I went to the doctor yesterday for a check-up. He came into the room and told me I was going deaf.....it was really hard to hear.
Dumb joke that made me chuckle
- Thread starter DooBi
- Start date
McLovin went to his Psychologist last week for his regular
session. The Psychologist told him that he was stupid.
So McLovin said that he would ask for a second opinion.
And the Psychologist said that McLovin was also ugly.
session. The Psychologist told him that he was stupid.
So McLovin said that he would ask for a second opinion.
And the Psychologist said that McLovin was also ugly.
I'm well rounded and not just across my middle.
The doctor tells the woman "it appears you're pregnant"
"OH my God I'm going to have a baby?"
"No, it just appears that way because you're fat"
"OH my God I'm going to have a baby?"
"No, it just appears that way because you're fat"
I met an astronomer who wanted to throw his first party. He was nervous though because he didn't know how to planet.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Steven Wright
Steven Wright
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Steven Wright
But sporange does. Little known fact (in my best cliff claven voice)
that’s riff on the al bundy classic
Peggy: Al, do these clothes make me look fat?
Al: No Peggy, it’s your fat that makes you look fat.
What does a gay horse eat?
Haaaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!!
Haaaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!!
A Jewish man, a Catholic man and a Mormon man are talking about their families.
The jewish man says, "I have 4 kids, one more and I could have a basketball team"
The Catholic says, "I have 10 kids, one more and I could have a football team"
The Mormon says, "I have 17 wives, one more and I could have a golf course"
The jewish man says, "I have 4 kids, one more and I could have a basketball team"
The Catholic says, "I have 10 kids, one more and I could have a football team"
The Mormon says, "I have 17 wives, one more and I could have a golf course"
What's it called if I die and come back as a hillbilly?
Reintarnation
Reintarnation
I was having eye problems, so I went to see an optimist. He said my eyes are gonna be fine!
A guy walks into a doctor's office with a frog on his head. The doctor asks, "what seems to be the problem?" The frog says "it all started with a bump on my ass..."
A baby seal walks into a club...
A guy walks into a doctor's office with a frog on his head. The doctor asks, "what seems to be the problem?" The frog says "it all started with a bump on my ass..."
A baby seal walks into a club...
Me: what's the wifi password?
Bartender: you have to buy a drink first
Ok ill have a rum and coke
That'll be $5
Ok here you go. Now what's the wifi password
You have to buy a drink first, all lower case no spaces.
Bartender: you have to buy a drink first
Ok ill have a rum and coke
That'll be $5
Ok here you go. Now what's the wifi password
You have to buy a drink first, all lower case no spaces.
I spilled spot remover on my dog..... now I can't find him.
Two FSU chicks walk into a building.... you'd think ONE of them would have seen it.
Optometrist: Your results are not good
Me: oh no, can I see them?
Optometrist: Probably not.
Me: oh no, can I see them?
Optometrist: Probably not.
I went to the zoo the other day and it was empty except for a single dog.
It was a Shih Tzu.
It was a Shih Tzu.
My wife just stopped and said, "you weren't even listening, were you?".
I thought, "that's a pretty weird way to start a conversation".
I thought, "that's a pretty weird way to start a conversation".
Old man was at his annual physical and told his doctor he thought his wife’s hearing going because she doesn’t respond to his questions. Doctor said you could test it sneaking up behind her and saying something to see if she responds. So the old man goes home and finds his wife in the kitchen at the stove pan frying something. He says, “hey honey, whatcha cooking?” No response. He asked again, moving a little closer. Nothing. Moving closer, he asks again. With that, she spins around as says: "for the third time, hamburgers!"
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A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!”
A penguin hears a rattling in his car engine one day, so he drives his car into the shop. The mechanic tells him he'll check it out and it will take about an hour. So the penguin walks down the street to an ice cream shop to have a vanilla cone and kill some time.
The penguin returns after an hour to the shop, where the mechanic tells him, "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin, furiously wiping his mouth, "NO, IT'S JUST ICE CREAM!"
The penguin returns after an hour to the shop, where the mechanic tells him, "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin, furiously wiping his mouth, "NO, IT'S JUST ICE CREAM!"
What do you call a magician that's lost his magic?
Ian
Ian
Date: What do you do?
Me: [holds up menu] you just pick a meal out of this book of food.
Me: [holds up menu] you just pick a meal out of this book of food.
Did you hear of the Mexican firemen that had twins ?
He named them Jose and Hose B.
He named them Jose and Hose B.
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