Worst place you ever took a poop ?
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One Friday night I ate at George the Chili King in Des Moines. Had a few chili dogs. The next day I was in Kinnick and we were playing Ohio State. Must've been 1996 because it was the game that Tim Dwight almost singlehandedly got us back into the game. I had the worst case of diahrrea and had no choice but to go to the Kinnick Stadium restroom. I spent much of the first half on the shitter. At halftime the lines were so long and I was sitting on the toilet and there were NO STALL DOORS. It was humiliating. I felt like I was shitting in front of hundreds of people. Probably because I was.
I talked my friends into going to the hotel in downtown IC where at least I was able to shit in peace lol
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In my pants on a gravel road. Just couldn't quite get the old overalls pulled down quick enough. Had liquid in both shoes. Moma wasn't too happy with me when I got home. 
I was in an indoor paintball arena in Sarasota, and I went to use the bathroom and not only was the toilet backed up, but it was backed up to the point where there was a thin film on the floor. Unfortunately, I had gotten completely wrecked the night before and it was either use the toilet or shit myself, so I hovered above and let loose the beer shits. At least there was toilet paper.
Holy shit.
This post produced many tears.
It was Mrs. 22* first venture into HROT.
God help her.
It rivals the New Orleans thread; if you ask me.(nolook do you remember meeting Devil at Ryan's?)
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TRUE STORY: I know for an absolute FACT, that Tavian Banks shxt in that exact toilet. No seat on it, right?
That is BAR NONE, the funniest shxt story of all time and I've had some beauties myself. You had to have attended the writer's school at Iowa. Fabulous and funny story my friend.
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I used to buy a big beer for anyone willing to take a dump in Bo James. If anyone remembers that bathroom has a few toilets a little too close for comfort, no dividers, and no lock on the door.
Any willing to pull that off deserves a big beer.
Any willing to pull that off deserves a big beer.
Was at a house party...bathroom occupied and I went behind the garage. Their dog came around the corner and gobbled it up. Felt kinda bad later when all the girls were holding the dog as it licked their face.
This thread proves no matter the topic, HROT posters are competitive.
Although it was covered in piss, it did indeed have the seat part (no lid). I'm humbled that I shared that throne with such royalty!
My hometown had a large park in town with actual outhouses in the late 80's. Filthy stinky flies everywhere and you could actually see through the boards to the person in the next stall. I'm not sure when they got rid of them but there were a lot of campers picnics and reunions in that park and a lot of people sh1tting in them. Today's port o potties look like the taj mahal by comparison.
If there is a God, hopefully Kilauea has since covered up your mess/sock with molten lava...
'Hand puppet' approach with a thick tub sock?
Also, was there a scenic Hawaiian sunset with orange molten lava spewing in the background?
TIA - LOL!
Honfluer, France. We were on the bus all morning, had to go really bad. Jump off the bus and run to some public bathroom. No stool, just a hole in the ground. There is a pole for you to hold on to so you don't loose your balance. No toilet paper.
I was staying in a hotel with my 22 year old son. It's late and we're about to turn off the TV and shut it down for the night when nature calls. I head to the bathroom and proceed to birth a well above average beautiful chocolate bombshell. A perfect double taper. I also void the bladder with the day's final piss. All is well with the world, right? NOPE!
I grab a handful of TP, lean to my left, and to my utter amazement the entire toilet leans with me!! I think to myself, "This could not have just happened." So, I lean again and this time I fight the porcelain seat like a dog just to get it back to level. The damn thing wasn't bolted down and I damned near fell off.
At this point I'm a bit shaken but no harm no foul, right? NO!!!!!!!
Now I have no idea how toilets are constructed. And even after this event, I still have no interest in the science of waste removal. Gathering myself after a near fall I look down & the shock and awe begins. Not only is the floor covered with Mountain Dew colored water, but that whale sized monument of a turd is laying proudly on the floor right between my legs!!!
I called frantically for my son to help. He walks into the bathroom staring straight at me and says "What the hell do you want me to do?" He immediately starts laughing his ass off and does the bravest thing imaginable: HE RISKS HIS ENTIRE INHERITANCE BY GETTING OUT HIS CELL PHONE AND TAKING A PICTURE OF HIS FATHER & THE TURD!!!!!!!!!!
But, my kid's daddy ain't no fool. I get cleaned up, shut the bathroom door, and sat on my bed. The bathroom is oozing of 3rd world odors and my son says, "What are you gonna do now you dumb shit?" I immediately respond with "Give me just a moment, I'll think of something." At this point I pick up the hotel phone and dial "0".
As soon as the front desk clerk says "How can I help you?" I respond with "Yeaaaaa, my son just had a little trouble with the toilet in our room and I think we need to move." My son laughs like crazy. (A great kid needless to say.)
The next morning we're having breakfast in the lobby and we hear the maintence guy talking to the front desk gal. He says, "I have to go up to 3rd floor. Some guy shit all over the floor last night and I have to clean it up." We just smiled and enjoyed our eggs.
I grab a handful of TP, lean to my left, and to my utter amazement the entire toilet leans with me!! I think to myself, "This could not have just happened." So, I lean again and this time I fight the porcelain seat like a dog just to get it back to level. The damn thing wasn't bolted down and I damned near fell off.
At this point I'm a bit shaken but no harm no foul, right? NO!!!!!!!
Now I have no idea how toilets are constructed. And even after this event, I still have no interest in the science of waste removal. Gathering myself after a near fall I look down & the shock and awe begins. Not only is the floor covered with Mountain Dew colored water, but that whale sized monument of a turd is laying proudly on the floor right between my legs!!!
I called frantically for my son to help. He walks into the bathroom staring straight at me and says "What the hell do you want me to do?" He immediately starts laughing his ass off and does the bravest thing imaginable: HE RISKS HIS ENTIRE INHERITANCE BY GETTING OUT HIS CELL PHONE AND TAKING A PICTURE OF HIS FATHER & THE TURD!!!!!!!!!!
But, my kid's daddy ain't no fool. I get cleaned up, shut the bathroom door, and sat on my bed. The bathroom is oozing of 3rd world odors and my son says, "What are you gonna do now you dumb shit?" I immediately respond with "Give me just a moment, I'll think of something." At this point I pick up the hotel phone and dial "0".
As soon as the front desk clerk says "How can I help you?" I respond with "Yeaaaaa, my son just had a little trouble with the toilet in our room and I think we need to move."
My son laughs like crazy. (A great kid needless to say.)The next morning we're having breakfast in the lobby and we hear the maintence guy talking to the front desk gal. He says, "I have to go up to 3rd floor. Some guy shit all over the floor last night and I have to clean it up." We just smiled and enjoyed our eggs.
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August 1983. Bathroom sink in Barrington, IL Mexican restaurant men's room. I had extreme urge to take a power dump. I burst through the doors of the men's room to find single toilet stall door locked from inside. I used the sink to climb up and look over the wall to see toilet full to rim with rotting poo and TP. All TP and other towels in room gone. It was either the sink or the urinal to dump my load. I chose the sink because 'I just didn't care anymore' and it was the right height to sit. Had to use my underwear to wipe. Went commando and returned to my table. The lovely blonde co-worker I was having dinner with could tell I was upset about something.
I told the establishments Manager to get a plunger or I was going to call the health department. He said the plumber was on the way. Yeah, right!!
Took a shower the minute I got back to the motel.
Sounds like the burger/ice cream joint at the Kellogg, IA exit off I-80. There is also an RV park there, IIRC.
In Sailor Jerry's front yard...when I find out where he lives.
There are a few on here I would like to leave a steamer in their front yard.
I went deep sea fishing the day after the '03 orange bowl. I probably tailgated for 10 hours for that game, which is good - because I didn't remember anything after CJ Jones housed the opening kickoff. It all hit me when we were an hour out to sea on a small charter (3 guys and a captain). There was no bathroom on the boat. It took a lot for me to ask the captain what protocol is in my situation. He pointed to the underside of the small boat - he said that there was a 5 gallon bucket down there and since it was so small with a 3 ft ceiling, I'd probably have to take my shorts off before I went down there and to walk backwards down the stairs because there's no way to turn around. Also there was no light. I asked if I could just lean over the side of the boat, and he told me no because the last guy that tried that ended up shitting on the boat. The other 3 guys on the boat were adamant that the bucket stay downstairs. I could see the bucket when the hatch was open, and there was really no way around it. So I dropped em, walked down the few stairs backwards, and let it go while the the boat rocked back and forth on the Atlantic
This...... Outside of digging "catholes" in the woods during exercises/bivouac......the worst civilian dump was in the train station in Amiens, France.
The stalls had a curtain, with only a hose and a hole in the floor...........Basically it looked like this......
Was there a ladder on the back of the boat? take your shorts off......climb down the ladder, and go.........come back up....dry off......and you're back in business.
Why I come to HROT, what you don't learn. So of course I Google the Cleveland Steamer. But little did I know that Cleveland is used because of the Cleveland "BROWNS"!!!!!!!
Prepare yourself for the pun: I shit you not.
First of all, let me say that there have multiple doozies already shared in this thread and mine is tame comparatively, but after laughing so hard at the other stories I decided to pylon too. Thanks to all for the laughs...especially the, "Good luck in the Capital One Bowl" line. I am still crying over that one!
Many years ago I routinely ran 4-7 miles 3-4 times per week and I had learned to wait until after dropping a good deuce to go for my daily run. One evening, for reasons that I cannot recall now, I decided to go soon after dinner. Big mistake!
I was probably 2 miles into the run when I began to fight the power and I realized that I was in trouble...big trouble. I quickly changed my course to get back home SOON and I prairie dogged it as best I could over the next 1/2 mile or so as my gait turned to more of a hop, skip and a jump than a normal stride.
It was not to be however, as I was still about 4 blocks from home, and now pretty darn close to some friends of mine house, when I HAD TO GO NOW. So instead of dropping it right on the sidewalk along a busy city street...I BURST through a hedge that surrounded a front yard of a house where someone I knew lived. I no sooner jumped through the hedge, scratching myself something fierce in the process, than I dropped my shorts and bombed one out right there all in one motion...in front of my friends parents and two other people I did not know, as they were all sitting on the front porch having a beer, etc.
I dropped and ran so fast that they never even recognized me! But they were yelling at me as they began to realize what they had just witnessed. I barreled back through the thorny hedge...albeit NOT in the same spot that I had moments ago burst through...and sprinted like Carl Lewis until I got safely home and in the house. I think this is why I no longer run...
(Note - intentional WOB above.)
Many years ago I routinely ran 4-7 miles 3-4 times per week and I had learned to wait until after dropping a good deuce to go for my daily run. One evening, for reasons that I cannot recall now, I decided to go soon after dinner. Big mistake!
I was probably 2 miles into the run when I began to fight the power and I realized that I was in trouble...big trouble. I quickly changed my course to get back home SOON and I prairie dogged it as best I could over the next 1/2 mile or so as my gait turned to more of a hop, skip and a jump than a normal stride.
It was not to be however, as I was still about 4 blocks from home, and now pretty darn close to some friends of mine house, when I HAD TO GO NOW. So instead of dropping it right on the sidewalk along a busy city street...I BURST through a hedge that surrounded a front yard of a house where someone I knew lived. I no sooner jumped through the hedge, scratching myself something fierce in the process, than I dropped my shorts and bombed one out right there all in one motion...in front of my friends parents and two other people I did not know, as they were all sitting on the front porch having a beer, etc.
I dropped and ran so fast that they never even recognized me! But they were yelling at me as they began to realize what they had just witnessed. I barreled back through the thorny hedge...albeit NOT in the same spot that I had moments ago burst through...and sprinted like Carl Lewis until I got safely home and in the house. I think this is why I no longer run...
(Note - intentional WOB above.)
What's not to love about shitting in a port o john full of feces that's been cooking in 130 degree weather.
During Dessert Storm our trailer that served as a latrine backed up....port o pots overloaded with sh$t. The situation was out of control because half of my unit got food poisoning.....
The sh&t was piled so high in the port o pots that they looked like Gelato cones...
I hovered above that mess....had an explosive sh&t that splattered all over my flip flops......pretty horrible and I vomited.
The sh&t was piled so high in the port o pots that they looked like Gelato cones...
I hovered above that mess....had an explosive sh&t that splattered all over my flip flops......pretty horrible and I vomited.
Priceless. Did they ever find out it was you? LMAO the whole time I read this. (And sadly, I too have more stories.)
No, not to my knowledge, I think the total time I was, ahem, in their yard, was less than 30 seconds though. But I was quite nervous around them for the next couple of times I saw them. Another factor I had in my favor that night is that it was getting close to dark and had it been 15-20 minutes earlier...I think they probably would have recognized me.
I really didn't anticipate them sitting on the front porch when I jumped through the hedge...but by that point there was no stopping.
This happened 32 years ago...I think the story is safe to let out now, for obvious reasons, this is not one I have told many people over the years. Gotta love HROT though.
Great stuff and we all have the mishaps. Amazing how funny they are to read and share.
WARNING: Do not read this thread on the commuter train! Too many stories had me in tears as well - I think the 'Capital One' shout out was near the top though!
This is easily Pepsi's best thread.
Until he posts the question again next week...
Until he posts the question again next week...
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