Not saying I agree with it
- Thread starter Jimmy McGill
- Start date
Where's the really long winded post that went along with it?.....
It’s been quite some time since I gave my last lesson on the food geography of Iowa. A lot of you are new and a lot just seem to need a refresher course. Most of the people on here that constantly argue with me about bland food are actually from Spicy Iowa, which is really just east Nebraska. These people live about four hours from me, and most of them have no clue how bad the food is on this side of the state. They most likely never travel more than 50 miles east of the Nebraska border, because if they did, they would be entering the bland zone.
Fortunately for them, the Spicy Iowans have been sheltered from the blandness of Greater Iowa, due to the close and constant presence of Nebraskans. Although native Iowans can’t cook for shit, or even taste food for that matter, the people of Nebraska have influenced the cuisine in Spicy Iowa enough to make it somewhat palatable to normal humans. After all, Nebraska has some pretty good beef, and unlike Iowans, they know how to cook it.
As you travel farther east from Nebraska, through the greatest food desert in the Midwest, you eventually get to an area which is undoubtedly the white people food capital of the entire western hemisphere. This subregion of Iowa contains the headquarters for some of the biggest corporate purveyors of blandness, which are Casey’s and Hy-Vee. This particular area is extremely white, and there is almost no cultural diversity whatsoever. The lack of diversity is most evident in the local cuisine, which is just exactly the type of food you would expect from a bunch of white people trying to be fancy without any real flavor.
About 100 miles northeast of Des Moines, you will find the Bermuda Triangle of flavor, which is where all flavor goes to die and is never seen or heard from again. This is where cottage cheese, coleslaw, and corn are the standard side items on every menu. It is also where Mexican restaurants serve those nasty bland pork tenderloin sandwiches that the locals go nuts for. In this land of culinary sadness, people actually think unsalted crackers are legitimate seasoning, and the pizza crust tastes like either raw flour or unsalted crackers.
Fortunately, if you make it through the Bermuda Triangle of Flavor with your taste buds still intact, you get to the green shaded area on this map. From this green area, you can see and taste the Promised Land, because even the bland Iowans can’t stop the flavor in Illinois and Wisconsin from bleeding across the border just a little bit. Once you safely cross the state line, you can eat at most any restaurant and have a normal amount of faith in Google reviews, unlike in Iowa, where you have to carefully screen anyone offering food advice by first asking them if they eat cottage cheese.
Fortunately for them, the Spicy Iowans have been sheltered from the blandness of Greater Iowa, due to the close and constant presence of Nebraskans. Although native Iowans can’t cook for shit, or even taste food for that matter, the people of Nebraska have influenced the cuisine in Spicy Iowa enough to make it somewhat palatable to normal humans. After all, Nebraska has some pretty good beef, and unlike Iowans, they know how to cook it.
As you travel farther east from Nebraska, through the greatest food desert in the Midwest, you eventually get to an area which is undoubtedly the white people food capital of the entire western hemisphere. This subregion of Iowa contains the headquarters for some of the biggest corporate purveyors of blandness, which are Casey’s and Hy-Vee. This particular area is extremely white, and there is almost no cultural diversity whatsoever. The lack of diversity is most evident in the local cuisine, which is just exactly the type of food you would expect from a bunch of white people trying to be fancy without any real flavor.
About 100 miles northeast of Des Moines, you will find the Bermuda Triangle of flavor, which is where all flavor goes to die and is never seen or heard from again. This is where cottage cheese, coleslaw, and corn are the standard side items on every menu. It is also where Mexican restaurants serve those nasty bland pork tenderloin sandwiches that the locals go nuts for. In this land of culinary sadness, people actually think unsalted crackers are legitimate seasoning, and the pizza crust tastes like either raw flour or unsalted crackers.
Fortunately, if you make it through the Bermuda Triangle of Flavor with your taste buds still intact, you get to the green shaded area on this map. From this green area, you can see and taste the Promised Land, because even the bland Iowans can’t stop the flavor in Illinois and Wisconsin from bleeding across the border just a little bit. Once you safely cross the state line, you can eat at most any restaurant and have a normal amount of faith in Google reviews, unlike in Iowa, where you have to carefully screen anyone offering food advice by first asking them if they eat cottage cheese.
That page is hilarious. I’ve been meaning to start a thread with a few of the posts
The latest post from this page mentions a guy in Florida who misses Casey’s Taco Pizza
