How do you deal with radical and politically extreme friends and family members?

[What Would Jesus Do?]

What's your #1 issue and solution today?

The Climate crisis. We've kicked the can down the road for so long it's hard to think anything short of a formal national emergency can be enough. There are plenty of specific ways to address this crisis, but without concerted, bipartisan effort, we won't get them done.

A close second is the dramatic weakness of our democracy. I don't see any solutions - simply because too many with the authority to fix this problem have a vested interest in and profit from it staying broken.

 

[BrianNole777]

The Climate crisis. We've kicked the can down the road for so long it's hard to think anything short of a formal national emergency can be enough. There are plenty of specific ways to address this crisis, but without concerted, bipartisan effort, we won't get them done.

A close second is the dramatic weakness of our democracy. I don't see any solutions - simply because too many with the authority to fix this problem have a vested interest in and profit from it staying broken.

I'm with you there.

I read some historians that wrote democracies usually don't last more than 200 years.

 

[CarolinaHawkeye]

Send them to the hookers.

 

[TennNole17]

It’s an honest question (OP) and a real issue for a lot of people today. There’s this subtle (not so much) way people in work or personal life try to gauge which “side” you’re on, and I’m not about that - at all. They’ll work in topic that immediately creates a divide- obvious ones like Trump, subtler ones about vaccines- but it’s so forced. We’re talking about kids or sports and you work in something to get a “feel” for someone. It’s ****ing annoying, people who inject it unnecessarily.

There’s life outside of politics.

 

[artradley]

While I share your dislike of some of those positions, is that really what passes for far left these days? Those strike me minor issues, important to small demographics. They certainly don't represent the far left in my view.

In fact, most are topics of conversation mainly because the right has blown them out of proportion to deflect from serious issues and needed progressive policies.

It’s not the seriousness of the issues that is in question, it’s the nuttiness of them. A small number of left leaning folks are nuts.

 

[artradley]

I'm with you there.

I read some historians that wrote democracies usually don't last more than 200 years.

I don’t think we have enough examples of democratic Republics in history to have any kind of identifiable pattern. I’ve heard that claim made, but I’ve never seen a serious basis for the claim.

 

[binsfeldcyhawk2]

I don’t think we have enough examples of democratic Republics in history to have any kind of identifiable pattern. I’ve heard that claim made, but I’ve never seen a serious basis for the claim.

Agree.

That and the modern democratic republics history is only 2 or 3 centuries old. Most of Europe still had Monarchies in the 19th century...

 

[SI_NYC]

How did you quantify the 5%?

2-5% of any group are nuts. I remember talking to the the admin folks in my graduate program about this. They said of the 50 people they’d admitted every year, 1-2 of them would be bat shit crazy.

 

[Flie]

Apparently lacking awareness isn’t your strong suit. They're nuts on both sides.

So he's strong at having awareness?

 

[SeaPA]

Dealing with family can sometimes be tough. Both of my sisters are extremely religious; my wife and I are not. I still love them, and fortunately they've learned that I have zero interest in discussing religion with them. Our dad was much the same as me; difference was, for a while he'd try to have reasonable discussions with them on a topic that is primarily driven by emotion. I chose a different tactic; I'd simply walk away even if they were in mid-sentence. A few times in places where I couldn't walk (restaurant, dinner table) I'd turn my back to them & let them decide if they wanted to continue to talk to the back of my head or change the subject. Eventually they got the point.

Over the last couple of years, the younger of my two sisters has gotten more political, though not verbally; she'll get on her husband if he starts talking politics. However, she frequently makes political statements with her attire. We usually do a big family trip to the beach over either Memorial or Labor Day weekend; for a couple of years she'd wear a pair of Desantis flip-flops, and make it a point to leave them prominently displayed by the shade tent. When she'd go into the water, I'd make it a point to spill some beer on them & cover them with sand (the beer worked great, because the sand would stick to them).
This year, instead of the beach we just had everyone over to our lake place. On Saturday, she was sporting one of those gender-warrior t-shirts that says "GOD MADE" then has below it the symbols for Man/Woman that are used on bathroom signs. It was particularly bothersome to me because we have a family member (the 19 year-old child of one of my nephews) who has recently transitioned from male to female. My sister won't refer to the child by the new chosen name/gender (went from Fred to Chloe), instead referring to the kid as "their youngest child." Fortunately, none of that branch of the family was there on that day, and at least my sister had the sense to not wear it on Sunday when several of them would be in attendance.

She's my sister, and I love her - but she's a bit nuts.

 

[What Would Jesus Do?]

It’s not the seriousness of the issues that is in question, it’s the nuttiness of them. A small number of left leaning folks are nuts.

Yes, a small number. But even then it's debatable whether those things and their advocates are actually "left." I don't claim them and I'm as left as you get around here on many issues.

Even if we call those folks "left," they are much less numerous and exponentially less dangerous than their counterparts on the right. Not that you are arguing otherwise, but it's a point worth repeating to stave off the both-siders.

 

[binsfeldcyhawk2]

However, she frequently makes political statements with her attire. We usually do a big family trip to the beach over either Memorial or Labor Day weekend; for a couple of years she'd wear a pair of Desantis flip-flops, and make it a point to leave them prominently displayed by the shade tent. When she'd go into the water, I'd make it a point to spill some beer on them & cover them with sand (the beer worked great, because the sand would stick to them).

It's a you problem.

 

[SeaPA]

It's a you problem.

Nah, not even in the least; it's a simple, harmless response to an intentional provocation.

 

[binsfeldcyhawk2]

Nah, not even in the least; it's a simple, harmless response to an intentional provocation.

Definitely a you problem.

 

[TC Nole OX]

It's a you problem.

She’s lucky he didn’t throw the DeSantiSS flip flops in the nearest trash can and then say someone must have stolen them. Anything from Ron is a hot item and you can’t just leave that lying around.

 

[binsfeldcyhawk2]

She’s lucky he didn’t throw the DeSantiSS flip flops in the nearest trash can and then say someone must have stolen them. Anything from Ron is a hot item and you can’t just leave that lying around.

You have a you problem

 

[BrianNole777]

I don’t think we have enough examples of democratic Republics in history to have any kind of identifiable pattern. I’ve heard that claim made, but I’ve never seen a serious basis for the claim.

I think that was one of their points.

Democracy isn't the normal form of government.

 

[BrianNole777]

Dealing with family can sometimes be tough. Both of my sisters are extremely religious; my wife and I are not. I still love them, and fortunately they've learned that I have zero interest in discussing religion with them. Our dad was much the same as me; difference was, for a while he'd try to have reasonable discussions with them on a topic that is primarily driven by emotion. I chose a different tactic; I'd simply walk away even if they were in mid-sentence. A few times in places where I couldn't walk (restaurant, dinner table) I'd turn my back to them & let them decide if they wanted to continue to talk to the back of my head or change the subject. Eventually they got the point.

Over the last couple of years, the younger of my two sisters has gotten more political, though not verbally; she'll get on her husband if he starts talking politics. However, she frequently makes political statements with her attire. We usually do a big family trip to the beach over either Memorial or Labor Day weekend; for a couple of years she'd wear a pair of Desantis flip-flops, and make it a point to leave them prominently displayed by the shade tent. When she'd go into the water, I'd make it a point to spill some beer on them & cover them with sand (the beer worked great, because the sand would stick to them).
This year, instead of the beach we just had everyone over to our lake place. On Saturday, she was sporting one of those gender-warrior t-shirts that says "GOD MADE" then has below it the symbols for Man/Woman that are used on bathroom signs. It was particularly bothersome to me because we have a family member (the 19 year-old child of one of my nephews) who has recently transitioned from male to female. My sister won't refer to the child by the new chosen name/gender (went from Fred to Chloe), instead referring to the kid as "their youngest child." Fortunately, none of that branch of the family was there on that day, and at least my sister had the sense to not wear it on Sunday when several of them would be in attendance.

She's my sister, and I love her - but she's a bit nuts.

Wow!

You spilled beer on her sandals? 😆

What religion are they?

 

[artradley]

I think that was one of their points.

Democracy isn't the normal form of government.

Then the suggestion that the average democracy only lasts 200 years would seem silly. As I’ve said, other than Internet ramblings I’ve never seen an academic make this claim based on evidence.

 

[BrianNole777]

Then the suggestion that the average democracy only lasts 200 years would seem silly. As I’ve said, other than Internet ramblings I’ve never seen an academic make this claim based on evidence.

The Founding Fathers seemed to have been aware of it because of all the safeguards they put in the Constitution/Bill of Rights like checks and balances.

 

[beanerhawk]

Have any of you encountered this situation? How did you deal?

We live in an age of political extremism on the right wing. Politics is the new religion and many Americans are very devout.

I had an old acquaintance from high school that moved from California to Idaho. We kept in touch via email. Over the last few years, his emails got more and more extreme. This past spring, he was emailing me about how Biden sexually abused his daughter so I emailed my friend stating I think it would be better if we stopped communicating and we haven't spoken with each other since.

My younger brother has also become very extreme and right wing the past 3 years. It's so strange because he never was interested in politics and all of a sudden became MAGA at age 35, although he's not a huge fan of Trump. Two years ago, he sent a group text about how there was vast voter fraud in the 2020 election and I got in a 2 hour debate showing the 60 lawsuits that failed to show voter fraud. It didn't convince him.

This morning, he was sending texts to family with walls of text about how Biden is a "pedophile communist" and the USA is "over."

Total madness.

I learned a year ago that arguing is pointless and I can't change anyone's mind about anything.

So, I basically think I can only "tolerate" or "detach" from extreme friends and family members. I don't know what else to do.

What about you?

I would hate to live in your world. Politics are never brought up with in my family and friends. Everyone knows to keep their opinions to themselves.

 

[BrianNole777]

I would hate to live in your world. Politics are never brought up with in my family and friends. Everyone knows to keep their opinions to themselves.

That seems rare these days.

Anerica is hyper partisan.

 

[beanerhawk]

That seems rare these days.

Anerica is hyper partisan.

Not in my world. It would be rare for me to see a political argument. And I'm pretty social.

 

[BrianNole777]

Not in my world. It would be rare for me to see a political argument. And I'm pretty social.

How would you react to them both in person and through text/emails?

 

[beanerhawk]

How would you react to them both in person and through text/emails?

Either way I'd simply say I don't discuss my opinions on politics. It's easy for me because I don't get worked up about others opinions. The great thing about living in the united states is everyone gets to vote on what they believe in. I may not agree with what you believe in but it's your choice. I'm not going to tell you you're wrong or right about it.

 

[IaHawk44]

I can chat with anyone. But when people say the far right is the only problem, the person I’m chatting with is only seeing half the picture.

Nope, it comes down to facts and alternative facts and we all know who dry humps alternative facts.

Alternative facts killed right wingers during Covid. Free speech is/should be responsible speech and not an careless freedumb.

 

[BrianNole777]

Either way I'd simply say I don't discuss my opinions on politics. It's easy for me because I don't get worked up about others opinions. The great thing about living in the united states is everyone gets to vote on what they believe in. I may not agree with what you believe in but it's your choice. I'm not going to tell you you're wrong or right about it.

Very smart.

Do you do this with other controversial topics?

 

[beanerhawk]

I'd say most topics I consider serious I don't debate with people. Now if you want to talk sports, movies, other trivial stuff. I'm all in. I just don't debate whether someone thinks they should own guns, or abortion laws or any of that. I have my opinion on it but I keep it to myself. I don't see the point in trying to push it on others that are not going to change their minds.

 

[Bank of Hawk]

Have any of you encountered this situation? How did you deal?

We live in an age of political extremism on the right wing. Politics is the new religion and many Americans are very devout.

I had an old acquaintance from high school that moved from California to Idaho. We kept in touch via email. Over the last few years, his emails got more and more extreme. This past spring, he was emailing me about how Biden sexually abused his daughter so I emailed my friend stating I think it would be better if we stopped communicating and we haven't spoken with each other since.

My younger brother has also become very extreme and right wing the past 3 years. It's so strange because he never was interested in politics and all of a sudden became MAGA at age 35, although he's not a huge fan of Trump. Two years ago, he sent a group text about how there was vast voter fraud in the 2020 election and I got in a 2 hour debate showing the 60 lawsuits that failed to show voter fraud. It didn't convince him.

This morning, he was sending texts to family with walls of text about how Biden is a "pedophile communist" and the USA is "over."

Total madness.

I learned a year ago that arguing is pointless and I can't change anyone's mind about anything.

So, I basically think I can only "tolerate" or "detach" from extreme friends and family members. I don't know what else to do.

What about you?

Sorry but I call BS buddy. No one keeps randomly in touch with people strictly by email.

 

[BrianNole777]

Sorry but I call BS buddy. No one keeps randomly in touch with people strictly by email.

Wow...you resurrected an old thread!

Millennials hate talking on the phone...at least I do.

(I edited some details of our communications to protect some stuff.)

 

[TonyTheTiger.1865]

OP how does your family deal with your left wing batshit crazy BS? @BrianNole777 ?

 

[Uniformed_ReRe]

Everyone has their moments, but genuinely chill, agreeable people, by definition, don't take unrelentingly confrontational extreme political postures. If they did, they wouldn't be chill, agreeable people.

Reasonable people tend to be reasonable in most aspects of their life; Unreasonable tend to be unreasonable.

I get along fine in real life with most people on either side of the political spectrum because most people are reasonable. Those who aren't, I try to keep at a professional/cordial distance if I have to deal with them (family, coworkers). If I don't have to deal with them, I don't.


UPDATE: I really need to start reading the dates of these posts before responding.

 

[billanole]

Everyone has their moments, but genuinely chill, agreeable people, by definition, don't take unrelentingly confrontational extreme political postures. If they did, they wouldn't be chill, agreeable people.

Reasonable people tend to be reasonable in most aspects of their life; Unreasonable tend to be unreasonable.

I get along fine in real life with most people on either side of the political spectrum because most people are reasonable. Those who aren't, I try to keep at a professional/cordial distance if I have to deal with them (family, coworkers). If I don't have to deal with them, I don't.

Well said.

 

[What Would Jesus Do?]

Sorry but I call BS buddy. No one keeps randomly in touch with people strictly by email.

I do. But I'm too old to use some of the newest social media platforms.

 

[Gus is dead]

The Climate crisis. We've kicked the can down the road for so long it's hard to think anything short of a formal national emergency can be enough. There are plenty of specific ways to address this crisis, but without concerted, bipartisan effort, we won't get them done.

A close second is the dramatic weakness of our democracy. I don't see any solutions - simply because too many with the authority to fix this problem have a vested interest in and profit from it staying broken.

Climate 'crisis'......smh. Of course it is. Everything is a crisis, except for the border amirite?

While there appears to be a changing climate that is likely man-made, I dont think there is anything that can be done about it barring a complete reduction to preindustrial age technology. Green tech is not there scale, cost, or effficiency wise and the fact is that unless the countries that produce most of the greenhouse gases all move to these expensive technologies no real gains will be made.

So IMO, part of the social conflict here appears to stem from the hysteria so of course when things are a 'crisis', people are going to forget that friends and family matter. Spare me the 'I hate my friends now while I protect the planet for their family later' crap.

 

[alaskanseminole]

Have any of you encountered this situation? How did you deal?

We live in an age of political extremism on the right wing. Politics is the new religion and many Americans are very devout.

I had an old acquaintance from high school that moved from California to Idaho. We kept in touch via email. Over the last few years, his emails got more and more extreme. This past spring, he was emailing me about how Biden sexually abused his daughter so I emailed my friend stating I think it would be better if we stopped communicating and we haven't spoken with each other since.

My younger brother has also become very extreme and right wing the past 3 years. It's so strange because he never was interested in politics and all of a sudden became MAGA at age 35, although he's not a huge fan of Trump. Two years ago, he sent a group text about how there was vast voter fraud in the 2020 election and I got in a 2 hour debate showing the 60 lawsuits that failed to show voter fraud. It didn't convince him.

This morning, he was sending texts to family with walls of text about how Biden is a "pedophile communist" and the USA is "over."

Total madness.

I learned a year ago that arguing is pointless and I can't change anyone's mind about anything.

So, I basically think I can only "tolerate" or "detach" from extreme friends and family members. I don't know what else to do.

What about you?

It depends on how bad it is. Most of my family members are just ignorant and uneducated. They see a stupid meme that aligns with their beliefs, they share it and get a few likes. They're pretty harmless outside the voting booth.

However, the really bad, obsessive ones like my FIL (wife's biological, not step FIL who I love) who have Fox News on a constant IV drip and can turn every conversation into a political debate AND didn't talk to my wife's sister for years because she was dating a "black feller", I just refuse to associate with them.

The last time my wife went to visit him, she came home a day early because she couldn't handle it. I refuse to go.

 

[What Would Jesus Do?]

Climate 'crisis'......smh. Of course it is. Everything is a crisis, except for the border amirite?

While there appears to be a changing climate that is likely man-made, I dont think there is anything that can be done about it barring a complete reduction to preindustrial age technology. Green tech is not there scale, cost, or effficiency wise and the fact is that unless the countries that produce most of the greenhouse gases all move to these expensive technologies no real gains will be made.

So IMO, part of the social conflict here appears to stem from the hysteria so of course when things are a 'crisis', people are going to forget that friends and family matter. Spare me the 'I hate my friends now while I protect the planet for their family later' crap.

Excellent example of climate denier psychosis. Thanks.

 

[franklinman]

Have any of you encountered this situation? How did you deal?

We live in an age of political extremism on the right wing. Politics is the new religion and many Americans are very devout.

I had an old acquaintance from high school that moved from California to Idaho. We kept in touch via email. Over the last few years, his emails got more and more extreme. This past spring, he was emailing me about how Biden sexually abused his daughter so I emailed my friend stating I think it would be better if we stopped communicating and we haven't spoken with each other since.

My younger brother has also become very extreme and right wing the past 3 years. It's so strange because he never was interested in politics and all of a sudden became MAGA at age 35, although he's not a huge fan of Trump. Two years ago, he sent a group text about how there was vast voter fraud in the 2020 election and I got in a 2 hour debate showing the 60 lawsuits that failed to show voter fraud. It didn't convince him.

This morning, he was sending texts to family with walls of text about how Biden is a "pedophile communist" and the USA is "over."

Total madness.

I learned a year ago that arguing is pointless and I can't change anyone's mind about anything.

So, I basically think I can only "tolerate" or "detach" from extreme friends and family members. I don't know what else to do.

What about you?

I just ignore them, and change the subject. You more or less feel sorry that they are ignorant ass holes.

 

[BrianNole777]

I just ignore them, and change the subject.

Good idea.

 

[Gus is dead]

Excellent example of climate denier psychosis. Thanks.

I've posted numerous times on this topic.

I don't care about climate change. I'm not denying it exists.

Little we can do to change it.
Im not compelled it represents an existential crisis.
Science can be wrong from time to time particularly as it relates to predictions of the future. Especially I suspect as it relates to climate or any chaotic system.

So what that means is.....I have zero interest in it or desire to buy into the hysteria.

Feel free to freak out. But don't expect me to.