Divorce update...worse than I thought
- Thread starter ClarindaA's
- Start date
How old is your son? If he is over 13 or 14 I believe his say goes a very long way in deciding where he lives. And as far as the, "I don't want to ruin her" comment goes, I know exactly how you feel. I was in the exact same position. She will do everything she can to try and ruin you if she is in a bad spot; I PROMISE YOU. Woman do not want to lose in divorce; it becomes a pride thing. She will do everything she can to ruin your reputation with everyone you know to get what she wants. Don't believe that just because she was once a loving woman to you that she is going to play fair. Woman can be pure evil at times. Man up and fight for what is yours. This is advice I should have been given at the beginning of my divorce.
A life sentence without parole in Iowa, the death penalty in some states
Clarinda, I'm gonna say this as a friend. Take the gloves off. I think several of us saw this coming a mile away. You cheated (I get it, I've cheated before ALOT. Although never married) and she was pissed. She never forgave you and kept this in the back of her mind.
You have to fight fire with fire. Tell your attorney and go to the IRS (if advised by counsel). If you're going down, so will she. Except you have a doctorate, she does hair. You can make money, so can she just in a much smaller amount. Your boy is gonna decide where he lives. DONT GIVE UP THE HOUSE!!!
You have to fight fire with fire. Tell your attorney and go to the IRS (if advised by counsel). If you're going down, so will she. Except you have a doctorate, she does hair. You can make money, so can she just in a much smaller amount. Your boy is gonna decide where he lives. DONT GIVE UP THE HOUSE!!!
Here is what you'll end up with: the ashtray, the paddle game, the remote control and the lamp.
Tread carefully with the tax angle. You are as complicit as she is in the tax fraud, from the sounds of it. Plus, now that you've posted about it online, there is a nice digital trail proving your knowledge of the situation. Talk with lawyers, not message boards.
I knew a guy that went through this same thing. He claimed his lawyer advised against going the IRS amount. He signed off on the returns. You can claim you didn't know, but how do you claim you didn't know when married, but conveniently figured it out once the divorce started?
Maybe you could play dumb and play it like the lawyer thinks something isn't right based on his review of the financials.
But as 009 mentioned, posting about it on the internet makes that a little tricky. SP has probably already called the IRS warning them. Doesn't he like tattling on people?
You cannot go after her for unreported money. It counts as your unreported money as well. The irs will hammer you both. Just take the lumps on that one.
Well, it isn't so easy as to say to leave the issue alone. Sure, there is downside, but you have to ask what the benefits are. If it helps with the custody or child support, etc., then admitting the past misdeed and paying the penalty might be worth it. That is a difficult calculation to make, but it isn't as easy as saying that you shouldn't explore the option just because he might take a hit from it.
This is, of course, where a lawyer is incredibly valuable despite the public's contempt for the profession.
This is, of course, where a lawyer is incredibly valuable despite the public's contempt for the profession.
1. Tell your lawyer everything including whatever stuff may or may not implicate you in any tax issues.
2. Be careful what you say online. Idk if she knows your screen name but someone else might who knows her. Once it's out there it's out there. During law school, I did some intern work in family law and my first assignment for a new case was always to search google, Facebook, Instagram or whatever else on the opposing party. It can all be used as evidence. Including texts and emails.
2. Be careful what you say online. Idk if she knows your screen name but someone else might who knows her. Once it's out there it's out there. During law school, I did some intern work in family law and my first assignment for a new case was always to search google, Facebook, Instagram or whatever else on the opposing party. It can all be used as evidence. Including texts and emails.
Clarinda, you DO have a lawyer don't you? I am hoping you hired one the second she cleaned out your cash stash.
Not necessarily. If you 'turn her in' and turn yourself in, and she was the one in control of the books for her business and you had no direct hand in it, things can be handled separately. Again, this is something for the lawyers and tax-law guys to sort through.
Another thought here - maybe I'm mistaken, but didn't you used to post here under a different handle "Iceman" and didn't she also post here? You would have to think she knows of your new handle and comes here to read stuff.
If I'm incorrect about the above handle change, then disregard. If I'm correct, you have got to stop posting about this stuff like this.
If I'm incorrect about the above handle change, then disregard. If I'm correct, you have got to stop posting about this stuff like this.
When I went through my divorce my kids were small. If you guys are technically still married and without a temporary custody order it isn't a crime for either one of you to have your child. My ex tried to muscle me out of parenting time and when I didn't give her the kids when she wanted them she called the police thinking I would back down and it would affect my job(I'm a police officer) the police came out and said that it is a family court issue and not a police issue without court orders, just like I knew they would.
My ex also purposely worked less once we separated to try and show she had a lower income to get child support from me. She also requested that she get the kids like 90% of the time and wanted a crazy amount of child support which drove me mad because we both made similar amounts of money. When court came around my lawyer used her w2's from the last 5 years instead of 2 which was what was requested to prove we made the same amount of money. Whe she was requesting unfair amount of parenting times I requested an even 50/50 split of parenting time and that is what the court gave me. Also since I pay all of the kids insurance and the income was found to be equal she was ordered to pay me child support. Not a lot but I kind of view it as small payments to repay all the money I spent on a law
My ex also purposely worked less once we separated to try and show she had a lower income to get child support from me. She also requested that she get the kids like 90% of the time and wanted a crazy amount of child support which drove me mad because we both made similar amounts of money. When court came around my lawyer used her w2's from the last 5 years instead of 2 which was what was requested to prove we made the same amount of money. Whe she was requesting unfair amount of parenting times I requested an even 50/50 split of parenting time and that is what the court gave me. Also since I pay all of the kids insurance and the income was found to be equal she was ordered to pay me child support. Not a lot but I kind of view it as small payments to repay all the money I spent on a law
I do, he said he's leery on the tax issue...we can use it as leverage...but doesn't think it will end well....this just seems like it's taking forever....
I have a female friend who got divorced about 3 yrs ago. She is an RN and he husband had several different small businesses that he ran from his home. He always bragged about how well things were going with his businesses yet how he always seemed to be able to claim very little income. Her income was for the mortgage and living expenses and went into their shared account. His income went into a separate account, which was under his name only. She really didn't seem to know how much money he made or had. When they got divorced and settled everything (she got the house, custody of the kids, etc.) she also had papers drawn up and signed essentially limiting her liability in the event that he should ever get audited for any of the years that they were married and filed jointly.
Cool ice. He has standards after all.
Hot ice, no likey. Very watered down stuff by comparison.
Forget the remote control.........she will take that as a reminder of who wears the long pants in your relationship.
That only makes her his creditor. The agreement means nothing to the IRS. If it is a joint return, they can go after either spouse unless the one spouse qualifies for innocent spouse relief (which is very difficult to do).
Clarinda...You say you don't want to ruin her, but look what she's doing to you. She's drained your accounts, she's trying to take everything you've got. From what you post, you don't want to ruin her. This could be out of guilt over your cheating, but who knows. Regardless, you need to start fighting this. Don't give up the house. Don't roll over and give her a big payout. Fight for an equitable settlement, at least as good as you can get. If not, you're going to get absolutely steamrolled. You have to grow spine here.
What a bitch!!
You totally should post a photo of her so we all know to avoid her.
You totally should post a photo of her so we all know to avoid her.
Quit being nice.You are being lined up to be so anally donged you have no idea.Take off the gloves and Donkey punch that woman.
She will not hesitate to use your kids and the law against you.
She is already cruising the dirty highway with Chad Bullseye.
No such thing as being fair.She is already lining up the sisterhood of support.You will be left holding a sack of crap with no friends.
Been there.Do not play nice.
She will not hesitate to use your kids and the law against you.
She is already cruising the dirty highway with Chad Bullseye.
No such thing as being fair.She is already lining up the sisterhood of support.You will be left holding a sack of crap with no friends.
Been there.Do not play nice.
I would really love to represent you but I have this massive civil suit against a pizza delivery driver cooking.
Its not a matter of getting angry. You need to view it as a business transaction and take emotion out of it.
If you are in Iowa, your care time with kids is determined by case law, specifically the Hansen Case. It will depend on your involvement with your kids while married. My ex was a SAHM, but I am an involved dad. I have a 40/60 split.
Mine was final 2 years ago, and the part that lingers is the finances. I wont fully recover for 3 more years. Paying child support to someone who has no desire to get a decent job when they have a degree is frustrating. Not only do I pay 35% of my net income, I also pay for groceries, a bigger place with extra bedrooms, etc. for when they are with me.
If you are in Iowa, your care time with kids is determined by case law, specifically the Hansen Case. It will depend on your involvement with your kids while married. My ex was a SAHM, but I am an involved dad. I have a 40/60 split.
Mine was final 2 years ago, and the part that lingers is the finances. I wont fully recover for 3 more years. Paying child support to someone who has no desire to get a decent job when they have a degree is frustrating. Not only do I pay 35% of my net income, I also pay for groceries, a bigger place with extra bedrooms, etc. for when they are with me.
JFC fred let it go. You are coming off as a giant douche. Par for the course for you though I suppose.
People tried to tell you this would happen when you posted the thread saying you were getting divorced and you didn't listen.
Don't make that mistake again. Listen to the people telling you to get your own lawyer.
Don't make that mistake again. Listen to the people telling you to get your own lawyer.
Ah, I'm so glad this is all behind me. Never again.
I get to watch (from a third party distance) as another guy gets a divorce and he hasn't bothered to hire a lawyer yet. (Not the poster...someone else, probably) Twenty year marriage. Two kids (which has got to be the worst part...I can't imagine what they are going through.)
Anyway the guys wife owned a business but from what I understand it never saw a livable profit. Meanwhile he worked and I'm sure his paychecks were what paid the bills. But the wife closed the business and has taken a job, and lo and behold he's now a total jerk and must be removed from her life.
By removed, that is she wants him to keep the house (farm like with some land and expensive to keep, came from her family.) herself to keep the kids, full custody. And Oh, since he gets the house she wants more money.
I have no idea what he wants but it doesn't matter because without a good lawyer all he's going to get is what she decides he gets.
The best part (I hear this stuff from an ally of the wife, so I get her side.) is her lawyer has now advised her to file for a restraining order and force him to leave the house (for now) and keep him away from the kids without supervised visits. I just love this part of our system...........keep in mind, her lawyer advised her because it would help her with the divorce. So tell me...is there someone committing domestic abuse here? Yeah, I think so and it's with the system's help.
And get this. She's got receipts from the last six years which she kept showing everything which was brought in and how it got spent. According to her of course. Six years? Think she's been planning this for awhile? But! I've been told her lawyer didn't want them...probably because they'll show she wasn't earning any money!!!
And let's be real. What happened is somewhere upon deciding that the business was no longer capable of paying it's own bills...forget the profit beyond that which was always miniscule at best. Anyway, once it was decided the business had to go, it became obvious a job would mean actual money. Actual money meant freedom, if she could unload the husband. Now, I don't know the guy and he might have been a total jerk....but man he let the "store" idea go for a long time without tossing his cookies. That doesn't SOUND like a jerk to me.
So she's got a little money from her job. The kids are old enough to watch themselves an hour or two at least, but screw him they're all hers as far as she's concerned. If she could dump the house she could get a cheaper place, which means more money and frankly maybe even a really nice apartment so no upkeep! Hey! That's what he's good for! He can keep the crap she doesn't want and by the way PAY to keep it! More money!!!
And I can practically guess what will happen. She'll probably get all pretty again and down the road in a few years when the kids are college age she'll have some guy convinced she's hot bread on a cold soup night. At least that's probably part of the plan. Edit to add...and hey, I've been ignorant a lot longer than I've been smart...I should have said she might already HAVE another victim lined up.
Well here is my plan guys. F' em. Seriously. Have a great time. Then lie and cheat and never call 'em unless you think you can get another night in the sack without conditions. Be not concerned one bit with the old "nice guy" stuff. It's the nice guys getting tossed like a salad! If you think you've ever broken a woman's heart, you are dead wrong. They haven't got one. All they get upset over is when they've wasted time and didn't suck the life out of another victim. You got money burning a hole in your pocket and you're lonely? Buy a Harley and hire a pro.
I get to watch (from a third party distance) as another guy gets a divorce and he hasn't bothered to hire a lawyer yet. (Not the poster...someone else, probably) Twenty year marriage. Two kids (which has got to be the worst part...I can't imagine what they are going through.)
Anyway the guys wife owned a business but from what I understand it never saw a livable profit. Meanwhile he worked and I'm sure his paychecks were what paid the bills. But the wife closed the business and has taken a job, and lo and behold he's now a total jerk and must be removed from her life.
By removed, that is she wants him to keep the house (farm like with some land and expensive to keep, came from her family.) herself to keep the kids, full custody. And Oh, since he gets the house she wants more money.
I have no idea what he wants but it doesn't matter because without a good lawyer all he's going to get is what she decides he gets.
The best part (I hear this stuff from an ally of the wife, so I get her side.) is her lawyer has now advised her to file for a restraining order and force him to leave the house (for now) and keep him away from the kids without supervised visits. I just love this part of our system...........keep in mind, her lawyer advised her because it would help her with the divorce. So tell me...is there someone committing domestic abuse here? Yeah, I think so and it's with the system's help.
And get this. She's got receipts from the last six years which she kept showing everything which was brought in and how it got spent. According to her of course. Six years? Think she's been planning this for awhile? But! I've been told her lawyer didn't want them...probably because they'll show she wasn't earning any money!!!
And let's be real. What happened is somewhere upon deciding that the business was no longer capable of paying it's own bills...forget the profit beyond that which was always miniscule at best. Anyway, once it was decided the business had to go, it became obvious a job would mean actual money. Actual money meant freedom, if she could unload the husband. Now, I don't know the guy and he might have been a total jerk....but man he let the "store" idea go for a long time without tossing his cookies. That doesn't SOUND like a jerk to me.
So she's got a little money from her job. The kids are old enough to watch themselves an hour or two at least, but screw him they're all hers as far as she's concerned. If she could dump the house she could get a cheaper place, which means more money and frankly maybe even a really nice apartment so no upkeep! Hey! That's what he's good for! He can keep the crap she doesn't want and by the way PAY to keep it! More money!!!
And I can practically guess what will happen. She'll probably get all pretty again and down the road in a few years when the kids are college age she'll have some guy convinced she's hot bread on a cold soup night. At least that's probably part of the plan. Edit to add...and hey, I've been ignorant a lot longer than I've been smart...I should have said she might already HAVE another victim lined up.
Well here is my plan guys.
F' em. Seriously. Have a great time. Then lie and cheat and never call 'em unless you think you can get another night in the sack without conditions. Be not concerned one bit with the old "nice guy" stuff. It's the nice guys getting tossed like a salad! If you think you've ever broken a woman's heart, you are dead wrong. They haven't got one. All they get upset over is when they've wasted time and didn't suck the life out of another victim. You got money burning a hole in your pocket and you're lonely? Buy a Harley and hire a pro.
Last edited:
