Ha you offering divorce advice would be as amusing and pointless as you offering tourist advice about Seattle. Good for Clarinda for finally buckling down and doing what he should have done. Maybe you can learn something from him.
Divorce underway....
- Thread starter ClarindaA's
- Start date
I think you're missing the point of a sexless marriage. I know multiple couples who haven't had sex in years.
My wife and I were just talking about this last night. A friend of hers told my wife that her and her husband have only had sex 3 times in the 18 months since she got pregnant. Personally I could not be in a marriage like that. I'm not saying I'd cheat on my wife, but at some point I'd just have to get out of the marriage. However, I can sympathize with someone in that situation who strays. Its fine and all to have other things in common and other ties that bind, but sex is an important part of a healthy marriage, for both physical reasons and for emotional reasons. I'm lucky that my wife feels the same way.
Plus, I'm gorgeous, so even after all these years, she just can't resist me.
My wife and I were just talking about this last night. A friend of hers told my wife that her and her husband have only had sex 3 times in the 18 months since she got pregnant. Personally I could not be in a marriage like that. I'm not saying I'd cheat on my wife, but at some point I'd just have to get out of the marriage. However, I can sympathize with someone in that situation who strays. Its fine and all to have other things in common and other ties that bind, but sex is an important part of a healthy marriage, for both physical reasons and for emotional reasons. I'm lucky that my wife feels the same way.
Plus, I'm gorgeous, so even after all these years, she just can't resist me.
That was the point of my statement. The poster was passing pretty strong judgement about "not getting sex as much" but that's completely different than zero. At some point you either have to cheat or get out.
Good for you. What you have done has gained my respect, although I don't really think it's very noble to commit tax fraud. On the flip side, I personally can't respect a guy that's been walked over and had their woman cheat on a regular basis with multiple partners and still stay with them since they lack self respect and any remnants of testosterone.
Clarinda and Jelly, do what's best for you guys and don't listen to SP.
For your info, I've never had a productive relationship however it hasn't stopped me from trying. Plus sometimes it's good to get out on your own. You were with this broad 20 years, life and your perspective on it has changed. Take care of the kids, do you (I think white ppl do spa days or some shit to relax), and enjoy not being in a dysfunctional relationship.
Swag out
For your info, I've never had a productive relationship however it hasn't stopped me from trying. Plus sometimes it's good to get out on your own. You were with this broad 20 years, life and your perspective on it has changed. Take care of the kids, do you (I think white ppl do spa days or some shit to relax), and enjoy not being in a dysfunctional relationship.
Swag out
It was the late, great Elvis Presley who told American men:
"If you find your sweetheart in the arms of your best friend,
that's what your heartaches begin.
You see love is a thing you never can share, and when
you find your friend having a love affair......that's the end
of a lifetime, that's the end of dream."
"If you find your sweetheart in the arms of your best friend,
that's what your heartaches begin.
You see love is a thing you never can share, and when
you find your friend having a love affair......that's the end
of a lifetime, that's the end of dream."
I won't lose any sleep in not gaining the respect of a mythical Internet troll persona. Keep trying boy.
You realize I've met multiple posters from this site right? And propositioned to meet many more?
It don't know what your head is in the sand more about-my realness or your wife's lack of faithfulness
You are propositioning people from this website?
How many times are you gonna run your mouth about meeting people from here? Every thread you try to troll me I tell you the same thing...POST A PIC. And why are you so obsessed with my personal life? You are a strange, small, pathetic little man.
When do we get to meet? I look forward to the day that happens. Id love for you to introduce me to your fists.
I have done it about the same amount of times as you trot out your "you're not real" BS. See how annoying it is when things get repeated over and over? And why are you so concerned with Clarinda's personal life?
What's your point? Does that give you/them some type of justification for committing adultery? If you're that miserable for not getting laid then get out of the marriage. Don't cheat and hope not to get caught, just end it. It's pretty obvious neither one cares if they aren't evening talking about the lack of sex after "years" of not having it. If you think cheating is debatable just because you aren't getting any at home than you couldn't be more wrong with that opinion.
I think you're so hung up on the concept of "adultery" that you can't see past your own nose. And before you get upset with me for saying that, I will tell you that I can respect your opinion. But we are flippantly throwing around a few different values here, aren't we? There is the marriage value, the real existence of couples miserably going through their marriage with zero physical intimacy, the issue of having an affair, the effects on kids going through divorce...and probably more. You have what sounds to be a "normal" amount of physical intimacy in your marriage- but I wonder how you'd see things if you went for 12 years without ANY physical intimacy of ANY kind. Yet, you don't want the financial ruins of divorce (for both partners) and the resulting impact on children.
Maybe your take is that no sex = leave the marriage, but that's ridiculously simplistic. IMO.
So is your take no sex = justification to cheat? What would you suggest happens in that situation? If you're that miserable that you're ready to cheat on your spouse, I think you should talk to them, go to counseling, leave, etc. I just don't agree with cheating because YOU'RE unhappy with your circumstances. You are going to eventually hurt yourself, hurt your spouse/family, or hurt the person you've started cheating with. It just seems like a very slippery slope to start heading up especially being in an already miserable situation to the point that cheating is a real possibility.
Just to be very clear here, Clarinda cheated years ago and his wife stuck around. It's not like the sole purpose of getting divorced is because she caught him cheating.
every situation is different and if you haven't been through it, you really have no idea what goes through someone's head in those times. I never cheated, nor did I ever look to, but I can't say with 100% certainty I would have passed it up if the opportunity presented itself in the last few months before paperwork being filed. Clarinda admitted to this years ago on here, was really remorseful, they obviously talked about it at the time and tried, somewhat at least, to make it work. It's in the past....no need to relive it all now. After the death of a loved one, divorce is the most stressful thing a person can go through. So perhaps the self-righteous lecture is the last thing the guy needs right now. You made your point on how awful adultery is, and you are correct...it is. But sadly it happens. Time to move on.
I understand your position, and I think its very respectable. But when I think about how it might play out in reality, I think its not as cut and dry, at least for me. In my situation, a divorce would mean going from seeing my kids every day, being a huge part of their lives, to probably seeing them one night a week and every other weekend (since that seems to be the deal most guys get in a divorce). That would devastate me. I just don't know if I could do that, and I don't think it would be healthy for the kids. I also don't think I could go 16 years until my youngest is out of high school without any physical intimacy with my wife. So someone in that position is really between a rock and a hard place.
Cheating is obviously wrong. But denying any real physical intimacy to your spouse seems almost as bad to me.
But like I said, I respect your position. Its a very moral one.
All of that I can agree with. 16 years would be a long time to go without any physical contact with your spouse. So you have a choice, do you file for divorce because of lack of contact or do you step outside the marriage, run the risk of getting caught (and divorced), risk being labeled by your kids (who may hate you for cheating on their mother) as a cheater, hurting the person you're cheating with (you don't really love them they're just providing something you need), etc, etc, etc.
I'm not saying that people who choose to cheat over divorce are the scum of the earth, I can understand and empathize with them. My point is, regardless the outcome is probably going to end up with divorce so you're going to lose/get less time with your kids with both situations. The latter situation though seems to have a lot more heartache attached to it than simply filing for divorce. Either way is going to be hard and nobody is denying that, but the cheating option just seems to have a lot more heartache in the long run next to just up and leaving.
Fred, this is the most adamant I've seen you about anything. Cheating sucks, and I was a serial cheater on girl friends.
From the sounds of it, you won't and I hope your wife doesn't because you would be devastated.
From the sounds of it, you won't and I hope your wife doesn't because you would be devastated.
interesting note on the, "If you get the urge to cheat, just get divorced' thought. This is very common amongst those who are in a happy marriage and I always felt the same way but, did you know that in 85% of divorces someone has already cheated. We learned this nugget in the wonderful "Children in the Middle" class you have to take when kids are involved. Not sure why the woman giving the class felt the need to give that information out, but there were a lot of perplexed looks in the room.
The crazy thing is my parents are still together and never cheated, I've never cheated, and I don't believe I've ever been cheated on (to my knowledge). The part of cheating I'm so adamant about is the very fact of the additional heartache you are going to cause yourself, your family, the person you're cheating with, your community (if you have nosey neighbors), etc, etc, etc. Most of the time it's going to end in divorce anyway. What's the best outcome that's going to come out of it? You get away with the cheating, get the affection you so desire, and hopefully your SO starts to "love" you again. Nevermind the fact that you're going to have to live with the guilt that you cheated (unless you're a sociopath which Clarinda is). I just don't understand the thought process of the person looking to cheat because their lonely, it's only going to make things worse and not cure your loneliness outside of the 15 minutes you're getting some.
Now what do you have against the right hand throwing down a five finger death punch on Lil Hydro?
Oh, I haven't been married because I knew I wasn't ready. I'm not a cheater now, so it's not a "once a cheater always a cheater" thing. How do you know Clarinda is a sociopath? He came clean and feels bad about it.
I whack off like its my job. Keeps me centered
