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Ever have a kid repeat a grade?

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General Tso

HR Heisman
Nov 20, 2004
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Curious what your experience was.

We have a 5 y/o with an August birthday currently in kindergarten. We debated keeping him in pre-k prior to this year starting, but his pre-k teacher thought he was ready, so we went for it. He's the youngest in his class by a couple months, with most kids being several months older. He seems to be catching up on the academic material, but the he's clearly not at the maturity level of the other kids, which is causing some friend issues, or lack of friends. His current teacher said having him repeat might be something to think about.

I kinda feel like the social aspects would even out as the kids get older, but he'd also perpetually be the youngest in his class. Sports aren't really a concern - he'll participate for fun but that's about it.
 
Over the long term, a couple months won't mean anything socially when he is a teenager. If he is doing good academically, I wouldn't do it. Keep him involved in sports/activities... the social part of his life will move forward.
 
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Our 5 year old was born in June 2018 and we have him in Pre-K this year. He could have intellectually moved on, but I didn't want my son to be 17 when he graduated HS. A year behind in sports is a big deal. My mom taught kindergarten and 1st grade for 40 years and recommended we do it as well.
 
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My parents held me back in kindergarten, not due to academics but socially I wasn't mature enough. Sort of like your kid it sounds like. I think it was a good thing for me and helped me out. I have no regrets about my parents doing it. I became one of the oldest in my class but that just meant I got to drive before everyone else in high school. So that was nice.
 
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I think if you were all ready thinking about it before the year there is no harm in him repeating.
My oldest (7, mildly on spectrum) was incredibly quiet and shy but once he realized other kids also like playing Nintendo Switch and Legos he made friends quickly. Thanks to classmates he even has taken more interest in sports and completed his first year of wrestling last night.
Your kid's maturity may not be a concern it may just be he has a little niche and maybe there is more kids that share his interests than he thinks and he's gotta find em is all.

Hope this finds you well, having a child does make you softer I feel. I love watching every and any kid do well, best of luck to your little guy!
 
General Tso said:
Curious what your experience was.

We have a 5 y/o with an August birthday currently in kindergarten. We debated keeping him in pre-k prior to this year starting, but his pre-k teacher thought he was ready, so we went for it. He's the youngest in his class by a couple months, with most kids being several months older. He seems to be catching up on the academic material, but the he's clearly not at the maturity level of the other kids, which is causing some friend issues, or lack of friends. His current teacher said having him repeat might be something to think about.

I kinda feel like the social aspects would even out as the kids get older, but he'd also perpetually be the youngest in his class. Sports aren't really a concern - he'll participate for fun but that's about it.
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My youngest was in a similar situation. He was actually ahead as for as the things they were teaching, but he was young and immature and socially needed time to adjust. So, he repeated K going from the youngest to one of the older in his grade. Actually, there was a few who also did this too. He didn't even really notice.
 
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HawkinK.C.1 said:
I started school at 5 and have a birthday in August. No issues or regrets.
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no-ragrets-temporary-tattoo-2663.jpg
 
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my daughter has a late august bday. we did 2 years of pre-k with her. she is one of oldest in her class (4th grade) but also more mature and is doing well friend wise and is on student council. it was the right decision for her.
 
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We were in the same situation with both of our kids (summer BDays). We ended up sending them both "early" as they were both more than ready to move on both physically and socially.

The only issue has been that they are both in to sports quite a bit and are now playing against kids that have hit puberty sooner and thus bigger.
 
My daughter‘s birthday is sept. 26th. 5 days before the cutoff. Wife and I went round and round on her starting kindergarten at 4 years old. I wanted to hold her back a year. To my chagrin, she started at 4. TBF, she was bored as hell at the daycare, so the wife won. She had some struggles here and there academically, but nothing major. She is now in 7th grade and thriving in all areas except for sports. She is easily the shortest in her class. I still wish we would have held her back and the wife still thinks I am crazy.

I guess if I were in your shoes, and my child was struggling socially, academically and athletically, it would be a no brainer for me. Do it now as if you wait another year or 2, it will be too late.
 
My youngest was born in late July; we started him in school young, such that he didn't turn 18 until the summer after he graduated from HS. He did fine, but if I could do it over again I'd have waited to start him in school (or held him back at a very young age). There were certainly times where he was immature compared to his classmates, both mentally and physically.
 
Derekd3408 said:
Our 5 year old was born in June 2018 and we have him in Pre-K this year. He could have intellectually moved on, but I didn't want my son to be 17 when he graduated HS. A year behind in sports is a big deal. My mom taught kindergarten and 1st grade for 40 years and recommended we do it as well.
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I was the youngest one in my grade (along with one other clasmate that shared my late july birthdate), and graduated at 17.

I guess i didnt have thoughts one way or another.
 
What is the cutoff date they normally use? I was always under the assumption it was September 15.
 
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November birthday here. Was in California at age 4 and was able to start kindergarten (Cali had calendar year for age for starting school). Came back to Iowa next year and school said I should go to kindergarten again. Folks said no. Went to 1st grade. Always was youngest in my class through HS.

Never an issue with school or socially. Only thought of sports difference in HS. Was very small for age until grew 6 inches (up to 5 foot 11 :) ) junior year of HS. Played all sports through grade school and baseball in HS. No issues.

Overall, didn't matter much. But, this was a long time ago. :)
 
General Tso said:
Curious what your experience was.

We have a 5 y/o with an August birthday currently in kindergarten. We debated keeping him in pre-k prior to this year starting, but his pre-k teacher thought he was ready, so we went for it. He's the youngest in his class by a couple months, with most kids being several months older. He seems to be catching up on the academic material, but the he's clearly not at the maturity level of the other kids, which is causing some friend issues, or lack of friends. His current teacher said having him repeat might be something to think about.

I kinda feel like the social aspects would even out as the kids get older, but he'd also perpetually be the youngest in his class. Sports aren't really a concern - he'll participate for fun but that's about it.
Click to expand...
My son was born late August, and we decided Pre-K was the right move for those very reasons. He is smart enough to be in Kindergarten, but the reality as they grow and mature, they are still going to be almost a year younger than the older kids in the class.
We we had our conferences to start the year, the Pre-K teacher was astounded by what he knew, and indicated to us that she'd be using the K teacher to pull some additional information and learning for him. I think it was the right move, and it's best to hold them back at this age, than finding them way behind with they are in 3-5th grade, and trying to hold them back then.
 
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1. There's no harm.
2. If it were me, and this is probably the wrong way to think about it...I'd be looking at his long term potential, and weighing the two.... First, there's evidence that kids who are in the older half of their class on average do better over the course of their lives because they experience more success early on...this is highly personal to the kid. Second, I'd be tempted to think about the implications to their retirement account in having one less year of maturity whent hey hit age 60 or 65 ( i.e. if he starts working/saving at age 21 vs. age 22, there's a 12 month difference in the gains for the last year of retirement, which could likely be significant.

Honestly I don't think staying back would hurt him, and if he truly accels academically he could claw that year back mentioned above in college.
 
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My wife deals with things like this all the time. As she tells parents, if there's any doubt in your mind about starting them, or holding them back, do it. Especially in kindergarten, it won't be as a big of a deal as it would be if they still struggle in, say, 4th grade.

She's never had a parent come back and say they wish they had started their kid, or let them go on (when they were held back young). She's had all kinds of parents tell her a couple years down the road that they wish they had listened and not started them or held them back.

So, basically, if you have any doubts about moving them on, don't do it, hold them back now.
 
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I did not read all the responses.

Both my sister and brother were held back to repeat 1st grade.

He is a PhD in Epidemiology
She is a Master's in OT.

The advantage is they will be older and more mature than their classmates.

They don't even remember it.
 
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I was a young summer birthday and it worked out great, but I had older siblings so was probably more prepared due to that. It sounds like you would be repeating the grade for all the right reasons. The redshirting for wrong reasons has become an issue. I see March/April/May redshirts in youth sports, which is ridiculous, but appears to be a common theme, especially in affluent areas.
 
My 2 youngest kids have similar birthdays (one mid May, one mid June).

We went back and forth on both and started them "on time". In retrospect I think the younger of the 2 would have benefited from starting a year late.
 
Bearhawk0505 said:
I was a young summer birthday and it worked out great, but I had older siblings so was probably more prepared due to that. It sounds like you would be repeating the grade for all the right reasons. The redshirting for wrong reasons has become an issue. I see March/April/May redshirts in youth sports, which is ridiculous, but appears to be a common theme, especially in affluent areas.
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Our local HS football coach redshirted both of his kids 2 years. Both kids will drive to school as freshmen and will be 19 at the start of their senior year.
 
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We held our oldest son back as well, being older, more mature and bigger does wonders for self confidence - I would highly recommend not starting early. He was 5 weeks premature but is now one of the tallest in his class.
 
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General Tso said:
Curious what your experience was.

We have a 5 y/o with an August birthday currently in kindergarten. We debated keeping him in pre-k prior to this year starting, but his pre-k teacher thought he was ready, so we went for it. He's the youngest in his class by a couple months, with most kids being several months older. He seems to be catching up on the academic material, but the he's clearly not at the maturity level of the other kids, which is causing some friend issues, or lack of friends. His current teacher said having him repeat might be something to think about.

I kinda feel like the social aspects would even out as the kids get older, but he'd also perpetually be the youngest in his class. Sports aren't really a concern - he'll participate for fun but that's about it.
Click to expand...
My son had a September birthday and we sent him on because frankly he was very bright and physically he was a big kid too. By the time he was in 6th grade the fact he was the youngest really affected him socially.
Fortunately we moved the summer after his sixth grade and we decided to hold him back despite his academic ability.
It was a good decision for him, but he definitely had an adjustment period that wouldn’t have been there if we’d done it in kindergarten.
I’d strongly say do it now and he won’t have the adjustment later - junior high age made it tougher for my son.
 
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General Tso said:
Curious what your experience was.

We have a 5 y/o with an August birthday currently in kindergarten. We debated keeping him in pre-k prior to this year starting, but his pre-k teacher thought he was ready, so we went for it. He's the youngest in his class by a couple months, with most kids being several months older. He seems to be catching up on the academic material, but the he's clearly not at the maturity level of the other kids, which is causing some friend issues, or lack of friends. His current teacher said having him repeat might be something to think about.

I kinda feel like the social aspects would even out as the kids get older, but he'd also perpetually be the youngest in his class. Sports aren't really a concern - he'll participate for fun but that's about it.
Click to expand...
At Kindergarten sure. Past say 2nd grade, and you can be assured your kid is probably a bit of a dope.
 
goldmom said:
My son had a September birthday and we sent him on because frankly he was very bright and physically he was a big kid too. By the time he was in 6th grade the fact he was the youngest really affected him socially.
Fortunately we moved the summer after his sixth grade and we decided to hold him back despite his academic ability.
It was a good decision for him, but he definitely had an adjustment period that wouldn’t have been there if we’d done it in kindergarten.
I’d strongly say do it now and he won’t have the adjustment later - junior high age made it tougher for my son.
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How big of an adjustment was it for him? My oldest can do a little better socially but he is incredibly smart to the point where teachers have said skipping a grade was an option. Every teacher he has had though (K-2) have marked some classroom issues but all three have stated they know those issues are out of boredom.
Kind of difficult for me to hold him back and cause more boredom for him or push him forward and probably be worse socially.
 
My son was born in August. We started him early. No doubt he was not as mature as other kids the first year or two. He's now in junior high and is physically behind some of the kids but my wife and I have no regrets starting him early. Athletically he is a little smaller than other kids but more than holds is own. His going to go pro in something other that sports regardless of when we started him school.
 
I have two children with late July birthdays, I thought they were ready for kindergarten, they were academically, but maybe not emotionally. My wife is a preschool teacher and thought they were not ready, so we did an extra year of preschool. It’s worked out well for the most part. The only area where I second guess our decision is with our younger son’s sports teams. His class is pretty meh, so he carries most the teams he’s on. If we would have sent him a year earlier he would have been in a class with a lot better athletes. I know that’s probably petty, but it definitely crosses my mind.
 
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My daughter was born in Mid August, we sent her in early. She’ll only be 17 when she graduates high school. There were some minor social issues through 2nd grade, but by 3-4th grade she was fine.

I do laugh at people that hold their kids back so they’ll be better at sports. Little Johnny dominating sports in 8th grade because he’s physically more mature than the other kids will give him something to reminisce about in his 30’s.
 
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We held our daughter back this year. August birthday as well. She was fine to go early but we elected took the redshirt.
During the decision process the principal added down the line she wouldn’t get her license/turn 21 until nearly her third year of HS/college. Not to mention she would be out of the house a year earlier.
 
RushProbst said:
We held our daughter back this year. August birthday as well. She was fine to go early but we elected took the redshirt.
During the decision process the principal added down the line she wouldn’t get her license/turn 21 until nearly her third year of HS/college. Not to mention she would be out of the house a year earlier.
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I didn’t turn 21 until I was a senior in college.

Thankfully I had an excellent fake ID
 
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