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My Husband and I Hired a Sex Worker. Then I Think We Crossed a Line.
I hope we didn’t make some kind of faux pas.
ADVICE BY JESSICA STOYANOV 28, 202312:16 PM
Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by ViktorCap/iStock/Getty Images Plus.
TWEETSHARECOMMENT
How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
My husband and I are in our late 40s, having been married for 16 years and together longer than that. We both recently and completely separately got promotions at our respective jobs, which means a sudden huge boost to the household income and a serious urge to celebrate. We managed to get the kids to spend a weekend with their cousins and decided to party it up while they were gone. Part of that partying involved hiring an escort. I don’t want to reveal where we live, but this is perfectly legal where we are, as long as you do it through an agency. A very nice young woman, let’s call her “Daisy,” came over shortly before noon and stayed until maybe 20:30. There was a lot of sex, and everyone enjoyed themselves. But there is one part of it that gave me a little pause.
It was getting near suppertime, and while my husband and I had broken off to eat a bit, Daisy hadn’t had anything except some water she had brought with her. We were planning on ordering some food and asked if she wanted anything, especially since she hadn’t eaten since at least lunchtime. She got this almost frightened look and said she wasn’t supposed to take food from clients. But then, about a second later, she said she would like some vegetable rolls but we absolutely had to promise not to tell anyone. We do this, order the food, and she practically tears those rolls apart. Again, she asks us not to tell anyone before she eventually leaves later on.
I want to be sex-positive and support sex workers. And I hope we didn’t make some kind of faux pas or caused some kind of trouble for Daisy. But it was strange and didn’t make any sense that she couldn’t eat on the job, especially if we were feeding her. And, I mean, we had her over for almost nine hours—of course she’d get hungry in the meantime. What exactly is she supposed to do? Did we do something awful that we should try to make amends for?
—Not Used to This
Dear Not Used to This,
You didn’t do anything awful you need to make amends for. And if Daisy broke some rule of her agency or booker, the last thing you should do is draw attention to it by making an apology.
When I first started appearing at conventions, I was warned against taking food or drink from attendees. Even accepting a sealed bottle of soda or water would get a skeptical eye from some more experienced co-workers. The reason being that while most people are, well, not trying to drug you (for nefarious reasons, no less), someone might be. Daisy might have weighed her hunger and made a judgment call based on the fact that the food was coming from a restaurant. Nine hours is a long time to go without food, though, so I’m puzzled as to why she didn’t bring her own. If you decide to hire an escort again for a long session, you might mention your absolutely normal habit of eating regularly to the agency and see what they say. You might try something like “We’ll be ordering dinner halfway through and want to know whether Roxie has any dietary restrictions.”
