One of my best friends from Oakland called me on Tuesday to tell me was given 6-12 months to live, and that's IF he undergoes Chemo. He's only 46 years old, Him and his wife and 13 year old daughter are dear friends of ours. TBW and I were both in their wedding and lived next door to them for 6 years in Oakland.
Every few months we do facetime shots with them and everytime I'm in the Bay area I stay at their house. On NYE we called them to do a shot and he said he couldn't because he had bad heartburn but next time. Then in Feb. same thing, but he said he was losing weight so that was a good thing. In March we called for his birthday and same thing except he sounded scared and said he was having trouble swallowing and was going to the doctor to get it checked out.
Had an Endoscopy and they found a tumor in his esophagus at the opening to his stomach, they weren't sure if it was cancerous until they did some test and did a CT Scan. He called to tell me that it was cancer and it had spread to his lymph nodes.
Met with the Oncologist Tuesday and they gave him the bad news that it was inoperable and very agressive. He would have to begin chemo immediately to give him any hope of surviving the next 6-12 months.
This is a guy that has never smoked a cigarette, drinks but not an alcoholic by any means, doesn't have cancer in the family. Doctor told him it's just one of those things that happens where he had very bad luck. Told him it probably started less than a year ago and just moved very quickly.
He was on the fence about getting Chemo when we spoke. Said he feels fine (other than only being able to eat soup broth) and doesn't want to spend his last days laying sick in a bed going through Chemo. Thinks maybe he'll just ride it out while he can still look and act like a normal person as long as he can.
His wife and I talked him into the chemo with the hopes that some miracle may happen or some new cure comes along while he's in Chemo.
TBW are flying out there for a weekend to be with them and hang out before he gets too sick. I feel terrible talking to him because I really don't know what to say. He doesn't want sympathy, says at work everyone mopes around him and gives him the sad face. He just wants me to be normal, but it's tough to do.
I've lost 3 good friends the past 4 years including one to this exact same cancer. I did the Eulogy for 2 of them and I just really feel uncomfortable about how this happening to all these friends in their 40's.
I told him that I'm here for him day or night, if he wants to call and scream at someone or call and cry to someone I'm here for him. But I'm just curious if anyone else has went through this on either side and what they appreciated or hated people saying.
It's really trivialized every other aspect of my life, I don't sweat anything any more it seems. While I'm having trouble sleeping because I drank too much coffee my friend is having trouble sleeping because he won't see his daughter opening Christmas presents.
Any advice appreciated. and #FVCKCANCER
SF sorry to hear about your friend. I was wondering how I missed this thread until I realized that Friday I was in Fayetteville getting another scan.
In mid to late 2016 I started experiencing the exact same symptoms you described your friend having. My doctor told me it’s probably nothing but sent me to a surgeon who said the same thing but scheduled me a endoscopy.
My procedure was January 24th 2017. When I awoke in recovery the surgeon and my wife were standing over me with tears coming down my wife’s face. The surgeon said he was almost positive that I had esophageal cancer (EC). I did and it’s stage 3.
You are a great friend in reaching out for advise. I’m kinda in a unique situation in that not only do I have cancer but by best and oldest friend since childhood was diagnosed a week after me with stage 4 prostate cancer. We talk every Monday over the phone.
You and his wife did the right thing in talking him into chemo treatments. Not only will this extend his life but might qualify him for some other treatments just being administered to EC patients.
My advise like others have said here is to tell him you love him, have a good cry and tell him “Never Give Up!” Doctors have been wrong and miracles do happened.
I would like to recommend a website to you and his wife (caretaker). smartpatients.com is by far the best website to go on to hear from real life EC patients and their caregivers. Not to fill you with false hope but there are many stage 4 patients that have long out lived a bad prognosis.
About esophageal cancer. This disease is considered rare though cases seem to be on the uptick. Known as one of the silent killer cancers because symptoms often don’t appear until the cancer has spread and prognosis isn’t good.
The one symptom that could save your life is heartburn. If you get or have bad heartburn ask your doctor for an endoscopy. He may look at you funny and say just take this pill and it will go away but the next symptoms could be difficulty swallowing and unexplained loss of weight which are common in almost all EC diagnoses.
SF everyone should be as lucky having a friend like you.