I disagree, intent matters. It's often the most important aspect of a dispute. And to me, there's a difference between Person A using bigoted language about Person B because Person A genuinely thinks it's a fair punch and Person C mirroring back the bigoted language to Person A about person D, because they know Person A is a bigot. My impression is that the libs are using a mirror and returning the taste of the medicine.
I also think you're misidentifying the self awareness and taking offense charges.
When the teapartiers/pre-MAGAs constantly used "Hussein" as a dig at Obama, libs/left/normal people didn't take personal offense, they weren't offended on behalf of Obama, the takeaway was an indictment of the pre-MAGAs. The pre-MAGAs were either bigoted for trying to score points on the foreign/Muslim sounding name or they were dumb for believing in the Birther theory and thinking the name Hussein was compelling evidence.
Now, rather than a Dem Obama there's a GOP Haley - and previously Ted - who have foreign sounding birth names. And now some libs will feed back the same sort of lines to the people who first uttered them against Obama to see if they're consistent.
I realize all this will be wasted because to you intent doesn't matter - but to me - Intent, whether they're genuinely a bigot/birther/xenophobe or if they're mocking a bigot/birther/xenophobe is important.