What's the dumbest thing you have done on the job?

[Tenacious E]

After not having video on both a zoom and a teams call/conference, I asked our office manager to put in a work order to the IT company we use. She walks down to my office and slides a little slider on the top of the laptop screen which apparently turns the camera on and off. I had no idea it existed, or how it got moved.

 

[ping72]

OP’s mom

 

[alaskanseminole]

legal or illegal?

 

[Tenacious E]

legal or illegal?

Dealer's choice.

 

[ping72]

legal or illegal?

Likely depends on the statute of limitations.

 

[Tenacious E]

Likely depends on the statute of limitations.

I don't think it runs in the military, so better go legal.

 

[General Tso]

We were in contract negotiations with another company.

I casually talked about the contract at a youth baseball game with a guy who used to work for the other company. (You know, stupidly thinking he wouldn't share our conversation with other people)

He shared our conversation with people he used to work with.

The other company was upstanding and told our company they had received information that they weren't supposed to know and would consider it forgotten.

My company was gracious and didn't fire me. I was an idiot. Safe to say I no longer talk to this individual.

 

[FAUlty Gator]

 

[alaskanseminole]

legal or illegal?

I'll go with legal first.

I was a 2nd year instructor at Goodfellow AFB teaching the weapon systems block. After a 50 min lecture, I put the class on break when my class leader approached me and quietly asked, "Sir, do you mean 'in·fruh·red'?" The second he said it, I was like #@%! Please tell me I didn't just spend the last hour saying, "in·frared!!??"

Apparently, I was really having an off day on podium. 🤣

 

[McLovin32]

This doesn't really qualify as "dumb" but 5-6 years ago I was sitting at my desk and the office secretary walked in and goes, "Hey McLovin32, you're an outdoors kind of guy right?" and I said "Yes, I suppose"

She then asked if I would go back to the loading area, and try to trap a baby snake that somehow got inside. So I went and gave it a try, but the little bastard was fast and maneuvered real well in between all the shit we had back there. Couldn't get him.

 

[QChawks]

 

[Moral]

I was working in the middle of the flight line in Korea at a cryogenics production plant. During the production run you get waste cryogenics other than liquid oxygen and liquid nitrogen which I had drained into a 55 gallon drum. Typically you just let it evaporate over time, but I decided I wanted to see what would happen if I kicked it over. What happens is you create a giant cloud that makes it looks like the cryogenics plant exploded and brings in all of the fire department and a lot of military brass. I explained it away but that was pretty stressful.

 

[alaskanseminole]

I don't think it runs in the military, so better go legal.

Ya, I did something really dumb as an E-3 in Alaska. In hindsight it was pretty illegal too. ...had to disclose it during my CI Poly and I didn't go to jail, so there's that.

 

[General Tso]

This doesn't really qualify as "dumb" but 5-6 years ago I was sitting at my desk and the office secretary walked in and goes, "Hey McLovin32, you're an outdoors kind of guy right?" and I said "Yes, I suppose"

She then asked if I would go back to the loading area, and try to trap a baby snake that somehow got inside. So I went and gave it a try, but the little bastard was fast and maneuvered real well in between all the shit we had back there. Couldn't get him.

Is this like a parable for you trying to hide your snake in the secretary?

 

[BelemNole]

I was working for one of the larger engineering construction firms in the world. One day I received an email blast asking if anyone had experience with a particular software system. I replied back that I had used it a bit but was in no way an expert. Apparently no one else claimed knowledge of the software - so I got to spend a week in Oklahoma City during the summer demonstrating the software to people who didn't give a shit while dressed in business attire.
I know better these days.

 

[millah_22]

This doesn't really qualify as "dumb" but 5-6 years ago I was sitting at my desk and the office secretary walked in and goes, "Hey McLovin32, you're an outdoors kind of guy right?" and I said "Yes, I suppose"

She then asked if I would go back to the loading area, and try to trap a baby snake that somehow got inside. So I went and gave it a try, but the little bastard was fast and maneuvered real well in between all the shit we had back there. Couldn't get him.

so dumb

 

[Tenacious E]

I was working for one of the larger engineering construction firms in the world. One day I received an email blast asking if anyone had experience with a particular software system. I replied back that I had used it a bit but was in no way an expert. Apparently no one else claimed knowledge of the software - so I got to spend a week in Oklahoma City during the summer demonstrating the software to people who didn't give a shit while dressed in business attire.
I know better these days.

 

[millah_22]

Sent an email to a client named All Smiles and titled the email "Ass Smiles"

Just an awful freudian slip.

 

[alaskanseminole]

I was working for one of the larger engineering construction firms in the world. One day I received an email blast asking if anyone had experience with a particular software system. I replied back that I had used it a bit but was in no way an expert. Apparently no one else claimed knowledge of the software - so I got to spend a week in Oklahoma City during the summer demonstrating the software to people who didn't give a shit while dressed in business attire.
I know better these days.

I liken that to what truck owners have to go through when posed with this question, "Hey, man, what are you doing this weekend?"

Say "Nothing" and you get asked to help move.
Say, "I'm busy" and you miss out on free concert tickets to your favorite band.

 

[Tenacious E]

OP’s mom

Me reading your joke:

 

[McLovin32]

Is this like a parable for you trying to hide your snake in the secretary?

She was an absolute wood. If anyone else had asked me to do it I probably would have told them to fudge themselves.

 

[Sharky1203]

Launched scorpions/horny toads/tarantulas on weather ballons (many times). 35+ years ago.

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

Years ago we had an offsite meeting and I was driving up. I voice texted to the mixed group chat of male and female coworkers what I thought was “Where’s the house at?” (Yes, grammatically incorrect).

What I actually sent was “Where the hoes at?”

 

[kcnole63]

After not having video on both a zoom and a teams call/conference, I asked our office manager to put in a work order to the IT company we use. She walks down to my office and slides a little slider on the top of the laptop screen which apparently turns the camera on and off. I had no idea it existed, or how it got moved.

Same thing happened to me during the pandemic. My personal laptop did not have one of those slider buttons so I did not know about the one on my work laptop, which I seldom used. To make it worse, I mentioned during the meeting (which included all of our executive staff) that I could not see the video. My boss, the CEO, was the person who asked if my camera button was turned off.

 

[Tenacious E]

Years ago we had an offsite meeting and I was driving up. I voice texted to the mixed group chat of male and female coworkers what I thought was “Where’s the house at?” (Yes, grammatically incorrect).

What I actually sent was “Where the hoes at?”

At least it wasn't:

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

At least it wasn't:

When I was not long out of college we had an AA intern and we got pretty tight. He was out for a couple weeks and one day I came in the copy room and saw him and said “There’s my boy!”

The HR/Office Manager overheard and was mortified. I actually got a talking to later that day. He thought it was hilarious because he knew there was zero racist intent. Good lesson for me though.

 

[ConvenientParking]

Let the garbage pile up a bit in Pizza Ranch kitchen so me and the shift manager would both have to take trash out to Sycamore Mall dumpster instead of just one of us and then we could hit my little one hitter before going back in to close. I've been an exemplary employee since college. @millah_22 I got some statute of limitations questions before I reveal any my exploits with our mutual former employer but I did break laws on the job there from time to time as well.

 

[IAFB2021Champs]

Called out a manager in person for constantly lying about stuff. Should have been a pussy and done it in an email because I would have had proof of what I said to him. he went crying to HR and f-ed up my job until I finally left.

 

[alaskanseminole]

Great thread, OP. This is fun.

 

[hydro2.0]

Many moons ago I gave a coworker a call on my work phone. No answer. Unknown to me it went to voicemail and I had a headset on. Well…what I said and who I said it about was not exactly work appropriate. It recorded everything.

Fast forward a day later and I get a call from my coworker and go to their office. They play the voicemail and my heart sank. Luckily the recording had nothing to do with her and she was a ****ing gangster and deleted it

 

[LuciousBDragon]

Was working in NYC in the mid 80’s for the power company and had an unusual call where an EPA agent asked us to tag along on a call to an extermination company that was suspected of non-compliant activity. So the EPA agent argued with what I’m guessing is the owner of the extermination company and orders me to turn off the power to their equipment. The owner was like, “dude, you do that and we all gonna die!” I was like “I dunno man, seems serious” and the EPA then threatens me! So I turned it off and then all hell broke loose in NYC and next thing you know I am covered in marshmallow goo.

 

[alaskanseminole]

I'm sure this will be one of those, "You had to be there type stories", but I'll give it a go none-the-less.

When I first started out as a defense contractor, we were sitting in our cubicle and my boss was retelling some weekend project story and said something to the effect of, "...I wound up using my bare hands." The new guy sitting next to me, who was completely engaged in the story, threw his hands up in a grizzly bear pose with a sincerely confused look on his face and said, "Bear Hands?"

We all looked at each other and:

We never let that guy live it down...for years there were plenty of opportunities to go, "Don't you mean your Bear Hands...grrrrrr."

 

[BelemNole]

Called out a manager in person for constantly lying about stuff. Should have been a pussy and done it in an email because I would have had proof of what I said to him. he went crying to HR and f-ed up my job until I finally left.

I worked for a really shitty company about 7-8 years ago. When I started they had this girl doing my job who sort of failed up into the position. She started off at the front desk, moved to graphics and when the entire gis team quit (and sabotaged the server) she got moved there. She had no training and wasn't very bright, but super friendly!
When I started I kept her on the team for about a year but she kept complaining that I wasn't engaged enough with her on a daily basis and asked for a transfer to a different division. I was thrilled.
Apparently she wasn't thrilled with the new job either and after about a year asked to come back. I said no. I didn't have a ton of work and she wasn't useful anyway.
I think it's over with....and then I got 'laid off'.
She was working out of the headquarters and had been there ~20 years and complained that I wouldn't take her back and that she could do the work. I was working remotely and had never been to the headquarters. So they dumped me and gave her the job back.
I suggested that they give me 3 months severance so I could answer any questions they had going forward. VP said nope, you're out today.
I was the only one with the password and admin rights to the GPS account. They called about a week later and I sent it to voicemail.

 

[Tenacious E]

I worked for a really shitty company about 7-8 years ago. When I started they had this girl doing my job who sort of failed up into the position. She started off at the front desk, moved to graphics and when the entire gis team quit (and sabotaged the server) she got moved there. She had no training and wasn't very bright, but super friendly!
When I started I kept her on the team for about a year but she kept complaining that I wasn't engaged enough with her on a daily basis and asked for a transfer to a different division. I was thrilled.
Apparently she wasn't thrilled with the new job either and after about a year asked to come back. I said no. I didn't have a ton of work and she wasn't useful anyway.
I think it's over with....and then I got 'laid off'.
She was working out of the headquarters and had been there ~20 years and complained that I wouldn't take her back and that she could do the work. I was working remotely and had never been to the headquarters. So they dumped me and gave her the job back.
I suggested that they give me 3 months severance so I could answer any questions they had going forward. VP said nope, you're out today.
I was the only one with the password and admin rights to the GPS account. They called about a week later and I sent it to voicemail.

 

[alaskanseminole]

Many moons ago I gave a coworker a call on my work phone. No answer. Unknown to me it went to voicemail and I had a headset on. Well…what I said and who I said it about was not exactly work appropriate. It recorded everything.

Fast forward a day later and I get a call from my coworker and go to their office. They play the voicemail and my heart sank. Luckily the recording had nothing to do with her and she was a ****ing gangster and deleted it

Not work related, but reminds me of a similar story.

So, it's 1995 and I'm playing it cool on a date carrying my Nokia 100. We went to see the Iditarod and I tripped in some snow. As I'm tripping I tossed the phone to my date who caught it and hit 'send' which called the last number I dialed.

Where was that call, might you ask? To my scope dope buddy on duty at the 11th Air Force tracking the friendly skies. Since it was a work line, another controller answered who didn't know who it was. To keep this from being TL;DR, she transferred the unknown call to ALL the controllers for a good laugh. Finally, my buddy recognized my voice and killed the call after about 20 minutes of listening to me trying to put on my dating moves. Also, this was back in the day when you paid per minute.

 

[alaskanseminole]

For them.

 

[seminole97]

I was the only one with the password and admin rights to the GPS account. They called about a week later…

Passive aggressive mock compliance could have been entertaining.

“Oh boy, I change my passwords a lot, gotta stay secure. Try: “myB055sucksdonkeyballs”

Feed them one at a time until they stop asking.

 

[BelemNole]

Well, I still laugh when I think about her trying to deal with a gps system she was locked out of.

 

[GlenHawk]

I wasn’t thinking and nuked some salmon in the office microwave a couple months into starting my first ‘adult’ job. Pissed a lot people off that day lol.

 

[alaskanseminole]

Well, I still laugh when I think about her trying to deal with a gps system she was locked out of.

GPS as in the Global Provisioning System for asset management?