Started one in the Lounge, so why should Lounge members have all the fun. Starting one here. Lots of good ketchup & mustard oldies to mention. How about any new ones also?
Time to get it started - isu joke thread
- Thread starter KuwaitHawk
- Start date
How do you get a former Iowa State football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
Pay him for the pizza.
Why do Isu grads keep their diploma on their dashboard?
So they can legally park in handicap spots
So they can legally park in handicap spots
What is the difference between Iowa St. fans and a bucket of s h i t?
The bucket
The bucket
Out in the middle of an intersection $1,000 is lying there. On each corner is one of the following:
1. Santa Claus
2. Easter Bunny
3. smart isu student
4. dumb isu student
Who gets to the middle to claim a share of the money?
Answer -
1. Santa Claus doesn't get there - he doesn't exist
2. Easter Bunny doesn't get there - he doesn't exist
3. smart isu student doesn't get there - he doesn't exist
4. dumb isu student doesn't get there - Why? - he is not allowed to cross the street by himself, besides he would not know which way to go if he could
1. Santa Claus
2. Easter Bunny
3. smart isu student
4. dumb isu student
Who gets to the middle to claim a share of the money?
Answer -
1. Santa Claus doesn't get there - he doesn't exist
2. Easter Bunny doesn't get there - he doesn't exist
3. smart isu student doesn't get there - he doesn't exist
4. dumb isu student doesn't get there - Why? - he is not allowed to cross the street by himself, besides he would not know which way to go if he could
How do you get an ISU coed into your dorm room?
Grease her hips and push like hell.
Grease her hips and push like hell.
What is the difference between an ISU coed and a catfish?
One has whiskers and smells bad. The other is a catfish.
One has whiskers and smells bad. The other is a catfish.
A family-friendly clone joke for your eight year-old.
Why do clones have such a hard time raking leaves?
They keep falling out of the trees.
Why do clones have such a hard time raking leaves?
They keep falling out of the trees.
An ISU grad and an Iowa grad are standing next to each other at the urinals. This ISU grad finishes and goes to the sink, washing his hands. The Iowa grad finishes and walks straight to the door. The ISU grad says, "Hey! At ISU, they taught us to wash our hands!". The Iowa grad replys, "At Iowa, they taught us not to piss on ours!"
An Iowa and isu fan are finishing off work at Dad's farm. Lots of cows, pigs, etc. The Hawkeye takes a shower and washes up to go out on the town. The clone already has a date.
What's the difference between the ISU team bus and a Hoover vacuum cleaner?
You can only get one dirt bag in a Hoover.
You can only get one dirt bag in a Hoover.
How many ISU fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to talk about how awesome Seneca Wallace was.
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to talk about how awesome Seneca Wallace was.
How do you get a Cyclone to stop masturbating?
Paint his thing black and gold: he’ll only beat it 9 times in 35 years.
Paint his thing black and gold: he’ll only beat it 9 times in 35 years.
I have a joke. An ISU coach followed through with suspensions. That is all.
Best joke I've heard is "You're suspended 1 game but that doesn't mean you have to actually miss 1 game it's actually naive for people to think that a 1 game suspension means you have to be suspended for 1 game."
Can't make this shit up. Too funny.
Can't make this shit up. Too funny.
This one is true. My cousin lives in Ankeny and she accidentally left her 2 ISU season football tickets on her dash board and went to lunch. When she got back...her window was SMASHED. She now had 2 pairs of season tickets on her dash board.
How can you tell you’re close to Ames?
If you honk your horn the sheep back up to the fence.
Two boys are playing football at a park in Iowa City when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed dog. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes a stick and shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dogs neck, saving his friend.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy, "I'll title it 'Young Hawkeye Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal.'"
"But I'm not a Hawkeye fan," the little boy replies.
"Sorry, since we're in Iowa City I just assumed you were" says the reporter, and he starts writing again. He asks "How does 'Panther Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack' sound?"
"I'm not a Panther fan either," the boy says.
"Oh, I thought everyone in Iowa was either for the Hawks or the
Panthers. What team do you root for?" the reporter asks.
"I'm a Cyclone fan," the boy replies. "They're the best."
The reporter smiles, starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little Bastard From Ames Kills Beloved Family Pet."
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy, "I'll title it 'Young Hawkeye Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal.'"
"But I'm not a Hawkeye fan," the little boy replies.
"Sorry, since we're in Iowa City I just assumed you were" says the reporter, and he starts writing again. He asks "How does 'Panther Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack' sound?"
"I'm not a Panther fan either," the boy says.
"Oh, I thought everyone in Iowa was either for the Hawks or the
Panthers. What team do you root for?" the reporter asks.
"I'm a Cyclone fan," the boy replies. "They're the best."
The reporter smiles, starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little Bastard From Ames Kills Beloved Family Pet."
Matt Campbell sends his team into the locker room and follows them with an alligator on a leash and a broom handle. "Men today we are gonna learn about mental toughness and physical toughness" He then drops his pants and unleashes the alligator. The gator latches on to Campbell's member and begins to jerk and rip at the coach's manhood as he remains expressionless until he finally hits the gator with the broom handle twice and the gator stops his attack " Now would any of you guys like to try that" the coach barked. After a long pause one Cyclone player raised his hand and spoke " I will Coach if you promise not to hit me with that stick"
A cyclone dies and meets St Peter at the pearly gates. St Peter says let me show you to your new home. It is a little house painted with mustard and ketchup colors . The cyclone says “Thanks but I noticed a mansion across the street painted black and gold with tiger hawk flags all over it. Why can’t I have a house like that damn Hawkeye has?” St Peter says “That’s not a house for just any Hawkeye, that’s Gods house.”
1990 was the first time the Clowns EVER scored more than 21 points in a game against the Hawks...and they still lost.
(Credit to the Degenerate Hawkeyes Podcast)
(Credit to the Degenerate Hawkeyes Podcast)
I don't normally talk to ISU fans, but when I do, I ask them to supersize.
An ISU fan and a Nebraska fan jump off a cliff to see which hits the ground first. Who wins?
Society.
Society.
What's the difference between Kinnick Stadium and a porcupine?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What do taxidermists and ISU fans have in common?
They both mount animals.
They both mount animals.
What's the difference between a puppy and ISU fans?
Puppies eventually grow up and stop whining.
Puppies eventually grow up and stop whining.
An ISU fan came home from school one day and said, "Dad, today after PE, we were changing our clothes and I noticed that all of the other 5th graders have such smaller wee-wees than me. Is that because I'm more of a man than them?"
"No son, it's because you're 20 years old."
"No son, it's because you're 20 years old."
Campbell was in Pollard's office earlier this week laughing about the "suspensions" and Campbell said that he's going to need a raise, because of all of the dumb kids he has to put up with every day. Pollard said, "What do you mean?"
So Campbell called David Montgomery into Pollard's office and said, "David, I want you to run over to my office to see if I'm there." David said, "Sure thing coach."
A few minutes later, he came back and said, "You ain't there." Campbell said, "Thanks David, you can go now."
Campbell turned to Pollard and said, "See what I mean."
Pollard said, "I do now. Idiot should've called first."
So Campbell called David Montgomery into Pollard's office and said, "David, I want you to run over to my office to see if I'm there." David said, "Sure thing coach."
A few minutes later, he came back and said, "You ain't there." Campbell said, "Thanks David, you can go now."
Campbell turned to Pollard and said, "See what I mean."
Pollard said, "I do now. Idiot should've called first."
This is a terrible joke. What's that say about the university of iowa if they're teaching 18 year olds not to piss on themselves? Isn't that something you learn when you're 2 years old?
Similar threads
