Divorce underway....

[Pepperman]

In situations like this, all I need to know about some people are that they seemingly take pleasure in other people's troubles. That's about as cowardly and low as you can get, but hey, if you have nothing going for yourself, why not?

Best of luck, Clarinda.

 

[Derekd3408]

Clarinda probably signed tax returns that didnt report that cash as income. If he documents that he knew of the cash, it would be like admitting to tax fraud.

Just thinking out loud.

That's really the only reason I could see someone keeping 70k in a safe for an extended time period.

 

[naturalmwa]

I have no advice to give, just wishing you peace and sanity.

 

[dgordo]

I guess now we know where kingsbury14 has been.

 

[Pepperman]

That's really the only reason I could see someone keeping 70k in a safe for an extended time period.

Imagination should be a lot stronger then!

Maybe they don't trust the banking system and are ok to "miss out" on 0.4% interest rates on a CD?

Maybe they are in other illegal activities and can't find a way to launder it easily?

Maybe they trust the banking system, but still don't care about 0.4% rates and don't want to have to explain large cash movements either way?

$70k in cash isn't an uncommon thing. Perhaps in a safe in the house is a bit weird, but I know a guy who always has that much cash in his safe. He probably wishes fewer people knew that about him, but whatever.

 

[HotelAlphaWilcoKilo]

$70k in cash isn't an uncommon thing. Perhaps in a safe in the house is a bit weird, but I know a guy who always has that much cash in his safe. He probably wishes fewer people knew that about him, but whatever.

 

[icu81222]

How many on here have 70K laying around the house in cash?

Unless you have a really good fireproof safe, that much would be a bad idea. I try to keep close to 10k but don't feel comfortable with more than that.

 

[ClarindaA's]

Unless you have a really good fireproof safe, that much would be a bad idea. I try to keep close to 10k but don't feel comfortable with more than that.

It is a good gun safe, Browning.

 

[GarryO37]

This has been a pretty good thread, roller coaster like.

 

[Kinnick 4 Prez]

So are there going to be any pics of females in this thread?

 

[CuttyDoesIt]

You have 70K laying around and you only use as a down payment for a car? that makes sense

 

[fredjr82]

You are very clear on your feelings toward cheating and cheaters. What is your stance on sexless marriages? It's a problem occurring in far more marriages than infidelity. I don't know what happened in the marriage between OP and soon-to-be-Mrs OP, and infidelity is certainly a killer, but it sounds like he was pretty miserable for a long time. He went that direction and it ultimately may have sealed it between him and her.

Isn't "sexless marriage" kind of redundant? Of course married people aren't going to have to sex like they did when they were dating or first married. If you marriage was based around sex than it was doomed to fail from the beginning and OP should have seen it. A majority of relationships are going have a cooling period (hell down right frozen if I'm being honest) so you better have something to fall back on when that time comes otherwise things aren't going to go well. My wife and I have 3 kids (3 year old twins and a 9 month old) so I can empathize with every married man out there who isn't getting enough at home, but I'm not going to stray from my marriage because I'm not getting laid like I once did. Anyone who does is a weak individual (my opinion) and deserves whatever outcome they get.

 

[theIowaHawk]

Shouldn't be. As you know, many states including Iowa are "no fault" states, so the reason shouldn't matter. Even if it did, if he sought out the affair due to her "failure to provide companionship", it's a push in the eyes of a fair court.

You are very clear on your feelings toward cheating and cheaters. What is your stance on sexless marriages? It's a problem occurring in far more marriages than infidelity. I don't know what happened in the marriage between OP and soon-to-be-Mrs OP, and infidelity is certainly a killer, but it sounds like he was pretty miserable for a long time. He went that direction and it ultimately may have sealed it between him and her.

All states.

 

[Hy_dro]

Isn't "sexless marriage" kind of redundant? Of course married people aren't going to have to sex like they did when they were dating or first married. If you marriage was based around sex than it was doomed to fail from the beginning and OP should have seen it. A majority of relationships are going have a cooling period (hell down right frozen if I'm being honest) so you better have something to fall back on when that time comes otherwise things aren't going to go well. My wife and I have 3 kids (3 year old twins and a 9 month old) so I can empathize with every married man out there who isn't getting enough at home, but I'm not going to stray from my marriage because I'm not getting laid like I once did. Anyone who does is a weak individual (my opinion) and deserves whatever outcome they get.

I think this is an appropriate time to recognize the significance of the hand. Thank you left hand for always being there.

 

[CarolinaHawkeye]

How many on here have 70K laying around the house in cash?

Maybe in my pocket. I'll have to count it later to make sure.

 

[fredjr82]

I think this is an appropriate time to recognize the significance of the hand. Thank you left hand for always being there.

I like to sit on my left hand until it goes numb. Then it feels like someone else is doing it.

 

[ClarindaA's]

You have 70K laying around and you only use as a down payment for a car? that makes sense

you can only pay so much cash before...well...you obviously don't have that much cash.

 

[Besthawkfan]

Maybe women just aren't your thing. Ask naturalmwa to hook you up with a couple of his buddies.

 

[ClarindaA's]

Maybe women just aren't your thing. Ask naturalmwa to hook you up with a couple of his buddies.

not the problem

 

[fredjr82]

you can only pay so much cash before...well...you obviously don't have that much cash.

Seems like kind of a cocky response for someone who just let 70k leave with their soon to be ex.

 

[ClarindaA's]

Seems like kind of a cocky response for someone who just let 70k leave with their soon to be ex.

it's accurate...as is your response.. I"ll be fine though..and so will she.

 

[fredjr82]

it's accurate...as is your response.. I"ll be fine though..and so will she.

It's good to see that you are somewhat accepting that your actions are what led to this. I hope this makes you a stronger person as well as someone who is a little more tolerant of those around you. Sometimes these things are blessings in disguise.

 

[PerkyForHerky]

Maybe women just aren't your thing. Ask naturalmwa to hook you up with a couple of his buddies.

baseballa has a hot tub you could borrow

 

[jellyfish10]

OP should have listened to the hot crazy matrix. Hairdressers, strippers, girls named Tiffany, etc.

Good luck Clarinda. You are going to get a bunch of horrible, BS advice and fake sympathy. The only thing I can tell you is that every divorce is different so it is very hard to draw parallels between situations, but you will definitely find out who truly loves and cares about you. Good luck man.

 

[ClarindaA's]

OP should have listened to the hot crazy matrix. Hairdressers, strippers, girls named Tiffany, etc.

Good luck Clarinda. You are going to get a bunch of horrible, BS advice and fake sympathy. The only thing I can tell you is that every divorce is different so it is very hard to draw parallels between situations, but you will definitely find out who truly loves and cares about you. Good luck man.

Thank you sir...She and I are talking..we both still care about each other....I"m admittedly letting her screw me over money wise...but I can survive.

 

[ClarindaA's]

It's good to see that you are somewhat accepting that your actions are what led to this. I hope this makes you a stronger person as well as someone who is a little more tolerant of those around you. Sometimes these things are blessings in disguise.

Also, it takes two ....if a person is told that they make someone miserable, over and over..simply for being alive...it's reasonable to shut down your feelings...it is sad, devastating, and I didn't handle it correctly.

 

[unIowa]

Also, it takes two ....if a person is told that they make someone miserable, over and over..simply for being alive...it's reasonable to shut down your feelings...it is sad, devastating, and I didn't handle it correctly.

Didn't you just state above that you both "still care for each other".

Sounds like things will be better for you moving forward, my advice is flush any guilt you have ASAP and go out and enjoy the world and all the poon it has to offer.

 

[ping72]

How many on here have 70K laying around the house in cash?

Always. That's not even enough cash for a "Vegas on a whim" weekend.

 

[whatsup12579er]

Always. That's not even enough cash for a "Vegas on a whim" weekend.

But if you put that $70k on the Hawkeyes to win the National Championship at 200:1, after you cash out you should have enough for a day or two in Vegas.

 

[Fan In Black]

This may be the greatest F thing I have ever seen.

 

[gojojo]

OP should have listened to the hot crazy matrix. Hairdressers, strippers, girls named Tiffany, etc.

Good luck Clarinda. You are going to get a bunch of horrible, BS advice and fake sympathy. The only thing I can tell you is that every divorce is different so it is very hard to draw parallels between situations, but you will definitely find out who truly loves and cares about you. Good luck man.

This is very true. I have no time for people that don't stand by during a difficult time. It's amazing how many people will disappear and then come back once they hear things are getting better for you. I have learned to stop faking it and smile and move on from those folks; ain't nobody got time for that.

Things will get better. It's very rough at first, but things turn around quicker than you think. Best of luck.

 

[curt26]

Isn't "sexless marriage" kind of redundant? Of course married people aren't going to have to sex like they did when they were dating or first married. If you marriage was based around sex than it was doomed to fail from the beginning and OP should have seen it. A majority of relationships are going have a cooling period (hell down right frozen if I'm being honest) so you better have something to fall back on when that time comes otherwise things aren't going to go well. My wife and I have 3 kids (3 year old twins and a 9 month old) so I can empathize with every married man out there who isn't getting enough at home, but I'm not going to stray from my marriage because I'm not getting laid like I once did. Anyone who does is a weak individual (my opinion) and deserves whatever outcome they get.

False.. Married 13 years.. more and better sex now than when first married

 

[ClarindaA's]

Didn't you just state above that you both "still care for each other".

Sounds like things will be better for you moving forward, my advice is flush any guilt you have ASAP and go out and enjoy the world and all the poon it has to offer.

We do care...she realized too late that she had neglected me, put me down, etc.....I should have done more, sooner, to save it.

 

[fredjr82]

False.. Married 13 years.. more and better sex now than when first married

Any kids? Are they grown?

 

[unIowa]

False.. Married 13 years.. more and better sex now than when first married

Agree...13 years as well.

Honey is that you on the other end???

 

[CarolinaHawkeye]

False.. Married 13 years.. more and better sex now than when first married

Do you belong to one of those clubs?

 

[dandh]

Imagination should be a lot stronger then!

Maybe they don't trust the banking system and are ok to "miss out" on 0.4% interest rates on a CD?

Maybe they are in other illegal activities and can't find a way to launder it easily?

Maybe they trust the banking system, but still don't care about 0.4% rates and don't want to have to explain large cash movements either way?

$70k in cash isn't an uncommon thing. Perhaps in a safe in the house is a bit weird, but I know a guy who always has that much cash in his safe. He probably wishes fewer people knew that about him, but whatever.

A better guess is that it was never declared as income when taxes were filed, so they did not put it in the bank in case they were ever audited. No income trail, no problema.

 

[KennyPowers_96]

Any kids? Are they grown?

Don't let kids be the reason. I'm lucky that my wife has gone out of her way to keep things active, even the times she's not in the mood.

I'm sure you're both busy/tired, but what you said earlier will lead you to a sexless marriage later. I'm at the 15 year mark (13 with kids) and let me tell you, they become bigger cock blockers as they get older. Find time man or you will drift apart later.

I have similar advice if she's saying she's "overweight because of the baby" beyond the 6 month mark, but that's more selfish preference stuff...

 

[fredjr82]

Don't let kids be the reason. I'm lucky that my wife has gone out of her way to keep things active, even the times she's not in the mood.

I'm sure you're both busy/tired, but what you said earlier will lead you to a sexless marriage later. I'm at the 15 year mark (13 with kids) and let me tell you, they become bigger cock blockers as they get older. Find time man or you will drift apart later.

I have similar advice if she's saying she's "overweight because of the baby" beyond the 6 month mark, but that's more selfish preference stuff...

I'm not in any type of dry spell (sorry if I made that seem like the case). We just don't have the multi-round sessions anymore since the kids came along. Maybe a quickie why they're doing something else or a quick shower together. We have other things/interests in common so the "lack of" sex isn't a huge deal (obviously everyone wants to be getting laid more than they are now) so I'm not too worried about it. If it ever gets to that point that it is a big deal hopefully we can work through it rather than stray from the marriage. If not I'll create a thread on HROT so everyone knows I'm getting divorced.

 

[stevenpatrick]

A better guess is that it was never declared as income when taxes were filed, so they did not put it in the bank in case they were ever audited. No income trail, no problema.

So, it's tax evasion.