For those with an aging parent …

[St. Louis Hawk]

Who do you talk to about whether your relative needs to move to assisted living vs. home health aid vs. any other options?

Are there services that evaluate this? Criteria? Start with their primary care physician?

Clive Iowa if location makes a difference.

This parent getting old thing really sucks but any help pointing me in the right direction would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

[luvmyhawks]

Sorry my man. Watching your parents deteriorate ****ing sucks.

As far as a service to help you make decisions in Clive, no clue. I know there are places out there that will do assessments and give you options but ultimately, the decision is between you, your parent and your siblings.

Got brothers and sisters? Anyone live close? What exactly is going on?

 

[JRHawk2003]

My experience is that a home health aide is the last step before going into memory care.

 

[StormHawk42]

First, sorry my man. That sucks, no way around it.

Second, I think you’ve seen me describe what I do for a living since I’m in the estates and trusts world in Des Moines. There’s a few folks around town that help our clients out with this sorta thing. They help people get set up in assisted living, help with Medicare issues, social security issues, etc. They usually charge by the hour after a consultation but it’s often a good use of $$. As far as making an actual medical determination, that’s pretty much up to the doctor to say they can’t live in their own.

Not sure how you DM on here but feel free to do that or I can send you an email.

Good luck.

 

[Finance85]

Florida has a Department of Elder Affairs that helps decide best options and appropriate facilities, and helps with placement as well. I would hope Iowa has something similar.

 

[HawkeyeShawn]

I’m dealing with my Dad, post stroke for 3 years now. He’s had a couple stints in the nursing home, but only temporary after hospitalizations. Otherwise we’ve been able to keep him at home. There are some agencies out there. My Dad needs someone with him 13 hours per day. He sleeps on his own. I pay someone to be there with him from 8am until 9pm 365 days per year. March ‘24 starts the 4th year of this arrangement for him.

We tried an agency first. Actually contracted them for 12 hours per day, 7 days per week. $127k. However, they could not fill the shifts. Rural, small town Iowa during COVID. They couldn’t find enough caregivers. So I ended up hiring the help on my own. I used Facebook marketplace and posted ads in the area communities. Received a ton of responses. Over 3 years we’ve been through a few caregivers, but have settled in with 4 that are regular and very solid. We have about 3-4 others that fill in the gaps. I started out paying $15/hr cash. They can choose between shifts of 8-3 or 3-9 or the whole 13 hours. For those that are great with my Dad, I bumped to $20. This year I elevated 2 to $25. They take him to doctors appointment, therapy, to dinner, out for a beer, help him bottle his bee honey (his hobby) and deliver honey to local stores. They also cook and keep his little house tidy. They provide bathroom and shower assistance. I’m the raise they sit and chat with him, or watch TV, do homework, etc while they are with him.

We spend well over $100k a year for help, but it’s worth it. I keep his excavation business going on the side so he has an income to cover the expenses. It keeps him out of a nursing home and gives me my life back. Sometimes scheduling can be difficult as is going on vacation, but with good help, you can make it work.

Feel free to DM me with any questions.

 

[TonyTheTiger.1865]

Reading the OP’s post it sounds like he is going for an involuntary commitment?

 

[jasonrann]

I guess we were lucky as options were pretty straightforward. After dad died ten years ago, our stepmom (no pic) went to assisted living. She was not happy about it at first, but once she realized she would have her own place while also having the help she wanted, it was a no brainer. After her mobility deteriorated to the point that fell outside of the guidelines of assisted living, we moved her to a nursing home. Luckily, the facility she is in is VERY different than the one we had my grandma in 25 years ago. She has her own room, there are lots of activities that she gets to do and most importantly, gets the care she needs. Sadly, it has taken every dollar that she has, but it's her only option.

 

[ICWestfan]

Who do you talk to about whether your relative needs to move to assisted living vs. home health aid vs. any other options?

Are there services that evaluate this? Criteria? Start with their primary care physician?

Clive Iowa if location makes a difference.

This parent getting old thing really sucks but any help pointing me in the right direction would be appreciated. Thanks.

The first question I would counter with is; Have you talked to your parents about this subject? I would think that would be your first step. I think that if they are generally able bodied and of sound mind you could hire out for in home assistance as referenced in this thread. However, I would talk to their PC's first to get a complete understanding of any health issues they may have to find out how debilitating they are or can be or will become.

 

[hawkdave007]

Livwell Senior | Senior Living Solutions in Quad, Iowa City

We live in the communities we serve and have stepped through the front door of senior care locations throughout the Quad Cities, Des Moines and Iowa City/Cedar Rapids regions.

www.livwellseniors.com

I highly suggest using this company as the starting point for you and your family member. They have a Des Moines office. I have sent many clients to them over the years.

If they make a referral recommendation, you won't pay any of that cost, they are paid a fee by the referred-to facility.

Good luck.

 

[TonyTheTiger.1865]

You can’t talk to their healthcare providers without their permission.

 

[BrianNole777]

Who do you talk to about whether your relative needs to move to assisted living vs. home health aid vs. any other options?

Are there services that evaluate this? Criteria? Start with their primary care physician?

Clive Iowa if location makes a difference.

This parent getting old thing really sucks but any help pointing me in the right direction would be appreciated. Thanks.

I'd recommend getting a geriatric social worker.

You can also contact your local government for free resources.

Good luck!

 

[JRHawk2003]

Part of the Home Health Aide should be someone who evaluates the situation regularly. It sort of became obvious too.

We had the 'Do Not Resuscitate" orders on the fridge, etc.

We went and looked at 7 different facilities. The good news is that its worlds better than the nursing homes my grandma was in 30 years ago.

 

[St. Louis Hawk]

Thanks all.

I may be in touch with those that offered. Not involuntary and I have permission to talk to the treaters.

Still sharp as a tack but her body is failing her. Balance issues. A few falls in the last 6 months.

Just want an objective analysis on whether I am being overly concerned and where to draw the line on independence vs. safety.

 

[hawkfan0319]

My mom is already in a nursing home, and my dad is starting to slowly go downhill. It sucks seeing him like this, as he took care of my mom forever. But he is stubborn as hell, and doesn't want to go to a home or assisted living.

 

[Kelsers]

My experience is that a home health aide is the last step before going into memory care.

That would be assisted living before memory care.

 

[Aardvark86]

Who do you talk to about whether your relative needs to move to assisted living vs. home health aid vs. any other options?

Are there services that evaluate this? Criteria? Start with their primary care physician?

Clive Iowa if location makes a difference.

This parent getting old thing really sucks but any help pointing me in the right direction would be appreciated. Thanks.

Just visited my mom today for what was probably the last time. I suspect she’ll pass this week.

Stl in many ways it’s a basic issue of ability to take care of themself. Sometimes that’s physical sometimes mental, but be aware that the stats get bad pretty quickly after broken extremities. Also, In considering options, never underestimate the importance of them simply hydrating and eating on a schedule. We tried part time in home support with my mom for a while but the labor force quality is just incredibly variable and in my view it’s really a delaying action. When she moved to a facility, she improved dramatically simply from eating and drinking more regularly.

 

[Kelsers]

Thanks all.

I may be in touch with those that offered. Not involuntary and I have permission to talk to the treaters.

Still sharp as a tack but her body is failing her. Balance issues. A few falls in the last 6 months.

Just want an objective analysis on whether I am being overly concerned and where to draw the line on independence vs. safety.

My inlaws were in assisted living until each one had so many falls, and then moved to full care nursing home.

 

[SF HAWKEYE]

I suggest visiting a community to see what they have to offer. My wife is a director ata west Des Moines community and it’s like a 5 star resort in there. They have different levels of care, independent, assisted and finally memory care. I think it’s around $10k a month. They have great food and tons of fun activities.

 

[JRHawk2003]

That would be assisted living before memory care.

Yeah, we missed that step.

 

[JMNSHO]

An Occupational Therapist is the professional who is best-suited to determine the level of care or assistance a person requires to successfully and safely complete their Activities of Daily Living. A properly experienced PT would also be suitable.

 

[OrlandNole]

I pay someone to be there with him from 8am until 9pm 24/7/365.

Not to be a dick, but shouldn't that be 13/7/365?

 

[fredjr82]

I think it’s around $10k a month.

How is that sustainable for anyone, especially someone on a fixed income? I'll need 5 million to retire if I have that monthly spend

My grandfather years ago, bought nursing home insurance. Basically they covered half the monthly bill if you ever went into one. Grandpa died before that, Grandma was in a nursing home for a couple of years. Still crazy expensive even with the insurance

 

[HawkeyeShawn]

Not to be a dick, but shouldn't that be 13/7/365?

Yes, it should.

 

[Kelsers]

Yeah, we missed that step.

Any step you can miss/skip is $.

 

[JRHawk2003]

Any step you can miss/skip is $.

True. My step dad soldiered on for longer than he should have really.

 

[StormHawk42]

How is that sustainable for anyone, especially someone on a fixed income? I'll need 5 million to retire if I have that monthly spend

My grandfather years ago, bought nursing home insurance. Basically they covered half the monthly bill if you ever went into one. Grandpa died before that, Grandma was in a nursing home for a couple of years. Still crazy expensive even with the insurance

It’s not going to get any better either. Lots of insurance companies are getting out of LTC policies and just making it a rider on life insurance policies.

 

[Wendy79]

Fwiw, my grandma and her husband lived at Walnut Ridge for several years and liked it there. Staff were great and food was actually pretty good.

 

[ottumwan in tx]

It’s not going to get any better either. Lots of insurance companies are getting out of LTC policies and just making it a rider on life insurance policies.

I started selling LTC in 1986. It was vastly overpriced then. well , maybe not overpriced for what you get but then , people at 40-50 yrs old didn't think they needed it. and it was cheaper to buy at 40. then they waited till they were 80, tried to get it, then it was either too high or they wouldn't qualify, health wise. ... so the states started paying for it thru medicaid. so people just said, "screw it let the state take care of me", then there was also some sort of "look back provision", so you couldn't just give all your assets to your kids and make the state pay. then the insurance companies got wise and added to a life policy like a "chassis" and a "rider". pretty smart of them. I think it probably depletes your life insurance, more of a living benefit rather than a death benefit, if you claim it. I dunno I never sold it with life ins but I think it's probably a better plan than the stand alone, price and cost -wise.

 

[Kelsers]

I started selling LTC in 1986. It was vastly overpriced then. well , maybe not overpriced for what you get but then , people at 40-50 yrs old didn't think they needed it. and it was cheaper to buy at 40. then they waited till they were 80, tried to get it, then it was either too high or they wouldn't qualify, health wise. ... so the states started paying for it thru medicaid. so people just said, "screw it let the state take care of me", then there was also some sort of "look back provision", so you couldn't just give all your assets to your kids and make the state pay. then the insurance companies got wise and added to a life policy like a "chassis" and a "rider". pretty smart of them. I think it probably depletes your life insurance, more of a living benefit rather than a death benefit, if you claim it. I dunno I never sold it with life ins but I think it's probably a better plan than the stand alone, price and cost -wise.

Only low-income people as they have little to no assets/cash to protect anyway.

 

[JRHawk2003]

You want horrible;

Hoping the money for your parent doesn't run out while they are neither live nor dead.

 

[Gimmered]

Who do you talk to about whether your relative needs to move to assisted living vs. home health aid vs. any other options?

Are there services that evaluate this? Criteria? Start with their primary care physician?

Clive Iowa if location makes a difference.

This parent getting old thing really sucks but any help pointing me in the right direction would be appreciated. Thanks.

We had a home health service come in, but it also is still up to the primary Doctor.

 

[artradley]

My 91 year old mom still lives on her own but I would love to see her sell her home and move into assisted living. She is a hoarder and lives in near-squalor. But she’s a mean old lady and doesn’t want to have to live among other people who will want to talk to her. She wants Tom sit alone, watch TV, take care of her cats, and stew in her anger.

I’m on the east coast. My sister used to help her out, but a couple years ago she washed her hands of mom and moved to Vegas, leaving things to me.