How do you know

[OC_Hawk]

When you start accumulating pets to fill the void.

With years of training, only the very smartest pet can fetch you a beer from the refrigerator. With that same amount of training, almost any kid can do it.

+1 for kids

 

[3boysmom]

Sure, but a few years later that same kid will be drinking them. And you will wonder what keeps happening to your beer.

+1 for pets

 

[Wendy79]

This may be a hi-jacking, but I am curious:

If any of you are a) married and b) consciously not having children............what was your reason for getting married?

Personally, I got married to begin the process of having children. I did not expect it to occur immediately, but that was up to God.

Not married, but most of my friends are married and childless by choice. They got married because they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together.

Besides, dogs can be kenneled...children cannot...

 

[DarkThunder#61]

Truth be told, it's whenever the wife wants one.....Then you're like "Well congrats Billy, you're getting a sister."

 

[theIowaHawk]

Not married, but most of my friends are married and childless by choice. They got married because they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together.
.

But they could do that without marriage (obviously they can do kids without marriage as well, but it is more complicated). Did they do it for "religious reasons?" i.e. we wanted everybody to know we were banging, but didn't want to feel ashamed. Monetary reasons? i.e. taxes, benefits, etc.

Or, and this one always confused me, did they do it to be "monogamous"? i.e. "Well, crap, now that we signed that paper, I can't just go f*** anyone I choose."

 

[Wendy79]

No...they wanted to get married. They're not particularly religious. They all lived together before marriage; nobody cared. They all make enough that they probably get dinged going up to the next tax bracket. They were monogamous before they got married.

Did you just choose somebody who wanted kids too? Did you even get married for love? Do you love your spouse but not like her, but she's a good mom so that's why you married her?

In my opinion, getting married shows commitment to the world (and/or God, if you swing that way). It's not solely a means to have children.

 

[theIowaHawk]

I agree, and I probably worded it poorly. I lived w/ my now wife, loved her, planned to continue to do so forever, and was monogamous. The idea of kids led to marriage, things regarding children are (imo) much simpler when married (especially for a father).

Certainly one doesn't need to be married to live together, sex together, or bear children.......so I have always been curious what the allure is, doubly so for those that don't want children.

The obvious ones are obvious: Don't want to sex before marriage, or don't want parents to know sexing until marriage, or cohabitation (largely all religiously based). The other obvious ones are the people who think that "cheating" is ok...until married. That logic never occurred to me, but it has pushed many a (often bad) relationship to be married, thinking that it will somehow stop a cheater from cheating.

But, in 2015, its the rest of the people I don't quite get. They live together, they openly sex, they are monogamous, they share finances, buy houses, and so on....so why get married? For the party? Gifts? To shut up your mother-in-law?

 

[Wendy79]

Because they want to.

 

[Wendy79]

I can ask them for more reasons why, if you want.

 

[theIowaHawk]

No, I have friends, I swear.

 

[torbee]

Kids are tons of work. Once you have kids, seemingly your entire life revolves around your kids. Don't get me wrong, my kids are the best thing in my life. It's hard to understand until you have them how kids can simultaneously be both the hardest thing in your life and the best, but that's how I feel (I have a toddler and a newborn and I'm not sleeping well right now...I'm hoping it eventually gets easier). Anyway, the reason I say all of this is to point out that this isn't a decision to just jump into on a whim. You want to wait until you are really ready. Both for your sake and the kids.

It gets a lot easier. Once they are both past 10, they're basically self-sustaining units and you get a lot of your life back. Not ALL. But a lot.

I have two teenagers now, and that brings with it a whole host of new issues, but we are much more able to go out, go on trips and spend time together than we used to.

We decided to have kids pretty early - we will have both out of the house before we turn 50 - and we did that on purpose because we knew we'd have more money and means to really enjoy ourselves later in life rather than earlier. But I agree, either way can work, depending on their personality.