When was the last time you couldn't stop farting?

[BrianNole777]

Last night, I went to a Mexican restaurant near me and ordered a salad with grilled chicken, guacamole, corn and tortilla strips. It was big. I ate the whole thing.

The rest of the night, I couldn't stop farting. I probably passed gas between 50 and 100 times. It smelled like a natural gas leak. I checked my boiler room and that wasn't it.

I'm glad I didn't light a match.

What foods make you fart?

 

[SoProudNole]

On the way home from Outback last night with my mom.

 

[Huey Grey]

I used to make broccoli cheddar soup a lot. That stuff was horrible for farting.

 

[BrianNole777]

On the way home from Outback last night with my mom.

What'd you get at Outback?

 

[On Iowa]

Probably after a night of drinking sour beer. That stuff will rip you up.

 

[Aardvark86]

I had recently come back from a weekend at the Homestead, in Hot Springs, VA. While there, I bought a container of mountain laurel bath salts. After a very long bike ride one afternoon, I decided to have a soak in the tub, and dumped a bunch of the stuff in. It was indeed quite relaxing.

Within an hour of getting out of the tub, literally every step I took, I sounded like some sort of hurly burly one-man band. Mrs. A was like WTF? I was like WTF. So I went up to look at the jar, and sure enough, ingredient #1: mag sulfate.

 

[HawkMachine]

I used to make broccoli cheddar soup a lot. That stuff was horrible for farting.

Getting your ass reamed probably doesn't help either I'm assuming.

 

[Moral]

On the way home from Outback last night with my mom.

I guess that's why she wouldn't let me go outback last night.

 

[Huey Grey]

Getting your ass reamed probably doesn't help either I'm assuming.

Ass reaming can't hold a candle to eating half a head of broccoli. I once farted longer than I can hold my breath. Now that's a no win situation.

 

[Aardvark86]

Once in high school, in a very small AP english class of about 8 students taught by an old lady who looked like the indian on a buffalo nickel, my buddy was sitting next to me, and just absolutely let one rip long and loud. But he knew it was coming, and he had a plan, because that's the kind of guy he was. So without even blinking, he immediately turned to me and loudly exclaimed, "YOU PIG!!!!!!"

At that point, what are you going to do? Deny it?

 

[SeaPA]

The worst I ever had was back in my college days. There was a pizza place/bar across the street from the FSU campus, very near where I was living, called The Pub. Their pizza was pretty good, but the sauce was extremely garlicky. I made the mistake of eating nothing but pizza from there for about three days (Thursday night dinner, leftovers for lunch Friday, Friday night dinner, leftovers for lunch Saturday, Saturday night dinner). Of course, I washed all of it down with copious amounts of cheap beer.
By Sunday, I frigging reeked of garlic. Then early Sunday evening, during my fraternity chapter meeting, the gas kicked in. Every rip lasted 5 to 10 seconds, with no more than 5 to seconds between them. For about an hour. The stench was eye-watering to the point that we called off the meeting about halfway through.

 

[millah_22]

A few nights ago, maybe Saturday. Wife made this tuscan chicken with a bunch of butter. I was absolutely powering farts out my ass. Long wet ones. Ones that may lead to a shart if I'm not careful.

They also reeked. Absolute mood ruiners (for everyone besides myself).

 

[ping72]

My asshole is too tight to fart.

 

[QChawks]

a few weeks ago after going to a movie

I ate nearly a large bucket of popcorn myself, that was rough

 

[Fan In Black]

if I sit on the step of my front porch I always fart. I don't know if it's my legs being bent and slightly raised, or my cheeks veing spread or what. One time it was so loud a guy four houses down heard it. The way he snapped his head around real quick made me laugh. then he started laughing.

 

[ButtersHawk]

Last night, I went to a Mexican restaurant near me and ordered a salad with grilled chicken, guacamole, corn and tortilla strips. It was big. I ate the whole thing.

The rest of the night, I couldn't stop farting. I probably passed gas between 50 and 100 times. It smelled like a natural gas leak. I checked my boiler room and that wasn't it.

I'm glad I didn't light a match.

What foods make you fart?

That was Karma for you ordering a damn salad at a Mexican Restaurant.

 

[BrianNole777]

That was Karma for you ordering a damn salad at a Mexican Restaurant.

Burritos would have been worse...

 

[millah_22]

My asshole is too tight to fart.

I've heard this can happen.

 

[millah_22]

if I sit on the step of my front porch I always fart. I don't know if it's my legs being bent and slightly raised, or my cheeks veing spread or what. One time it was so loud a guy four houses down heard it. The way he snapped his head around real quick made me laugh. then he started laughing.

cause your b-hole is sucking up air like a vacuum.

 

[Jimmy McGill]

When I was in h.s., I held the farts in until the date night was over. Than it was like methane danger of a fire.

 

[millah_22]

When I was in h.s., I held the farts in until the date night was over. Than it was like methane danger of a fire.

So was he into it?

 

[jasonrann]

Last night, I went to a Mexican restaurant near me and ordered a salad with grilled chicken, guacamole, corn and tortilla strips. It was big. I ate the whole thing.

The rest of the night, I couldn't stop farting. I probably passed gas between 50 and 100 times. It smelled like a natural gas leak. I checked my boiler room and that wasn't it.

I'm glad I didn't light a match.

What foods make you fart?

Sounds like an Arby's night.

 

[hawkirugged17]

Last colonoscopy ...

 

[Fan In Black]

cause your b-hole is sucking up air like a vacuum.

 

[BrianNole777]

When I was in h.s., I held the farts in until the date night was over. Than it was like methane danger of a fire.

I lit a fart at a party 15 years ago.

Half the guests were appalled and have were applauding...

 

[Jimmy McGill]

I lit a fart at a party 15 years ago.

Half the guests were appalled and have were applauding...

Good way to self implode. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to lighting farts in junior high

 

[torbee]

My asshole is too tight to fart.

 

[Bro D]

Yes

 

[jawatkins]

Anytime I drink milk or eat cheese that isn’t highly processed colored oil.

 

[seminole97]

if I sit on the step of my front porch I always fart. I don't know if it's my legs being bent and slightly raised, or my cheeks veing spread or what. One time it was so loud a guy four houses down heard it. The way he snapped his head around real quick made me laugh. then he started laughing.

 

[HawkMachine]

I do remember a time a where I farted (I hate that word) for what seemed like a good 30 seconds straight.

I had a girl over at our place and we stayed up all night.

Daylight was coming and I walked her to the door. After she drove off, I unleashed a steady amount of gas. No she didn't peg me.

I then proceeded to piss for what seemed like a minute straight.

I've never farted or pissed for that long in my entire life. Doubt I ever will again.

 

[Jimmy McGill]

I took a 16 inch shit today. Not sure how, I didn't eat much in the last 48 hours. It smelled like the ignored posters.

 

[bluestarhwk]

We used to fish the Mississippi river just above North Buena Vista, IA. My mom's cousin would take us guys out in his boat. He loved to fart and told us his dream was to rip one so loud and long it would echo in the bluffs for years to come. He hoped that later, people would say "yep, that's Delly's fart. Simply amazing".

I think he meant it....

So that's my goal too.

 

[HawkMachine]

I lit a fart at a party 15 years ago.

Half the guests were appalled and have were applauding...

I remember seeing the scene from Dumb and Dumber.

Never crossed my mind that it actually worked until I got to college.

The things you learn in college.

 

[HawkMachine]

I took a 16 inch shit today.

Iceberg I'm assuming?

 

[Aardvark86]

I do remember a time a where I farted (I hate that word) for what seemed like a good 30 seconds straight.

I had a girl over at our place and we stayed up all night.

Daylight was coming and I walked her to the door. After she drove off, I unleashed a steady amount of gas. No she didn't peg me.

I then proceeded to piss for what seemed like a minute straight.

I've never farted or pissed for that long in my entire life. Doubt I ever will again.

if you use the olde English spelling (pfarted), it goes down a little easier

 

[amahawk]

Last night, I went to a Mexican restaurant near me and ordered a salad with grilled chicken, guacamole, corn and tortilla strips. It was big. I ate the whole thing.

The rest of the night, I couldn't stop farting. I probably passed gas between 50 and 100 times. It smelled like a natural gas leak. I checked my boiler room and that wasn't it.

I'm glad I didn't light a match.

What foods make you fart?

Huevos Rancheros.