Get rid of your crap before you die so you aren't a pain in the ass to your family...

bagdropper

HR Legend
Gold Member
Oct 17, 2002
27,864
11,320
113
Yeah, I mean...a part time, flexible job that nets you $22/hr, in addition to a lot of free stuff and some memories...that can be justified on it's own merits anyway, before you even take into consideration any obligation to do it.

And on the other hand...it puts into perspective that even at that take, which is probably in the top decile of results from these things, if you'd been like "I don't need/can't accomodate a multi-year part time job, give me $2k for everything", I think that would be justified as well. Especially when kids live hours away.

It's really great that you and your brother agreed and could work together as a team on it. That makes all the difference in the world.

It becomes horrible when the kid who lives 500 miles away insists on their maximum cut, and the kid who stayed close (and probably handled all the end-of-life nursing), now has that thrust upon them. Good reason to take care of as much of it as you can when you can.

That's what we're dealing with...my brother in law is there with her parents house in NY. We're in Atlanta. Since we can't help, we're ok if he called some junk haulers and emptied the place the day after they died. But he's committed to curating and trying to sell everything he can. He thinks there's a fortune there, and there isn't. We've said he can keep our half as payment for all his effort. We don't want the responsibility, so we don't want to take the proceeds.

Watch him find a Honus Wagner card though...

Yep, we were fortunate. Lived in the CR metro as did both parents. My sister lives in Dubuque so she wasn't there nearly as much, but come sale time she spent the entire last two weeks getting the piles organized and tabled/tagged to where we had our "storefront" ready to go.

All situations are different, and I get why some people have to do it the easiest way possible. I do know a couple people that were in exactly the same situation as you and they both did a blended approach. Went down for a week to see what was actually there, since they were the beneficiaries took what they wanted to keep...then one check sold everything off to someone to haul away.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Nole Lou

Randy Marsh

HR MVP
Oct 11, 2007
1,394
1,032
113
Colorado
My grandma died a few weeks back. We found a love letter from a (married) man talking about how much he enjoyed making love to her and couldn’t resist wanting to grab her and run away with her. That was pretty fuggin weird. So maybe get rid of your kinky stuff when you’re old.
 

seminole97

HR Legend
Jun 14, 2005
17,493
17,722
113
Other thread about estate planning reminded me of this.

I have been going through this and seeing others go through this several times in the last couple years. For the most part, your kids don't want all the crap you've stored. Also, all that stuff you think is worth something...it probably isn't any more.

Listen, when you die, your kids/grandkids are going to be upset and mourning (God willing). Unfortunately, they also might have just finished painstakingly nursing you through a months long if not years long terminal illness. AND NOW...they have to get rid of 3 decades of National Geographic you saved, 8 rooms of "antique" furntiture, and boxes upon boxes of china and glassware that have been packed away since the Carter administration.

It absolutely sucks. It's emotional, but it's also damn hard work, very expensive, and delays the ability to settle your estate. Frankly, its a shitty thing to do to your kids in what will already be a shitty time.

1. Ask your kids what they want. With the exception of some extremely important family heirlooms like a great grandfather's civil war medal or something that you might insist they keep, if they don't specifically want it, trash it. Even if it's important to you. Nobody wants autographs of the guy that played the uncle on the Patty Duke Show, even if it was a huge deal to you when you met him. They never met your grandmother, what do you want them to do with her wedding dress...are they supposed to store it for years indefinite?

There are plenty of things that have great sentimental value to you, and that's why you've kept them. It will be painful to throw them out, for sure. But if you don't, all you are doing is transferring that pain to your kids, forcing them to feel terrible about getting rid of (or having to make room for) something that "obviously meant so much to mom" shortly after you've kicked the bucket.

2. That stuff that you're sure is valuable? Unless you've had it appraised in the last few years...it's probably not. No, don't throw out a Mickey Mantle rookie card, but older people from the pre-Ebay era are convinced that tons and tons of stuff is "valuable", and most of it isn't. It probably was at one time. If you needed to find the gravy boat to complete a 1940's set of Sears dishware in 1989, that might mean scouring estate and garage sales for years, and you might well have been willing to pay $100 once you found it. Now, you can find hundreds of them shipped free from from all over the world, and they cost like $9.

Most of that old crap isn't really worth the hassle it takes to liquidate it. I went through this with my mother and the "depression glass" she lugged from house to house for 60 years. I had boxes of the stuff...and when I took it to a dealer, they bought one candlestick for $10. I went straight next door and dropped it off at Goodwill.

Here's the tip I was told...if it wasn't really valuable in it's time, it's probably not very valuable today. If you've got Swarovsky cristal or Tiffany in the attic...that's probably well worth something today...but if middle-class ass folks like my parents could afford it in 1960, it's not worth shit today for the most part.

If you really think you've got something valuable, get it appraised, and unless your kids are specifically opposed, sell it now. You're the one who used to be into classic fishing lure collecting, you know what you've got, so you sell it. Otherwise you're turning it over to your kids to learn how they are supposed to price and sell antique fishing lures. The vague "that is supposed to be worth something" applied to half your household just leads to way more crap, and way more work to get rid of it.

3. Nobody is going to want your old furniture. Unless you know for a fact you have some special turn of the (last) century piece, make piece with the fact that it's functionally worthless. Nobody wants a china cabinet any more. If you paid $1500 for a big china cabinet in 1965, it is currently worth -$100 that your kids will pay a hauler to take away. Same for fancy dining tables, buffets, big chandelliers. Most of that stuff they will not be able to actually, literally give away for free. There is a good chance that "Amvets will pick it up" is not at all true either.

Now, I'm not in this case saying you should get rid of the furniture you are using on a daily basis, and live your last 20 years out in an empty room. But when you downsize, or move into active adult housing or whatever...don't store that stuff. And give your kids permission, if not instruction, to just get rid of it in the easiest and cheapest manner possible.

TL:DR: If it's not something you currently use, and it's not something your kids specifically want, don't burden them with having to get rid of it all when you're dead.
Missing FW: FW: FW: FW: from the post title, but otherwise A+
 
  • Like
Reactions: Nole Lou

SB_SB

HR Heisman
Apr 4, 2006
6,131
5,978
113
Great thread. My father is a farmer and has stuff spread throughout about four barns/pole buildings.
When that day comes, I don't even know where I'll start.
One time I saw a bucket of bolts, and asked if we needed them anymore.
He was like, 'those are the bolts for the head gasket of the old John Deere MI'.
ok....I'm not going to have any idea as to the importance of some of this stuff.

I bet he has some good stuff, but glad I don't have to deal with that. Let me know if you find a GTO or Chevelle, I might be interested.
 

Pinehawk

HR Legend
Sep 16, 2003
20,410
15,211
113
x
I bet he has some good stuff, but glad I don't have to deal with that. Let me know if you find a GTO or Chevelle, I might be interested.

I know there is an old boat and a hot tub that have both never been used (by us).
 

billanole

HR Legend
Mar 5, 2005
11,753
12,623
113
Great thread. My father is a farmer and has stuff spread throughout about four barns/pole buildings.
When that day comes, I don't even know where I'll start.
One time I saw a bucket of bolts, and asked if we needed them anymore.
He was like, 'those are the bolts for the head gasket of the old John Deere MI'.
ok....I'm not going to have any idea as to the importance of some of this stuff.
The best thing is that if the head gasket ever needs replacing, y’all have the bolts.
The other thing is, if the head gasket never needs replacing, y’all have the bolts.
 
  • Haha
Reactions: HawCory

Pinehawk

HR Legend
Sep 16, 2003
20,410
15,211
113
The best thing is that if the head gasket ever needs replacing, y’all have the bolts.
The other thing is, if the head gasket never needs replacing, y’all have the bolts.

Oh, the engine is currently in two pieces...but...yeah, I still don't know if we'll ever need the bolts.
 

Pinehawk

HR Legend
Sep 16, 2003
20,410
15,211
113
It's actually a pretty cool, and relatively rare tractor. An orange John Deere with belly mounted sickle mower.
This isn't it, but same model.

5852214_0.jpg
 

StormHawk42

HR Legend
Nov 3, 2009
16,821
18,239
113
You would be surprised at what people will pay estate lawyers to make sure that they inherit that crap.
Truer words never spoken. Farm heirs in particular are the absolute worst because they usually have the money to pay lawyers to fight about stupid sh!t.
 
Last edited:

seminole97

HR Legend
Jun 14, 2005
17,493
17,722
113
The last one said “never, my sister and I are best friends.” Then the police came to our work and her sister wanted all her banking statements and to block her from their father’s estate. It was delicious telling her that I told her so. Lot of tears and a family torn apart.
FTFY
 

Eburghawk

HR MVP
Nov 9, 2001
1,731
3,380
113
I worked for an auctioneer in my spare time for a few years. They were also realtors and agreed to clear out the house just to get the real estate listing from the family on numerous occasions.

Half the time we were dealing with families who thought their stuff was priceless & end up pissed when no one else at the auction gave a crap about grandma’s cup and saucer collection.

You try to explain to these people that strangers have no sentimental connection to the items like you do. Then on the other end of the spectrum I’ve seen people come to blows over quilts and blankets, all sorts of stupid things.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Nole Lou