lived in - including California.
Personally, I wouldn't do it until youngest is out of high school.
You have to weigh the potential negatives (kids maybe having to move, miss time with kids/wife, etc.), versus the potential positives (big ass money AND the ability to start a 2nd, much better family, on the sly).
Did you live there before or after the MAGA movement took hold and overturned Roe?
I'm definitely on the liberal side of the aisle, but also don't have my head in the sand. Plenty of women actually prefer more conservative policies like in Texas ... 30% of women support overturning Roe, that's not a small number.
Was faced with a similar situation a number of years back,.. Rather than make what appeared to be the obvious career decision, I instead chose to go with what I felt would be the best family decision,.. Have never regretted it.
I sure did. Lived there before the SC said states should decide. But like anyone with a brain I used birth control. I wasn’t raped by my father or uncle or an assailant and I didn’t need a termination of a pregnancy. And none of those would have affected my rights anyway. My rights are just like a man’s rights.
Have you missed all my posts indicating I’m strongly pro-choice?
And of those 30% many are focused on what the court judged on - which is that’s it’s a state thing. They’re not necessarily opposed to any and all abortions.
Well I was an AF brat, so I didn’t have a choice. Dragged out of my hs in Japan in January of my jr year, finished that year in Belleville, IL, where they hated military kids, senior year at O’Fallon.
Had to make college choices during that time, much of which was predicated on where family was.
But, in your situation, it’s a family decision. Everyone should have a say.
The kids might hate it, but they’ll adapt.
Sidebar. My mother told my dad in 1960, “I don’t care where we go, so long as it’s south of the Mason Dixon line”. My dad was sent to Loring AFB in northern Maine.
In hindsight I wouldn’t trade my experiences that I was fortunate enough to have.
Ignoring your wife's wishes and ripping your kids' lives apart just to bump your salary when you are already rich doesn't seem like a wise path to me, but whatever. 95% of the people on this board are probably gutting it out in jobs they don't love for a lot less money than you are already making. I'd wait a few years and reassess at that point.
^^^ woah woah woah, this is HORT we're talking about.
Where did he say he was “rich”??
He and his wife worked very hard to get to this point in their lives and probably didn’t start their careers unt their mid-thirties or later for some surgery specialties. Med school debt, etc. Their malpractice insurance combined is likely a six figure hit too.
If their combined salary is mid to upper sixes they’ve earned it.
I don’t begrudge Docs one penny of what they earn.
No one said OP and his wife didn't earn anything they have, but I would imagine they have a combined household income north of $500K, given the ages of their kids. If you're into your late 40s or 50s given that set up and are not rich, something is wrong.
I’m going out on a limb and guessing that they’re paying a whole lot in taxes, malpractice insurance, child care and student loans.
Three kids aren’t cheap.
I’m on a fixed income so I get by on far less than that but someone in my family has a situation not unlike theirs, and they’re similarly successful but not “rich”.
The saying goes that a rich person is anyone who makes a dollar more than you do.
I am saying they likely clear $500K, pretax, after paying overhead, malpractice insurance, etc. That is rich. Not having eff you money, but rich.
No one said it wasn't earned or deserved. As for rich versus comfortable, semantics I suppose, as to whether one is comfortable, very comfortable, or very very comfortable.
I’ve known a few people in that boat. Making $500-750k and they’re literally paycheck to paycheck.
In Kansas City? Well, I suppose we need to distinguish "rich" and "rich lifestyle". If you are making $750K in KC and are pay check to pay check with no wealth accretion, you are leaving it all on the field in terms of sucking the marrow out of life in the present.
Can you negotiate with your current employer by telling them you have an offer for a 30% raise and see how much of a raise you can get out of them? If you can get half of what the raise would be, it might be worth staying put.
Actually, one guy I knew was in St Louis in sales and was making over $500k. This was about 10-12 years ago. He had alimony and child support from a first marriage, and was complaining to me one time about how his new wife was high maintenance and spent like crazy. They had a big house, fancy cars, clothes, etc. Just living above their means.
As someone joked in another thread, it sounds like he was making wife changing money.
Low income people are squeezed by life, mid/upper income are squeezed by lifestyle.
I have a ton of clients that make over $200k and have very little savings.
$200k in small town Iowa is a good chunk of change.
Blows my mind.
It would only take once for complications to take either her life or fertility. Granted, he has means to get her out of Texas if needed but complications don't always give you time for that. I can understand why his physician wife would be a hard no on it.
I'll be honest, I can see that, after paying taxes, health insurance, and everything else in life. But tripling the salary would mean every dollar above what they are making now is discretionary income.
Oh c'mon, they are both doctors. No one is saying they didn't earn it, just that if the guy wants to sacrifice the love of his wife and family for a 30% raise, don't come back here crying to us about it in 3 years.
Where is that a saying? No one says that. The poor don't say it because they know what poor looks like, and the rich don't because they know they are well off.
I'm guessing my three kids cost roughly the same anyone else's three kids and somehow my non-doctor no-pic and non-doctor me are still able to put together a pretty comfortable life.
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