One of my very good friends, early 60's, has been an alcoholic for a long time. He had a very successful career managing the finances of a large international law firm. Probably hasn't done that for 20 years or so and is now working from home as a headhunter for legal firms. He's had the issue for a long time. Usually when he goes on a huge bender, it is with the guys. Last night his wife was out of town and he went out with 4 couples. By 5 when we got there, he was a mess. By end of night, he literally could not take a step forward without one of us on each arm. Didn't help that he had at least 10 mg of gummies, maybe more. Anyway, these events are getting more common. His 2 sons are disgusted with him and his daughter won't talk to him. His wife is lovely and extremely patient. Anyway, I have been thinking for awhile that an intervention might be needed. After last night, my wife and another one of the women think it needs to be done. He'll kill himself, one way or another if we don't. It will likely fall on me to organize something, likely with his wife and SIL. Anybody done this? Know of a website that has a guide for it? Any anecdotal things you would advise to do or not do?
Have any of you ever organized an intervention for an alcoholic?
- Thread starter l.todd
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He probably wont stop if his wife is enabling the abuse.
Have friends from the group some private conversations about their concern with the alcoholic in question? I don't think interventions work in real life like they do on television. It could actually isolate them, or make them isolate away from all of their friends. It might make them dig their heels in or hide it more.
Not as far as I know, but he has mentioned to me that maybe he should go on that medication that I think makes you sick if you drink, but he didn’t do it. Interesting thoughts regarding the intervention. Hadn’t thought about that. Glad I asked.
It's good that he has considered the pill, it means he at least knows it's an issue. A friend or two in a private conversation could help plant the seed again and maybe get him to talk with his doctor. Hope it all works out, alcoholism is a terrible beast to battle.
If he doesn't think he has a problem, you're probably pissing up a rope. I can tell you what won't work. Hollering at him that he has a problem, asking him why he can't just stop or ask him twenty times what is wrong with him. He will likely isolate and drink more.
My advice would be a one on one with someone's opinion he really values. Non-confrontational. If he really is an alcoholic, see if he will check into a detox center for a few days. Withdrawal can be very dangerous, especially given his age.
My advice would be a one on one with someone's opinion he really values. Non-confrontational. If he really is an alcoholic, see if he will check into a detox center for a few days. Withdrawal can be very dangerous, especially given his age.
Get the hell away from me! I don't drink that much! I can quit whenever I want! Leave me alone!!!!!
My family had lots of alcoholics in it so I understand your situation. It's a miracle that I'm not an alcoholic considering my genetics.
I would just tell your friend how you feel. Tell him you think his drinking is very bad for him and you're telling him because you care about his health and future.
Maybe ask him to talk to his doctor about it.
That's all you can do. Humans have free will and if he wants to keep drinking, there's nothing else you can do.
At least you tried, though.
Godspeed!
I would just tell your friend how you feel. Tell him you think his drinking is very bad for him and you're telling him because you care about his health and future.
Maybe ask him to talk to his doctor about it.
That's all you can do. Humans have free will and if he wants to keep drinking, there's nothing else you can do.
At least you tried, though.
Godspeed!
Someone needs attention.
You should get that on a sticker for your coal roller. That is effin epic
She really isn’t. She hates it and does what she can and I do believe she’s a moderating force (the reason he went on such a bender the other night, I am sure at least in part, is because she wasn’t there). There’s only so much she can do.
You’ve been through it, right? I appreciate your willingness to give some insight. Starting to think the one on ones may be the way to go. Thanks.
How long has he been a drunk? Did he hide it better when he was younger or start to drink more as he got older? How is his health otherwise?
He's 60 and the ship may have already sailed. He hinted at taking the drug, but if he truly wanted to change he would have taken those steps. Like @Moral said it's vicious shit.
In my opinion if you confront him or go behind his back to his wife, he'll cut things off. She enables it and he has a disease. Best of luck. (I almost put two beers cheering)
Probably all his life. He developed stage 4 testicular cancer as a young man and beat it, so he may have some survivors guilt. He has never really hidden it. 3 years ago, he took a fall and literally broke his neck. Had to have surgery, then had to have a revision as it didn’t heal properly. A lot of us thought that would be the wake up call, and he was better for awhile but… he’s pretty severely overweight and recently started Ozempic to lose it.
I am starting to think maybe the one person approach may be the way to go. We have one friend who I think could convince him.
I am starting to think maybe the one person approach may be the way to go. We have one friend who I think could convince him.
When I read "his wife is patient", I took that at "his wife is an enabler". Do interventions for alcohol work or do they need to hit bottom first?
Maybe you can just start with a private conversation by bringing up when he mentioned taking that pill and let him know you think it may be time.
Highly, highly recommend a 1-on-1 or at most a few of you talking to him in a less confrontational setting first. If he’s mentioned the pill, he knows it’s a problem but may not realize he has a support system of loved ones around him to get through a significant cutback in drinking. A 15 minute conversation where it’s made very clear he has friends who want to help him, love him, and enjoy his sober company just as much could literally change his life.
I was in a similar, though not as severe, situation with a good friend a couple years ago. Couple of us brought up how we’d like to start cutting back as we get into our 40s, ironically after a few beers, and start doing more things like hiking, camping, going to auto shows, etc that don’t revolve around boozing. It was like a light went on with him - he had no idea there was a way out without losing us.
I was in a similar, though not as severe, situation with a good friend a couple years ago. Couple of us brought up how we’d like to start cutting back as we get into our 40s, ironically after a few beers, and start doing more things like hiking, camping, going to auto shows, etc that don’t revolve around boozing. It was like a light went on with him - he had no idea there was a way out without losing us.
Probably not going to work and make it worse.
I dont drink due to the impact of alcohol on people in my life. Almost without exception if it works his kids wont know what to do with it and it takes 3 divorces before persoal motivation sets in.
I dont drink due to the impact of alcohol on people in my life. Almost without exception if it works his kids wont know what to do with it and it takes 3 divorces before persoal motivation sets in.
I definitely got to a point where it was a problem so I stopped. I have a heart issue that made it pretty stupid for me to keep drinking. It has been about 16 months and I don't really miss it. I can't say I won't ever have a beer again, but then I don't really think about it that much.
Many people don't realize that for most people, drinking is the result of some other issue. Could be trauma, insecurity, loss, depression, any number of things. The problem happens when dependence takes over. You have to drink to function.
I have met probably 3-400 people during the past 16 months. The number of people that were drinking/using "for the fun of it", I can count on one hand. Approach someone that has a problem with empathy, not judgment. If he has a problem, believe me, he knows. It is simply a matter of whether he is ready to accept it and do something about it. Most don't know what to do. Embarassment and shame don't help.
I was involved with one for a family member once, however there was also so serious physical issues going on. He drank fairly heavily every night. His wife and kids flat out packed up and left. Over a few years after that his job performance was deteriorating. This was a job he had for 25+ years which lead to him basically being told not to come back. Which lead heavier drinking. One day another family member said she stopped by his house and said he had to crawl around because he couldn’t walk. Neuropathy had set in and he couldn’t feel his feet. A group of us went to his house and basically carried him to the car and brought him to the hospital, but unbelievably we had to talk him into it. I think part of it was it had defined who he was for so long he was too scared to change.
Similar to what General Roman said above, he needs to understand there is a whole world out there worth living that doesn’t include getting blasted all the time.
Similar to what General Roman said above, he needs to understand there is a whole world out there worth living that doesn’t include getting blasted all the time.
I don’t think there is much anyone can do until he sees it as a problem.
I know for me I stopped talking to my dad until he got his shit together. He was about 50 something when he finally got his drinking under control. Watching my dad drink his problems away when I was growing up is why I never got into alcohol. I tried beer once in college and didn’t get past two or three sips because it was so awful. I just never understood putting something into your body that was going to cause you to act utterly stupid.
I hope your friend wises up and sees the damage he is doing to his family. Good luck in trying to help him. It’s worth a shot, but don’t take it personally if he tells you to **** off. That’s just what alcoholics do.
This guy would like to have a word with you.There are no "alcoholics," there are only pussys who can't handle their booze!
I’m sure Here_4a_Dump would have that guy on his knees crying like a bitch within seconds.
Especially when Here_4a_Decade is ten beers deep and ten feet tall and bulletproof.
Don’t mess with Ryan, broski.
He knows he needs help. His lifestyle though (country club golfing, boating and fishing, etc.) lends itself to social activities that involve drinking. Add in the fact that his best friend is also an alcoholic (big part of the problem, shouldn't have left that part out) and you have the disaster that he is living now. As I mentioned earlier, his 19 yo daughter won't talk to him and his sons pretty much look at him with disgust. I do think he's ready, I think it will help for him to know that others around him are ready for him to do this as well.
We have some in our family. In fact, we lost one of my sister to it. We tried EVERYTHING and I cannot tell you how much we all loved her. She was my Godmother and I miss her every day. I would give anything to have been able to save her. She had such bad demons that it finally overwhelmed her. We tried many interventions and they would work for a little while, then she would lapse. Tell your friend he is loved and don't give up. Others have been saved. Blessings
Other than the first awkward encounters where people ask if he wants a beer or why he isn’t drinking he may realize that the people who really matter won’t care that he isn’t drinking and quite possibly encourage the abstinence. If it is too weird he may need to hang out with a new group of friends. If he knows he needs this, it should certainly be encouraged.
No worries....[its] not my life's calling like it is for you! 🤡
His "lifestyle" has more to do with current habits and current thinking than anything. It doesn't take many days of abstinence for that to become the new normal. The benefits of a clearer head, no hangovers and better overall health become apparent very quickly. He will also likely realize those things are more important and more fun than drinking. Any old "friends" that go away will be for the better.
