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When the Hawks play in Ames we host a gathering of family & friends...

soybean

soybean

HB King
Sep 30, 2001
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...to watch the game and have a few beers and barbecue. It is always a good time. But I have a problem - my brother. He is a smart guy and has very well for himself, but he is MAGA. Everyone else is not. And he is not just a normal Republican, which is OK with us, but he is a mega MAGA. On the 4th of July he showed up to groans wearing his red MAGA hat and shirt that read" Trump won, and you know its true".

Just this morning I have fielded two calls from invitees asking about the party details including "is xxxxxx coming? He has become an absolute mood killer whenever he shows up in recent years and has become more stident than ever this year for some reason. We are expecting 35-40 guests. Several will be otherwise well behaved ISU fans who have expressed their disdain for him openly, one almost punched him on the 4th. Is there a good way to uninvited a brother(and a business partner a couplethree ways) from a gathering that includes all his Iowa siblings and several of his old friends without causing a major family rift?

I should add that there is no use trying to debate with him about MAGA as he is 100% all in. The idea that Trump will be at the game has added to our apprehension. Oh, and one more little complication - even through he has a very nice wife of over 40 years he has lately become very enamored with my SIL that hates his guts. I dread the scene this might cause also.
 
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I have in-laws that live in Texas that we've had to explain we are not going to spend time with them if they continue to make everything political (also MAGA supporters).

Since that time they've been much better about it, it still comes up occasionally but we'll just walk away from the conversation.

Set the ground rules and don't be afraid to cut ties if they cannot be followed.
 
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THE_DEVIL said:
***WARNING*** stepping out of character on this one


Let him come to the party. If he gets out of hand pull him aside and explain that if he continues he will be asked to leave and if he refuses you will call the police. It sucks but you have to let him make a fool of himself one last time in front of the family. Familes...
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And after this unfolds, tell him, "The Devil told me to do this"


That'll really get him thinking.
 
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QChawks said:
I have in-laws that live in Texas that we've had to explain we are not going to spend time with them if they continue to make everything political (also MAGA supporters).

Since that time they've been much better about it, it still comes up occasionally but we'll just walk away from the conversation.

Set the ground rules and don't be afraid to cut ties if they cannot be followed.
Click to expand...

Tough situation to be in Bean. Sucks. Agree with QC here. Have a talk with him before Saturday and flat out tell him zero politics or you will ask him to leave and he will not be invited to these events anymore. Explain to him people simply don't want to hear it.
 
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THE_DEVIL said:
***WARNING*** stepping out of character on this one


Let him come to the party. If he gets out of hand pull him aside and explain that if he continues he will be asked to leave and if he refuses you will call the police. It sucks but you have to let him make a fool of himself one last time in front of the family. Familes...
Click to expand...
As I said there is no reasoning with him about MAGA - and I will not call the police on him.
 
Invite him with the caveat that there will be no political clothing or discussion allowed. It's a celebration of the football game. Give him a chance to prove himself this year. If he can't do it, you've got good reason to leave him off the list next time, and you can tell him exactly why.
 
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hawkbirch said:
I agree that you say something to him before Saturday about expected attire and conversation. And then follow through if he breaks the rules. It is not unreasonable to ask him to focus solely on football for a couple of hours. He can go be MAGA for the rest of the day Saturday if needed.
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birch - The hard thing for me is that he is my brother. Any other guy and I would have already just told him he was not welcome, and why.
 
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Derekd3408 said:
You had me in the first half, but there is a 0% chance that your white trash mess of a family has only one MAGA in it. 0%. The SIL addition at the end was a nice touch though.
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Nope, just one MAGA. I do have a sister & her husband that are normal Republicans, but they are not even close to MAGA.

SIL is a bit on the trashy side though. She told Mrs. Bean that she will be "sizzling" in her Hawkeye get-up on Saturday, it could be quite a show.
 
TC Nole OX said:
Apologies for not having any useful advice for your situation. For the good of GIAHORT, please consider hiring a videographer to film your brother’s interactions with your other guests.
Click to expand...
Mrs. Bean just finished a heart to heart talk with my brother's wife on the portal. She readily acknowleded the problem and while crying promised that no MAGA gear would be worn. She said they both will be wearing those half&half CyHawk shirts as they have daughters that graduated from both Iowa and Iowa State. I hope this is true. I'm scheduled to work some calves next week with him and another brother and I don't want any residual tension then.
 
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soybean said:
birch - The hard thing for me is that he is my brother. Any other guy and I would have already just told him he was not welcome, and why.
Click to expand...
I have the same situation, except not frequent gatherings as he lives in another state. But I get non-stop texts and tweets from him. It has gotten a bit better since I stopped responding to anything political.
 
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soybean said:
Nope, just one MAGA. I do have a sister & her husband that are normal Republicans, but they are not even close to MAGA.

SIL is a bit on the trashy side though. She told Mrs. Bean that she will be "sizzling" in her Hawkeye get-up on Saturday, it could be quite a show.
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This is the sister in-law that didn't learn her lesson on the boat/pontoon date?
 
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soybean said:
Nope, just one MAGA. I do have a sister & her husband that are normal Republicans, but they are not even close to MAGA.

SIL is a bit on the trashy side though. She told Mrs. Bean that she will be "sizzling" in her Hawkeye get-up on Saturday, it could be quite a show.
Click to expand...
I am confused why you can’t give him the choice. Explain to him that multiple people have come to you complaining that he introduces politics into everything and that people want him there, but without the political stuff.

It’s honestly not a lot to ask for someone to leave politics outside a sporting event. If he reacts negatively then you can tell him he is putting you in an impossible position. If he still doesn’t comply then your brother is an asshole and not being a good family member to you. That’s when you say he is welcome back when he gets the politics out of his system.
 
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soybean said:
...to watch the game and have a few beers and barbecue. It is always a good time. But I have a problem - my brother. He is a smart guy and has very well for himself, but he is MAGA. Everyone else is not. And he is not just a normal Republican, which is OK with us, but he is a mega MAGA. On the 4th of July he showed up to groans wearing his red MAGA hat and shirt that read" Trump won, and you know its true".

Just this morning I have fielded two calls from invitees asking about the party details including "is xxxxxx coming? He has become an absolute mood killer whenever he shows up in recent years and has become more stident than ever this year for some reason. We are expecting 35-40 guests. Several will be otherwise well behaved ISU fans who have expressed their disdain for him openly, one almost punched him on the 4th. Is there a good way to uninvited a brother(and a business partner a couplethree ways) from a gathering that includes all his Iowa siblings and several of his old friends without causing a major family rift?

I should add that there is no use trying to debate with him about MAGA as he is 100% all in. The idea that Trump will be at the game has added to our apprehension. Oh, and one more little complication - even through he has a very nice wife of over 40 years he has lately become very enamored with my SIL that hates his guts. I dread the scene this might cause also.
Click to expand...
Fall on the sword a bit and say...

Yo, we have 30-40 people coming, and a few of them are snowflakes who can't handle your maga persona. Can you just wear some Iowa gear and leave the maga stuff out of it for this one? It's hawks v. Clones not Ds vs Rs.

I promise you can put your maga stuff back on as soon as you drive away if you like.

OR just let him know there's a MAGA demonstration on the steps of the Illinois capital building beginning 1 hour after kickoff kickoff. He probably won't make it back before the game ends.
 
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soybean said:
Nope, just one MAGA. I do have a sister & her husband that are normal Republicans, but they are not even close to MAGA.

SIL is a bit on the trashy side though. She told Mrs. Bean that she will be "sizzling" in her Hawkeye get-up on Saturday, it could be quite a show.
Click to expand...
This was going to be my main question, will the hot SiL be there? Question answered, will await sordid details on Sunday...
 
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hawkeyetraveler said:
I am confused why you can’t give him the choice. Explain to him that multiple people have come to you complaining that he introduces politics into everything and that people want him there, but without the political stuff.

It’s honestly not a lot to ask for someone to leave politics outside a sporting event. If he reacts negatively then you can tell him he is putting you in an impossible position. If he still doesn’t comply then your brother is an asshole and not being a good family member to you. That’s when you say he is welcome back when he gets the politics out of his system.
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I repeat - there is no reasoning with him since he went MAGA...even his wife and daughters can't reach him on this matter.
 
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My thoughts are to let the ISU fan punch him in the mouth.
 
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soybean said:
...to watch the game and have a few beers and barbecue. It is always a good time. But I have a problem - my brother. He is a smart guy and has very well for himself, but he is MAGA. Everyone else is not. And he is not just a normal Republican, which is OK with us, but he is a mega MAGA. On the 4th of July he showed up to groans wearing his red MAGA hat and shirt that read" Trump won, and you know its true".

Just this morning I have fielded two calls from invitees asking about the party details including "is xxxxxx coming? He has become an absolute mood killer whenever he shows up in recent years and has become more stident than ever this year for some reason. We are expecting 35-40 guests. Several will be otherwise well behaved ISU fans who have expressed their disdain for him openly, one almost punched him on the 4th. Is there a good way to uninvited a brother(and a business partner a couplethree ways) from a gathering that includes all his Iowa siblings and several of his old friends without causing a major family rift?

I should add that there is no use trying to debate with him about MAGA as he is 100% all in. The idea that Trump will be at the game has added to our apprehension. Oh, and one more little complication - even through he has a very nice wife of over 40 years he has lately become very enamored with my SIL that hates his guts. I dread the scene this might cause also.
Click to expand...
I would have a talk with him ahead of time - and don't mention Trump, the election or anything - but just tell him you as the host are enacting a STRICT "no political talk" edict for this particular party and it will be enforced. The first time he breaks it (he definitely will, rules aren't for MAGA!) tell him he gets one more shot to straighten up or he'll be asked to leave.

You will also have to make sure everyone else follows the edict (which it sounds like will be easy, based on your initial post) and that the rule is equally applied to all.

That way he can't complain he is being singled out or that only MAGAs are being singled out. It is fairly applied to ALL.
 
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soybean said:
He used to be such a great guy. But, I still love him.
Click to expand...
he’s one guy with a differing political stance at a big party where everyone knows everyone else. what’s the big deal? if he has the courage to mingle with hostiles, let him come in whatever garb and even talk politics if he wants. surely adults can handle any type of conversation, this isn’t china. if anything the party will be made more memorable. now if he were to ask whether he can bring along a bunch of his buddies , my thinking might be different.
 
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